who he is

DKnight

DKnight

the perfect Nobody
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ORPG, RPB, URPG

Name: Christian Dirk
Gender: male
Age: 20
Date of Birth: July 25
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Occupation: Bounty hunter/ mercenary(mostly body gaurd)
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Race: human<o></o>

Element: none

Origin/Birthplace:
Dimm-a very secluded place completely surrounded by forest. many of the homes exist in the trees, but all business of any kind is done in huts at the base of the trees.
<o></o>

Current Residence: Being a bounty hunter, he is constantly on the move. Christian is currently on the road. He does not know where he is or where the direction he is traveling will lead him. heading north up the road of a well forested land.



Appearance: <o></o>

Face and Head:
Shape of nose: a little sharp ridge nose
Shape of eye and brow line: in between asian and european eyes w/ smooth eyebrows just above the eyes
Shape of ears: average size and slighty pointed
Shape of mouth: average shape mouth normal lips straight teeth<o></o>
Hair color, style, and length: short brown hair. messy
Eye color: brown
Skin color: tan
complexion: smooth features except for a small scar by his right eye

Body: <o></o>
Height:5'8"
Weight: 160 lb
Build: athletic
Distinguishing marks or features: small scar just by his right eyebrow<o></o>
<o></o>


Health/Defense:
he is fast and agile so has a high evasiveness. he wears mostly light leather or cloth which allows him to move with ease, but also leaves him vulnerable to attack. uses the shadows to "disapear" from oponents. has superior endurance and can thus last much longer in battle or have enough energy to escape when needed.

Strength/Offense: expert in many forms of martial arts. likes to use the eviroment to his advantage, either as cover or as part of his arsenal. prefers close combat, but if need be will use throwing knives laced with various poisons.Weapons and Armor:

armor: a light leather vest over a cloth shirt. snug cloth pants and leather boots. with a belt.

weapons:
Bow staff (used as a walking stick)
throwing knives(10 all together;6 hidden in his vest and 4 on his belt)
various poisons (including but not limited to sleeping, and paralyzing all caried in a pouch he caries on his person while traveling;pouch also contains antidotes for such poisons)
escrima sticks(straped to his leg)
Smoke bombs(2 hidden in vest for escape or ambush)


skills:
expert marksman
understanding of poisons and their cures
stragetic genius (only for himself though)
stealth


Personality:
calm and reserved in many situations. has no fear for his own well being. when cornered he keeps a clear mind. he tries to seem uncaring but is actually quite a generous person when someone is in need. in battle he mocks his opponents and becomes almost playful. he fight's hard but refuses to kill. has a strong sense of justice. can become very serious when someone is put into a very serious position.

Intellect/subjects of interest:
Christian studied stategy, alchemy, anatomy, and literature as he trained as a child. He is well read. The anatomy allows him to know the weak points of the human body. The alchemy taught how to synthesize poisons and cures. And finally the strategy classes taught him how to use his enviroment to his advantage.also on his journey he learned basic medicine, and now knows how to treat both major and minor wounds.

<o></o>


First Impression:
When around others Christian acts very arrogant. Seems to be a friendly person by appearance. seems too lax for his line of work. very easy to approach, and very easy to dislike at first.


story:
Christian was born the son of the assasin, Sabastian Dirk. His village existed up in the trees and was known as Dimm.
At the age of five Sabastian began Christian's traing to become an assasin much like himself. Over the Year Christian learned many forms of martial arts, and how to use a variety of weapons. Along with his phisical training he was put through scholling on various subjects which will help him become the ultimate killer.
After his 18th birthday, Christain left Dimm. He did not want to become an assasin like his father. He mad a silent oath to himself never to kill under any circumstance. On his journey he learned that in order to survive in the world he would need money. It was at this time he decided to put the skill which he had acquired from his childhood to use. He became a bounty hunter. He only took jobs where a criminal was the target, and rescued those who were not.
Christain never stayed in place for long, and as he traveled he would sell his services as a bodygaurd for traveling VIPs.
A year after he had left Dimm, Sabastian began to send men out after his son. Sabastian had hoped that either they would be able to bring Christian back to Dimm or that Christian would break his vow of not killing and come home on his own. This plan has yet to work to this day. Christian fights of his father's men and leaves them unconcious or paralyzed in the care of some village or city.
Christian continues to travel selling his services as a fighter, as he searches for a new place to call home.
 
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Hmm...well, there are a couple things that I will ask you about.

1) Complexion. You're lacking it in the appearance section. :P

2) Your skills section bears powergaming traits.
skills:
perfect marksman
able to use any sort of weapon made by man
understanding of poisons and their cures
stragetic genius (only for himself though)
stealth
Click to expand...
Remember that not every shot fired can land on its target, even by the best marksman. Not to mention that it is the target that (realistically) determines where the attack lands, if it strikes at all.
Also, bearing the ability to pick up any weapon and use it with perfect skill is not acceptable. There is always the series of weapons that a character is best at (which are usually the ones they carry) as well as the series of weapons that the character is simply no good in handling. For example, someone who commonly uses swords would not be proficient in firearms.

That is all I have spotted for the time being.
 
Ok so I fixed those. anything else I should do to edit it. I probably should have worded the skills better the first time, but it should be fixed.
 


Name: Damian Caulder
Alignment: Good
Gender: male
Age: 25
Date of Birth: August 12
Occupation: adventurer/bard
Race: human/ elemental

Element: fire


Appearance:

Face and Head:
Shape of nose: a little sharp ridge nose
Shape of eye and brow line: normal eyes with a soft look to them
Shape of ears: large and slightly pointed
Shape of mouth: average shape mouth normal lips straight teeth
Hair color, style, and length: long brown hair. pulled into a pony tail.
Eye color: brown
Skin color: tan
complexion: perfect soft smooth skin

Body:
Height:5'9"
Weight: 165 lb
Build: athletic
Distinguishing marks or features: He has a birthmark in the shape of a small flame on the back of his hand.

Attire:He wears a brown leather cap that has an eagle feather attached (like a brown version of Robin Hood's), green cape with a collar the reaches just under his ears, grey long sleeved shirt with a brown vest, and tan pants. all cloth. He also wears brown leather wrist guards and brown workers boots.

He carries a small notebook with him at all times to chronical the adventures of the people he travels with.

Weapons and Armor:

armor: Damian wears no armor beyond his regular attire. He prefers to have free movement to the extra weight.
weapons:
Saber- It has a leather wrapped handle and a golden hand guard that goes from the base of the blade to the base of the handle. The blade is an inch wide and two and a half feet long.


skills/magic:
Note: all magic comes from sheer force of will. No words are spoken, but using his abilities drains his energy making him tire at a quicker pace.

Fire sword-covers blade of saber with fire. when swung the blade throws the fire in a stream up to 4 feet from the tip of the weapon like a whip. This effect lasts for 10 minutes or until the sword is sheathed. He can increase the intensity of the flame by putting more energy into it.

Shield- He can extend his arm to place up a magic barrier in direction that can stop both magic and physical forces. requires concentration to keep up and drains him of energy, even more so when force is applied to the barrier. He can hold a shield up for 20 minutes before he is completely drained if no pressure is applied to it.

Healing flame- His hand burns white with a cool flame that can heal most wounds without leaving scars. He needs to touch the wound with his burning hand to heal. This requires great concentration so it is only used when it is safe. If an injury is caused by some abnormal property, like a curse of some sort, the healing can greatly drain him.

Nova form- basically his most powerful spell. He is completely shrouded in a white hot flame. The transformation heals his wounds, and makes him so hot that he melts the dirt he steps on into glass. He has no control when it comes to activating it. It happens only in his most desperate moments. Lasts for 5 min. When it is done Damian is completely drained of energy and passes out.

Spiritual acuteness- He can sense the presence of elemental spirits and strong sources of elemental power. This can cause him to sometimes become overwhelmed by a powerful spiritual presence.

Personality:
Damian is a charming young man who is friendly and has a deep sense of chivalry. He is friendly to most anyone, unless he has witnessed someone performing an injustice. He is very brave and selfless, and hard to anger except when a woman is put in disgrace. Honorable no matter how nasty things get. He wish no harm to those that he meets, but has a thirst for adventure. He is curious about new things and places. He is very trusting, even to those that have betrayed him. He holds no grudges and works to bring an end to any conflict. He is a very honest man with little fear and heavy determination.

First Impression:
He seems kind and gentle. Damian is an easy person for most to get along with. He comes out as trustworthy so many immediately feel comfortable around him. He acts so polite that people some people do not trust him or find him overly arrogant. Since he is often found smiling, some have thought of him as being stupid. He is welcoming to everything and everyone.




Fighting style: Damian mixes Sword play and magic. Since he has only basic knowledge of the two, he does not perform well when trying to use one without the other in battle. He uses his Fire sword in order to keep on the offensive. Most of his attacks are angled slashes aimed at the torso of hits opponent. he does not force his weapon on a successful block, but instead pulls it for another attack.If he finds himself overwhelming his opponent he will step back and allow that person to either recover or surrender.

story:
In the beginning there was only Chaos. From Chaos came Light and Dark, and from Light and Dark came the four elements. Thus was how it happened long ago when two people were spat up out of oblivion itself. The man had power over shadows and the woman could control light itself. Their abilities made them into outcasts in their home villages and both were eventually driven out.
They both wandered aimlessly around the world, mysteriously un-aged by the centuries that passed. Both worked to prevent the world from slipping back into the chaos from which it was born. Finally, they met on a battlefield of a war which they both were working to end.
When there was finally peace in the world, they were married. Together they had four children: Gaia, Pyro, Aero, and Tempest. They were quadruplets, each an embodiment of a different element. But Masters of shadow and light knew that for balance to be maintained in the world, these children must be separated.
It pained them to send their children away as mere infants, but it had to be done. They sent one of their sons, Pyro, down a river toward civilization. The other son, Tempest, was left with the family of a mercenary. Gaia was left in a forest, to fend for herself. Finally, Aero was left to become the daughter of a nobleman in a far city.


Damian Caulder's birthplace is unknown, but the family who raised him found him on the Arthus River. He was taken to their home in Arion where he was brought up to be a farm boy.
At the age of five, Damian began to wonder of into the city on his own. It was then that he met his first teacher Magi Jennon. for the short time Magi Jennon was in Arion, he would tell Damian about the art of magic. To Jennon's surprise, Damian listened and understood. When Jennon left he had promised Damian that when he returned that he would teach him much more.
As Damian waited for Jennon's return he began to speak to many adventurers that came through the City. He would follow them outside the city and watched them learning everything that they did. Some took their time to even teach him how to use different types of weapons. The weapon that he fancied most was the saber.
He was 10 years old when Jennon came back to the city. he had not forgotten his promise. It was at this time that Jennon discovered Damian's affinity for fire. Damian learned to wield the flame in a manner that suited him best. another trick Jennon taught him was to protect himself by using the art of magic.
From that day on he kept to a specific schedule. In the mornings he would help out on the farms. Around noon he would practice sword play and magic. It was during this time that he learned to combine the two into a formidable fighting style.
When he was twenty he decided that it was time for him to leave Arion and travel the world.
 
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There's really only one thing I can think of pointing out.

Does Damian carry around the guitar? And if so, where does he carry it? In a case that he lugs about or something along those lines? Also, Subjects of Interest could also include his music and anything else he's interested in learning about.

Besides that, I don't really see much of a problem with this one. Your magic drains his energy and everything else looks in order.
 
o_O You like your :P smilies, don't you :wacky:

Firstly, you have to describe the weapons. I have no clue what they look like, so you'll have to describe those in the weapons section.

Also, we'll need a lot more detail in the Fighting Style, Strength, Speed, Endurance, Reflexes, Personality, and First Impression sections. They are way too short, and I can't get a clear image of them.

Change up what I've said, and I'll have another look-through.

[NOT APPROVED]
 
Actually those smilies were technical errors du to the editing. :D
But now I've gone through most of it, if you can give it another look through when you got time so I can fix anything else I missed.
 
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