Namine's Character Bios

Ayatai

Ayatai

Sorceress Naminé
Joined
Mar 15, 2007
Messages
485
Age
34
Location
Your Dreams
Gil
195
heres my first one...

Name: Koutsu "Leila" Hayami
Nickname: Leila
Class: Ninja
Race: Human
Gender: Female
Age: 17

Appearance:
-Hair: * Color~ Black
* Length~ Long
* Usual Style~ pony like style
-Eyes: *Color(s)~ Black
-Height: 5 ft. 6 in.
-Complexion: *Color~ very little tan
*Texture~ smooth skin
-Build: Slender
-Noteworthy features: She is always wearing the same hair piece that holds up her hair, it was given to her long ago by her mother...
-Attire: Black ninja uniform
1127512740_anime_girl.jpg

Personality: *Around friends~ More outspoken, more like a chatterbox :P:lol:
*Around others~ takes on shy phase, and usually doesnt speak to them unless spoken to first.
First impression: Since she's a ninja, people think she's dangerous and normally want to stay away from her, but the friends she has made know that is not true. She is always willing to help others in need, and even though a ninja, she doesn't like to fight unless she has to.
Weapons: * Large Weapon ~ Katana
*Mid-sized weapons~ Daggers, Axes
*Small weapons~ Shuriken, Kunai
Armor: no armor
Magic: All basic magic spells like fire, blizzard, thunder, water, and cure. Since she's just starting out with RPG's that's all i gave her, she'll get better magic as time moves on
Abilities/Skills: Sharingan, ability to walk/run/stand on water (from naruto), ability to run up trees, buildings, etc. (also from naruto), quick speed, stealth
Quick History: Much of her is unknown, even she does not know much of her history. But what is known is that both her father and mother were killed, and that she was separated from her sisters and brothers when she was very young.



P.S. i am now finished with this bio, now waiting for confirmation...
 
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i am no mod, but i would suggest you take a look at the bio creation threads for the propper layout and some hints and tips on writing. I do like the concept tho but then again i am a male "otaku" so animechicks are always a good idea!
 
Well, since I did this for SB, I might as well check Namine's out, too.

Actuall, FireFrenzy, they changed the Format. This is now the format *sigh.* Not was good as it used to be, but alright, I guess...

Firstly, I'd like to point out that I am no mod or RP Director, so I am not approving it. I am merely giving suggestions and a critique.

Alrighty.

You need an origin. Your lady can't just come out of thin air. We need her origins, in terms of the names of the place and a brief description.

Appearance. Once again, people are limiting themselves to point form. Point form is way too choppy, for each subsection of appearance, you should have a brief paragraph. Yes, even for hair, describing length, texture, colour, and such. Unless, of course, you're doing it all in one or two paragraphs, in which you integrate everything into paragraph form.

Admittedly, your picture does wonders. If it weren't for that, though, I wouldn't be able to picture her. Pictures aren't really much of an excuse for shotty descriptions :monster:

Personality. WAY too indescriptive. My personal advice for this is to mentally place her in different scenarios, determine what she would do in those scenarios, and figure out what that says about her. Then you should place all that in paragraph format.

Same goes for First Impression. Place her in a First Impression Scenario, and then say how she would act in general, not as specific as the Personality, but still fairly detailed.

In terms of weapons, I don't think that having so many weapons is allowed. Having Your Katana and your Small weapons are ok, but I don't think those mid-sized weapons is acceptable by the mods.

Magic. Alright, for EACH magic spell, you should say its effects, how much energy it takes, if it will cause weariness or weakness to you, etc. Will overuse kill you? severely damage you? etc.

Alright, if you change those around, I'll come back and give you another critique. I haven't even gotten started on some of the real stuff yet, I'm just warming up :)

Class time.
 
Since I cannot approve it I will give a quick comment on it:
First of all....the picture....I don't think it fits. It is true that I don't watch anime....and somewhat I don't like them....and that's why maybe it's just my immagination.
Sencond....the quick history is a bit short and looks like an introduction to Leila's background. I think it should be a little longer like another paragraph or two. You can add things like why or how did she become a ninja, or what she hates/likes most, maybe a horrible event that happened in the past which made her start adventuring.
Otherwise great job!....I like her....Go Leila!!!;)
 
sry, it's just that i'm not really good at describing someone... :dry: *i'm not really good at rpg's but i want to be in rpg's and such!* Anyways could you help me, i already printed out the information what i needed for the creation of my character for when i first started making her... can you help me get some ideas?
 
Speaking of which....where did you find that information?? I want to join RPGs but I am not willing to start posting without a model of sorts. I have ideas of two or three characters and it would be a pitty to waste them.^_^

EDIT: Nevermind....found it!!!
 
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are you going to help me or not...

ps. i should show you a picture of my 2 cats sometime zanmato :D
 
*sry for double posting but here's my second character, hope's she's better than the first...*

Name: Leila Nightroad
Title: Sister
Race: Half Vampire, Half Human
Gender: Female
Age: 143 years old (apparent age: 21)

Appearance:
-Hair: Pure silver long hair closely shaped to her face. Rarely ever seen with her hair down, it is usually held up in a pony tail.
-Eyes: Blue
-Height: Human~ 5'6" Vampire~ 6'0"
-Weight: Human~ 130 lbs Vampire~ ???
-Complexion:
Color~ very little tan
Texture~ Smooth
-Build:Slender
-Noteworthy Features: Wears a cross necklace around her neck at all times.
Attire: long blue jeans tight at the waist, v-necked t-shirt curved around the body, chain belt, earrings, and her necklace
Personality:
-Good Situation: Friendly, more outspoken towards friends
-Bad Situation: Starts to withdraw at times, other times there will be outbursts
First Impression:
-Good Situation: She will go in an help the person in need
-Bad Situation: If she is in trouble, and someone is going after her, she is less likely to be able to defend herself to the point to getting the person away from her.
Weapons:
-Large Weapon: N/A
-Mid-sized Weapons: Short Sword, Bow & Arrows
-Small Weapons: Dirks and Knives
Armor: no armor
Magic: All basic white magic spells
Quick History: Being the 'unknown' sister to Abel, she is usually the rebel when it comes to her job to having to be a 'sister'. She works at the Vaticun *probably not spelt correctly, i will check* with her brother Abel, until recently (Yet not revealing her identity as being his sister to him). She now wanders the land looking for a new job, with still the role as a 'sister' behind her
 
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excuse me, but can she be half vampire? Also who is Abel? He's mentioned as were already supposed to know him but I don't know any Abel.

Also it needs more details overall.
 
i'll make a bio of him later... *he's supposed to be the Abel from Trinity Blood though :P* i just havent made one of him yet!
kk, here's my third leila bio :P * i have 3 leila's and heres the last and final one :P

Name: Leila Moonflow
Title: Princess
Race: Half Elf, Half Human
Gender: Female
Age: 79 (apparent age: 18)

Appearance:
-Hair: Long brownish-red wavy hair closely shaped to her face. Always worn down.
-Eyes: Blue
-Height: 5'6"
-Weight: 130 lbs
-Complexion:
~Color: very little tan
~Texture: Smooth
-Build: Slender
-Noteworthy Features: Wears a pendant, that her mother gave her when she was very young, around her neck at all times
Attire: Blue jeans (tight around the hips), t-shirt (closely formed around the body), her pendant. *almost NEVER wears her princess clothes
Personality:
-Good Situation~ More outspoken about her life as a princess, and past life
-Bad Situation~ Usually the first to back down in a fight with friends
First Impression:
-Good Situation~ The stranger might freak out to find out that she is a princess, also she is a very outspoken woman towards strangers at times
-Bad Situation~ She would most likely run away from the person if s/he was trying to chase her, or if the person was injured... she would heal that person with the medicine she carries with her at all times
Weapons:
-Large Weapon~ Bow and Arrows
-Mid-sized weapons~ N/A
-Small weapons~ N/A
Armor: no armor
Quick History:
Queen Moonflow(murdered)
King Moonflow(alive)

Being a princess, people naturally think she's a spoiled, stuck-up brat... but she's not. Ever since she was young she had to do chores that princesses normally do not have to do (such as having to wash her own clothes, clean the house, etc.) Her father on the other hand, never pays attention to her, and the only time he ever will is when he is barking orders at her to give her another chore. Recently, she was able to runaway from this horrid life and is now searching for a place to safely live and hide from her father.
 
Well, first question: Is this character for ORPG or RPBs? That's a required section of the format, so you have to put that in there.

Secondly, personality. You have to change it to the format of this forums' bio format. Basically, to try to save you some link clicking and reading, the format calls for Personality to be sectioned off from the rest of the bio, and placed in (preferebly, though not necessarily) paragraph form. Just Personality - Good Situation/Bad Situation doesn't cut it here, I'm afraid.

Weapons. Alright, they're large weapons. Fine, but you have to describe to us (once again, preferably in paragraph format) what they look like, the materials they're made out of, etc. We need some MAJOR improvement on that area.

And the Quick History section is a little too quick, if you get my meaning. We need more than that, origins alone make a history not. We need key events from Leila's life that shaped some of her defining features. We don't want you to go into every single detail and wax on and on about them, but we would have you do more than what you did.

For now, [NOT APPROVED], but if you make the changes that I suggested, it shouldn't be too bad.
 
In an effort to get this bio approved, I am bumping this thread and offering these suggestions:

Please look over the New Bio Format, and edit your character's bio to fit that template. I realize that it has been over 7 months since anything was done on this bio, but since I saw you log in relatively recently, I'm leaving this thread open incase you wish to have the character approved.

If there is no response, I will close and move this thread to 'Retired.'
 
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