Original Burden

Kermit the Frog

The lot of you aren't green.
Joined
Dec 28, 2007
Messages
514
Location
Somewhere no one can go.
Gil
0
Realm of Dreams
No such thing as no imagination

Prologue

It was quite a simple day in London. Crowds of people going to work, people waiting in line at the telephone booth, and bicycles riding along the sidewalk. Bluebirds fluttered, as robins chirped harmonious songs of their owns. Shops start to open and flowers start to bloom. Yes, it was quite a typical normal day in London, England.

But nothing was quite normal above England. A enormously large piece of land hovered above, invisible to the people below. The land was covered in a series of seasons; the north was covered with snow and mountains; the south was covered with sand and the dry, scorching sun right above it. The east, west, and center contained all the seasons in an even cycle.

Right in the middle of the land was a beautiful city; a city with a marvelous sight nobody could imagine more beautiful than this. The city was surrounded by a circle of mountains, the smallest one in front of the city. The mountains were of gleaming silver, shining from the bright Sun. The mountain behind the city was snowcapped so perfectly that it looked like it was covered by a gigantic white blanket. And that
mountain, being the largest of all the mountains surrounding the city, was sacred.

The city surrounded by the mountains had a gleaming light, brighter than the Sun. But the light was a mystical force, so the bright light did not hurt the inhabitant's eyes. Tiny crystals were permanently perched upon the rim of the large white gate in front of the city. This was only one of the gates that held the doorway to the city. The second gate, smaller than the city gate, led a tunnelway through the smallest mountain to the large gate holding the way to the magnificent city.

Inside the city, it's inhabitants looked just the same as normal, everyday humans. But the city's citizens wore robes of any type of color. Knights wore armor of silver, with their sheaths and weapons held by their carrying belt. Animals not of the below world wandered with their owners happily waiting for a treat.
Kings and queens ruled this city, which was called Charme. The current monarches of Charme were King Keos and Queen Lilas. They were both peace-keeping people, respecting all classes in the city. King Keos was the emperor of the whole skybourne land, Lonsen, as queen Lilas the empress. The ruled the land with peace, no evil ever spread around, not the tiniest bit. It was a small world an imaginative child would wish for : a world where your dreams can come true.

Up in the snowy North region of Lonsen, a race of short people lived in peace, also like Charme. The short people were chubby, but quite strong in personal appearance. They were very determining people, despite their fear of the future. Their main city, Jubanaste, was a snowborne city inhabited by the race of short people, called Jubarves. The city, in fact, had only one lord; a male Jubarve who was very handsome, but remained unwedded when he was crowned lord of Jubanaste. He believed his people should be encouraged to know how to fight, in case any sign of attack from an unknown force happens. So he forced a rule for every male Jubarve that comes of age to learn how to fight by swords and guns. Nearly every male Jubarve of age knows how to fight in Jubanaste, and the city fears no one.

In the East and West regions of Lonsen, no cities exist. Only small towns of farming and harvest exist, as their lords live in Charme. The lords of the East and West send messages and orders to the stewards of the harvest towns by griffons.

Finally, in the south regions, a sand city was built in the middle of the desert. The sand that was used to build the city used to be normal sand, until the Sun dried it out, hardening the sand into dry mud. It was a fact that the city looked horrible in color, but the structure is quite magnificent. The city was called Lhuberia, ruled by a beautiful oracle. Her name was Julia. People of Lonsen nicknamed her the Oracle of the South, since she could tell the future, but only in a predictable way.

Some Lonsen inhabitants came from the world below, Earth. They were taken from their parents when they came in the Earth age of ten, and swore to not tell another Earthling about the Sky land Lonsen. They were taught how it would be dangerous if people on Earth knew about Lonsen, and how it would cause calamity if Earth people desired to live as Lonsenites. The used-to-be earthlings had to trust their teachers, for they knew such calamity and disaters may happen if the Sky Land Lonsen disappears forever.

Legend says that Lonsen was created by every force of nature merging together to create a large piece of land. Nature came to Earth, and then up to Lonsen, where it created the seasons Earth had. Lonsen had almost everything Earth had; plants, natural structure, etc, etc. The only thing Earth did not have that
Lonsen had was architecture and animals.

Animals were mixture of every other animal on Earth. For example, a lion and an eagle became a griffon, and bred in the mountains of Lonsen. Such combinations only exist in Lonsen, and most were tame when around cities and towns.

Architecture is much more extraordinary than Earth's structures. Losen's structure had materials not from down below, such as limestone, diamonds, crystals, and more. Materials like those could never be used down on Earth to be built, but in Lonsen, they can build anything with any material.

Lonsen remained a wise empire, until rumors began to spread. A force of Nature, not of the one that helped create Lonsen, was approaching. It was coming in a misty cloud, swirling nearer to Lonsen as each day passed. Nobody on Lonsen knew where it was coming from, and why it is heading for Lonsen. But the South Oracle, Julia, knew this was evil approaching Lonsen to destroy its peace. She once predicted a threat to come to Lonsen at an unknown time. She also warned everyone on Lonsen that the leader of the Unknown Force will possess four people in total, a fair number of two girls and two boys. But she also reminded everyone that they will only carry parts of the Possessor. One corrupted person
will hold the soul of the Possessor, the heart of it.

Now, It all started on a day in one of the small villages on the Eastern Region of Lonsen...

____________________________________

Unfortunately, that is only the prologue to the book, and there's no preview to the next chapter. :P I'll be adding the first chapter ASAP, hopefully if I have time on the computer. I hope you like the beginning! ^_^


P.S. Guess who Julia is. :monster:

Edit : It is quite short, but I will be adding additional information as soon as I finish this whole book before I publish it.
 
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After reading your prologue, this is very good. Very, very good.


There is one comment I have to make. You need to name the city and the mountains, because you said the words "City" and "mountain" several times in the first paragraphs.

Right in the middle of the land was a beautiful city; a city with a marvelous sight nobody could imagine more beautiful than this. The city was surrounded by a circle of mountains, the smallest one in front of the city. The mountains were of gleaming silver, shining from the bright Sun. The mountain behind the city was snowcapped so perfectly that it looked like it was covered by a gigantic white blanket. And that
mountain, being the largest of all the mountains surrounding the city, was sacred.

See what I mean?
 
After reading your prologue, this is very good. Very, very good.


There is one comment I have to make. You need to name the city and the mountains, because you said the words "City" and "mountain" several times in the first paragraphs.



See what I mean?

Oh I see. I'll fix that when I'm done with the book, thanks for the tip. :)
 
After you finish the book, you might want to get someone to look at it. They can highlight the tiny errors, and then fix them before you send it to a professional Editor.
 
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