Serious Abusive Relationships

[Shu]

Yeesh. My heart goes out to you Charlotte. I know personally I have been through a ton of shit with "emotionally" abusive people. The only time I've seen physical is when alcohol was involved. I am a pretty chill fella I guess, since I have never raised my hand. I have never really yelled either, I have raised my voice due to making a point, but not to a scream / yell.

"Break your neck" though.. that's.. well scary I guess. I hope at least you don't have to be near that person. I read about half of what you put here, and really just stopped when you mentioned the violence and stuff.

I guess I just don't understand guys hitting girls, in the least bit or vise versa. I just think there is a lot more things to be mad at in the world than the people you are with.

I've seen too much to get mad at a soul like this. The inhumanity that comes out of someone.. is what baffles me in a relationship. I mean you see the very worst of them, and the abusive side.. he's going to end up hurting someone one day. I've been in a marriage for 4 years and now in a relationship for 8. I've been in 5 other relationships as well. I've seen the good and bad in people, but nothing to make me "hate". Anger.. sure.. misunderstanding happens all the time. It's part of the digging between each other. I can't say for sure that anyone will ever be 100% happy all the time with each other. Hell I have a hard enough time liking the fella across from me in the mirror every morning. The smug grin and the bullshit smile . So I feel sorry for some women who have been with my crazy ass.

 

[Mystical_Gaming]

I've never been in a relationship so I don't pretend to presume or assume anything. I have however seen plenty of others be abused firsthand so I'm no stranger to it's effects. I consider myself lucky I suppose that I've always been on the outside and been more of the 'observer' of such events and can see things from an unbiased perspective seeing the two sides and who really is at fault in the end.

I'd say report him and don't feel bad about it. Nothing makes me more upset in this world is those who control and take advantage of others. Don't feel guilty about reporting him either. He may even try to blame you but that is what is known as 'victim blaming' he'll try to guilt trip you out of it or if you go through it he may try retaliate (like harass you for the decisions). Best thing to do is stand strong and endure. He made his bed and now must face the consequences. No guy like that deserves a woman.

Thats all I can really say, take it or leave it. I'm not saying this as "do this", just how I feel about it from my quiet lonely corner of the world lol

 

[Ed Elric]

I'd end up feeling really bad about talking to friends online, or wanting to go out, and if I was on a night out I would be so careful that nobody took a photo of me in case there was a man near me or in the background just in case he took it the wrong way. It got to the point where he'd get mad over the fact that I was going on holiday with my nan (seriously, what am I going to do in Italy with my nan...) and a lot of other stuff I thought was ridiculous. I've always liked doing what I want to, I love traveling, going to music gigs, going out for food and on nights out with friends, and these were all things I used to get whined at for doing when I was with him. His view on women was that they should do exactly as the man says and not talk to other men... which I can't deal with.

First of all, my heart goes out to you, dear. Just keep staying strong and know that you aren't alone. So many people here, I can tell, (including me) support you 100%. I wouldn't say that I've had the most "experience" with relationships, but I can relate to you. This actually, is how I feel towards my significant other. While he's never been physically violent, we've had pretty bad arguments. Now, I don't blame him all the time, because I know I have some anger issues, but his jealousy and paranoia bother the hell out of me. I can tell you that I have made mistakes, and we're slowly building back up the trust, but I know what you mean. I feel like he tries to control me but I'm too independent for that and I don't let him. I think it has to do with being so different from each-other that causes our fights. I feel like he overreacts, about petty shit and then he tests my patience; while at the same time, it's exactly how he feels towards me. To me, it's like I have to ask: "When will the fighting stop??" It takes two to tango. I'm trying my best to control my anger, but he needs to learn how to listen when I'm trying to communicate with him. I'll give it time but how long is enough time? Honestly, I feel like our relationship is going down the drain, and its sad because we've been together for a good amount of time. Shit, I live with him. I guess what I'm trying to say is... don't let him back in your life. It becomes a cycle..I know because I've been through it as a kid with my parents. They would fight and fight.. but my mom depended financially from my father. She became stuck and miserable. Eventually [we] saw signs that my father became distant [he was talking to another woman] My mom caught him cheating, and now they're divorced. I feel as though she still loves and misses my dad; though, at the same time, my mother has finally been able to be who she really is. She moved from her hometown, gave up everything she had, to start a family in Texas with my dad. Now, we're (my siblings and I) are all she has because she let my dad get away with his controlling ways. It is not something so easy to "forget" ya know? I understand that you're still recovering and it's going to take time. A LOT of time. From what I can see, you don't need him. Now... I don't want to post my whole life story, but I just want to explain to you that there's millions of young adults, going through the same thing. Honey, don't let him take over your life. What you're doing is slowly and surely letting him go. Go out with your friends, meet new people, ya know? Don't stay bottled up over-thinking what you could've done, etc. What happened, happened and to me, what he did to you, is a sign of disrespect. That is one of the worst things that can happen. If he continues to harass you as you're trying to move on, report his dumbass. You don't need a man. I understand, and I'll keep saying it, that it's hard because it is hard to let go. Sometimes we humans become blinded by love and lust that we need help realizing just how bad the situation really is. I know too, that you're going to deny it and think: "maybe it wasn't that bad.. I could've been through worse"-- Like I said, it'll take you a good amount of time to recover. Just keep getting the support you need and stay away from anything and anyone that makes you even think about him. Keep all contact with him, to a non-existent level.


Hope I helped-- even if it was just a little. Words make a difference. Just know, I'm here to talk if you need a friend.