[Birthweek] Voting: Poetry Competition

[Ilyena]

Thanks to everyone who participated. Here are the entries I received.

Time Ticks on

Time ticks on,
But yet I don’t feel anything anymore
Not the wind
that use to blow against my body
Not my skin
That use to cover me
Not my heart
That I use to feel beating inside of me
Yet time still ticks on

Time ticks on
Yet I don’t see anything anymore
Not the sky
That look so blue or black between day and night
Not the clouds
That use to hang in the sky and pass by as quickly as the wind let them
Not even the stars
That use to hang so very high in sky
Yet still time ticks on

Time ticks on
But yet I don’t smell anything anymore
Not the flowers
That use to have so many pleasant smells
Not the perfumes
That people use to spray constantly to smell like something else
Not the Garbage
That use to make me plug my nose from the awful smell it left.
Yet time still ticks on

Time ticks on
And here I lie deep in the ground
With nothing but a name on a grave stone for people to see
I can’t walk or run or crawl
I can’t breath or hear or talk
I can’t smile or cry or laugh
I can’t feel a thing
Yet time ticks on

Time ticks on
Even though I don’t feel it anymore
Even though I don’t see it anymore
Even though I cant smell it anymore
Somehow someway even though I’m no longer here
Time will still tick on.





Haiku Death

Death, Death Death, Death, Death
Death Death Death-death Death, Death Death
Death. Death. Death, Death-death.




Untitled

Let me tell you a tale that is curious
Of a girl who had gotten rather furious
Her mind was quite heated
Finding that her wife had just cheated
So her thoughts had become rather serious

She drove to the store for a knife
For she wanted to murder her wife
She’d kill her lover Ted
And leave him there dead
Before she robbed her bride of her life

She then drove to his house and opened the door
Wife and lover scared as they both hit the floor
She made stabbing an art
When she lunged at her heart
But that’s what she gets for being a whore

Ted got scared and he ran away
So she chased him all night and day
And with that same knife
That she used on her wife
She eventually killed Ted on the bay

She sat there for quite some time
Before the cops heard about her crime
Sitting down in mud
Hands covered in blood
She noticed not as she felt so sublime

They shaved off the top of her hair
And they then strapped her to a chair
The next note was rather shocking
As her body started rocking
With a smile on her face as she went up with flair

So even if you have never heard of her
That ends the tale of our murderer
With her very last breath
She welcomed her death
Happy she killed her wife and that miserable cur


[FONT=&quot]

Domestic Violence[FONT=&quot]

What will separate us from these chains of hate
What tries to bond us becomes fate
Why do you stand there all happy-like
Why do you enjoy tearing me up inside

Something about you makes me quiver
Your outside now, quick let me see you shiver
Aww, what’s wrong now? Are you freezing?
If you be good now, I’ll let you in, just maybe

There there, your inside now, there’s no need to cry
Oh don’t look at me,
Don’t ask why I put you outside.
I only let you in to say goodbye.

Goodbye my love, I’ll miss you dearly.
Our life has been swell, but your making me weary
Leave now, and take your things;
Leave me to my lonesome

Alone finally, I have done it.
Years of torment and years of grief,
I have come up with a belief:
I shall not let you live

“Come back” I say, there are things to be done,
You leaving made you think that you were done.
Oh sweetie, things have just begun.
I will tie you up to this rusty old chair
Your skin is so fair
Ah, and so is your hair

Your crying, music to my ears.
Oh darling, won’t you look up?
Look at who appears:
It is your favorite knife –
The one that would surely cause you strife.

Now look at me if you please,
I’m tempted to squeeze the life out of your body.

You are nothing but a rotting whore;
sleeping with men here,
And sleeping with men there,
Taking your clothes off one day,
And putting them on the next.
Now you wonder why your life was brought to such dismay.

The final hours of your life are coming.
Like that clock above you,
Everything is ticking,
And everything is tocking.
When will your blood spill?
When will it fly high in the invisible sky?
Only I’m the controller of that.
And no blood shall flight high in the sky
None shall soar ever-so high.
As it drips and slips and slides down your gown.[/FONT][/FONT]




The Sleep of Eternal Bliss

This is a story of a man;
Not a child, but a real man.
Born of fortune,
In misfortune;
This is one of happiness,
And none of sadness.
Ha! Another lie,
For his fate stands to defy.

When will there be peace?
If peace always lay in peace,
Sleeping eternally,
Regrettably?

Obit that is the truth, like it or not.
One may only lay down and rot.
Or go along, well alive,
If only for a moment.
Until the reaper greets,
And he is no longer alive,
This time, permanent,
Sleeping at it's feet.

When will peace come upon him?
When will his time come?
And when will 'I' belong to him?
When will all this end!?

The world blackens,
Cold as the night.
His frail self weakens,
Well filled with fright.
Peace has escaped him;
Or has it really?
He has escaped peace.

Where, then, is he?
Lost in the dark,
Searching for the key.

Darkness becomes his friend,
Even as his will falters,
And his mind wanders.
There is no question from this friend,
He, or rather, it, gives him the key.

Finally, peace is his;
Finally, the sleep of eternal bliss.


[FONT=&quot]

N E C R O S I S [FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]all life will meet it's end[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]whether or not you've made amends[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]to the scars of deeds repented [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]the run of time can't be prevented[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]death is just a empty void [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]the soul itself can't be destroyed [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]it only rests in endless slumber[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]and now your pain is unencumbered[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]mortality cannot be changed[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]impossible to alter the essence [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]although you may value your presence [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]the thought of trying will leave you deranged[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]what happens next i'll let you guess[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]of what may occur while you forever sleep[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]whether you live again or stay to rest[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]you'll know once you're buried deep[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]for I am death, and no one can hide[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]not your friends, your family, not even yourself[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]can stop the aging that goes on inside[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]it won't be long before all ends itself[/FONT][/FONT]

 

[Ilyena]

You may choose up to two poems. You may NOT vote for your own entry. If you do, you will be disqualified.

 

[Shaissa]

The Sleep of Eternal Bliss and N E C R O S I S sounded just amazing too me, Reading them was just wow!

Honestly very nice job everyone though they all sound good to me... Well except one...but I wont go there...

 

[nomad]

Voted for "The Sleep of Eternal Bliss." Here are my notes:

"Time Ticks On"
Stopped reading, grammar line 13

"Haiku Death"
Glanced at it, stupid

"Untitled"
Rather, quite, rather, stopped reading

"Domestic Violence"
Stopped reading, grammar line 6

"The Sleep of Eternal Bliss"
Stopped reading, grammar line 20

"Necrosis"
Stopped reading, grammar line 1

 

[Shaissa]

So did you base it on how much you like them or the grammar lines?
Just curious question sense a lot of poetry doesn't use grammar that much, I know that they still need to follow rules still but just figuring out how you came to your conclusion of the best one.

 

[nomad]

Yeah, it pretty much came down to which one I could read the most of without running into an obvious and meaningless grammar issue. Have a little more respect for your art than that.

Poetry doesn't use grammar? Do you read poetry outside of message boards? Poetry either follows grammar or breaks from it strategically. Not knowing the difference between "your" and "you're" isn't strategic or interesting.

 

[Shaissa]

I know like I said It has to follow rules. I was just asking how you voted cause I wasn't sure how you did it. Sorry if you took it offensively.

 

[The Witch]

Domestic Violence[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
Sounds like a Tori Amos song.




What's with all of them being about death my god, if I new it was going to be so dreadfully glumful in here I would have done one.

Besides that, they were all really really nice. I couldn't pick between any of them so I ended up going with Haiku death. Why? I love Haiku's and I thought it was funny. And to be honest, I've seen worse poetry than that.


Poetry can play on certain grammar rules to make something more flowing, like adding a silly word, but grammatical mistakes aren't flattering.

Still, good job everyone.
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

 

[Will Graham]

I voted Haiku death due to the large amount of symbolism and imagery, as well as the excellent use of tautological phrasing.

 

[Six]

Domestic Violence
Sounds like a Tori Amos song.




What's with all of them being about death my god, if I new it was going to be so dreadfully glumful in here I would have done one.

Besides that, they were all really really nice. I couldn't pick between any of them so I ended up going with Haiku death. Why? I love Haiku's and I thought it was funny. And to be honest, I've seen worse poetry than that.


Poetry can play on certain grammar rules to make something more flowing, like adding a silly word, but grammatical mistakes aren't flattering.

Still, good job everyone.
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

.... Death was the theme, Cali...

I haven't decided on my votes yet, I'll come back to this later on. I think the poster above about the grammar lines was a bit OTT, but... that's just an opinion. I'll come back to this.

 

[The Witch]

.... Death was the theme, Cali...

I haven't decided on my votes yet, I'll come back to this later on. I think the poster above about the grammar lines was a bit OTT, but... that's just an opinion. I'll come back to this.

I knew that.




Okay, I didn't. But I still say it's a bad theme. People always say poetry is emo as it is, poetry can be really beautiful too, so why such a gloomy theme.

 

[Sexy Beast]

Yeah, it pretty much came down to which one I could read the most of without running into an obvious and meaningless grammar issue. Have a little more respect for your art than that.

Poetry doesn't use grammar? Do you read poetry outside of message boards? Poetry either follows grammar or breaks from it strategically. Not knowing the difference between "your" and "you're" isn't strategic or interesting.

You do know that people who write poetry don't always use proper grammar cause they feel that it's irrelevant. Now of course, people who deliberately avoid the most basic forms of grammar should be questionable. It's really all about the story, and emotion behind it.

And with that said, my vote will be incoming soon. I can't decide.

 

[Abstract Debauchery]

I knew that.




Okay, I didn't. But I still say it's a bad theme. People always say poetry is emo as it is, poetry can be really beautiful too, so why such a gloomy theme.

At least someone wrote a limerick. I rather enjoyed that one.

I found it to be rather amusing.

 

[The Witch]

At least someone wrote a limerick. I rather enjoyed that one.

I found it to be rather amusing.

Yeah, and the "limerick" poem in this case was "haiku death" which is why it got my vote.
PS. allow VM on your profile, damn it.

 

[Rapture]

I voted for Time Ticks On and Necrosis. Death was an...interesting theme to write about...and a difficult one I would think...but I like the two because I think they embody what death is about.

 

[Abstract Debauchery]

No, the limerick poem was the untitled one. It read as a limerick.

Also, no. I enjoy being a hardass.

Because I'm an ass.

 

[nomad]

You do know that people who write poetry don't always use proper grammar cause they feel that it's irrelevant.

Actually, I know a lot more about poetry than probably anyone here. I've taken and continue to take plenty of poetry workshops at colleges with reputable poets (Mark Doty was my thesis advisor, I'm taking workshops with Marie Ponsot, I've chilled with Li-Young Lee), I've started multiple real-life weekly poetry groups, I've given dozens of readings in front of large and small audiences, and, like, I'm really samrt?

Just thought I'd throw my credentials out there so you know I'm serious about poetry and not just trolling or starting bananas arguments. I respect your opinion that grammar isn't necessary in poetry, but I happen to think it's as necessary in poetry as in a business letter or anything else. It's important to understand the medium you are working with in any art, and language is a very large medium. I kind of think your belief about grammar in poetry arises from the fact that you read mainly your contemporaries, who are mostly teenagers, and who do not use proper grammar in everyday life — so why would they in their poetry? I don't think it's really an excuse, though, because if their poems were actually really good and were being sent to a publisher, the publisher would fix the terrible grammar because it can only detract from the message of the poem. Imagine watching a movie with unintentionally jumpy cuts and color malfunction. It removes you from being absorbed by the deeper meaning if you can't take your mind off the misuse of the medium.

 

[Ayumi Hamasaki]

Yeah, it pretty much came down to which one I could read the most of without running into an obvious and meaningless grammar issue. Have a little more respect for your art than that.

Poetry doesn't use grammar? Do you read poetry outside of message boards? Poetry either follows grammar or breaks from it strategically. Not knowing the difference between "your" and "you're" isn't strategic or interesting.

Perhaps he should have rephrased it and said that Poetry doesn't revolve around grammar. The fact that your and you're are misused is a simple enough mistake that can be made, however it is also simple enough to fix in your head. Poetry is less about the words, and more about what is behind the words.

And a good thing to remember is that this is a forum poetry competition.

 

[nomad]

A forum is a great place for poets to workshop their poems and refine their art. Looking forward to interacting with all of your poetry more.

 

[Marquis of Granby]

i vote for hal because he is my pal and his name is not jamahl.