Trace's Bios

Kenpachi

11th Squad Captain
Joined
Jan 24, 2008
Messages
457
Location
The Devil Fruit Orchard
Gil
0
Please Note: As it is stated to be allowed, I am using an original bio layout

ORPG and RPB

Name – Tuin Emmail Yorou
Age – 31
Title – The Blood Mercenary
Height – 5'11"
Weight – 164lbs
Gender - Male
Race - Human (he believes)

-----Appearance-----

Tuin's eyes are strange, with the left one being pure white and the right one being pure black. He does not seem to have pupils, yet he can see perfectly, with 20:10 vision. His eyes are around medium size, and when he looks at you, they seem to stare right through you. His nose is a regular size, as is his mouth.
While he has no facial hair, the hair on the top of his head is black, very messy and medium-length, falling about half-way down his ears and over his eyes. It is actually quite wavy when he takes the time to comb it or whatever, but he never does. However, it is not very knotted.

He has a slightly tanned skin all over his body, mainly because he has worked outdoors most of his life. He has muscles, but not overly so, and he is around medium-build. However, his build belies his true strength.

Tuin only has one scar, an long vertical shape crossing over his right eye, that he picked up in a fight many years ago. He has a few tattoos however, with a black tribal circlet around his left wrist and a small blood-droplet on the inside of his right ankle.

------Attire------

Tuin's attire reflects his personality, very subdued and stealthy, but with a chance to strike out and do something crazy.

As such, his boots are a plain dark brown leather, very ordinary, but with dull red soles. He has long dark-gray pants that are perfect for combat and extended periods of action, and are held up by a black belt with an intricate silver inlay on the belt, and three utility pouches of dark-brown leather clipped to the belt. One pouch holds emergency food, the next holds basic medical-supplies and the last has a collection of things that are useful at nearly any times.

His shirt is long-sleeved and very dark gray, verging on black, and looks plain. It has strings on the sleeves, so they can be drawn upwards to short-sleeves. He has a dark green and brown overcoat that he wears over it, with over twenty concealed pockets on the inside of it. It seems to meld with the environment and covers him from shoulders to ankles, and it has a hood.

He also has a more fancy coat that he wears when needed. These coats are black with silver inlay and have silver lace at the cuffs and edges. This coat he rarely wears. He wears black, fingerless gloves too, as his hands are rough and calloused.

------Personality------

Generally a quiet, unassuming kind of guy, he has an occaisional tendency to just unleash a random act or behaviour that no-one expects. He shows little to no fear, as he views the world with a profoundly cynical nature and always sees the darker side of things. He also has a very odd sense of humour and is called a freak because of it very often.

He is extremely intelligent however, and is constantly on the lookout for links between seemingly inconsequential things. He loves to fight, and views any fight in which he loses, but not dies, as a waste. He will sometimes purposefully injure himself to prolong a fight.

First Impression - Most people almost seem to ignore Tuin, as he doesn't usually draw attention to himself. As such, they overlook him, which is a mistake, as he then does something that throws them off guard, giving him an advantage. He is also ambidextrous.

------Strengths------

Tuin is very fast, his speed is his greatest weapon, and as such, in fights, he strikes quickly and precisely, eliminating enemies before they can strike back. He is also extremely intelligent, and he uses that to full advantage. He is also extremely skilled with his weapons, and does not tire easily in battle.

------Weaknesses------

His main weakness is that once he starts a fight, he will rarely if ever back down, fighting to the death wouldn't be an inconvenience to him. As such, he sometimes loses his head in fights, and keeps on going, often against immeasureable odds.

------Weapons------

Tuin has a large variety of knives, most of them small and concealable and hidden in his camouflage cloak. However, he also has a four-foot long curved blade (a katana) that he wears over his back, with the hilt poking up over his right shoulder. The blade is named "Shusui" and is made of a dark metal, and seems to crackle when swung. The crossguard is in the shape of a manji symbol and is white. The hilt itself is a dark gray, and has a white star on the bottom, used for storing energy. This energy can be called upon at any time to aid Tuin. Tuin stores energy by entering into a meditative state and then piercing himself with his blade; the amount of time he spends with the blade piercing him, the more energy he uses up and puts into the blade. Tuin can do this multiple times but the total amount of energy stored is only as much as Tuin has at his very peak. The blade had an odd green tinge when it is at the maximum energy capacity.

------Armor------

Tuin's only armour consists of his own clothing, as he is fast enough that he can dodge most attacks. He views armour as an unnecessary thing, as it would slow him down.

------Magic------

Tuin's magical abilities are very odd and it is because of them that he gained his title as the "Blood Mercenary". Initially, Tuin is completely unable to use magic, but his sword is a conduit for it, and it becomes available as he slays enemies. The more blood he sheds, the more power he gains, and as he gains power, his eyes change colour, both of them changing from their respective black and white, to red. The more enemies he slays, the darker the red in his eyes.

He is not sure how he managed to obtain these powers, but he thinks it stems from when he found his blade, as the blade is the conduit of his powers. He can only unleash his powers via commands as well, and needs to learn the commands to use the powers.
His powers all weaken him slightly, but the amount they weaken him is lessened the more enemies he slays. For example, if Tuin has slain three enemies and uses Blast, he is weakened as though he had run as fast as he could for a kilometre, but if he slays six enemies, it as though he had run half that, and increasing/decreasing in increments of three (i.e. nine enemies = 1/4 of a kilometre).

However, Tuin rarely uses his magic, as he prefers to keep his energy for fighting properly, blade-to-blade/beast etc.

He currently has four powers that he has discovered. These are;

Blast - This is a simple blast of red energy that is unleashed from Tuin's blade. It takes the form of a burst of energy, like a fireball, with a range of twenty metres. It is used with the command "Ainaka" and is only useable once Tuin has slain three or more enemies. A small amount of energy is sapped.

Lance - A more advanced blast of red energy, this is different to Blast, as it has a much longer range (fifty metres) but takes the form of a long, lance of energy, giving it its name. It is used via the command "Hior" and uses up about double the amount of energy as Blast. It is only useable once eight or more enemies are dead.

Shield - This is a strange power that Tuin accidentally found out one battle, and is basically a full-body force field, that covers Tuin's entire body for three-to-five seconds. It is activated by the command "Myera" and is extremely draining, reducing Tuin's remaining energy by nearly half, regardless of the amount of energy he has left (it adjusts depending on his current energy amount). It can only be used upon the death of fifteen or more enemies, and the shield is blood-red and looks like mist.

Call Forth - Used through the command "Leil Ay Lere"; this simply calls forth and bestows all the power that Tuin has stored in his sword on him, resulting in an energy boost of varying degrees.

------Skills------

Due to his extensively studious background, Tuin has advanced reading, writing, mathematical and theological abilities. He is also very proficient with his blades.

------History------

Born to a general father and scholar mother, Tuin quickly became interested in the way that the world worked and as such, he studied extensively at school in his younger years, to the exclusion that he mader no friends until he was nearly thirteen. His father took note of this, and worried, and decided to introduce young Tuin to the art of the sword, so that he would be forced to interact with others. Tuin took a while to warm up to the idea of the sword, and initially neglected it to his other studies, until one day he was sorely beaten by one boy in a training match, breaking Tuin's right hand, his writing hand.

Tuin was therefore unable to study properly, and began to use his left hand, to the point where he was as dextrous with his left hand as he had been with his right. By the time his right hand has healed, he began to train with the sword as well as study, so much that his days became nearly twenty hours long, and he slept very little.
His mother in turn became worried about this, and she began to take a little time out from his studies each day to teach Tuin the art of meditation. As such, the young boy became very adept at patience and learning, but at the same time he began to be educated by his father in the way of hurting and killing things.

He graduated from school young, at only fifteen, due to his extremely gifted intelligence, and he joined a university and began to study many different things. The main reason he did this is because his father and mother both wanted different career paths for the boy, and Tuin was doing his best to put off making an irreversable choice. He did, however, keep up his sword-play, much to his mother's disapproval.

At university, he became friends with a young woman of the same age as he, who was named Laedi, who had much the same background as he, and they soon became enamoured and eventually lovers. Tuin's parents approved of Laedi, and they strongly encouraged their son to marry her. Tuin, by the age of twenty, had been with Laedi for four years and finally decided to propose to her. At the time, he and Laedi had been studying theology and philosophy and it was in front of his last class of his twentieth year that Tuin proposed.

It was here, that Tuin's life changed.

Laedi, embarrased by such a public display of affection, asked Tuin to a private room so that they could talk. Tuin, hoping for the best, went with her, and they sat down in a private tutor room and hoped that the love of his life would say "yes".
"Tuin," Laedi had said when they were settled, "I'm afraid, I cannot marry you."
"Why not?" Tuin had exclaimed in shock, wondering what he had done wrong, "if its me, I can change. I love you Lae-"
"No no no!" she cried, wringing her hands, "it is not you, it's me. I..." here she stopped and stared away from Tuin before continuing, "I... am having an affair with Ari."
Tuin was stunned. Ari was the name of a boy who Tuin had initially tried to befriend, only to find Ari cruel and arrogant, the school's "player" and bully. Tuin and he despised each other, not made less by the fact that Ari made no disguise for his lust for Laedi.
"Why?" was all Tuin could ask in a dead voice, "why Ari? Why him?"
"I love him-" was all Laedi had been able to say, before Tuin stormed from the room, looking for Ari.

He found him out at the training court, a place where Tuin had defeated Ari with practise swords many times, and he demanded to fight Ari there and then, with real swords. Ari had laughed and agreed, drawing his sword instantly and attacking Tuin before he was ready, leaving Tuin's trademark scar down his right eye.
Tuin, seeing red, drew his functional yet well-made sword and attacked back, brutally destroying Ari over a course of an hour, wounding and debilitating him systematically, until he finall stood over Ari, blood coursing down his face and with the point of his sword against Ari's neck.
"Any last words?" he had spat at the man, eyes glittering with hatred and purpose.
"Tuin, NO!"
Tuin had turned, sword coming up, and impaling Laedi on it, who had cried herself dry, then come to intervene in the fight.
The look on Laedi's face as she was impaled, was one of sorrow and sadness.
"I am sorry." was all she said, before her life left her.

It was at that point, that Tuin had run, leaving the university and making his way into the wilderness, evading all search parties and making his way to a cave he had discovered as a small boy, but had never searched.
Making his way inside, he found the light very dark, too dark for mid-afternoon, even in a cave, and he eventually found himself in a small grotto, the light here glowing with a dull red.
On a small rock, stuck in blade-first, was a blade. This blade was curved slightly, and was a shining black colour, with a white manji crossguard and a white star on the end of the black hilt. Intrigued, Tuin walked over and, on a whim, grabbed the handle.

The power that racked Tuin's body then was immense, making the man jerk and flail with his limbs, before going limp, hand still tightly gripping the handle.
Upon waking, Tuin found himself lying on the floor of the cave, blade lying in a sheath next to him. Looking at it, he saw a word, carved into the sheath in intricate silver writing. It said "Shusui". Tuin then decided that this blade had chosen him, and he grabbed it, and made his way out of the cave. An intesne wunderlust came over the man, and he made his way to his family home on the outskirts of Katorach.

His father and mother gasped upon seeing his face, for Tuin had always had bright blue eyes, but now, they were black and white, purely those colours, and one eye black, the other white. Tuin didn't know this yet, he could see fine, but upon seeing his face in a mirror, he had only grinned and touched the handle of Shusui, revelling in his new look. Not even the scar over his right eyes could detract from the fact, that he was now strong.

Gathering up his things, Tuin left his family home and began to travel, selling his skills with his blade to various benefactors who required it. He became known as the blood mercenary, as, in one fortuitous battle, he unveiled a power he had been unaware of, and blasted a whole unit of enemy soldiers to ruins with his sword.
Tuin felt exhausted afterwards, but elated, as he had finally found his true power.
For years he wandered the world, slaying and fighting for money, and he eventually grew to love it, but he remained quiet, never overly drawing attention to himself except on the battlefield.
When he heard about the King of Katorach taking a chance at storming the Mist Lands, he signed up eagerly, and transferred himself to North Fort, as now he could finally prove himself against enemies who would fight well.
<!-- THE POST -->
 
Last edited:
hmmm....Yes, I do say that you're allowed an original template, but would you mind sending me the outline for it? That way, it will be a lot easier to look over, and I can give you a better critique.

EDIT

I am writing up the critique. I apologise for the delay, we have exams.

EDIT (April 21st, 2008)

This is a fairly well-done bio, overall. There are just a couple of things to clear up:

First off is the weapon. You mention that there is a star on the katana which stores energy. How do you transfer the energy to it? Also, how much energy can it store, and how long can you hold out for on that energy source?

Next is the Bleed Ability. This is an excellent idea for a skill, but with a few things that aren't allowed, namely accuracy and its effects.

Bleed, from what I can read, has no accuracy: it's always a 100% hit. Under the rules of god-modding, this is unacceptable, as you have to give your foe a chance to dodge it or block it. Might I suggest making it a projectile attack, or an invocation which results in an evadable attack?

Then comes it's power. As a law of power-gaming, you are not allowed to use abilities that are instant-kills, which is what Bleed seems to be. Ok, yeah it's a prolonged kill, but once the attack hits, it is an inevitable kill, even if the foe were at full stamina. One-hit kills aren't allowed.



Just fix those up, and it's good to go. Apologies for the delay.

[NOT APPROVED]
 
Last edited:
Alrighty, my other guy is fixed up, and here is my second one...

For: URPG, RPB

-=Basic Information=-

Name: Kassatsu Tonshi
Sex: Male
Age: 412
Height: 184cm
Weight: 153lbs
Title/Rank: Espada #2

-=Appearance=-

Hair Color: Light Grey
Eye Color: One Black, the other Light Blue (left-right respectively)

Tonshi has an angular face and wears his hair in a style much like Ichimaru Gin, messy and with it hanging down just above his eyes. Tonshi rarely opens his eyes more than halfway and they are slightly cat-like, with slit-like pupils. His mouth is around medium size, as is his nose. He has one scar, around 4mm thick running down over his left eye for about 5cm. He is well-toned, although he is not overly muscled, and his skin is a light tan. His Hollow Hole is at the base of his neck and his number "2" is tattooed on the inside of his left wrist.

Tonshi's regular attire is that of the standard Espada. It consists of a white jacket, red sash, white hakama (a Japanese over-kimono) black socks and white sandals. However, Tonshi also has a small black bag, attached to his sash like a pouch in which he carries his manga and books. His jacket is torn at the bottom and he wears a black undershirt which is exposed through the front of the jacket when zipped down slightly.

The remains of Tonshi's Hollow Mask looks like a pair of small horns, very sharply pointed and jagged on the inside. They are positioned just above and slightly behind his temples. There are also very thin frames of his mask around his eyes left as well.

-=Abilities=-

Weaknesses: Tonshi's main weakness is his own durability. As he is not heavy on endurance he takes more damage than most other Espada when hit. He is also quite lazy, and takes quite a bit of incentive to be made to do something, and very rarely giving it his all when he does.
As such, he often gets into potentially dangerous situations, simply because he does not take them seriously, and usually thinks of them as a waste of time when he could be reading.

His tendency to drift off is also a weakness, as he can sometimes do it during battle and is then aggravated when attacked, leading him to go almost berserk and loose control. The fact that he is a loner doesn't help either, he could have friends if he wished, but he much prefers to read.

Strengths: As Tonshi does not focus on endurance, he focuses on speed, and as such he is the fastest of all the Espada. His sonido is roughly equal to that of the top speed of a fast car -albeit over much shorter distances- although it has been stated that Tonshi is faster. His other main strength is his skill with his blade, and he is an extremely well trained warrior, able to alter the point of his attacks mid-swing.

Zanpakutou's Name: Ranma (Chaos)
Release Incantation: Arawareru (Materialize)

Zanpakutou Description: Ranma, his blade, is a short, samurai-style sword, roughly 4' in length. Normally, Ranma is worn horizontally across Tonshi's lower-back. The sheath and hilt are pure black, and the blade itself has a distinctive black tinge to the metal. The hand-guard is in the shape of an eight-pointed star, with arrowheads on the end of each point. The hilt, while black, is also wrapped up by a white cloth.

Arrancar Release: When released, it takes a minute or two before anything physically happens to Tonshi, and he is simply left without a blade for the time. When he does change, it happens in the blink of an eye. When the actual release appears, Tonshi recovers about 50% of the injuries done to him.

Tonshi's horns grow in size, doubling but still not becoming that large, but growing extra horns down his back. He also grows a tail, which is roughly three feet long and white, and covered in spikes. The frames around his eyes grow slightly too, and they become jagged and elongated. These elongated frames, once they have extended out to the sides of his face, extend down then, leaving him with a jagged face mask. His jaw grows slightly larger, and his teeth become pointed.

The rest of his body becomes slightly more muscled, and covered in a white armour-like form, jagged and spiked all over, with strange silver patterns all over it. His fingers and hands change into claw-like, and his feet do the same. He becomes slightly more muscled, and his upper torso grows slightly. His tongue also doubles in length.

Signature Release Ability: Tonshi's main signature release ability is the ability to distort the very Spirit Particles around him, and he is able to form them up into weapons. These require little energy to initially create, but maintaining them for longer than 5-10 seconds starts a very quick and powerful energy drain. This move is only useable when he has 'released' his sword.

Hollow Skills:
Cero - high-powered energy blasts that can be fired from the mouth or hand. Moderate energy loss - 25% energy loss
Garganta - how larger hollows and arrancar move to and from Hueco Mondo. It literally tears open the dimensional fabric separating the worlds, revealing a tunnel of whirling, torrential energy that must be focused and solidified to create a discernible pathway. Low energy loss, yet only useable once every five hours (posts) - 5-10% energy loss (depends on Garganta size)
Sonido - the arrancar equivalent of the shinigami flash steps; it allows the user to travel at incredibly high speeds for short distances. The speed is roughly that of a train's top speed, but takes a great deal of energy, roughly that of a five kilometre run, and so is used sparingly.
Pesquisa - the arrancar equivalent of the shinigami ability to sense spiritual pressure.

Unique Ability: Ranmyaku (Anarchy)
Note: Only useable when Zanpakutou is sealed.
Tonshi places the tip of Ranma's blade on the ground and concentrates. After a second, a second Tonshi appears. The more times this happens, the more Tonshi's appear. Tonshi can create up to thirteen of these clones this way, and they all have the capabilities of the normal Tonshi himself, however they cannot use his Ressureccion, and, if the original Tonshi does, the clones vanish. They each take damage, but vanish on one of two conditions.
1) They take more than three strong hits
2) Tonshi wills them away.
As the clones are made of pure reiatsu, they weaken him to summon them, but his reiatsu is indistinguishable from the clones, so he can safely move away to watch as an opponent battles the extras.

-=Background=-

Personality: Tonshi is a fastidious Arrancar, who takes great pride in keeping his physical appearance as immaculate. He dislikes nothing being out of place, and becomes annoyed whenever anyone messes him up, or interrupts him.
Despite this, he is very lazy and antisocial, ignoring even direct comments on occaision and simply curling back and reading whatever manga or book he has recently been able to obtain.
Normally, he is very quiet, and he finds the sadism of many of the other Espada annoying and pointless, usually staying in his own little nook in Las Noches, unless specifically summoned or given a mission.
However, he is fascinated by the Human World, and what it has become, especially all the technology therein. He often disguises himself and visits there in secret, as he wishes to learn more about those he veiws as savages with advanced ways.
He is also quite disrespectful and sarcastic, treating anyone weaker than himself as 'worthless' and 'trash'. He also has an aversion to authority, and is even occiasionally disrespectful to Aizen himself. Although, he does not mean this, as he views Aizen in a puzzled way, although he is thankful for giving him a way to exercise his inner demon.
He is also fortunate in that he has yet to see Aizen's shikai, and is therefore not under the hypnosis effect.

Level of Depravity: 2-9 (depends on released zanpakutou or not; 2 if not released, 9 is released.)

History:
Tonshi was originally born as the youngest son of a poor couple in feudal japan. He and his sisters and parents lived in a tiny fishing village on Okinawa, and were the victims of a cruel lord. He often sent his men out to kidnap local village girls who he would take to his estate and 'bestow gifts on them' for a night, before sending them home weeping and dis-shevelled.

Tonshi vowed that he would never let his sisters be taken, not without a fight, and he was initially very stubborn about the whole matter. His parents however, advised caution, and told him that the lord was powerful and a cousin of the emperor and should not be trifled with. Tonshi however, had his mind made up, and, when the lord inevitably came to their household, Tonshi attacked, determined to stop him.

Tonshi had stolen a small gutting knife from his father that day, when they had been cleaning one of their most bountiful catches yet, and while the knife was not large, it was long enough to reach a mans heart. When Tonshi attacked, he stabbed at the lord's chest, and only managed one thrust, before he was wrestled to the ground by the lord's guards. He could have duplicated the thrust a thousand other times and never achieved the same result; he had gotten the lord right in the heart, first try. The lord died instantly, and the guards, seeing this, instantly put Tonshi to death, despite his families protests.

Tonshi stayed as a plus for a few months, always watching over his family, and occaisionally he managed to help them, by guiding fish to their boat or stopping potential enemies, but eventually, he was the target of a Hollow. The Hollow who attacked him was huge, a Gillian-class Menos, as Tonshi had some latent talent within him, enough that, should his soul ever be buried by a Shinigami, that he would become one himself, having a high amount of reiatsu for a Plus.

The Hollow however, took the small boy, and brought him back to Hueco Mundo, and to the place where Hollow's are made. There, Tonshi himself became a Gillian, as when he was made one he attacked his capturer, who he later found out to be the lord he had killed remade, and ate him, absorbing his power and becoming a Gillian himself. For years he stayed a Gillian, attacking and absorbing other Hollows, as he could never be bothered to go to the Human World. Eventually Tonshi devoured enough other Hollows (plus the occaisional Shinigami or three) and became an Adjuchas class Menos, choosing to take the form of a chaotic, demon-like monster.

However, one day, something strange happened. He was happily minding his own business and devouring another Adjuchas who had challenged him, when a man who looked like a Shinigami appeared and offered him power. Tonshi, saw that this man was as latently evil as he himself was, and followed the man to his place in Las Noches, and there he discovered a strange thing. There were other Hollows, ones called Arrancar, who had removed their Hollow Masks and gained great powers. Tonshi asked for this to be done to him. The stranger smiled then, and plunged a strange item into Tonshi.

The item, which he later found out was the Hougyoku, or the Orb of Distortion, changed him, so that he could remove his mask. When he did, it fell away and Tonshi felt himself change, becoming a more human-shaped figure and he could also feel immense power flow into him. Tonshi vowed in his new form to be a new Hollow, or Arrancar now, and he was immediately accepted into the Espada, as the man, who he found out was named Aizen, found his power to be immense, granting him the Number 2 Espada position, behind a strange small boy.

Initially, Tonshi attempted to be friends with the boy, as he was the only one who he knew, but his attempts died and Tonshi decided to abjure himself in isolation, contemplating strange ideas, training his new powers and body, and especially reading, which he found he had a lot of time for now. Occiaisionally he was sent out on missions for Aizen, and he sometimes slipped into the now modern-aged Human World for new manga and books, but he was content to stay in Las Noches until the time came when Aizen would need him to kill Shinigami.

Now, that time is near, and Tonshi has felt new powers awaken in him, in preperation for the impending confrontation.
 
Last edited:
Alright, the Bio Format is over-all acceptable. I'll put that out there right away, and get it out of the way.


-=Stats=-

Cercar (Weapon): 80
Velocidad (Speed): 75
Espiritu (Spirit Power): 40
Nudillo (Unarmed): 60
Hierro (Defense): 10
Agudeza (Intelligence): 55

Sorry, we can't allow this. Stats are out of the question, simply because people will begin to say that "Oh, I hit joo for 250 damage! YOU DEAD!" and similar things. Also, stats provide absolutes, which are not allowed in RPs.

-=Appearance=-

Hair Color: Light Grey
Eye Color: One Black, the other Light Blue (left-right respectively)

Tonshi has an angular face and wears his hair in a style much like Ichimaru Gin, messy and with it hanging down just above his eyes. Tonshi rarely opens his eyes more than halfway and they are slightly cat-like, with slit-like pupils. His mouth is around medium size, as is his nose. He has one scar, around 4mm thick running down over his left eye for about 5cm. He is well-toned, although he is not overly muscled, and his skin is a light tan. His Hollow Hole is at the base of his neck and his number "2" is tattooed on the inside of his left wrist.

Tonshi's regular attire is that of the standard Espada. It consists of a white jacket, red sash, white hakama (a Japanese over-kimono) black socks and white sandals. However, Tonshi also has a small black bag, attached to his sash like a pouch in which he carries his manga and books. His jacket is torn at the bottom and he wears a black undershirt which is exposed through the front of the jacket when zipped down slightly.

The remains of Tonshi's Hollow Mask looks like a pair of small horns, very sharply pointed and jagged on the inside. They are positioned just above and slightly behind his temples. There are also very thin frames of his mask around his eyes left as well.

The character description is fairly good, I can get a clear picture of the character.

-=Abilities=-

Weaknesses: Tonshi's main weakness is his own durability. As he is not heavy on endurance he takes more damage than most other Espada when hit. He is also quite lazy, and takes quite a bit of incentive to be made to do something, and very rarely giving it his all when he does.
As such, he often gets into potentially dangerous situations, simply because he does not take them seriously, and usually thinks of them as a waste of time when he could be reading.

His tendency to drift off is also a weakness, as he can sometimes do it during battle and is then aggravated when attacked, leading him to go almost berserk and loose control. The fact that he is a loner doesn't help either, he could have friends if he wished, but he much prefers to read.

Strengths: As Tonshi does not focus on endurance, he focuses on speed, and as such he is the fastest of all the Espada. His sonido is roughly equal to that of Yoruichi Shihouin's shunpo, although it has been stated that Tonshi is faster. His other main strength is his skill with his blade, and he is an extremely well trained warrior, able to alter the point of his attacks mid-swing.

...I have no clue what Yoruichi Shihouin is, much less his/her shunpo. If you are speaking in terms of speed, you should provide us with a comparison to real-life ideas. From the name, it sounds like Shihouin is an Anime character. Not everybody is fond of Anime, so not all of us know what the characters are or can do.

Zanpakutou's Name: Ranma (Chaos)
Release Incantation: Arawareru (Materialize)

Zanpakutou Description: Ranma is not a katana like most other Zanpakutou, it is more like a Wakizashi in length. Normally, Ranma is worn horizontally across Tonshi's lower-back. The sheath and hilt are pure black, and the blade itself has a distinctive black tinge to the metal. The hand-guard is in the shape of an eight-pointed star, with arrowheads on the end of each point. The hilt, while black, is also wrapped up by a white cloth.

If you are to make references to Japanese culture, you should provide pictures. North Americans and Europeans, who make up the majority of FFF, aren't as up on Japanese culture as others are. The population of those who have an idea what Japanese culture is like vice those who do not is rather small. Despite what a lot of people think, Final Fantasy-based forums aren't just for Japanese- and Anime-lovers.

With exception to the blade itself, the overall description is quite well-done. Just put in a description of the blade, and that should be good to go.

Arrancar Release: When released, it takes a minute or two before anything physically happens to Tonshi, and he is simply left without a blade for the time. When he does change, it happens in the blink of an eye. When the actual release appears, Tonshi recovers all injuries done to him.

Sorry, but I can't allow a full-heal. At the most, I'd say a 75% recovery, but a 100% recovery is out of the question. It provides an advantage that is far too unfair, especially when facing opponents that have no ability to heal.

Tonshi's horns grow in size, doubling but still not becoming that large, but growing extra horns down his back. He also grows a tail, which is roughly three feet long and white, and covered in spikes. The frames around his eyes grow slightly too, and they become jagged and elongated. These elongated frames, once they have extended out to the sides of his face, extend down then, leaving him with a jagged face mask. His jaw grows slightly larger, and his teeth become pointed.

The rest of his body becomes slightly more muscled, and covered in a white armour-like form, jagged and spiked all over, with strange silver patterns all over it. His fingers and hands change into claw-like, and his feet do the same. He becomes slightly more muscled, and his upper torso grows slightly. His tongue also doubles in length.

Not bad at all. The description is very well done.

Signature Release Ability: Tonshi's main signature release ability is the ability to distort the very Spirit Particles around him, and he is able to form them up into different shapes and even weapons. He can alter the structure of these at will, and can create nearly anything, essentially giving him the ability to warp reality using Spirit Particles.

Now, here is the catch: you need an energy cost for this. Not only that, but warping reality is far too powerful. If you could warp reality, then you would win in an instant. Sorry, but reality-warping is out of the question. Making weapons from matter, however, isn't a bad idea. It would require energy cost, but it's acceptable so long as the cost is proportionate. Equivalent exchange and all that.

Hollow Skills:
Cero - high-powered energy blasts that can be fired from the mouth or hand.
Garganta - how larger hollows and arrancar move to and from Hueco Mondo. It literally tears open the dimensional fabric separating the worlds, revealing a tunnel of whirling, torrential energy that must be focused and solidified to create a discernible pathway.
Sonido - the arrancar equivalent of the shinigami flash steps; it allows the user to travel at incredibly high speeds for short distances.
Pesquisa - the arrancar equivalent of the shinigami ability to sense spiritual pressure.

Once again, energy costs are required. Casting times would be useful too.

For Sonido, we will need either seriously high energy costs, or a toned down skill. Even if it's for a short distance, this would allow you to essentially 'warp' away from an incoming attack with an unfair loss of energy.

For Pesquisa, you don't need an energy cost. Sensing something generally takes no more energy than it does to touch something, unless you have to concentrate to do it.

Unique Ability: Ranmyaku (Anarchy)
Note: Only useable when Zanpakutou is sealed.
Tonshi places the tip of Ranma's blade on the ground and concentrates. After a second, a second Tonshi appears. The more times this happens, the more Tonshi's appear. Tonshi can create up to thirteen of these clones this way, and they all have the capabilities of the normal Tonshi himself, however they cannot use his Ressureccion, and, if the original Tonshi does, the clones vanish. They each take damage, but vanish on one of two conditions.
1) They take more than three strong hits
2) Tonshi wills them away.
As the clones are made of pure reiatsu, they weaken him to summon them, but his reiatsu is indistinguishable from the clones, so he can safely move away to watch as an opponent battles the extras.

This isn't a bad idea. You give me an energy cost, and I assume that the amount of energy lost is great; you say it weakens him.

Personality: Tonshi is a fastidious Arrancar, who takes great pride in keeping his physical appearance as immaculate. He dislikes nothing being out of place, and becomes annoyed whenever anyone messes him up, or interrupts him.
Despite this, he is very lazy and antisocial, ignoring even direct comments on occaision and simply curling back and reading whatever manga or book he has recently been able to obtain.
Normally, he is very quiet, and he finds the sadism of many of the other Espada annoying and pointless, usually staying in his own little nook in Las Noches, unless specifically summoned or given a mission.
However, he is fascinated by the Human World, and what it has become, especially all the technology therein. He often disguises himself and visits there in secret, as he wishes to learn more about those he veiws as savages with advanced ways.
He is also quite disrespectful and sarcastic, treating anyone weaker than himself as 'worthless' and 'trash'. He also has an aversion to authority, and is even occiasionally disrespectful to Aizen himself. Although, he does not mean this, as he views Aizen in a puzzled way, although he is thankful for giving him a way to exercise his inner demon.
He is also fortunate in that he has yet to see Aizen's shikai, and is therefore not under the hypnosis effect.

Level of Depravity: 2-9 (depends on released zanpakutou or not; 2 if not released, 9 is released.)

Well done with the personality. I particularly like the depravity idea; very original.



Fix up the things I pointed out, and I'll have another looksee.

[NOT APPROVED]
 
In an effort to get these bios approved quicker, I'm going to bump this thread with a recommendation:

Please make the suggested changes as recommended by Red XIII, so that the bio can be approved. Please post in this thread once those changes have been made. =)
 
Back
Top