Describe your anger

[Shu]

There was an interesting thread that sparked a few years back that described how people vented and or used their anger. This is more of a thread about, how you describe your anger.

Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

Explain

Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?


I'll throw some details about myself later, just tossing this out for now.

 

[Catnip]

Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

I like to be straight up with people. While I used to be explosive, I've grown towards believing that being civilized is key to successful cooperation. It can be hard at times, but I'm a fan of confrontation, but only in personal interactions. Not through texting or Facebook or anything like that. Phone calls are the furthest I would probably go. I do have the tendency to be passive-aggressive through occasional sarcasm though. Especially if I'm having an off-day and my impatience is at a high with someone spewing ignorant comments.

Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

I don't hold grudges, I can forgive easily, but I don't forget easily at all. I like to keep things into consideration, just so I know where the person is at and what their thought process or opinions lean more towards. Just so I know how to treat them or respond to them. I don't believe in treating everyone equally the same, since nobody is equal. Everyone is different, so I treat them differently according to how they are. Though I guess in that way, I'm treating everyone the same.

In extreme cases, I will disassociate myself with the person. They've got to be a real son of a bitch for me to do that though.

 

[Dionysos]

By chance, I was thinking about this very thing earlier on as I was returning from Uni. No idea why, just coincidence, I guess.

1)
I guess I am very, very passive when it comes to expressing anger. I'd be almost Vulcan-like in my suppression of my outward emotions if it wasn't for the complete lack of logic on my part.

Ultimately it depends on the situation. I've not yet really come across a situation which has led me to shout at people, or to turn feral and punch people in the face and spit, etc. In fact I probably don't do much when I do get angry. I take it that a lot of other people react either violently or by the use of a snarky comment, etc, but I tend not to do either.

I'm not convinced that behaving passively like that is for the better for me or for anyone else, but I've not ever really felt any deep hatred of another person, and am almost always instantly forgiving of a person who wrongs me / irritates me, or try and work out a reason for them being like that. Obviously there are frustrations, and emotional reactions etc, but I try to suppress the negative outward ones, and try to look for a reason / if not just assume there is (for there will be) and forgive them anyway.

No, humans do not get me angry much. What does tend to get me angry is situations that lead people to act in the way that they do. And I do get frustrated at myself a lot when, for example, I feel that I'm not living up to the expectations of what I perceive that other humans appear to do. My anger therefore is very internalised, and it is of course, in my head, something wrong with myself, or my own sheer stupidity or failure to emulate humanity. Again, it is not a good thing to think like that, I know, and it does worry me sometimes that the anger doesn't find a channel to be released then. I don't have any 'beef' with anybody, so I'm hardly going to want to hurt people or yell at them or anything, so it just all builds up instead, and I do not consider that a healthy thing. But it would also be dishonest of me, and a great betrayal, to start acting explosively angry towards people just to be healthy.

2)
I hold no real grudges. I don't tend to blame people for anything. I can see many instances where people have wronged me, and I do remember these, but I just see it as one of those things that people do for a variety of reasons. Perhaps people show off for a group. Perhaps because in their job / role they felt that they had to act in this way, etc... There are usually reasons, even if I do not like them. I'd rather learn from the situation than to turn into Hulk and smash people to pieces whenever I get angry.

I therefore do not disassociate myself with anyone... But then again, I can't claim that I'm deeply associated with people either. I do not have many close friends, and I tend to be the quieter one in groups of other people, depending on the situation. Therefore, I guess I've had no real reason to disassociate myself with anyone in that regard. I do, however, hold that it can be silly to make a scene out of disassociating with people. I say live and let live and tolerate one another, for we are but human. But if I really said that, out there in the open world, some-one would probably get so irritated and punch me in the face and smash a glass on my head, etc. A lot of people just do not want that sort of thing.

 

[Shu]

I like to be straight up with people. While I used to be explosive, I've grown towards believing that being civilized is key to successful cooperation. It can be hard at times, but I'm a fan of confrontation, but only in personal interactions. Not through texting or Facebook or anything like that. Phone calls are the furthest I would probably go. I do have the tendency to be passive-aggressive through occasional sarcasm though. Especially if I'm having an off-day and my impatience is at a high with someone spewing ignorant comments.

Heh, flip flop. Though I hear you. It's only standard that you change. I've learned to be cool over my years, but that doesn't prevent me from being rude and straight up with people when they step out of line.

2)
I hold no real grudges. I don't tend to blame people for anything. I can see many instances where people have wronged me, and I do remember these, but I just see it as one of those things that people do for a variety of reasons. Perhaps people show off for a group. Perhaps because in their job / role they felt that they had to act in this way, etc... There are usually reasons, even if I do not like them. I'd rather learn from the situation than to turn into Hulk and smash people to pieces whenever I get angry.

I therefore do not disassociate myself with anyone... But then again, I can't claim that I'm deeply associated with people either. I do not have many close friends, and I tend to be the quieter one in groups of other people, depending on the situation. Therefore, I guess I've had no real reason to disassociate myself with anyone in that regard. I do, however, hold that it can be silly to make a scene out of disassociating with people. I say live and let live and tolerate one another, for we are but human. But if I really said that, out there in the open world, some-one would probably get so irritated and punch me in the face and smash a glass on my head, etc. A lot of people just do not want that sort of thing.

Argor for President of the World 2020!? I hear you though. Live and let live, and of course we are human, tolerance is a must. Though I'm different, I'll let a few more respond, before I say my shpeel.

 

[Squid]

1. I think I am an explosive person, I'll act happy like nothing is wrong and then suddenly I get angry and blow up in people's faces. Though I can also be passive agressive I guess. I'll hint at things that are bothering me but I wont outright say it, then when someone doesn't get it I explode at them haha.

2. Depends who it is really, I do hold grudges but the more I like the person the less of a grudge I hold. I know it's pretty bad to hold a grudge and a waste of time but I guess it's just the kind of person I am, changing who you are is kind of hard I guess haha

 

[The Witch]

Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it to your face, but remain cool?
None. I guess.

It depends on what causes my anger. If it's a serious problem, I'm probably loud but not necessarily angry unless I see someone I care for become the target. If it's "who ate my last and only piece of banana cream pie" kind of problem, I'll chill while I ask around and see what happened. If someone "instigates" with me, I'm more prone to getting shocked and confused. Like, I skip the whole anger part, I just get freaked out. Like, why are you mad at me kinda reactions. I put up a defensive act because I'm just honestly confused on how things escalated so quickly. When that happens, I s'pose I worsen the "fight" by trying to defend myself. I'm, as you all know, a very easily confused and forgetful person. I'll try to, IDK, explain my side but I end up doing a very poor job and I end up making it worse than before. Even if I'm trying to end the fight and apologize I end up messing it up. I should say that when in my "defensive shocked" mode, I have a habit of talking loudly and I can understand how that comes off explosive to the other person. But.. honestly, I'm loud in any situation. Whether it's over politics, movies, fangirling, or anything else.

I'm just Italian I can't help it.

But, I s'pose I can be somewhat passive too. I'm not really one that likes to fight, I hate everything about it. So, unless it's 100% important, I'll let anything fly under my radar. Not to "get my way" but rather to just not let the water under the bridge get out of control. I don't see a point in starting something over small stuff. :/

however, I have PMDD--which means my curse hits me harder than it does to most women. I am *very* irritable during my period. Not particularly because what people do or say but because I'm just in a bad mood from the debilitating migraines and backaches and just the over all ache-y-ness throughout my body. I don't like it, and it sucks that people have to sit through my irritable-self, but I can't help it. if I could change it I most certainly would, but I can't. :/ its those few days where I'm not like myself. Instead of avoiding problems, it feels like they just gravitate towards me (which I know is my own fault) but that's about the only time in my life when I'm explosive.

Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

No. Never. I can't stand grudges. I think they're pretty stupid, especially with loved ones. I could never just stop talking to someone I loved, because, my loved ones are who I am. My family makes up who I am as a person, how I feel, and how I act. If I were to just disassociate myself from one of them, I would change emotionally/mentally very drastically. It's not in me to carry grudges for loved ones. Speaking honestly, I forgive and want to forget about "fights" about as soon as they're over. :/ I end up just going over the whole ordeal over and over again thinking "I could have done that a whole lot better." or "Well, they probably wouldn't have said that if I didn't say what I did." kinda stuff. Which leads me to just want to clear up the air with them and assure them that I'm sorry and that it was a misunderstanding on my part or whatever.

So yes, forgiveness and forgetfulness for me is super super super easy.

However, if someone outside of my family is continuously causing me harm/trouble I won't necessarily hold a grudge but I will definitely disassociate myself with them.

Pretty much this;

I'm not convinced that behaving passively like that is for the better for me or for anyone else, but I've not ever really felt any deep hatred of another person, and am almost always instantly forgiving of a person who wrongs me / irritates me, or try and work out a reason for them being like that. Obviously there are frustrations, and emotional reactions etc, but I try to suppress the negative outward ones, and try to look for a reason / if not just assume there is (for there will be) and forgive them anyway.

 

[Shu]

changing who you are is kind of hard I guess haha

Kind of? I think I went through a whole year trying to change one thing about myself when I was younger, it just made me more apt to be that way in the end. Nothing physical in the least bit but mentally shut down. I went through a pissed off stage, where stuff was so fed to me, that dishing it back was a bitch due to at that point it was just for reaction. What was the point to reacting at every small trivial thing. Anger can be a beautiful thing though. Using it in a way that harms no one, but gives others some perspective is the only true value I see in anger. Think of the music you've heard over the years, think of the music without people having an emotion though. It would suck, no? The creative angst and the passion that ensues has created some of the best Art and some of the best transformative music over the most recent 20 years.

I've seen and measured people's anger thresholds over the years and it's quite frankly harder to really piss someone off to the point of explosion than it is to make them want to go home and take a bullet to the head. Sometimes I say to myself.. how the hell do they put up with it? Are they just waiting for someone to defend them? That person won't always have their back etc etc. Sometimes it's best to explode in my opinion, just constructively.

Anger molds you. It is in an essence some of your rawest passion. It's honest, it kicks you in the teeth and says.. DEAL WITH IT! Hence the reason I'm way more apt to be afraid of someone who is never angry around me, and someone who gets dumped on and takes it and never expresses a single bit of sympathy and/or anger.

Even if I'm trying to end the fight and apologize I end up messing it up

Heh, I've done this before. Just gets awkward and honestly until all the frustration is out between you two.. just keep at it, unless you want lingering silence. I think I've tried to bring someone down more times than not due to how emotional it caused them to be. I'm quick to come to my senses in a fight, verbal or even physical. I don't get "mad" very often, only angry in a certain way.. that I have to deal with it now, or it will eat me later.

Hence why guys are so good at conflict resolution. It's just.. let's deal with this, or else. While I've seen most women, feed off the anger and scheme or fear/get confused off of it, due to the feeling is so alien to them. I know people call explosive women "bitches". But I much MUCCCCCH rather deal with explosive than submissive due to what emotional damage could be unbeknownst to me. I might treat you like a man for a second or two verbally, but it's only because it might take that type of tact. I try not to put kerosine on the fire, but if enough lines have been stepped, it's best to react and talk it out, than deal with silence for a week.

Again, I have not "said" much about me, but rather about observation, I'll lay it down in a few.

 

[Lirael]

1) It's pretty difficult to make me truly angry. I'm more likely to become a little frustrated.

I'm very very rarely explosive and only tend to be with my parents, who kinda chip away at my patience. They're not the most positive people and tend to argue between themselves, which makes me feel negative. They also pick at small issues. I don't think this family has ever had a real reason to argue. Usually, it's about who does which piece of housework when. Our house is one of the tidiest I've ever seen too. My mum requries a VERY clean house.

I try to avoid being passive aggressive because I personally feel it's a bit manipulative. When I -am- passive aggressive, it's usually because I'm frustrated and don't want to express my frustration, but can't hide it either.

I'm one of those people who tries to talk through issues calmly. My ex ended up more annoyed than I did whenever I mentioned something that was upsetting me. >.< He ended up feeling like a failure. :/ I'd (almost) always follow up anything I said with 'You don't need to judge yourself!' and often said 'I just need to tell you how I feel, because I can't keep it locked up inside anymore.' I would also say 'Just reflect on it and think about what you'd like to do in the future,' in a rather musical upbeat way (I hate ordering people around). Some of the issues did affect me. However, I would never ask him to do anything major. To give an example, he used to sulk when I felt upset. He didn't try to make me feel better. He just focussed on how useless he felt. :S He set himself high expectations he couldn't meet, but all I needed sometimes was for him to be a bit random or supportive. >.< He could see that sulking was making me feel worse, and I did admit he was right. I told he just had to do things to make me feel happy. He shouldn't worry as much. He wasn't going to come up with some magical solution.

The fact I keep things quiet possibly isn't healthy, but I kinda feel that my own anger is selfish. Everybody in this world is different. They have different ways of living, different ways of thinking, and who am I to get angry at someome else for being a bit different to me? Obviously, there are times when people are just being rude, but I'd rather not waste time on people like that. No point worrying about them.

I do get a little angry when people are rude about my friends/family or make some offensive comment about vegetarians, religion, likes/dislikes etc. If it's part of a lighthearted joke between friends/family, fair enough, but people who are just damning and ignorant irritate me. Again, everyone is entitled to live the life they want - as long as they don't harm anyone else.



2) If I care about people - or have cared about them in the past - I can't hold a grudge. I have forgiven people for some pretty nasty things. :S If someone lets me down time and time again, I will distance myself, but that's more instinctual than a conscious choice. I find it very hard to give up on people until my heart literally has no hope left. And when I have no hope left, I move on. However, I'm always ready to welcome people back. (I hold onto hope for ages, which can be a little painful. )

If I don't care about people and they're nasty from day one, I just don't worry about them. I tend to distrust them, but I don't hold a grudge per se.

 

[Dragon Mage]

Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

Tricky question. I think everyone gets to a boiling point where they just burst out in anger but that isn't what I'd call explosive. When I get angry, I get very calm and my diction and vocabulary usage suddenly skyrocket to perplexing levels of precision and intricacy.

Generally how I handle anger is put a lid on it and recite a poem I wrote a long time ago. It isn't really a 'calming' poem but it's short and easy to remember. This method doesn't always work, keep in mind. If I'm under a lot of stress or the thing that is stressing me out (for example, various family members bitching to me nonstop about EVERYTHING and get pissy when I try to gently suggest solutions) then my frustration and irritation just builds and builds and builds until it either blows up like Vesuvius or I just de-stress and then it's all good.

I can only recall being explosively angry once in the past several years and that is a perfect example of Vesuvius anger. I just kept getting stressed out and irritated and FUCKING ANNOYED until I just lost it. I've never been so infuriated. Other than those few rare exceptions, though, I keep a cool and calm exterior and affect total neutrality when something is pissing me off. I poker face, basically.

Passive-aggressive? Nah, never, at least never consciously. I WILL do it to enforce small, trivial things, like getting my brother to stock the toilet paper in the bathroom he's supposed to keep clean.

Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

Yup, sure do. I always have adhered to the saying "forgive and forget" and have smoothed over potentially rough situations by saying, "Dude, it's totally cool, I get it. Everyone has a bad day, don't worry about it." So long as the person is at least a little apologetic or has a reason for being a total dick, I forgive and forget easily. Like I said, everyone has a shit day, we all have issues, we all can't be saints 24/7. It happens. My only requirement, though, is that the other person at least admit they were in a bad mood/had a reason/feeling sick/whatever. Otherwise, they feel entirely in the right for being a total fuckwad and want nothing more than to grind in your skin constantly (at least, that's the way it's always panned out in my experience).

Which leads me to the grudge part.

Oh, do I hold grudges, but only in the most crazy extreme situations. For example, I do not laundry-list or hold a grudge over ten bucks. No, that's just silly. I hold grudges over more extreme matters, like betrayal of my trust, demeaning and spitting on everything I say, going out of one's way to be a total sonofabitch to me, promising that I'm 'one of the gang' and then doing nothing to help me when I need it, judging my every action as a move toward ignorance, stupidity, failure, racism and becoming a bigot -- dear me, that sounds like quite a list, doesn't it?

Long story short, I was part of a forum once upon a time and the people there did all that and more. It is because of those people that I have developed a total racism for a very select demographic that all those people belonged to. The entire experience made me forever hate every natural Californian (with one exception here on FFF) and made me discover that when I hold a grudge, I go all the fucking way. This all happened about 3 years ago and I truly learned what it means to hate someone. If I could, I would kill every last one of those fuckers, but I'd do it slow. I'd start by nailing their beloved pet to their front door with a nail gun after beating it to death with a baseball bat.

This should adequately illustrate the depths of my hatred. I would ruin them in every single, mind-numbingly horrific way I possibly could before I killed them and I wouldn't feel a shred of remorse. As far as I'm concerned, these people -- as well as their entire demographic -- aren't even human anymore. They're just worthless bags of shit.

So yeah. I hold grudges, boy howdy, do I ever. I don't pull any punches when I do. If I tell you that I have a grudge against you it means I will fucking murder you if I get a chance, by whatever means is most readily available, be that a shotgun or my car. And considering that I'm actually a very laid-back 'forgive and forget' person, you must've done something serious to earn such judgement. And when I hold a grudge, it is forever and it is absolutely, non-negotiable.

Just so I'm clear, there's only 6 people that fall under my 'grudge' category, and they are all from the same 'incident' 3 years ago. I've never held a grudge against anyone else, before or since.

 

[Martel]

1) People aren't going to believe me, given some of the outbursts I've had on here, but my anger is NOT that explosive. I communicate myself in much the same way that many people would if they were shouting, only I don't shout, and I tend to have a more controlled fury. My words imply a level of anger that isn't really there; with me, it's more the length of my rant that determines my anger, not the words I'm using. I will tell people exactly what I think and not even bother trying to dress it up so it won't offend or upset them - chances are it's meant to, and if I'm angry I really don't give a damn about offending people - but I won't scream or shout at them. But the longer I go on, the angrier I am. It doesn't take much to wind me up sometimes, but it takes a lot to get me really, truly angry, and even more than that to get me to shout instead of calmly but with the utmost contempt tell it how I see it. I'm not really passive aggressive, but I'm not particularly violent either. Somewhere in the middle. I'm what you might call "all mouth" though, because I don't see the point in physical violence...I have no desire to get put in prison for GBH or ABH, and not only that I doubt I could do much damage anyway.

2) It depends on the person in question, but in real life I hold grudges. I haven't spoken to my grandparents since our little...altercation, and that was nearly five years ago now. I distance myself from people so that I don't cause an argument (although I usually do by way of my absence, which I'm not taking responsibility for, because that's their own fault for not adopting the "out of sight, out of mind" principle: THEY'RE making the trouble, not me; I can't cause trouble when I'm not there, if they're guilty because they feel they've forced me aside, that's their own issue to work out) and I just prefer to pretend that these people don't exist. If they try and talk to me I ignore them. If they persist I get angry very quickly, but that's their own fault for not getting the hint. If people make me angry enough, I want nothing more to do with them; life is too short for their bullshit. I neither forgive nor forget, because that just allows people to do it all over again: I'm not a doormat. You get one chance, and if you blow it, you've blown it for good.

Although online I suppose I'm a little different, because I don't take things that seriously...it's the internet, it's not like it matters. I'll be a bit of a prick to the person in question, but that's nothing new...I doubt most notice any difference in my behaviour, other than that I'm a little quicker to get nasty than I usually am. But people don't take me seriously - or they learn not to - and I don't take them seriously, so any anger caused from being online fizzles out quite quickly. I see no point in hating people I ultimately don't know and will never meet.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

It depends who I'm angry with. I think I used to be more passive when I wasn't as confident with expressing my anger.
I've gotten to a point in my life where I just don't care anymore when it comes to getting angry with someone who deserves it. If they feel okay with treating me like crap or having a go at me for whatever reason then I'll tell them what I think. I won't go all bogan and glass them or whatever, but I will tell them exactly what I think.

That mainly applies to people I work with.

When it comes to home life I can be explosive. >.< When people I'm close to make my blood boil I will just explode and yell etc etc etc.

Explain

Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

Can't say I've ever held a grudge.

I will definitely stop hanging around a person if the argument or whatever was bad enough. I actually stopped hanging around my best friend of 8 years back in 2009 over a series of arguments etc. I finally had enough and wrote her a very long letter telling her what I thought of her, because the very idea of having to say it to her face made me so angry. XD

Some people are hard to just cut out completely though, even if you want to. Like someone at work who really shit me off after a few work outings together. I'd rather not see this person again, but I have to because we work together, so I just have to put up with them. I won't just forgive and forget though. I just don't talk to them and when I do I'm very blunt. >.<

 

[Tyler Breeze]

I don't really get mad often. I can't recall anytime I lashed out at anybody. Well....

One time I was getting bullied by some kid all year and I finally snapped and beat him with a big textbook.

Yep... I don't regret that. I did get suspended for a few days, but during those few days I was king of the Hella world!

Erm, anyway, I don't show anger really. I'm calm and cool. Most of the time....

I don't hold grudges, but I won't care about that person anymore either. Just ask my grandmothers. They didn't really care about me, but after I turned 13 I just said fudge em. May sound mean, but they put us thru so much BS.

Like I said, I'm cool man. Just goin with da flow.

 

[Ed Elric]

I have bad anger. 0.0

I'm very explosive, when I get angry I will not stop... it's actually pretty shameful how I handle my anger. I try to remain chill and first, but I hate when the person I'm having an issue with, argues and does not understand my feelings. THAT's what will set me off. Just be an adult and have a damn conversation... talk AND listen, please.

I don't hold grudges-- Thank goodness. I hate my pops for doing that-- made him bitter and angry all the time. I try and act like everything's alright--which I know isn't OK, but that's just how I react to the stressful situations... I need time to cool off before I am wiling to reopen the wound. It's not easy being hot-tempered it's quite sad and embarrassing. I wouldn't say I'm like this all the time-- sometimes I get sarcastic if I'm in a heated fight to try and blow it off because most the time, it's not really worth it.

I also get set off when I'm being yelled at, or degraded. That shit pisses me off.

 

[Big Casino]

Hard to act like an "adult" when someone is screaming at you.

i very rarely get angry. If I do it will most likely be down to stress. Most often it's at work and il throw or kick something and instantly I'm better again feeling daft for lashing out.

 

[Bambi]

i explode if i am pushed enough, but I calm down really quickly and then can talk like an adult. I can also be passive aggressive... or I have been with his mum in the past because she is a nasty piece of work

Yes, i hold grudges. but again, it takes alot - if i am holding a grudge you have done something pretty bad tbh

 

[Mitsuki]

-Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

I'm definitely not explosive or aggressive. I do isolate myself though (according to my husband). I will try and listen, much to my dismay sometimes, but if I feel that it's only fueling my anger for some reason, then I'll usually let people know it's time to stop or completely ignore them and walk away. I might snap, but I always regret it right after and will try to tone it down. I actually don't like confrontations all that much. As much as I wanna 'tell it to your face' I'm always afraid of coming across as rude and with such a nasty attitude, which I obviously never want to portray. Sometimes people might take it as that though (even if I didn't think anything was wrong with my attitude), so I usually just stay quiet and keep things to myself.

One thing I cannot tolerate is someone with such a nasty attitude. Dealt with it too many times in my life growing up, and I'm pretty much done with people who thinks being an ass is so cool.

-Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

I think most of us tends to hold a little grudge as much as we hate to admit it. I won't say that I don't ever hold a grudge because that would be lying. I can forgive easily, but I usually can't forget. And yes, I disassociate with the person, usually. Um, this is actually a serious problem for me. For as long as I can remember, once I fall into a 'phase' (I can usually recognize when I'm falling deep into it) of disassociating myself with someone, it's typically permanent. I've had a few people in my life (growing up, that is) where I disassociated myself from them and to this day, I have the most difficult time holding a conversation with them. One of them is my stepmom, and it's not like she's a horrible person or anything. My brother and I were actually talking about this a couple years back, and my relationship with her is very awkward. We both can't hold a conversation on our own, and I know majority of that is due to that she's uncomfortable with me, and well, vice versa. (She's talkative with my brother and my husband, except me). There's a lot of things I'd like to tell her, stories I wanna share, but the words won't come out. I don't know why. Partly because I've gotten used to the usual nod-and-respond when she asks me questions then walk away and do my own thing. That's how it was during my teen years, and I guess I gradually just sort of fell into that trance-like life while living with her and it stuck with me.

I'm trying to get a little better with people in general though, make a little more effort, etc. I try not to fall into that phase because it can be a frustrating and lonely road at times...not to mention very difficult to get out of.

 

[Six]

Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

Not explosive, and not passive aggressive either. I am more of a I'll tell it to your face, but remain cool kind of person. I do get worked up, everyone does when they're angry, but if I were to even consider it, cussing and calling names would be the last of the lasts resorts.

Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

Yes, yes, no and no.

I hold grudges, more than I'd like to admit. I can't help that though, it's just who I am. I can tell myself to let something go, and I can if it's small but if it's something big there's no way that's happening.

I do disassociate myself with that person. I'm not afraid of conflict but if it can be avoided I'd prefer to do so. I have no interest in talking to that person on a personal/fun level if I don't trust them, or there has been several issues on that front.

Forgiving and forgetting, the forgiving depends... I can't always forgive a 100%, but forgetting is something I can't do at all. Anyone who knows me knows my brain is like a sticky note book, I 99% of the time remember everything. -.- So, eh.

 

[ff1-10]

2) If I care about people - or have cared about them in the past - I can't hold a grudge. I have forgiven people for some pretty nasty things. :S If someone lets me down time and time again, I will distance myself, but that's more instinctual than a conscious choice. I find it very hard to give up on people until my heart literally has no hope left. And when I have no hope left, I move on. However, I'm always ready to welcome people back. (I hold onto hope for ages, which can be a little painful. )

If I don't care about people and they're nasty from day one, I just don't worry about them. I tend to distrust them, but I don't hold a grudge per se.

That's how I am too! Although I dislike it, yet...I don't really, either, because it shows patience as a quality. But I do wish I wasn't so patient. It does hurt. >.>

There was someone who I grew a part from for a few years, but inside of myself I was always hoping that they would turn around and include me in their life again. This person disappointed me time and time again because they would seem like they were interested, make an attempt, and then disappear. But because I care for this person a lot and have a trust with them that I don't have with anyone else, I've just been a bit patient about it. This time we're actually being more consistent, in which I'm glad, but I'm not betting on it lasting just because of it since the past shows inconsistency. Not that I don't think it will last, but just more like I will just let it flow into what it is/will be. Even if it turns out that it doesn't, I'm okay with it and tbh, maybe I will still have hope for that person to come around. But Idk, actually...it's been done to me too many times that if it were to happen again, it's probably gotten to that embarrassing and shameful point for me and I would probably not buy into their words. But Idk, since I care for them and trust them with just about anything I tell them.

1.) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it to your face, but remain cool?

I'm explosive when I have held it in for a long time/a while and you are behaving the same without realizing it, especially if it is just downright disrespectful, mean, rude, and/or annoying. Kids, for example, when they have a bad mouth or really bad behavior. I can't stand it! It drives me nuts! I will say it calmly if it is the first time or first few times, but after that, no. I don't even know what passive aggressive means, lol, but I'm guessing a laid-back kind of confrontation. I am that, too, a little bit of these three things. It just depends on the situation. Usually I'll try to remain calm, but firm. And if you don't listen, then I'll get even angrier/more pissed off. But to get explosive, that really only happens when my nieces and nephew are being attitude-ish and bad mouths. Other than that, in other situations I will say what I want in a pissed off, firm way and just leave the room and not talk to you if I am done with you. Or I will just leave the room in anger.

2.) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

I'm like @Six when it comes to this. Though I am patient with a few like how I wrote in the first paragraph, or maybe I am patient like that in general, I do not forget wrongs. And I hate to admit it, also, but I hold grudges. Even if it's small, I keep it in my notes, lol. And, yeah, same; if it's small enough I can just let it go, but even then, I think I keep it in check just so I notice if it becomes a repeated habit/behavior so I am not tricked or surprised later on, LOL. Sadly, I think this comes from my distrust of others and fairytale-like expectations of people and myself...maybe just life in general. So I have a hard time accepting "imperfections". And I also have the fear of getting hurt, which is why I think I keep track. And it's just that if you've hurt me, I'm hurt so I'm just going to remember it. But I am doing a progressively slow, better job at seeing that people are human, including myself, and we are going to have behavior and make mistakes that...Idk...are just..."us", "me". That's why there's such a thing as acceptance and forgiveness. Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm gonna take BS or not confront anything, because I'm not, but it just means that even after I don't, I'll forgive you because I understand that we're all human/a little imperfect. I would know from my own self that it takes more than two chances sometimes. Where we are in life, and how things feel/have grown are not always going to be the best; therefore, at a certain point, we are probably not going to be consistently well-behaved, or something like that.

Edit: And yeah, I do disassociate with someone if it's bad enough. Like if you get seriously perverted on me or you say something(s) that I really don't like. And if you repeatedly do something I dislike, or repeatedly disappoint me. If I don't know someone very well and they've already done something to me, I already make that choice to not associate with them. If they show me a better side to themselves later, I wouldn't mind interaction, but I probably don't/ever wouldn't trust them, so it won't go any further than that. If I don't know them and I hear something iffy about them, I will make it a note to not associate myself with them because sometimes you hear things about people that's just not you, so hanging out with/hanging around (at least not on an often, close, or regular basis) them isn't an option.

 

[Jetstream Sam]

Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

I was explosive and i found that reacting that way did not help make the situation better, they most always ended up getting physical. Nowadays i feel as though getting angry just takes too much energy and it doesn't solve anything for me. All i really feel now when a person lets me down or whatever else they've done to me i just feel disappointed and that's it. The most recent event was when my step mother and my siblings witnessed me get into a altercation with my father. He tried choking me but they intervened, i probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them doing so.

It depends on the situation and the person too. it's not always the same every case, I'm either or, i'm never one more than the other but in most cases i'm upfront about it.




Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

It depends on the person and the situation at hand, normally i don't hold grudges but if i feel the person has wronged me in any way then i do.
This has bit me in the ass quite a bit though since i've misread a situation many a time and i end up cutting contact when the other person didn't do anything wrong. I can't forget at all, it would be nice to have the ability but i do not have it. I do tend to be too forgiving and i shouldn't be but that's just a part of me that won't ever change i guess.

 

[Thule Esperada]

1)
I'd describe my anger as being "cold". I used to explode pretty easily when I was still a teen and in highschool I calmed down alot, and nowadays it takes alot to make me angry. My actions when angry are of the "treat others like they've treated me" kind. If people are rude, I'll be rude and if they're making fun of me, I respond in kind.

2)
I used to have a hard time letting old grudges go, and I unfortunately allowed them to affect me for a long time. During the past few years I've learned to stop clinging to them, but forgiving people for knowingly wronging me, is still something that I can't bring myself to do.