Help on Bios!

Hera Ledro

Hera Ledro

FFF's resident Furry novelist
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Well, here's how it goes. I am not a mod, and as a result, I have no power to approve the bios that you people are making. However, I DO have the power to critique them, and help you to make them approvable.

This thread is designed for those who need help with their bios. Mods usually outline why your bio is unacceptable, and even if they do, you may be having trouble getting what they want in your bio.

Come here for advice on your bio. Even better, come here and ask for critiques, I'd be glad to help out. Just remember that you have to keep your bios in the same format as FFF's format, and keep them within the guidelines as well.

By asking for a critique, you must understand that the critique may not be to your liking, and that the critique is designed to make your bio approvable and that you may not like the things that the critiquer says.

Also, if you want to sign up for being a critiquer (you don't have to, this is just a reference so people know who to expect to critique their bios), please place it in the underlying section.

Critiquers

Red Fox
Julius Argexis
Dknight
Shadowfaith
Fair_Game
Hera Ledro
 
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I was hoping that would happen :) I'd had this in my head for a while, and thought that I'd take a risk and put it up today :P

So, any takers for critiquers?

Or is anybody here in need of some help?
 
Very well then, let the evil critiquer begin...mwahahahaha X
 
@Red Fox

I've looked over your bio, and there is a rather short critique in your bio thread ^_^

@Sylar

Welcome to the Critiquer Club XD We can use more (I'm the only one so far XD).
 
Why, certainly ^_^ I'll have a looksee right now.

EDIT

Crap, um...that's actually gonna have to wait >.< Sorry, real-world stuff. I'll do it ASAP.

EDIT #2
Alrighty, I've looked over it and provided you with the critique you asked for, hop you find it useful :)
 
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Well, I'd be happy to look this over and give you some suggestions. Since you're only asking for help on certain aspects because of WB, though, I'm just gonna post them here for convenience and accessibility.

For personality, my personal suggestion is to mentally place your characters under differing circumstances, and think up their responses to those circumstances. Now, determine what this means about your character, and then write down that attribute. Don't just write down the situation and response of the character, that provides little information.

Same goes for the First Impression.

For History, that's a little more abstract. It all depends on what you want, I can't give you much for suggestions there.

One suggestion I can give you, though, is writing style. Writing the history where one event leads to another will result in a history that si rich with detail and provids extra insight into the character. It may end up making your history a little long, but the history will be well-done.
 
Hera, as you seem to be busy, from time, til time.
And I have more free time, then should be legal.
And since I am an OK character maker, I hope.
I can sign up as one of the ones that checks them ^^

that is if you approve of me as one of you.
 
I have nothing against it at all. From what I've seen, you not only have good bio-making abilities, but you're also a fair critiquer. We'd be glad to have you on the team ^_^
 
WOO!
Though, I somehow doubt that they will post anything here.
Since most just post in the Approval list, and hope to be approved at first.

Well. thinking that I am more active then you.
there MIGHT be some.
 
Just remember, though, you're here to critique ;) Members don't have the power to approve, only mods can do that. What is needed of you when you sign up is that you critique the bio, not give it approval, and say what you feel should be fixed in order to make the bio approvable.

It's always nice to wait until someone asks for a critique, too, whether through PM or here.
 
heh. I am fully aware of the limiters on me.
I can only tell them what I THINK should be fixed.
I can NOT approve them, that is still the job of a mod.
 
I found this duo to be rather cool.
however, there are 2 things.

1: the range of the flash and smoke bombs are way too big.

do you actually know how much 200 meters is?
the smoke, Id go for a 10 meter diameter,:
so, a 5 meter radius.
will be completly covered, and waker the longer out it goes.
this makes that more real. And that is a great size actually:
considering that I'm assuming that they are smaller then a big mans fist.

as for the flash bombs. This will be dependent of the range the enemy is at, and where they are focusing
it is better to not have any range on that. Nor a duration
since recovering from these kind of "attacks" is depending on the same factors, as well as it varies from person to person
since there are many factors in it.


the 2nd thing, is this

Since it is typically evident that she is Deaf, many enemies make the folly of trying to sneak up on her from behind. However, she is well aware of this and is typically able to detect someone from behind her
Click to expand...

a few words on HOW.
vibrations in the ground? difference in air density.

I am aware of that if you loose one of your senses. One, or all the other senses are heightened.
but that should be clarified.


Since you don't have any magic, you don't have to think of balancing this.
so it makes it easier.

this is what I would like to have fixed.
as you get it posted here on FFF. let Hera have the final say, since he is the mod.
im just a helper. ^^
 
Red Fox said:
I found this duo to be rather cool.
however, there are 2 things.

1: the range of the flash and smoke bombs are way too big.

do you actually know how much 200 meters is?
the smoke, Id go for a 10 meter diameter,:
so, a 5 meter radius.
will be completly covered, and waker the longer out it goes.
this makes that more real. And that is a great size actually:
considering that I'm assuming that they are smaller then a big mans fist.

as for the flash bombs. This will be dependent of the range the enemy is at, and where they are focusing
it is better to not have any range on that. Nor a duration
since recovering from these kind of "attacks" is depending on the same factors, as well as it varies from person to person
since there are many factors in it.
Click to expand...
Yes, I know how far 200 metres is. It does make sense to cut down the diameter for efficiency, though. Thank you. As for the flash... I just put in a duration because it seemed to be required.

Edit: Oh! I see what you mean now. I wrote "200 meter radius". I meant "200 meter diameter". I'll fix it right away.
Red Fox said:
the 2nd thing, is this

Since it is typically evident that she is Deaf, many enemies make the folly of trying to sneak up on her from behind. However, she is well aware of this and is typically able to detect someone from behind her
Click to expand...
a few words on HOW.
vibrations in the ground? difference in air density.

I am aware of that if you loose one of your senses. One, or all the other senses are heightened.
but that should be clarified.
Click to expand...
My character didn't "lose" any sense. She's Deaf. She has been from birth. Even an average Deaf person typically has basic sense. There are certain things hearing people always do because hearing people want to think Deaf people are stupid. I didn't want my bio to focus on her deafness, but I suppose I can explain that since she understands hearing people are woefully predictable, she is typically waiting for someone to sneak up behind her in a fight. She can typically either see the person's shadow, feel the vibration of the approach, or catch the person in her peripheral vision. I will also try to clarify that my character is not stupid or mentally deficient. She's just Deaf.

Thank you for your time and your critique! :)

Edit: Changes made.
 
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Tsunami said:
Edit: Oh! I see what you mean now. I wrote "200 meter radius". I meant "200 meter diameter". I'll fix it right away.
Click to expand...

I still think that is way too big.
if this is the flash.
then there should not be a radius. due to the reasons I stated.

ad for the smoke.
200 meters in diameter, is still 100 meter in each direction from the point of impact.
this is still too large.
modern day smoke machines cant even do that.
I a 10 meter diameter, thus, a 5 meter in each way of impact, can work wonders.

the meaning of a smoke bomb, is to throw it near the enemy, thus HE gets trapped, and you can run away/attack.
 
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