YMV's RP bios

youngmastervivi

Black Mage from Valactia
Joined
Nov 27, 2007
Messages
208
Location
Valactia
Gil
0
Hera and any others, I know my grammer is terible (I don't have Microsoft word or any thing of the like, but thats not much of an excuse.) When I tried to put everything in there ... just give feed back ... I care not if it isn't approvable just yet.
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Bio for ORPG's and may hap battles but is unlikely

Name - Vaulticios Fortei el' Ronda

Nick name - Vault
Title - Wrath child

Allignment - Chaotic Good - meaning that his intentions are good but he works in a curropt manner.

Race - Human

Gender - Male

Age - 14

Height - 125 cms.

Weight - 45 kg.

Appearence -

eyes - child like wide and open, green in colour with a little hint of brown aroung the edges.

hair - In between blonde and brunete, his hair is still a fairly light colour. Very thick and messy from time spent wandering out in the wild. Has grown very long, covering the back of his neck, his ears and just falling to the tip of his nose.

face - a little chubby, fairly soft still but a bit bony from travells. Not yet mark with any scars. His eyebrows are the same as his hair colour, are fairly thick. Has line marks underneath his eyes and around mouth from rage. Ears are fairly flat against his head, but are rarely seen through his hair.

Complection - Skin is fairly pale, this is natural though. It is fairly untouched with wounds and other blemishes. Vault is not the muscular type, meaning he doesn't really have a lot of physical strength, in fact looks fairly wimpy because of his short height. Vaulticios is also fairly bony from months of travelling.

Noteworthy features - Has two very deep looking scars, both in the exact same positions on his arms. Running from the top of his wrist to his elbows.

Attire -

His poor clothing standards often fool others. Although he was once rich, he isn't all that wealthy now. This affects his choice of clothes. He prefers comfort over quality but takes whatever. Wears very worn out and some times raggy clothing. Often just plain coloured shorts/pants ripped and held up by a plain belt.

Similarily his shirts are usually ragged and plain. Vault wears boots to cover his feet, the only clothing he doesn't replace. Black in colour, they end a hands length above his ankle. Both boots are metal plated and slightly heavier than most boots.

Noteworthy clothing - Wears a thin chain around his neck with his sisters wedding ring as a pendant. The ring itself is made of pure silver, simple design with a small clear jewel at the top.

Armor - wears none.

Personality -

Known as a wrath child, possesses excessive amounts of rage and anger for his age. Hate filled towards others he acts in a impulsive way, allying himself with one man only to backstab him an hour later. However through his rage, he shows acts of his age and childish beliefs. Alone he acts differently almost calm, playful but always self aware of the world around him. He is impossible to understand, often talking and acting strange and insane. A victim of his own mind. Prefers the night.

As a child Vaulticios was a normal boy, out going and playing. He was always cheerful and smiling as he grew up with his family. Very active and loved the outside and sunlight.

First Impression of others -
Can't seem to look past the phisical faults of new people. Sees everyone he meets as a potential threat to his goal. Can anger easily when he first meets another person.

If he was ask who are you his reply would be along the lines of, 'Wouldn't you like to know.' in a harsh and cold voice. If offered food (because of his appearence) he would think it were poisioned. If offered new clothing he would anger quickly, hates charity.

Strength, agility, and endurance. Vault has a very weak attack, can be considered slow and tires easily.

His base strength is below what a normal 14 year olds would normally be due to a lack of physcial activities. His base damage is well below average.His punches and kicks causes no more than a slight stinging sensation to most people.

Vault is slow and lazy on his feet, not a quick runner. Possible due to being underweight. He has an average speed.

Vault can't take many full force attacks (lack of armor and isn't all that built), in his normal state Vault will barely last five minutes in a fight.

However his power, speed and endurance are all enhanced as the Power of the Wrath increases. It's possible after he loses all sense of reason to inflict the same amount of damage a master with a staff could at his full potential. His base attack strength can possible triple and even quad triple as he loses all sense of humanity.

His endurance is effected as well, but not as effectively as he eventually faints from over exerting his bodys built up reserves of strength.

When he is in his wrath mode, Vault's speed when fighting is much greater than any normal human could be, he uses beast like techniques. However his running speed is still fairly slow.

Reflexes
Normally, he can see attcks coming and dodge them, however not that effectively. Vaults reactions are slowed because of his blinded raging state. Is often injured before he realises he is being attacked.

Fighting style

Uses his fists and feet. When raged uses fingernails like claws, bites enemies ferociously (im surprised if thats correct, even if it's close), acts beast like in this form. He will not back down from any challange.

Weapons-

Can use none, can't even lift a sword, hammer or axe. Sees most weapons as a slowing down. Unless his mouth can be seen as a weapon he uses nothing.

Magic - The power of the sin: wrath

Wrath, the anger. Vault uses the power of the wrath, the more he angers the stronger he becomes. Physical strenth, speed and durability are all enhance. However he loses all reason meaning right and wrong don't exist (not that they did exist really to him before hand). Vault often loses himself in chaos, passing out afterward with memory loss. He can stay in his Wrath form for only a limited amount of time as it puts a great deal of strain on the body, at most 10 minutes in this form.

Vault has also a heightened regeneration of healing. Normal wounds such as small scratches, usually taking a few days to heal for normal humans take Vault a couple of hours at most. Of course he can not regrow limbs, and like normal humans life threatening cuts across the belly or through the heart his regenerating is usless. Deep sword wounds usually take a few days to weeks to heal completely - with out help. However with this ability of regeneration, the sapping of his strength occurs (which may result in fainting, or sumpreme lost of energy.)

Skills - growing up in a noble mans house hold he doesn't have many skills. He can read and write but that is the extend of it.

History

The Fortei el' Ronda's lived in a small estate a fair way outside of any major cities. Lord and Lady had two children, Raven their daughter and Vaulticios. They employed several servents, maids, kitchen hands and the like.

The family aged quietly, Raven three years older then Vault often took care of him. They played together often, studied together and all out grew up with each other beside the other.

Life was quiet and peaceful, until one day. No no they weren't murdered, that comes later .... A lord from a close by estate offered the union of his son and their daughter. Both around the same age, the agreed upon the arranged marriage to be held when the Lords son turned 17. One year away.

Vault was very much confused with the marriage proposal. All he understood was that his only friend was being taken away. He argued with his parents to no avail, their minds allready made. Raven had objections as well, but were shoved back in her face.

Over the year preperations were made. Guests invited, catering and the usual arranged marriage deal. The pair met, one month from the wedding, both a little curious. They understood each other, neither truly wanted to marry but had accepted their parents wishes.

Mean while over the year Vault grew steadily away from his family, a darkness filling his heart. He begun not caring for Raven. Yet still on the day he attended the wedding.

His sister stood on the alter, dressed in white. The blessings of union read by the priest finished they kissed walked down the isle, filled with clapping and cheering family and friends. Vaulticios stood in the background watching, his mouth flat.

The body reapers hit hard as the newly weds entered their carriage. Body Reapers, a group of blood thirsty demon-men (demons with the from of men) that carry around the bodies of their victims in carts. They killed all that attended the wedding, yet left Vault alive. They defiled the holy church and bloodied the walls and earth.

A pair inflicted toture on the child. Scarring both arms deeply, then salting the wounds. They canted rituals and performed their dark arts. Vault screamed for the entire night, he rolled around in the blood of his family as the pain seered throughout him. The Body Reapers laughed.

He awoke several hours into a new day, the deep arm wounds gone, two long scars remained in place though. Vault was sick, in his mind he felt uneasy, his body weak. Vaulticios returned home scared, he told the estate servents what had occured then locked himself away. He gradually change, quicker now turning increasively darker with each passing day.

Vault began hearing the cries of the victims, their sorrow crushing his spirit. Late one night he awoke from a dream, in which a Body Reaper was speeching to him. It had said that if he saw this he must have survived, also he had the spirits of all that had died that night within him. At first Vaulticios didn't believe this but after a month ...

He had change, he was no longer the laughing child, he was filled with hatred. The sorrow of all with in him brought about one revelation, he was alone in this hating world, so hating the world was what he was going to do.

Vault also noticed another thing, his heightened healing/ regeneration. He suspected it was because of all the nice spirits within him but couldn't be sure. He had cut himself on a knife and it had healed by the next morning.

Several rage attacks in his estate occured, he remembered none of them but begun to suspect something was wrong when he noticed giant holes in walls and scared employees. Vaulticios Fortei el' Ronda left his home two months after the death of Raven.

He was on a quest for the Body Reapers, hatred consumed him as he begun the search for his misery.
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Sorrry If I've forgotten any important details ... but it was late when I wrote most of it, I tried changing it for the new guidelines any who hope you like.
 
Last edited:


Name - Vaulticios Fortei el' Ronda, Vault for short

The text underlined goes most likely in the "nicknames" section.

Title - Wrath child

Allignment - Chaotic Good - meaning that his intentions are good but he works in a corrupt manner.

Race - Human

Gender - Male

Age - 14

Height - 125 cms.

Weight - 45 kg.
Good


Appearance-

eyes - child like wide and open, green in colour with a little hint of brown around the edges.

hair - In between blond and brunette, his hair is still a fairly light colour. Very thick and messy from time spent wandering out in the wild. Has grown very long, covering the back of his neck, his ears and just falling to the tip of his nose.

face - a little chubby, fairly soft still but a bit bony from travels. Not yet mark with any scars. His eyebrows are the same as his hair colour, are fairly thick. Has line marks underneath his eyes and around mouth from rage. Ears are fairly flat against his head, but are rarely seen through his hair.

Complexion - Skin is fairly pale, this is natural though. It is fairly untouched with wounds and other blemishes. Vault is not the muscular type, meaning he doesn't really have a lot of physical strength, in fact looks fairly wimpy because of his short height. Vaulticios is also fairly bony from months of traveling.
I added a suggested edit. The bold and italic section.

Noteworthy features - Has two very deep looking scars, both in the exact same positions on his arms. Running from the top of his wrist to his elbows.
Good

Attire -

His poor clothing standards often fool others. Although he was once rich, he isn't all that wealthy now. This affects his choice of clothes. He prefers comfort over quality but takes whatever. Wears very raggy clothing. Often just plain coloured shorts/pants ripped and held up by a plain belt.
Raggy....I think that "worn out" would be more suitable. Your choice though...

Similarity his shirts are usually ragged and plain. Vault wears boots to cover his feet, the only clothing he doesn't replace. Black in colour, they end a halds length above his ankle. Both boots are metal plated and slightly heavier than most boots.
Halds....don't you mean halves? I just don't recognize that word...

Noteworthy clothing - Wears a thin chain around his neck with his sisters wedding ring as a pendant.
Sisters wedding ring....how is it? Is it simple in design? Any noteworthy characteristics?

Armor - wears none.
Ok, but you do know that given to the fact that his build is average and he wears no protective armor, if he takes directs hit they will deal a lot of damage. Normally your body wouldn't be able to sustain consecutive piercing attacks...


Personality -

Known as a wrath child, possesses excessive amounts of rage and anger for his age. Hate filled towards others he acts in a impulsive way, allying himself with one man only to back stab him an hour later. However through his rage, he shows acts of his age and childish beliefs. Alone he acts differently almost calm, playful but always self aware of the world around him. He is impossible to understand, often talking and acting strange and insane. A victim of his own mind. Prefers the night.

As a child Vaulticios was a normal boy, out going and playing. He was always cheerful and smiling as he grew up with his family. Very active and loved the outside and sunlight.
Ok

First Impression of others -
Can't seem to look past the physical faults of new people. Sees everyone he meets as a potential threat to his goal. Can anger easily when he first meets another person.
Ok
If he was ask who are you his reply would be along the lines of, 'Wouldn't you like to know.' in a harsh and cold voice. If offered food (because of his raggy appearance) he would think it were poisoned. If offered new clothing he would anger quickly, hates charity.
Distrustful towards others sums up the main idea of the second sentence there. Your bio, your descriptions though.

Strength, agility, and endurance. (combining all as one because I don't want to repeat this three times over kays?)
Is this under the "abilities" classification? It needs further development. What's strength, agility and endurance for you? What kind of level of those abilities your character has? Low, medium, above the average? Under the average level? You should explain.


Vault has a very weak attack, can be considered slow and tires easily. His punches and kicks causes no more than a slight stinging sensation to most people. However his power, speed and endurance are all enhanced as the Power of the Wrath increases. It's possible after he loses all sense of reason to inflict the same amount of damage a master with a staff could at his full potential. His endurance and speed are also increased, speed only doubles though. His endurance is fueled by wrath and when he sees no reason to be angered any longer, he simply faints out of exhaustion.
Ok
Reflexes

Vaults reactions are slower that most humans, often because of his blinded raging state. His is often injured before he realizes he is being attacked.
Fighting style
Uses his fists and feet. When raged uses fingernails like claws, bites enemies ferociously (I'm surprised if thats correct, even if it's close), acts beast like in this form. He will not back down from any challenge.
A street fighter... sounds good.

Weapons-

Can use none, can't even lift a sword, hammer or axe. Sees most weapons as a slowing down. Unless his mouth can be seen as a weapon he uses nothing.
Sometimes the best offense is a great defense. Your character can be developed into a defensive and fast moving character.


Armor-

Also wears no armor, for the same reason. Also Vault is not at all rich ... anymore.
Already mentioned above...you are writing the same section twice...

Magic - The power of the sin: wrath

Wrath, the anger. Vault uses the power of the wrath, the more he angers the stronger he becomes. Physical strength, speed and durability are all enhance. However he loses all reason meaning right and wrong don't exist (not that they did exist really to him before hand). Vault often loses himself in chaos, passing out afterward with memory loss.

Vault has also a heightened regeneration of healing, think Wolverine but no where near as powerful. Explained below in history.
If I were you, I would write it like this:
"Vault has a heightened regenerative ability above the average level, meaning that wounds inflicted to him, from small scratches to moderate wounds, heal twice as faster than the usual. For example, if a humans takes about three days to heal from a cut, Vault takes a few minutes or hours. Though useful, the ability comes with a counter effect; Vault's stamina and adrenaline will decrease each time he is forced to use his restorative ability. If overused, Vault will faint for exhaustion due to the toll the cost of this ability takes on his body."


Skills - growing up in a noble mans house hold he doesn't have many skills. He can read and write but that is the extend of it.
ok
History

The Fortei el' Ronda's lived in a small estate a fair way outside of any major cities. Lord and Lady had two children, Raven their daughter and Vaulticios. They employed several servants, maids, kitchen hands and the like.

The family aged quietly, Raven three years older then Vault often took care of him. They played together often, studied together and all out grew up with each other beside the other.

Life was quiet and peaceful, until one day. No no they weren't murdered, that comes later .... A lord from a close by estate offered the union of his son and their daughter. Both around the same age, the agreed upon the arranged marriage to be held when the Lords son turned 17. One year away.

Vault was very much confused with the marriage proposal. All he understood was that his only friend was being taken away. He argued with his parents to no avail, their minds already made. Raven had objections as well, but were shoved back in her face.

Over the year preparations were made. Guests invited, catering and the usual arranged marriage deal. The pair met, one month from the wedding, both a little curious. They understood each other, neither truly wanted to marry but had accepted their parents wishes.

Mean while over the year Vault grew steadily away from his family, a darkness filling his heart. He begun not caring for Raven. Yet still on the day he attended the wedding.

His sister stood on the alter, dressed in white. The blessings of union read by the priest finished they kissed walked down the isle, filled with clapping and cheering family and friends. Vaulticios stood in the background watching, his mouth flat.

The body reapers hit hard as the newly weds entered their carriage. Body Reapers, a group of blood thirsty demon-men (demons with the from of men) that carry around the bodies of their victims in carts. They killed all that attended the wedding, yet left Vault alive. They defiled the holy church and bloodied the walls and earth.

A pair inflicted torture on the child. Scarring both arms deeply, then salting the wounds. They canted rituals and performed their dark arts. Vault screamed for the entire night, he rolled around in the blood of his family as the pain seered throughout him. The Body Reapers laughed.

He awoke several hours into a new day, the deep arm wounds gone, two long scars remained in place though. Vault was sick, in his mind he felt uneasy, his body weak. Vaulticios returned home scared, he told the estate servants what had occurred then locked himself away. He gradually change, quicker now turning increasingly darker with each passing day.

Vault began hearing the cries of the victims, their sorrow crushing his spirit. Late one night he awoke from a dream, in which a Body Reaper was speeching to him. It had said that if he saw this he must have survived, also he had the spirits of all that had died that night within him. At first Vaulticios didn't believe this but after a month ...

He had change, he was no longer the laughing child, he was filled with hatred. The sorrow of all with in him brought about one revelation, he was alone in this hating world, so hating the world was what he was going to do.

Vault also noticed another thing, his heightened healing/ regeneration. He suspected it was because of all the nice spirits within him but couldn't be sure. He had cut himself on a knife and it had healed by the next morning.

Several rage attacks in his estate occurred, he remembered none of them but begun to suspect something was wrong when he noticed giant holes in walls and scared employees. Vaulticios Fortei el' Ronda left his home two months after the death of Raven.

He was on a quest for the Body Reapers, hatred consumed him as he begun the search for his misery.

Nice story :wacky:


Overall:
I like the story and how you developed his behavior, just take the few tips I gave you in each part and wait for the Section Moderator Hera Ledro, to approve this biography.
 
I'm in 100% accord with everything Julius has said.

For Strength and such, those should each be a seperate section. It was just a little confusing to read them all at once :wacky:

For now: [NOT APPROVED].

Just fix the things that Julius and I said, and you should be good to go.
 
Okay well thanks Julius.

I will edit later, in no mood at the moment to fix. I can see now - I had no clue which was which lol.
 
For starters, we need a lot more detail in pretty much everything. Take a look at our Bio Format and go by that. It goes through each section and asks specifics.

Please note that the numbering systems are simply reference ratios for mods, and are NOT actual health values given to characters.
 
Okies thnks hera .... been to busy to edit character ... try to edit soon ...

What you guys have said will be of help (but I just don't have a lot of time tpo edit, due to work issues and the fact I have dial up)
 
I'm bumping this thread in an effort to get this bio approved.

Please follow the suggestions offered by Red XIII and Julius, and post in this thread once the changes have been made.
 
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