Original I Have Started to write this story plz comment and give ideas and changes plz

[Nero the Devil Hunter]

Lights VS Dark
by David Cairns


Chapter 1
Secrets Revealed​

This is a Story about 4 friends Maxie, Michelle,Davis and Lisa who are on a Field trip to an abandoned Castle with their school once there they split up and and went for a look around where the 4 friends discover a room not opened of hundreds of years, they cant seem to open the door which seems to be locked on the other side then the ground opens up and they fall to a secret room underneath the castle. The room begins to glow and the room begins the speak to the 4 friends. This room has chosen you as the our Warriors you must free our world from the Jaws of Evil that rules over its 4 corners of Zorgorla, monsters and demons roam the waste lands and ruins, what do you mean shouts Davis our world is fine theres no darkness on this world no monsters or demons not that I have seen and this world isn't called Zorgorla its called Earth, the voice begins to speak again and this time it says this is not the world I speak of there is another different to this world in every way for now the evil of my world is trying to gain control of the barrier that makes the 2 world unnoticeable to each other and so there was never a need to evolve with and make the 2 worlds into one creating the one world one world ruled by the evil and everything thrown into chaos and all humans will become slaves, that cant happen, theres no way we can let that happen says Michelle, well then you where chosen to stop this from happening on the table over there are 4 orbs touch them and your power will awaken which sleeps within you and I will teleport you to my world where you must collect the 4 keys of Zorgorla to unlock the light that has been stolen from my world and locked Deep underneath the world and release it. What if we fail this what happens then do you send more fouls into your world to be sealed with the same fate we are, we know nothing of combat or fighting Demons or monsters we could die says Maxie. But we have been chosen to do something extraordinary we have to try Maxie shouts Lisa I don't wont this world to end up like the voices world.


The 4 friends pick up the orbs on the table and are now surrounded in light and the voice begins to speak again Davis this orb makes you warrior of all that is holy in the darkest of times in your life you have always been strong and courageous you will need that for this quest, Michelle your ability to see the light within and love life to the full makes the orb grants you the power of to summon magical creatures called Sirons which exist on the light plan but are able to come forth if the power is greatly needed at the moment you have only one Summon his name is Gib and he posses the power of lightning but as you progress you will earn and collect fi of them to use as you will in the most difficult battles, Maxie Wisdom and Knowledge is your strengths that is why the orb has made you a mage with the power of light and dark magic, you have 4 spells the begin with three black one white just like Michelle you will gain more as you progress through on this quest and finally Lisa the orb seems to be acting differently to you unlike the others your orb has changed you in to a bit of Warrior and Mage which is quite extraordinary for a human you can wield 2 classes at once there must be something very strong inside you to give you that sort of power maybe you are not of this world, Lisa is in shock she doest know what to say and then she says I am an orphan left on a doorstep of my mother and fathers home they told me last year that I was adopted and I have no memories of my birth parents am sorry I never told you that I was adopted guys I though you would look at me differently if you knew, thats stupid why would you think that says Michelle am adopted too you knew that u could of told us we are your friends, I know it was stupid of me but I never though it wouldn't matter if you knew or not. The friends were talking and then the voice spoke I sense that there is more than meets the eyes here maybe your all not of this world I sense that you four are from my world sent here by your parents to save you from the what the world was to become, that cant be says Davis my mother and father are here they haven't told me anything about being adopted or anything, me either says Maxie it will be all explained when you reach my world you will be in a village unaffected by the darkness for now but you must act quickly talk to the villagers and find out what they know and then head for Zodea Mountain there you will meet an old man he will show you what you seek don't worry warriors I will be near and am always there to help you if you need it and now take each others hands whist I send you to the village of Grume and good luck warriors and let the light guide you and never give up you have the power within you and with a flash of light the friends weren't at the castle anymore they were in the village of Grume.

Chapter 2
A New World ​

The Friends walk in the the center of the town and are welcomed by a group of people, Welcome to Grume says a young man my name is Gerl I am the son of the mayor here we have been told of your arrival warriors please feel free to rest at the in and look in the shops around am sure there will be something that will suit your fancy. Then the young man turns away but turns round suddenly swung back round I almost forgot here passes Maxie a bag full of coins, this is our currency Zorne they will buy you what you need there are 10000 there, wow thank you says Lisa tying the bag to Maxie's waist now don't lose it or I will kill you says Lisa what do u take me for I have never lost anything just miss place some stuff now and then feel free too look round we have some perfect beginner armor and weapons over that the shop and then ​

 

[Bambi]

It needs breaking up a little and shorter sentences, it's a bit difficult to read

 

[Nero the Devil Hunter]

well i will try my best i failed English cause i did a gay horror Story

okay i have broken it down if u need me to break it down more just say

Lights VS Dark
by David Cairns​

Chapter 1
Secrets Reviled​

This is a Story about 4 friends Maxie, Michelle,Davis and Lisa who are on a Field trip to an abandoned Castle with their school. Once there they split up and and went for a look around and the 4 friends discover a room not opened of hundreds of years, Maxie says you would think if its part of the castle you would be able to go in wouldn't you, they push on the do and cant seem to open the door which seems to be locked on the other side then the ground opens up and they fall to a secret room underneath the castle.


Is Everyone alright says Lisa, she hears 3 yes as Maxie, Michelle and Davis Stand up. Suddenly the room begins to glow and the room begins the speak to the 4 friends. This room has chosen you as the our Warriors you must free our world from the Jaws of Evil that rules over its 4 corners of Zorgorla, monsters and demons roam the waste lands and ruins. What do you mean shouts Davis this world is fine I have never seen anything different theres no darkness on this world no monsters or demons not that I have seen and this world isn't called Zorgorla its called Earth.


The voice begins to speak again and this time it says this is not the world I speak of there is another that is the opposite to this world in every way for now the evil of my world is trying to gain control of the barrier that makes the 2 world unnoticeable to each other and so there was never a need to involve our self in your world but we kept a connection open till this very day and you four are the ones we have chosen to save our world from the darkness and stopping it from making the 2 worlds into one creating the one world one world ruled by the evil and everything thrown into chaos and all humans will become slaves, NO that cant happen, theres no way we can let that happen says Michelle, That is why you have been chosen to stop this from happening. On the table over there are 4 orbs touch them and your power will awaken which sleeps within you all and use this to fight back the evil, I will teleport you to my world where you must collect the 4 keys of Zorgorla to unlock the light that has been stolen from my world and locked Deep underneath the world and release it. What if we fail this what happens then do you send more fouls into your world to be sealed with the same fate we are, we know nothing of combat or fighting Demons or monsters we could die says Maxie. But we have been chosen to do something extraordinary we have to try Maxie shouts Lisa I don't wont this world to end up like the voices world.


The 4 friends pick up the orbs on the table and are now surrounded in light and the voice begins to speak again Davis this orb makes you warrior of all that is holy in the darkest of times in your life you have always been strong and courageous you will need that for this quest, Michelle your ability to see the light within and love life to the full makes the orb grants you the power of to summon magical creatures called Sirons which exist on the light plan but are able to come forth if the power is greatly needed at the moment you have only one Summon his name is Gib and he posses the power of lightning but as you progress you will earn and collect fi of them to use as you will in the most difficult battles, Maxie Wisdom and Knowledge is your strengths that is why the orb has made you a mage with the power of light and dark magic, you have 4 spells the begin with three black one white just like Michelle you will gain more as you progress through on this quest and finally Lisa the orb seems to be acting differently to you unlike the others your orb has changed you in to a bit of Warrior and Mage which is quite extraordinary for a human you can wield 2 classes at once there must be something very strong inside you to give you that sort of power maybe you are not of this world,


Lisa is in shock she doest know what to say and then she says I am an orphan left on a doorstep of my mother and fathers home they told me last year that I was adopted and I have no memories of my birth parents am sorry I never told you that I was adopted guys I though you would look at me differently if you knew, thats stupid why would you think that says Michelle am adopted too you knew that u could of told us we are your friends, I know it was stupid of me but I never though it wouldn't matter if you knew or not. The friends were talking and then the voice spoke I sense that there is more than meets the eyes here maybe your all not of this world I sense that you four are from my world sent here by your parents to save you from the what the world was to become, that cant be says Davis my mother and father are here they haven't told me anything about being adopted or anything, me either says Maxie it will be all explained when you reach my world you will be in a village unaffected by the darkness for now but you must act quickly talk to the villagers and find out what they know and then head for Zodea Mountain there you will meet an old man he will show you what you seek don't worry warriors I will be near and am always there to help you if you need it and now take each others hands whist I send you to the village of Grume and good luck warriors and let the light guide you and never give up you have the power within you and with a flash of light the friends weren't at the castle anymore they were in the village of Grume.

Chapter 2
A New World ​

The Friends walk in the the center of the town and are welcomed by a group of people, Welcome to Grume says a young man my name is Gerl I am the son of the mayor here we have been told of your arrival warriors please feel free to rest at the in and look in the shops around am sure there will be something that will suit your fancy. Then the young man turns away but turns round suddenly swung back round I almost forgot here passes Maxie a bag full of coins, this is our currency Zorne they will buy you what you need there are 10000 there, wow thank you says Lisa tying the bag to Maxie's waist now don't lose it or I will kill you says Lisa what do u take me for I have never lost anything just miss place some stuff now and then feel free too look round we have some perfect beginner armor and weapons over that the shop and then

Please note it may sound a bit like FF mixed with Blue Dragon cause they are 2 of my fave games but theres is no Shadows or Changing of Job Classes and everything was made up by me except the names they where 4 Random Names and 5 Random Evil Guys names​

 

[Nikita Solidor]

You need to put quotes around when people speak. Also when a different person is talking than hte las,t it creates a new paragraph.

 

[Nero the Devil Hunter]

Hey i have done the work soo read and see what u think

Lights VS Dark
by David Cairns​

Chapter 1
Secrets Out

This is a story about four friends Maxie, Michelle, Davis and Lisa who are on a field trip to an abandoned Castle with their school. Once there they split up and went for a look around and the 4 friends discover a room not opened of hundreds of years, Maxie says “you would think if its part of the castle you would be able to go in wouldn't you”, they push on the do and cant seem to open the door which seems to be locked on the other side then the ground opens up and they fall into a secret room underneath the castle.

“Is everyone alright” says Lisa, she hears three yes’s as Maxie, Michelle and Davis stood up then the room began to glow and the room began the speak to the four friends. “This room has chosen you as the our Warriors you must free our world from the jaws of evil that rules over its four corners of Zorgorla, monsters and demons roam the waste lands and ruins”. “What do you mean?” shouts Davis “This world is fine I have never seen anything different there’s no darkness on this world no monsters or demons not that I have seen and this world isn't called Zorgorla its called Earth”.

The voice begins to speak again and this time it says “This is not the world I speak of there is another that is the opposite to this world in every way for now the evil of my world that is trying to gain control of the barrier that makes the 2 world unnoticeable to each other, there was never any need to get involved with this world but we kept a connection open till this very day and you four are the ones we have chosen to save our world from the darkness and stopping it from making the 2 worlds into one creating the one world one world ruled by the evil and everything thrown into chaos and all humans will become slaves”, “NO that cant happen, there’s no way we can let that happen” says Michelle, “That is why you have been chosen to stop this from happening” says the wall once again.

“On the table over there are 4 orbs touch them and your power will awaken which sleeps within you all and use this to fight back the evil, I will teleport you to my world where you must collect the Four keys of Zorgorla to unlock the light that has been stolen from my world and locked Deep underneath the world and release it”. “What if we fail this, what happens then do you send more fouls into your world to be sealed with the same fate we are, we know nothing of combat or fighting Demons or monsters we could die” says Maxie.

“But we have been chosen to do something extraordinary we have to try Maxie” shouts Lisa “I don't want our world to end up like the voices world and if we will be able to save Two worlds by saving the one then I think it’s for the best”. There is a little pause from Maxie then he says “I understand what you’re saying Lisa but what if one of us dies what then I don’t know how I would cope my friends are like my family and it’s hard enough seeing a family member die”. “You will only die in my world if all four of you are down and have no way of healing, there is an item in the item shops that is called Tear of the Phoenix as soon as it touches an alley that is on the floor it will bring them heal them like nothing happened”. “So once we get there we will buy as many of the phoenix tears to keep us together” says Lisa and hugs Maxie “don’t worry Maxie.”

The four friends pick up the orbs on the table and are now surrounded in light and the voice begins to speak again “Davis this orb makes you warrior of all that is holy in the darkest of times in your life you have always been strong and courageous you will need that for this quest with the Warrior you will be able to use magic swords casting a spell upon your sword which will you will be able to attack with”.

“Michelle your ability to see the light within and love life to the full makes the orb grants you the power of to summon magical creatures called Sirons which exist on the light plan but are able to come forth if the power is greatly needed at the moment you have only one Summon his name is Gibb and he posses the power of lightning but as you progress you will earn and collect about eight different Sirons with different strengths and abilities to use as you will in the most difficult of battles”.

“Maxie Wisdom and Knowledge is your strengths that is why the orb has made you a magus with the power of light and dark magic, you have 4 spells the begin with three black one white just like Michelle you will gain more as you progress through on this quest

“And finally Lisa your wisdom and strength and the willing to protect you friend from anything gives you the ability of an Archer which is the same as Davis except you customise your bows and arrows to suit the enemies that you will be fighting”.

“I sense something very strong inside you four I can now see why the room chose you four, there is a prophecy that four not of this world will return to save 2 worlds from an era of darkness there has been hundreds of people that have been to the door and this room has always remained dormant for hundreds of years but it opened for you four, pure of heart and strong you must be the prophecy”.

Lisa is in shock she didn’t know what to say and then she says “I am an orphan left on a doorstep of my mother and fathers home they told me last year that I was adopted and I have no memories of my birth parents”. “I am too” came from Maxie, Michelle and Davis, the group all looks at each other and smiles well cant we tell why we are all good friends, laughter filled the room for a moment.

The voice spoke to the four friends once again “Am sure it will be all explained when you reach my world. I will teleport you to a village unaffected by the darkness for now but you must act quickly talk to the villagers and find out what they know and then head for Zodea Mountain there you will meet an old man he will show you what you seek don't worry warriors I will be near and am always there to help you if you need it, now take each others hands whist I send you to the village of Grume and good luck warriors and let the power of the orbs protect you and guide you and never give up you have the power within you” suddenly there was a flash of light and the friends weren't at the castle anymore they were in the village of Grume.

Chapter 2
The New World

The Friends walk in the centre of the town and are welcomed by a group of people, “Welcome to Grume says a young man my name is Gerl I am the son of the mayor here we have been told of your arrival warriors please feel free to rest at the in and look in the shops around am sure there will be something that will suit your fancy”.

Then the young man turns away but turns back round suddenly “oh I almost forgot here” passes Maxie a string bag full of coins, “this is our currency Zorne they will buy you what you need there are 10000 there”, “wow thank you” says Lisa tying the bag to Maxie's waist “now don't lose it or I will kill you” says Lisa “What do u take me for I have never lost anything just miss place some stuff now and then” laughter came from the group of people surrounding the friends then Gerl said “Feel free to look round we have some perfect beginner armour and weapons over there at that the shop and then if you need any items our healers will tell you the best ones to keep you alive”, the group smiled and looked at each other.

After the group of people had gone the friends walked over to the shop which sold the weapons and armour, they pushed open the door and said “hello anyone here”, a small man appeared from behind the desk, “Ah Shoppers welcome what can I get you, a Flaming Sword of Darkness, Armour of Eternal light” then shop keeper takes one look at the friends and says “hold on a sec you don’t even look like you have held a weapon in your lives get out of my shop”, “Hey wait one minute we have come to buy some basic armour and weapons” said Davis. “So you are the Warriors that have been sent from the other world I have selected the best armour for you and I have something for you two” over here pointing at Maxie and Michelle.

Whist Davis and Lisa where putting their new armour and weapons the shop keeper took Maxie and Michelle into the back room over there pointing to a old table with robes and scrolls on the table walking over then the shop keeper said “the one on the right is for you young lady and the other is for you young man”. “Wow thank you” as they are getting their robes on they see a Staff and a Rod turning to the shop keeper once again they ask what they are. He looks at them like he had just been slapped “why dears they are your weapons and you have the wrong way round its rod to white and Staff to dark but am both” says Maxie and am a summoner said Michelle

I knew that but Summoners are light magic that’s why you are wearing the cream robe and he’s wearing the navy blue ones with these robes you magic will be a bit stronger but you will be able to buy more from other armour shops you see what I mean”, “oh okay then” they swap the weapons around and as soon as they touch the weapons they get a head rush and suddenly they know every aspect of the weapon, “now onto the scrolls I have places upon the robes you are wearing”, they turn back to the table “there’s 2 new spells for you mage and a new summon for you summoner”, “cool thank you” as Michelle thanks yet again and Maxie smiles.

“What are the New Spells I have 4 already Fire, Ice, Lighting and Cure,” looking at Maxie the shop keeper says “the two I have placed before you is teleport and water which will come in handy around this area”, “which is filled with fire monsters and demons okay”.

“The summon I have given to you young lady is Zobla a Water summon with the power to move water blocks which your going to need later on” Michelle says “Thank you for all your help and how much do we owe you”, then she tells maxie to get the bag of coins out, maxie tags at the little bag and the shop keeper says “it will a thousand Zorne for the stuff”. Maxie looks at Michelle and then asks the shopkeeper we don’t know what each coin is soo we cant get 1000 out the back. “No one has told you about the Zorne system those idiots it’s the basic for crying out loud”, Maxie and Michelle both laugh then Davis and Lisa walk into the room, Davis holds a sword and shield and Lisa with a bunch of arrows and a bow. “Ah good your just in time for a little lesson in Zorne coin”.

The friends walk round the table and look at the four coins on the table placed out on the table, the shop keeper picks a small bronze coin up and says “ this is a Torn this is worth one zorne and if you have ten of them they will make a Ciron which is this one” putting the torn down and picking up a silver coin about the same size of a ten pence piece “okay these are worth ten zorne so I you have ten of these it will make a Forkne which is by now u should understand is a hundred which is this coin here pointing to the silvery red coin no bigger than a fifty pence piece and then ten of them will make the Troma is a thousand these are very rare coins there are only one million in the whole world and that my friend is your lesson in Zorne coins. Everyone looks at each other and then looks at the shop keeper and says thanks.

Now knowing what the coins are Maxie gets the bag and pours it into his hand and counts out a thousand Zorne and gives it to the shop keeper. “Thank you for the custome it has been different than my usual customers”, they all laugh

The friends walk out of the shop and go to the item shop that Gerl pointed out before they stop to chat.

Hey did you guys get the Head rush before when you touched the weapons, yer we did was quite weird I think its those orbs they have given use the knowledge to wield the weapon of the class the orb gave us. This is cool I never though I would be doing this after going on a field trip with school” says maxie whist the friends laugh okay on to the next shop. Oh I almost forgot we have a exam on this field trip tomorrow we are soo screwed says michelle everyone looks at her and lisa says “we are saving the world am sure they wont mark us down” everyone laughs harder “I don’t think anyone will believe us you know” says Davis “well then we will take pics” says michelle pulling out her camera phone and takes a pic of maxie, lisa and davis in there outfits. Just outside the item shop michelle take a pic of everyone. “There am sure that will do for now” says michelle before putting her mobile away.


Maxie says “Lets go to the Item shop next and don’t forget guys we need to stock up on this Tear of Phoenix I don’t fancy dying do you”. As they enter the shop three elderly women surround them and hand them each bags of potions and everything they will need, then Maxie asks for some Tear of Phoenix then one of the elderly woman said “there’s two in each bag” “oh thank you but could I get about 10 please I just want to be on the safe side” the lady passes him the tears of phoenix and says “that’s thousand Zorne please”. Maxie passes her the Coins and says thank you and the friends walk out the shop.