Serious Can't even turn my head when I see her.

[King Sean]

Well, here is Seany being serious. There is a girl that I like and I can't even turn my head to say hi. This is becoming a serious problem. There is so much I want to say and I can't say it. I really like this girl, too. Even since I saw her, I wanted her. It's becoming hard to be around her. I don't want to just rush in, but this waiting for a chance is becoming hard. I added her on facebook, so I might tell her my feelings there, but is that a good choice?

I need some help, guys!

 

[Harlequin]

Talk to her in person, don't try it over FB.

First you need to establish a premise to talk to her, otherwise it'll turn into small talk which is what neither of you want. Wear a smile when you do it and don't let the conversation drag beyond it's natural conclusion.

 

[Morrigan]

Try to get to know her and chit chat her or something.
Don't just go in front of her and confess to her.It is shocking.And you hardly stand a chance in this situation.
But getting to know her,might give you more possibilities to tell her and not freak her out and not be rejected.

 

[Harlequin]

Don't make friends with her. Don't be a sucker. Once you're in the friend zone it's nigh on impossible to get out.

Most of the work is done before the approach. Be more interesting than her, more intelligent than her and more sociable than her and she'll want to talk to you.

...or at least seem that way.

 

[Demon]

In my experience:

1. Don't tell her your feelings. It's risky.

2. Don't think of her as great.

3. Don't make friends with her, like the above poster said.

 

[blakstang98]

I wasn't going to respond to this thread, mainly because I don't know of a good way to get over shyness, but after seeing some of the responses, I have to.

First off, get friendly with the girl. Even if you're thinking beyond that, you do still have to be friends on some level with her. This is even more the case if you're too shy around her. Be friendly with her, which in turn will make it much easier to speak to her directly. This will also give her a chance to like you as more than a friend, once she sees the kind of person you are. Then at some point, when you're comfortable enough, and you think on some level that she likes you to, then you can tell her you like her as more than friends.

And I will say that telling her on Facebook isn't a great idea. It's sort of a cowards way out, and depending on the kind of girl she is, she may think of you as spineless for this act. Doing this in person would definitely be the better route to choose.

Best of luck Sean, hope it all works out in your favor!

 

[Rydrum2112]

MAN UP and talk to her.

MOD EDIT: Can you add a little more to the post please? I'm sure he'll understand where you're coming from, but it's still a post that lacks effort.

 

[L]

dont be sad when she does something despicable and horribly shallow sir.

I'm a bit jaded to crushes, it doesn't mean you have to be as well, but I've never had a good experience with them.

edit: and yes, and communicating such a matter over the internet is a bad option. People just pretend they never saw it and run away from it, leaving you feeling a bit fucked.

 

[Harlequin]

Just quickly everyone, the issue isn't asking her out it's talking to her in the first place. All this nonsense about being 'friendly' with her is bogus because he can't even initiate conversation. He says that here:

I can't even turn my head to say hi. This is becoming a serious problem. There is so much I want to say and I can't say it.

Like I said, the work is done before the first word is said to her. If she knows you're interesting and funny she'll likely want you to talk to her.

When you speak to her say something that's going to interest her off the bat. Small talk will leave you dead in the water. Don't let the conversation drag because it'll be obvious you like her. If you talk for about a minute or two walk away. She knows who you are and you haven't made it obvious you like her.

Don't be her friend, that always ends badly. One day you're being friendly the next she asks you to set her up with your mate. It's happened to most of us and it'll probably happen to you some time and you feel like such a mug when it does.

We all get nervous, you just have to understand it's not going to go away and you have to deal with it. If you concentrate on the nerves it'll show.

 

[blakstang98]

Don't be her friend, that always ends badly. One day you're being friendly the next she asks you to set her up with your mate. It's happened to most of us and it'll probably happen to you some time and you feel like such a mug when it does.

Basing the whole "don't be friendly" arguement on this thought would mean nobody would ever get involved in a relationship. It's an extremely conservative route for trying to keep someone (or yourself) from getting hurt. The unfortunate side-effect of a relationship, or a friendship for that matter, is that it could end badly. But that doesn't stop people from making friends, why should it stop someone from making a relationship. I've lost more friends than lovers in my time, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to make more friends. Instead of taking the pessimistic route and thinking about how the relationship ends, take a more realistic approach and strive to have a relationship. If it does end, and possibly on bad terms, then that's a bridge he can cross when he gets to it. And as I've said many times to many people, "never regret a failed relationship because you still learn something from it, and that experience will help you for future relationships."

 

[Ayen]

Oh shyness, I can relate although mine never been that severe. Okay asides from just echoing what blakstang98 said have you tried taking a deep breath, turn and say hi? Practice talking in a mirror? Like actually imagine she's there in person and then speak?

Yeah and um if you do get pass the inability to start a conversation, and while this is going to sound horribly cliche it's still a good piece of advice, just be yourself around her. Because if she isn't going to like you for you then she's hardly worth starting a relationship with.

 

[Harlequin]

And as I've said many times to many people, "never regret a failed relationship because you still learn something from it, and that experience will help you for future relationships."

Sometimes it won't. Some people never learn.

You're right she may end up building attraction for X, but she has X as a friend - why would she risk ruining that by going into a relationship?

Unless you know how to run that particular route it can get impossibly awkward for both parties. She won't want that kind of intimacy from a friend of her's she'll want it from a guy she's liked outside of her circle of friends.

You'll obviously need to know her and be talking to her, but you don't need to be her friend. You can go to a party and hook up there.

 

[L]

Sometimes it just gets to the point though, where "getting experience" is no longer enough. You can't learn enough for someone else to stop acting like a retarded jackass.

 

[Dean Winchester]

Well, here is Seany being serious. There is a girl that I like and I can't even turn my head to say hi. This is becoming a serious problem. There is so much I want to say and I can't say it. I really like this girl, too. Even since I saw her, I wanted her. It's becoming hard to be around her. I don't want to just rush in, but this waiting for a chance is becoming hard. I added her on facebook, so I might tell her my feelings there, but is that a good choice?

I need some help, guys!

Ok, I'm going to give you "The Speech" and it's quite straight forward, crude and effective. I'll keep it toned down anyways.

First things first, get her off that pedestal right away. If you think her as some sort of hot mama goddess taken out of a playboy mansion chances your emotions will get the best of you and the situation will come crashing down faster than the saliva when you spit up.

Second, you don't talk to her on a daily basis yet you added her to facebook? Don't use facebook. Facebook is for shits, not for romance. If you talk her more in facebook than outside, chances are, she'll think your not man enough to talk face to face. It's hard dude, I know, heck we all now, we've all been there and done that (actually I take that back, I bet some of us haven't...so no generalizing).


Third, let her do all the talking. Girls get bored when they stumble with a guy who won't shut the fewk up for at least two minutes. Pay attention and learn to listen. If there's something else that girls abhor is a guy who doesn't know to listen to them. Try to keep the conversations short yet entertaining. If a dreaded moment of silence alive, make a smartass move like making an excuse that you need to go or you'll be back later. Make her interested in you, make her LOOK for you. The mystery card can be an option, but forewarned, sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't.

Fourth, don't wait for a chance...chances are you'll never get a "chance". You either quit or make that chance happen. Believing that a chance might happen like a miracle is like believing in destiny, and I don't see why somebody up there (or down there?) would care if Harry meets Sally.

Be yourself, don't act over-cool around her to impress. Because chances are, she'll think you are a dick. And believe me, being a dick is in the genes of all men, waiting there to screw you in the face.