Sticks and stones...

[Linnaete]

...may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Or so the saying goes. However, how true is this saying? Does it actually have any merits of truth or is it just a fable that needs to be put to rest? Are you the sort of person be it in the present time or in the past that has experienced a lot more pain through the malicious use of words to intimidate, mock and generally demean you and how did you respond to it? Did you for example attempt to shrug it off and refuse to allow it to get to you?

Perhaps this saying may be true on some circumstances, although sadly on the longer run, I cannot agree with this. Yes, sticks and stones may well break your bones but physical wounds heal more efficiently than the effect that words can have. In fact, words may be our most powerful weapon; the truth is, words certainly can hurt - when used the right way against you with a malicious-enough intent and frequently enough, they can leave permanent emotional cuts and bruises that can ultimately leave a lasting damage to anyone's self-esteem. This is particularly the case with more sensitive individuals - particularly if you are a child in a school playground - words can make them or instantly break them.

I was certainly very sensitive as a child and I was no exception to the various bits of verbal taunting that I was subjected to. Of course looking back, what I received was certainly very mild compared to what other children could have been subjected to, but it delivered its effect anyway. I would be taunted for a variety of reasons, be it my short stature, the fact that I'm a klutz, for being too smart in class and being generally not as proficient as others in PE. I eventually learnt to reject the verbal taunts and just refuse to let it bother me, but the fact of the matter is, I heard it all too often and it had already been engrained in the back of my head. And it stayed there. It returned every so often now and again and in the end I began to accept what had been said to me to the point that I would often put myself down during my earlier years of high school.

Sooo, with this cheery topic at hand, how do you respond to the above phrase?

 

[Bambi]

I think words can hurt more than any beating sometimes. I'm the kind of person that can have a vicious tongue on me when I want and I've said some pretty hurtful things to some people. Likewise, I've had things said to me, that are beyond uncalled for and have had me in a right state. I think the thing about words, its there's nothing physical to show for it. But mental anguish can be a hell of a lot worse in my eyes than pyhsical pain. Those wounds heal alot quicker

In less extreme cases, some randomer calling you fat, or making a comment about your appearance, especially if it's summat you're self concious about is gunna sting no matter how much you try to brush it off

I think words used in malice have more power than people give them credit for

Of course there's peopel that get butt hurt over every silly little thing - you need to have a thick skin in this world or folk will tear you apart.

I think the phrase itself is more something for children - it's just a childish come back to a verbal attack, nothing more

 

[L]

how do I respond to it? Well, I personally think Sticks and Stones was made up by someone who was too little, too late and is commonly used by people who believe that they don't care, but in actuality do care quite a bit, as well as people who are just talking out of their ass and know nothing.

But how do I respond to it? Mess with the bull, you get the horns.

 

[Donald Trump]

People always say that kiddies are cruel, which is obviously bullshit. Kiddies don't go around massacring people, I don't think many children were involved in Srebrenica, except for the ones being killed obv. I think words can hurt, but generally only if there's an element of truth, no is hurt if someone calls them a cunt.

Words can obviously hurt as people go around topping themselves if they've been bullied. But I think it's just an excuse to feel self pity, someone said something unkind, I feel so devastated etc etc. People should just harden up.

 

[Valvalis]

I think the truth in it depends on the situation. For example, I could break my ankle and be in a ton of pain, but if it was just some freak accident that was my fault, with no psychological torment attached, then if someone said something nasty to me that day, I would probably worry over their words so much that I might even forget I was broken and try to stand up on my leg. (But then I also worry over everything.)

However, like Hal was saying, even the cruelest thing a kid could say isn't as bad as losing your life, being chopped up into pieces, etc. There are certain types of physical horror which do cause extreme psychological damage, and if you can stop yourself from caring about another person's insults, then physical attacks will be the only sort that can damage you. And in that case, the saying does hold truth.

 

[GalaxyFlare]

I have pondered this very thought before
and I came to this realisation:

One word can make the difference.

Its different for everyone who gets picked on, physical abuse can heal but it still leaves scars, mental abuse can never heal if you are hit with the right words.And by that i mean finding and pin pointing the very core of someones self doubt.

But saying stuff like Dickhead or cunt, nah that not gonna make someone do themselves in, and to be honest if it does, its not the persons fault who said coz it would have happened eventually if you are so mentally fragile that you cant handle the repeated use of words like that.

But to be fair if you are constantly referred to in such a manor then, it can build low self esteem. This is where self awareness and self preservation take over, if you are in a bad situation: Remove yourself from it.

Sticks and stones can kill you, but the right words can make you kill yourself if you are so vulnerable. I couldnt stand being so fallible to the influence of others, especially just there words.

Alot of self reaffirmation is needed to heal mental wounds, and its hard work for some

 

[L]

Well bullying isn't as shallow as someone walking up and saying "you're such a retarded faggot". If it was that simple, I think a lot of people wouldn't have a problem with saying "fuck you queerbait" and moving on.

it can go a lot farther than that, which is why it's a form of harassment. But it's not like you can't be picked and poked at by multiple people.

I think it's perfectly normal to go apeshit on someone who keeps telling you something you don't really care to hear. But you know, I don't think you should do something if you can't deal with the consequences.

And as far as bullying goes, the consequences can vary greatly. Irritate someone enough, you might just find yourself six feet under.

if you can stop yourself from caring about another person's insults, then physical attacks will be the only sort that can damage you. And in that case, the saying does hold truth.

I hear the "thick skin" argument all too often. But let's just take this scenario for a spin.

It's actually possible for more than 1 person irritate you on a frequent basis.

What happens when you get tired of hearing so much bullshit? You gonna cover up your ears, walk away, and pretend it never happened? Just gonna sit there while those morons that are only sitting one table away from you are speaking so loudly that you can hear them clear as day?

Sure, now you don't care. Doesn't make everyone who spouts nothing but bullshit from that orifice they call a mouth put a cork in it.

Sticks and Stones is the same as Turning the other Cheek. It's a practice that is mainly lost upon the audience it's designed for and does nothing to fix the problems it's users promise it addresses.

 

[Valvalis]

I hear the "thick skin" argument all too often. But let's just take this scenario for a spin.

It's actually possible for more than 1 person irritate you on a frequent basis.

What happens when you get tired of hearing so much bullshit? You gonna cover up your ears, walk away, and pretend it never happened? Just gonna sit there while those morons that are only sitting one table away from you are speaking so loudly that you can hear them clear as day?

Sure, now you don't care. Doesn't make everyone who spouts nothing but bullshit from that orifice they call a mouth put a cork in it.

Sticks and Stones is the same as Turning the other Cheek. It's a practice that is mainly lost upon the audience it's designed for and does nothing to fix the problems it's users promise it addresses.

Well I agree, there are varying degrees of difficulty in brushing off insults, and it does make it harder to deal with when there are more than one person attacking you verbally. And people can certainly end up hurting or killing themselves over it due to low self esteem, I've hurt myself once or twice when I was younger because of that. However, what I basically meant was that, if these people jumped in a car together and ran you over in the parking lot, that's 100% guaranteed to do a lot of damage to you, whereas there is at least a chance of mentally getting over harmful words without being hurt too much.

I mean, if someone breaks your bones by running you over or beating you up in a fight, your bones are broken and you have to live with it, and sometimes that could even affect your ability to move around and do the things you want to do for the rest of your life. Plus, you'll be sitting there thinking "Shit, I can't even walk/move right because of that stupid bully from school years back that I don't even have to see anymore." But if you can find the right positive reinforcements against verbal abuse somehow, and eventually realize that your bad feelings over it only exist in your head, then you have a good chance of eventually getting over it, which is something I had to do to try to get over the problems I was having. And even though I did have a thought or two about killing myself, in retrospect I am glad that the choice was still in my control, rather than someone else physically beating me almost to death and not even letting me choose my own fate.

TL;DR; physical abuse = guaranteed to do serious damage that's out of your control; verbal abuse = sometimes you can control how much damage it does to you, so there's a little better chance of getting out of it okay in the end.

 

[Sum1sgruj]

Words are destructive. The laws we live by practically state this. The Bible even states it.
The 'sticks and stones' thing is just taught in grade school to keep kid's self-esteem up. In the grand scheme of things, however, words stir fear, hate, violence, and general chaos.
Sticks and stones are secondary if you think about it.

 

[Noize]

To be brutally honest, as a child it was more like a buffer and a form of insult and had no real meaning, but once you got older, you realize that those words actually hold very little merit, and the words that people use to offend you with actually cut deeper than knife.

If you want to compare say, a bruise or a wound to emotinal scars from repeated insults then by far, the words will hurt more. The wounds will heal over time, but words will forever stay inside the back of your mind.


I hope this answers, in my opinion, your question.

 

[Shaissa]

Words can never hurt I think is a big fat lie in my opinion.
If words didn't ever hurt then why would people use them to spread rumors, talk about someone behind their back. I think the stick and stones may break my bones but words never hurt me, is to say "that time will heal the wounds that your words have cause." At least I think thats what it's meant to say.
Words do hurt a lot, but in time hopefully we forget about what so and so said, and move on and realize that the only opinions that matter are your friends and family.

 

[Six]

This definitely applies both to me. It's a very tricky thing to say oh well, of course physical abuse hurts more, but I agree a full hundred with what Kelly said.

If you get a good beating, yes, it hurts at that moment, turns sore the days later, and you heal pretty well over the next few days/weeks.

Were the people you actually might know tell you something horrible about you, or suddenly stab you in the back, or spread rumours, trust me, that'll sting for a lot longer than that beating did.

And to those saying people need to grow a backbone, with all due respect to your opinion, but being affected with what someone, close to you or not, says, has little to nothing to do with having a backbone.

 

[Rapture]

Physical pain does hurt...there is no denying that.

Words on the other hand are just words. It really depends on the person they are coming from though and how you feel about them. If a complete stranger were talking crap about me then I'd say whatever and walk away and not let it affect me. If, however, it were a family member that you get into one of those really involving arguments with where you/they start resorting to low-blows in retorts, then thats when the altercation takes a more emotionally abusive tone...and the words really do hurt, because they are coming from someone close to you who you really love.

High School wasn't my favorite time of my life. I never really fit into any one group and all of my real friends at the time went to another high school in town. All throughout high school this guy who went to my church would sit in our homeroom and talk crap about me every day while the teacher just sat there and pretended not to notice. He was mean and hateful to me I assume because he knew I liked his cousin...and he didn't like that. I never ONCE said anything back to him in 4 years. I've learned people like that just aren't worth it/or my time. I'll say something that may make me feel a little better for about a day...and then I'll later wish I had been the better person and had just ignored him. I was proud of myself for holding my tongue like I did. Sometimes I think it would've been so easy to give in and say something to him, and I wanted to but, I didn't. It was just words anyway.

 

[Abstract Debauchery]

Words don't bother me at all. It's been years since I gave a flying shit what anyone else thought about me. In my opinion, if you're going around getting offended at what everyone thinks or says about you, you're pretty weakwilled. At the end of the day, if you're letting that shit bother you, you're the one with the problem, not them.

 

[blakstang98]

It really depends on the situation and context. I mean, something as small as a basic insult shouldn't be something that harms a person in any way. A series of well-placed insults, however, can hurt someone. This also depends on who it is that's doing the insulting. Receiving them from friends can hit pretty hard. From a stanger, well, to hell with them. It's not a problem to let those roll off your back.

I myself, have been hurt by words. A big reason for my recent absence was a buildup of words that just kept hitting me in a painful way. It may not seem it, but I care about the folks on this forum, and sometimes some of you hit close to home. I might be a big dopey goof who throws down pervy jokes like you read about, but I have feelings too. It's human to care when words get thrown at you that contain hate and discontent.

But as the old saying goes, "what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger". It will only build a stronger endurance for the future, a higher tolerance if you will. So to those who have been hit hard with words, keep your chin up and things will turn around for the better.

 

[ANGRYWOLF]

Words can make you angry

maybe I should say angrier in my case as I'm angry all the time.

I was falsely accused at work of something I didn't do.

I denied it.There won'
t be any repercussions ..but I am mad as hell.

Mad as hell...
So I want to find another job and leave.

When you're angry , and words can make you angry, particularly if you feel they are unjust, then they can cause you to adopt a particular form of conduct.
They can breed anger, resentment, fear, and other negative emotions.

 

[Gaige]

I was a sensitive kid. I took everything to heart and I was pretty badly affected by it. Height, glasses, good in school, bad in sports etc etc. But I kinda built up a tolerance to it. You can't let everything hurt you in my experience, or like Kelly has correctly said, you get eaten alive.

I've had insecurities in the past, but since I'm kinda slow to trust people to the point that their words can hurt, it's only when people close to me betray me that I can really say that words have hurt me. You build up a tolerance as you grow older. But so long as you get close to people, you can be hurt.

 

[Valvalis]

For those who have said physical abuse wounds heal more quickly than verbal ones though, what about something like rape? Rape is a horrific form of physical abuse whose visual memory alone can haunt you for the rest of your life. Or what about people who are touched inappropriately by family members as children, and it takes them twenty years just to open up to someone else about it? I mean I don't know about anyone else, but I don't think I could ever look in the mirror and go "Boy, I'm so glad I was raped, rather than having been verbally sexually harrassed!", even if the verbal harrassment was caused by a large group of people and went on for a long period of time. If you're put in a traumatic physical situation like physical abuse, you can have visual memories of the attack imprint themselves into your brain and never leave.

For me personally, as someone who was verbally sexually harrassed a few times in middle school, I've pretty much forgotten at this point what was said to me, only that it was offensive. However if those kids had actually done the things they were talking about doing to me, it would have been much much worse, and harder to forget about.

Which in either case, physical or verbal, the happiest thing that could happen would be if someone could forget about all the mental trauma that happened to them, and just move on with their life. However, if you have mental AND physical trauma, then IMO that's far worse than having just mental trauma.

 

[Gingerbread Lesbian]

For those who have said physical abuse wounds heal more quickly than verbal ones though, what about something like rape? Rape is a horrific form of physical abuse whose visual memory alone can haunt you for the rest of your life. Or what about people who are touched inappropriately by family members as children, and it takes them twenty years just to open up to someone else about it?

With examples like these I think you have to say it's going to hurt both physically and through words. Obvious harm is caused when someone is raped or molested as a child, but at the same time, having sat through TWO (in the same day) court cases for my law presentation of kids being touched up even talking about it has an equally powerful effect on them.

Really it depends on the context and the individual themselves. What someone says may be a joke to one person, but might actually hurt another. A lot of the time words are just the trigger for what has happened physically --I don't know why you need to have been physically attacked so I'm not going down that route-- I'll use the whole "dead baby" scenario as an example which I understood and knew was a joke, but having seen in person it physically AND mentally break down my ex, the one person I loved, for weeks - I run an extremely short fuse on the matter, whereas if it had not happened irl, I probably wouldn't have been bothered at the jokes.

But yeah, I think it's more complicated than just saying A has more or less effect than B on a person.

 

[Pandora]

I rarely get affected by a person's opinion of me (when its mostly offensive). I've come to a point to believe that any sign of being put off by a person's comment about a person will more than likely lower their level to equal there's. Besides, it's usually the person that's being a prick that looks the most stupid when I show nothing but a poker face in response to whatever they said. My grandparents have always thought I was foolish to not care about what other people say about me - usually telling me if anyone says or does anything bad to me, to let them know so they can handle it. But I think that would only increase problems, especially if I didn't have a problem to begin with. I've already dealt with the talk-smack-get-bashed phase when I was in middle school, and it really wasn't a period of my life I enjoyed in the slightest; and I'd rather not go back to that. That's why people rarely see confrontation between me and someone else; but if there is one, it's usually because a person may have brought up something very personal that may not be directly about me but is in close connection with me, like family, very close friends, and things related .
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