T-I-N-A-N's Character Bio

Raiku

Dragon Lord Eternal
Joined
Oct 8, 2007
Messages
72
Location
Bonnyrigg
Gil
0
ORPG and/or RPB: BOTH

Name: Lithiil Liden
Title: ---
Race: Elrik (A mix of Dwarf and Elf, creating a very strong and agile person, though they have a very unstable personality.)
Gender: Male
Age: 263 (Young, as Elriks have the Elven gift of Immortality against Age)
Origin: The Elven city of Tilranathil. His mother commited a sin by bearing a Dwarven child, and he became an outcast.

Appearance:
Lithiil is around 5' 6", greeting the height of all who meet him. His pale brown hair reaches from his scalp to his gentile shoulders, always hanging loose. It does not hinder him, but somewhat seems to flow everlasting making him look even more beautiful. His slender shoulders set the rest of his body to puir elegance-he is not scrawny, but neither is he overbuilt-he is built like a man, though looking somewhat more graceful. This build makes him a sturdy, but not heavy, nine-and-a-quarter stone. His skin is pale but not bleached, making him look even more gentle. He is scuppered with not a single scar, though he has fought many things. His only distinguishing mark, is that of a mole under his right eyebrow at the outer tip. Below this, his eyes show themselves too be a deep forest green, only interrupted by a striking yellow stripe going from the top to the bottom of his eyes, breaking only at the pupil.
He always carries with him an ornate glass bottle with Elvish runes engraved on it which read 'Harendiil', his star. In this bottle, is a mixture of his stars light, and a liquid Dwarven gold, which emmits a beautiful golden light when called upon.

Upon him, he always wears a deep green fit, which looks and feels more gracious than silk. This is plain, with no special markings of any kind upon it. Under this, e wears a vest of Dwwarven mithril, a chained garment which is harder than diamond. It looks like siler, but cannot be melted at any temperatue. There is not one nick on this plate, except for an engraving artfully placed at the heart, which is written in Dwarven runes, reading 'Gracious is the light of Hariil'. There is a plain brown belt around his waist, woven from three strands of leather. On this, the slots for his daggers are put, almost always full. On his bottom half, he wears simple plain green trousers made from silk, and on his feet, leather covers which act better than any boot. His shoulders bear the black leather sheaths for his blades, and his bow ist strapped to his back. His quiver is on the sheath of the katana on his left side, making it quick access too both weapons.


Personality:
He is a gentile person. When happy, he is well disposed too all who speak too him, except those who have hurt or fooled him in the past. He is intelligent and smart, but in no way contradictive. If someone is wrong near him, he will tell them in such a subtle way that they barely notice he has told them.
For the area of love, Lithiil thinks only of his old home. He thinks not of his mother or his father, as he has never met either of them. His forest and his animal friends have always been his only love.
When angered, however, he is a greatly lothed person. He is angered quickly because of his Dwarf blood, and so has a fast boiling temper.
First Impression:
On first glance, he seems but an outcast. However, too the few people who he considers friends, he is great person. Once you get past the shell he has, in which he seems shy, even suspicious, he is both trusting and trusted. The shell he puts on because he trusts few people for the reasons in his history.
If you meet him when he is angry, you are unfortunate, as he will take alot too sway him over too your side.

Weapon(s): He has a bow slung across his back, reaching at full lenght from his toes to his neck. It is a pale white, and has only the carving o his mothers name, 'Hariil'. He uses this only for long range, as close it is useless. The arrows are of a deep ebony wood, being both strong and light. The flights are fashioned to be almost invisible-but a thin white feather, making the straightest line. He has two Katanas, one sheathed on each shoulder. On these weapons are the engravings of his star, and they are of such an Elven make that they glow when that star shines in the sky, making the holder of both more powerful. These he uses in all close combat. Though when he is in short ranged combat, he has a small supply of Diamond Gilded daggers for throwing, which he retrieves from each slain body.

Magic: He cannot cure nor damage anyone-but he can use magic. His spells are all focused on hindering the opponent. He can summon an invisible wall between himself and his opponent-though this stops him from attacking them. He can also create a temporal portal-unfortunately, it can teleport him anywhere, as he has not yet mastered this skill. It also stays open for a very large amount of time, therefore letting his enemys follow him. Because of this, he only uses it in a dire situation.

Abilities/Skills:
He has perfect aim with a bow and dagger, and can slay almost all in his path if he has both of his Katanas and his star is shining.
On the terms of his strength, he is both powerful and weak. Though he is quick, and tires very slowly, he cannot carry too heavy a burden. He can lift about 3 times his sown bodyweight, but no more than that. However, in a battle he would be considered very strong-the fact that he is a very skilled fighter is a very good point. In a battle, he will almost always come out on top.
His speed and reflexes are very large parts of his battle strategy. He will trust mostly on his lightning reflexes, as he is able too avoid even an arrow shot! He rolls out of harms way with most attacks, and seems too be unhittable.
On terms of how much damage Lithiil can take, it is very low. The average warrior can take several bowshots-however, but a few and Lithiil would die. A warrior would have around a mark of five hundred 'health'-Lithiil has only 273. When struck, he does not flinch. He practised this with hard leather balls-it means that when he is hit on a rare occasion, he can flee in case of another strike. However, when hit a few times with enough force, he will be stopped completely.
In a battle, he will usually fall back and rain in arrows on his opponents. However, when in close combat, he will use his quick reflexes too dodge attacks, and fly in with his Katanas. If these, for some reason, do not serve him well, of if he is unwilling too approach the target, he will keep a steady distance, and throw in his Diamond Gilded Knives.


History:
Hrail was born into a village of Elves. He was never really at home there in the peaceful realm, and so left at the age of 23.

From his home, he travelled, trying to find out news of his father
-his mother had died during birth, so all family was gone to him.
However, he found many a friend in the wilderness. Though these allies soon died to save him. When he eventually met with his father, he was not as happy as he would have hoped-for one, his father was a very obnoxious Dwarf, and for another
he was dead
-the father he had learnt of was a fake, and it was not untill he heard his 'father' plotting to murder him that he found this out, Because of this, he felt abandoned, but did not let that hurt him-he used that power and channeled it to make it his strength. He fled from his 'fathers' house, hoping against hope that his tireless feet would be no match for the Dwarves that his father had let out after him. It was not until three days had passed from his departure that Lithiil saw fit to rest. He stopped at a lake, and made what he hoped to be a permanent lakeside home.

It had been eight and a half years since the meeting with his fake father. Lithiil had made a quiet life by the lake he had named Olrithiil, at one with the nature and friend of the birds. He had returned from a day of talking with the Great Owls, when he noticed a smoke rising from the direction of his home. He rushed to it, with his bow out and strung, to see two Orcs with flaming torches by his home. Evidently they did not know he was there, as when they saw him, they dropped their torches in surprise. One had set themselves on fire, though the other was shot, as an arrow was loosed from Lithiil's bow. He was not sure why these Orcs had attempted to burn him, but he vowed to find out.

His first thought was that of his fake father, but when he reached there, he found his fathers palace destroyed. He felt no remorse, though unhappy. He then had no idea of where to look-so he didn't. He simply left his life, and became a wonderer. Though his life was exile, he became known for slaying many an Orc and enemy, but not as Lithiil Liden.

Waiting for approval.
 
Last edited:
Well, seeing as how I've gotten into the habit, I might as well look over your stuff to :)

As I've said in other threads, I am not a mod. This is simply a critique for you to use (if you so wish) to enhance your character. As a result, this is not an approval or disapproval.

Age is ok, but I think you have to clarify what you mean by immortality. You could be talking about physical impunity to attacks or physical impunity to time and age, the former of which is not allowd in FFF. I'm assuming you mean age, but you should still clarify.

My comments for your appearance are the same for everybody who does it in point form, or the way you've done it. Point form is great for organising thoughts, but it is not so good for trying to paint a picture of your character for others. That's where paragraph format comes in. Use your points to create a paragraph (or several paragraphs) defining the physical attributes of your character.

Like others, you tend to forego the decisive descriptions of your characters attire. We need more than just 'a green outfit over a mythril coat and a belt tied in a knot.' Describe to us any patterns on the attire, the colours of the mythril coat, the physical appearance of the coat (i.e. plate mail or chain mail mythril?), where the belt goes across in terms of one part of the body to another, etc. (because belts can be fitting on more than one part of the body).

Personality and First Impression. Once again, I'll say what I say for everybody who ends up doing this. Think up scenarios for your character and place him in them, not necssarily describing the scenarios in the Personality section, but describing what his actions would suggest about him. The same goes for First Impression, imagine that you are meeting your character for the first time. How does he strike you? Does he have a certain demeanour? and other things like that.

Weapons. Not bad, but we could use more description. Are there any patterns on the blade, are there any specific jewels that adorn them? What are the blades made of materially, do they possess any elemental attributes, are the blades/arrows/bow grips fashioned in any specific sense?

Giving histories on the origins of your weapon, or how your character acquired them, is a good idea too. Nothing large, but not too wanton, either.

In terms of your magic and abilities. Your portal is what I'm a little skeptical about. If it can teleport you anywhere, that means that the battle could end as soon as you teleport. Not only that, but it could give you an unfair advantage in dodging your opponent relatively easily.

Good history. It is brief, but very concise. Well done on that aspect

Well, if you like this critique, and find it useful, I'd be happy to critique other works and stuff, for you. Either way, I think I've outlined some goo things. Well one, overall with the bio, but there is stuff you shoudl fix up if it were to be approved, or so I think.
 
Woot! Now I can get to the really juicy stuf. Hehehe.

Heh, love'd how you typoed 'Gentile' when you ment 'gentle.' But, it's an inside joke among me and my friends, cuz we're in religious class :P

Excellently done with the description. Well put.

Everything I've pointed out prior to this post is great. Now we get to the real stuff, though. I prefer to take it in steps: lure you guys in with the simple stuf, and then catch you with the harder ones :P

Strength. How strong is your character? Generally, you should state how strong your character is. Whatever terms you use are up to you, but I personally find it easier to say, for example, how much he can lift and how much damage he can do to a brick wall :) That's if he's kicking or punching it, or using his bow (though, generally, the damage that weapons do should be placed in the weapons section).

Speed. How fast is your character? What kind of reflexes does he have, and how good are they? How fast can your character move right away, without building up his speed (i.e. sidestepping, rolling, etc.)?

Endurance. This one's a little iffy. Personally, I find it easier to assign the averag warrior a numerical value that represents their health, and then give your character a number comparing to that. For example, if the average warrior's health were iven a value of 500, Lithiil's health would be 270. Kinda like that.

Also, state how much pain, for example, he can physically take before he is stopped. Not killed, stopped, such as if he was hit hard enough that he would flinch or something, and he could be interrupted. Basically, his defensive endurance.

Fighting Style. Admittedly, it's not an official part of the bio format, but you shoudl still say the tactics and skills that your character will use in battle. This includes his skills and tactics using weapons (though these, too, are often present in the Weapons section).

And now, back to the flowery stuff.

In terms of personality and F.I., it is still way too little. Personality should be looked at in paragraphs. Plural. Only because the psyche and personality of an individual is so diverse and complex, though, and can't be accurately summed up by two lines. Same with the first impression, but this time it's more that its too choppy. Say more along the lines what he would feel like to one person, not a myriad of different people. Who that person is is entirely up to you, but for privacy purposes, I suggest that it be you, and you keep yourself anonymous ;)

Other than that, I have no real complaints. Good choice of weaknesses for the portal spell, allowing them to follow you through. Unorthodox, but still good ;)
 
THERE-anything else too do, or is thast good? I'll add a bit more too the personality and first impression, as they are a bit ropey still-but I'm in a rush.
 
Back
Top