Final Fantasy Genesis: Feedback

[IcyJK913]

So. There is this game idea I came up with two years ago. It grew from an idea into so much more. I decided that I want to make it into a game. Now, I had posted on other sites to recruit people (with no money) and it wasn't that successful. Now, this is not for recruiting, but just for feedback. Please give me feedback, including the staff! Here's why: I asked the owner of this site, Lord Golbez, if this could be this site's fan game. Now, if it was, I'd take full responsibility for it, being its manager. And, he replied saying to post it in the forums, and if it got positive feedback from people, including the staff, it might become a reality. Now, the story is made up, but not every single little detail that happens throughout the story. And, if this is successful, there could be sequels, in which you, the members, have a clean slate to work with. Please hear me out, and give your honest opinion. Thanks for reading!

PLOT:

When I wrote the plot, I didn't just open up Microsoft Notebook and type in it; I studied the elements of each Final Fantasy plot first, so that I could make this as "Final Fantasy" as possible. Here's what I came up with:

First the characters:
Laress Helena -
Gender: Female
Age: 16
Race: Human
Place of Origin: Malbar

Alvis Ong -
Gender: Male
Age: 52
Race: Human
Place of Origin: Lourghes

Lee Cid IV -
Gender: MAle
Age: 34
Race: Human
Place of Origin: Andeleigh

Faine Gyurrik -
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Race: Quorr
Place of Origin: Quorrqum

Cole Kelley -
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Race: Human
Place of Origin: Giovanni City

Ellim Ong -
Gender: Female
Age: 13
Race: Human
Place of Origin: Lourghes

Gell Sina -
Gender: Female
Age: 28
Race: Geos
Place of Origin: Geoterra

Talon Ark -
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Race: Viravat
Place of Origin: Ire Mines

Grover Giovanni
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Race: Human
Place of Origin: Giovanni City

Now the story:
A long time ago, the power of magic was discovered. It went from a sacred practice to an everyday activity. But, after many years of using its power, every intelligent being in the world vanished. They were all gone for at least a century. This is called the Vanishing. After this, the beings somehow came back to life, with no knowledge of what happened before the Vanishing. They then discovered Malbar, an ancient ruins unearthed from the earth, and withing the city of criss crossing tunnels, they discovered crystals that held magical power. The power of magic was rediscovered.

The government wanted to used this power, so they enslaved people to mine in this ancient city. The group of slaves turned into an entire population of slaves, who lived in a town on the side of the crater where Malbar was unearthed, called Malbar Edge. Here, we being the story with Laress Helena, who hears stories of the outside world from merchants traveling through. She wants to see the world, and therefore, tries to escape the boundaries of enslavement, and is successful. On her way out, she meets Alvis Ong, another traveling merchant who decides to take Laress to Lourghes, the Capitol, which Laress really wants to see.

But, first, they have to stop at Andeleigh where Alvis needs to make a trade. The crime rate in Andeleigh is high, therefore the airship they rode in is unfortunately stolen. Lee Cid IV, a famous pilot, is asked by Laress and Alvis to take them to Lourghes. Only, if they help him find his airship, which crashed in a mountain nearby. They are successful, but Laress sees a mysterious figure who leads her into the Inferna Desert, a large desert that is so dense with sandstorms, you get very lost if you don't know the path.

Luckily, she meets Faine Gyurrik there, a Quorr who leads her through the desert to Quorrqum, capitol of the Quorrs, who are taught the way of the desert. Laress, who wants to reuinte with Alvis and Lee Cid, is told by Faine to go to Giovanni City to the south, where she can find an airship. Laress and Faine set off for Giovanni City where they meet the womanizing thief, Cole Kelley, who helps Faine and Laress hijack an airship. Back in Andeleigh, Laress Reunites with Alvis and Lee Cid. Cole decides to travel with them to escape the perils of giovanni city, while Faine decides to go back to Quorrqum.

Laress, Alvis, Lee Cid, and Cole finally arrive in Lourghes, where they meet Alvis' daughter, Ellim Ong. Lourghes, which Laress really wanted to see, is then attacked by a mysterious beast. The party attempts to escape the wrath of the colossal beast, but then Laress is captured by Lourghes officials who tell her the truth. She is the Heir, a magical being who is supposed to destroy the world. They try to take away her magic, but then Alvis, Lee Cid, Cole, and Ellim manage to save her. In anger, the government blames the beast's attack on Laress, of course, the people falling for their lies.

They team escapes to the nearby Geoterra, where the Geos live, a wise race who worship the Lafara Tree, and know what heppened before the Vanishing. Laress is told that she is in fact the heir, a being created by the Goddess of Magic, who let magic into the world by accident, who is suppoed to destroy, not the world, but the power of magic, by commanding the powerful beings known as the Spiri, collecting all of the magic with them, and returning it to the Goddess. The beast who attacked Lourghes, unfortunately, was a Spiri, making the assumption of her destroying the city with the east more believable.

She is then told by the elder to go to Severa, where she will find a stone that prevents magic from being around her. So, the Spiri can't be around her and she won't be blamed for more Spiri attacks, in which there are going to be a lot more. Laress, who reunites with Faine in Severa and also meeting the Geos Prophetess, Gell Sina, decides to return to Geoterra, for she has no knowledge of what to do next. On her way back, she meets the Viravat Talon Ark in the Ire mines, who decides to help them through the mines and aid them through the rest of their quest.

Back in Geoterra, she is called by the Lafara tree, who tells her something she, and even the Geos, never knew: She is in fact not the heir. Another man named Djibrel is. Djibrel is working for the government. Because he can command the Spiri, the government wants to use the Spiri to gain more magic. But, in reality, Djibrel is using the government to get all the magic, then take it for himself, and return it to the goddess, fulfilling his duty as the heir. But, Laress is still thought to be the heir, because she can also command the Spiri. The truth is, Laress was created by the Lafara tree to stop djibrel, because the Goddess is planning not only to take the magic back, but to destroy everything. Also, another important fact is that there were many vanishings before the one I had previously stated, and in between each one, there was an heir. But, the heir has the same amount of vulnerability as a human does, and is not able to give all of the magic back to goddess. The goddess, who wants to also destroy the world as I have said, tries to use the incomplete amount of magic, but because it isn't enough, it creates a temporary vanishing, which explains why there were many instead of an eternal one.

Laress is told by the Lafara tree to go collect the Spiri before Djibrel does. This portion of the game is just the party and Laress going over the world and collecting the Spiri, in which there are seven main ones and five optional ones you can get through sidequests. The Spiri also acts as the game's summons, which Laress can use in battle. She then returns to the Lafara tree, who tells her to go to Severa once again, which had been revealed to be the headquarters of a rebellion against the government for unrightfully enslaving people, led by the prince of the Giovanni Family, Grover Giovanni. He ends up becoming part of the party, and Laress is told by the Lafara tree to overthrow the government, because if they get all of the magic, Djibrel will be able to return it to the Goddess. Laress, who has the Spiri capable of tremendous power, leads an attack on Lourghes, but, on the way back to get more soldiers from the rebellion, they party goes over an uncharted island known as Mastilly. Mastilly contains a portal which transprts you to the land of the goddess.

Here, in the land of the goddess, the team goes through the final dungeon, defeating the final bosses, Djibrel and the Goddess. The resolution contains Laress becoming the new goddess of magic, in which she fixes all of the mistakes that the previous goddess made. And then, the characters return back to their normal lives.

Well, that's the story. There are a lot of gaps, and I would like to create at least two conflicts among the party members, but I'm not sure how to incorporate that into the story.

Anyways, how was that? Was it good? Was it like a "Final Fantasy" story? Does anything need changed. Please tell, so that I can tell Lord Golbez xD.

Well, that's it. Questions?

 

[Six]

Considering you're talking about Story Development here for a Game, I will move this over to Rocket Town. You can check the sections next time. This is a writers area. =]

*Thread moved.*

 

[IcyJK913]

Considering you're talking about Story Development here for a Game, I will move this over to Rocket Town. You can check the sections next time. This is a writers area. =]

*Thread moved.*

Six

Actually, can you move it to Guadosalam? Lord Golbez gave me permission to.

 

[Six]

That's a section for people to introduce themselves, it isn't for games. Or game planning. Either way, I moved it to Rocket Town due to not knowing what Platform you want to be putting this on, however, if ANYTHING, this would be more suited in PC gaming, considering it's unlikely you're talking about Playstation / Xbox development.

And on a p.s. note, no, I can't move it there for you, I mod the Spira section (where you first had this thread posted). The Guadosalam isn't for threads like these at all. It's for introductions (new members), people leaving, and birthday threads.

 

[IcyJK913]

That's a section for people to introduce themselves, it isn't for games. Or game planning. Either way, I moved it to Rocket Town due to not knowing what Platform you want to be putting this on, however, if ANYTHING, this would be more suited in PC gaming, considering it's unlikely you're talking about Playstation / Xbox development.

And on a p.s. note, no, I can't move it there for you, I mod the Spira section (where you first had this thread posted). The Guadosalam isn't for threads like these at all. It's for introductions (new members), people leaving, and birthday threads.

Oh, ok. I was also confused why he told me to post it in Guadosalam (it wasn't originally my decision to do that), and he said because a lot of people go there. Also, can you delete the other Final Fantasy Genesis thread? I hate it and I want it gone =] I just want this to be the only one.

 

[Six]

Kirito, Sprout, http://www.finalfantasyforums.net/threads/58758-Final-Fantasy-Genesis

 

[AuronX]

That is an interesting story you've got going there! I could definitely see it as a Final Fantasy game, particularly one in the style of FFXII (but that's just how I pictured it). I would suggest re-evaluating a few of the names though, particularly 'Spiri'. I'm guessing you just took the 't' off of 'spirit', and while that works, if you really want this to be an FF-style game I think 'Esper' or 'Eidolon' would be a better name to use. They aren't copyrighted by Square Enix or anything.

And this is kind of jumping ahead of things, but since you asked for feedback, here it is. I used to make video games, so I know what I'm talking about here: this kind of thing is a massive, massive undertaking. Even just creating a 20 minute story with RPG mechanics and simple sprites is a huge job for a small team of non-professionals. My advice: know your limits. While there's a few good options for making an immersive 3D RPG (Unreal Engine, Unity) building a game in 3D makes things complex on a whole new level. Not sure if that's even what you had in mind, but like I said, I used to make video games, and I've seen countless people get on a forum wanting to make a game and they just assume that 3D is a feasible goal when it simply is not. Plan on using something like RPG Maker, and even then plan on it being a bumpy road for a couple years (yes, years). If you're really serious about it, get a small portion of the game fully functional and then take it to Kickstarter so you can get some funding for your team. Even a little bit could go a long ways.

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not trying to discourage you from this. I've just seen so many people burn themselves out really quickly, so I want to tell you up front what you're getting into so that you'll prepare yourself and be able to make it through to the end. You've got a good storyline--one of the better fan storylines I've seen, actually--but don't get so excited about it that you forget to give it the foundation it needs to really take off.

 

[IcyJK913]

That is an interesting story you've got going there! I could definitely see it as a Final Fantasy game, particularly one in the style of FFXII (but that's just how I pictured it). I would suggest re-evaluating a few of the names though, particularly 'Spiri'. I'm guessing you just took the 't' off of 'spirit', and while that works, if you really want this to be an FF-style game I think 'Esper' or 'Eidolon' would be a better name to use. They aren't copyrighted by Square Enix or anything.

And this is kind of jumping ahead of things, but since you asked for feedback, here it is. I used to make video games, so I know what I'm talking about here: this kind of thing is a massive, massive undertaking. Even just creating a 20 minute story with RPG mechanics and simple sprites is a huge job for a small team of non-professionals. My advice: know your limits. While there's a few good options for making an immersive 3D RPG (Unreal Engine, Unity) building a game in 3D makes things complex on a whole new level. Not sure if that's even what you had in mind, but like I said, I used to make video games, and I've seen countless people get on a forum wanting to make a game and they just assume that 3D is a feasible goal when it simply is not. Plan on using something like RPG Maker, and even then plan on it being a bumpy road for a couple years (yes, years). If you're really serious about it, get a small portion of the game fully functional and then take it to Kickstarter so you can get some funding for your team. Even a little bit could go a long ways.

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not trying to discourage you from this. I've just seen so many people burn themselves out really quickly, so I want to tell you up front what you're getting into so that you'll prepare yourself and be able to make it through to the end. You've got a good storyline--one of the better fan storylines I've seen, actually--but don't get so excited about it that you forget to give it the foundation it needs to really take off.

Thank you! And, I really do know how much effort it takes. Trust me xD. But, because this game is probably going to be the first in a series, I wanted to make it in the style of like Final Fantasy IV, because 1: it is probably going to be the first in a series, and 2: I do NOT want to go through the trouble of making a bunch of individual 3D models. Also, there's a lot more that I explained to Lord Golbez that I did not include here, (mostly to save time). And when I created the story, I pictured a bunch of sprites talking to eachother and things happening in 16-bit, not in 3D. But thank you anyway. There's still a lot I need to learn about creating these things.

 

[Exoskeleton]

:3 I feel like the story would be nicer if it were a bit more fleshed out. It'd be nice if you provided a demo or screenshots of some kind as well. Most people don't really get excited for just an idea(I've seen this happen lots). I've been known to write up worlds and characters only to discard them later as I found I wasn't motivated enough to work on them for weeks, months, or years at a time. Hopefully you possess the durability to work on the project for years and not get tired of it. I'm also assuming the game will be a free fan made game as it has the copyrighted FF name is in it's title? I decided to give some suggestions and ask questions about parts that were confusing or weird for me. It may sound harsh but I am not trying to insult, hurt, or be mean. I only wish to help you create a stronger story!

So, now for my questions, suggestions, and in depth feedback:

A long time ago, the power of magic was discovered. It went from a sacred practice to an everyday activity.

How was is discovered? Was it dormant energy lying in the earth for a while? Did people just all of a sudden start casting spells for no reason?

But, after many years of using its power, every intelligent being in the world vanished. They were all gone for at least a century. This is called the Vanishing. After this, the beings somehow came back to life, with no knowledge of what happened before the Vanishing.

By saying this I assume everything died since you say they got brought "back to life" and if that's the case it wouldn't make sense for century old zombies to just come back to life. They would be decayed skeletons. How about disappeared and reappeared with amnesia? Or most of them were killed off except for a handful who then repopulated the world without knowledge of technology or magic?

They then discovered Malbar, an ancient ruins unearthed from the earth, and withing the city of criss crossing tunnels, they discovered crystals that held magical power. The power of magic was rediscovered.

"Unearthed from Earth" means this world takes place on Earth. I think giving the world a name would sound better. Also I think "discovered" instead of "unearthed" makes a bit more sense here. Also does magic come from crystals? Is that how it was discovered before?

The government wanted to used this power, so they enslaved people to mine in this ancient city. The group of slaves turned into an entire population of slaves, who lived in a town on the side of the crater where Malbar was unearthed, called Malbar Edge.

So this is a whole town of slaves? Is this town using a sort of system where people who are born into the town are slaves forever? Does the government just enslave random people and make them a part of this population? I like the idea of it being a slum a bit better. Or else slaves would be running off all the time with trading merchants.

Laress Helena, who hears stories of the outside world from merchants traveling through. She wants to see the world, and therefore, tries to escape the boundaries of enslavement, and is successful. On her way out, she meets Alvis Ong, another traveling merchant who decides to take Laress to Lourghes, the Capitol, which Laress really wants to see.

How does she escape? I assume she just snuck on Alvis' trading wagon or something? Or pleaded with him to take her out of the city? I think that would be a fun dynamic instead of just happening to meet him after escaping a city that's sure to be deadly for slaves trying to escape. Also it'd be convinient storywise for him to be heading on a trade route to the capitol versus just up and ditching his business to take some runaway slave there for not much of a reason.

Only, if they help him find his airship, which crashed in a mountain nearby. They are successful, but Laress sees a mysterious figure who leads her into the Inferna Desert, a large desert that is so dense with sandstorms, you get very lost if you don't know the path.

This confuses me deeply. How did they get separated? Did she like fall off the salvaged airship into the desert? Did she teleport off of the mountain into the deadly desert? What/who is this figure? I think the story could do without it unless you mentioned it's true origin later on and I missed reading it. >.> Also I think the desert sounds too much like "inferno". A different name would be nice(not not needed).

Luckily, she meets Faine Gyurrik there, a Quorr who leads her through the desert to Quorrqum, capitol of the Quorrs, who are taught the way of the desert. Laress, who wants to reuinte with Alvis and Lee Cid, is told by Faine to go to Giovanni City to the south, where she can find an airship. Laress and Faine set off for Giovanni City where they meet the womanizing thief, Cole Kelley, who helps Faine and Laress hijack an airship. Back in Andeleigh, Laress Reunites with Alvis and Lee Cid. Cole decides to travel with them to escape the perils of giovanni city, while Faine decides to go back to Quorrqum. [/QUOTE
What was Faine doing in the desert? Does she live there after being kicked out of her city? Or is she just partying it up like most 19 year old gals do with their buddies?(jk ) And why are airships so easy to steal in this universe?! lol

Laress, Alvis, Lee Cid, and Cole finally arrive in Lourghes, where they meet Alvis' daughter, Ellim Ong. Lourghes, which Laress really wanted to see, is then attacked by a mysterious beast. The party attempts to escape the wrath of the colossal beast, but then Laress is captured by Lourghes officials who tell her the truth. She is the Heir, a magical being who is supposed to destroy the world. They try to take away her magic, but then Alvis, Lee Cid, Cole, and Ellim manage to save her. In anger, the government blames the beast's attack on Laress, of course, the people falling for their lies.

Does nobody kill the beast? Is it just hanging out still? '-' And how do the officials know what Laress looks like on site? I think since she's supposed to be a runaway slave and all that they capture her from notices and her being wanted. I guess after that some wise supreme npc could tell her of her fate as an Heir but it wouldn't make sense unless she did something that suspected them of accusing her of being an Heir(Like, maybe she steps in a magical summoning circle? Or the beast targets only her for some strange reason?).

They team escapes to the nearby Geoterra, where the Geos live, a wise race who worship the Lafara Tree, and know what heppened before the Vanishing.

But how on earth could they possibly know this? I thought everyone died and came back with amnesia and stuff. >.> Did the tree tell them? If so then now would be a good time to tell her that she's not an Heir. This could be the start of a plot to clear her name from someone who's setting her up.

Goddess of Magic, who let magic into the world by accident, who is suppoed to destroy, not the world, but the power of magic, by commanding the powerful beings known as the Spiri, collecting all of the magic with them, and returning it to the Goddess.

What in the world is happening here? The Goddess of magic accidentally let magic into the world and is supposed to destroy the power of magic by collecting the magic of Spiri and having someone return it to her? I'm only guessing cause the sentence confuses me. But in this case why is she even a goddess of magic? Who would put her in charge if she keeps letting magic into the world that she needs a Heir to collect for her in order to destroy magic? Can't she just be an evil god of chaos or something? Cause is sounds like she's deliberately letting magic into the world that she could have just destroyed when she had it. Idk this goddess seems like she's reeking of evil intent, like she wants magic to be leaked into the world in order to create chaos and watch humans suffer once she takes it all back. Although I don't see much of a point with her. She needs more evil but I'm unable to come up with suggestions.

She is then told by the elder to go to Severa, where she will find a stone that prevents magic from being around her. So, the Spiri can't be around her and she won't be blamed for more Spiri attacks, in which there are going to be a lot more. Laress, who reunites with Faine in Severa and also meeting the Geos Prophetess, Gell Sina, decides to return to Geoterra, for she has no knowledge of what to do next. On her way back, she meets the Viravat Talon Ark in the Ire mines, who decides to help them through the mines and aid them through the rest of their quest.

If this game has magical spells in the gameplay then the stone thing wont make sense(Unless you prevent the party from casting spells). How about just limiting it's effects to warding of Spiri instead? ^^

Because he can command the Spiri, the government wants to use the Spiri to gain more magic.

Is the government aware of his power? Cause if so then why don't the imprison him like they did the main character? They could totes benefit by making him a slave too.

The truth is, Laress was created by the Lafara tree to stop djibrel, because the Goddess is planning not only to take the magic back, but to destroy everything. Also, another important fact is that there were many vanishings before the one I had previously stated, and in between each one, there was an heir. But, the heir has the same amount of vulnerability as a human does, and is not able to give all of the magic back to goddess.

Wait...so the Goddess changed her mind and decides to destroy the world and magic? Why? And how does the party learn about this? Is it through the tree God? Also is the tree a god too? I feel like this would make more sense if it were and there was like a battle between gods going on(feels epic!). If it were just an ordinary magical talking tree I'd be confused.

Laress is told by the Lafara tree to overthrow the government,

This tree is pretty bossy!

Laress, who has the Spiri capable of tremendous power,

If homegirl has all the Spiri doesn't that mean that the bad guy cant return any magic to the evil goddess? I assume he'd want to go after her instead of running back to the goddess dimension.

Laress, who has the Spiri capable of tremendous power, leads an attack on Lourghes, but, on the way back to get more soldiers from the rebellion, they party goes over an uncharted island known as Mastilly. Mastilly contains a portal which transprts you to the land of the goddess.

Can't they just get sucked into the portal? I feel like just coming across a random island in the midst of a war wouldn't make the heroes want to explore it urgently since they need more soldiers. Maybe they crashland there? Maybe they're shot down by the Heir who then runs to goddess land?

Overall it's an enjoyable story but I feel like it's pretty bland in the sens that the party doesn't get much time to shine. Not only does it seem to be all about the main character but there are so many party members who just decide to up and leave their daily lives to go on an adventure with the hero. Maybe if you gave each character their own backstory and cut down the cast to 6 well written characters I feel as though the story would flourish greatly.

This is just a plot outline though so keep at it and hopefully you'll find a team to help you bring it to life. Also PLEASE don't include a prologue. In my opinion I'd rather learn about the world's history and vanishings through npcs in the game, rather than having to read blocks or text about places I dont know before I begin

 

[IcyJK913]

Exoskeleton. Thank you! At first, I didn't read the introduction (what is wrong with me?) and read the whole thing and thought you were mean. But, then I read it, and the rest is pretty self explanatory. At the end of what you said, I was always afraid of how the players would feel since the party doesn't have their "time to shine". I greatly thank you for that. Anyways, now I will answer your questions:

How was is discovered? Was it dormant energy lying in the earth for a while? Did people just all of a sudden start casting spells for no reason?

They discovered it inside crystals. I don't know what else to say, because it's just as abstract as asking "Why is the world in Final Fantasy 7 shaped like that?". I hope this answers your question.

By saying this I assume everything died since you say they got brought "back to life" and if that's the case it wouldn't make sense for century old zombies to just come back to life. They would be decayed skeletons. How about disappeared and reappeared with amnesia? Or most of them were killed off except for a handful who then repopulated the world without knowledge of technology or magic?

Ok. This is pretty much as abstract as the previous one. But there were no "zombies" of any find. "Vanishing"... think of the word. The magic killed of the humans, but because of the decomposition, they didn't come back to life. What I mean is that somehow, they just started to exist again. Don't ask why or how... but I highly doubt that players will question that into great depth. You see, it's kind of fun to not give some pieces of information about a game, in which players can come up with their own theories, like the controversy of if Rinoa was actually Ultimecia in the future in Final Fantasy 8.

"Unearthed from Earth" means this world takes place on Earth. I think giving the world a name would sound better. Also I think "discovered" instead of "unearthed" makes a bit more sense here. Also does magic come from crystals? Is that how it was discovered before?

Well, actually, I said "Unearthed from THE earth", with a lowercase "earth". Like Final Fantasy 7, the name if its world isn't told in the story, but it is still called "Gaia". Maybe I should give it a name... I'll come up with it. Yes, it was discovered from the crystals.

So this is a whole town of slaves? Is this town using a sort of system where people who are born into the town are slaves forever? Does the government just enslave random people and make them a part of this population? I like the idea of it being a slum a bit better. Or else slaves would be running off all the time with trading merchants.

Let me tell you this before I go on: I did not include EVERY SINGLE DETAIL in the story, ok? You think I would enjoy sitting here for hours typing up a very long detailed story outline? No, and neither would you, probably xD. I mean, I didn't think you would care, but I'm still gonna sit here and type up the answers for you, because I'm a generous person. Anyways, it is like slums. The government gives them money when they do their work. They have freedoms and I imagine it like the a rundown down like one of those towns in poverty in South America, but built into the side of a crater. But the thing is, Laress HATES the government for locking them up, and she thinks that she was made for more. The heir also has dreams and sometimes, hallucinations that tell her to leave town, but I didn't think that would be an extremely important detail. May be it... I don't know. What's important to you may not be as important to me.

How does she escape? I assume she just snuck on Alvis' trading wagon or something? Or pleaded with him to take her out of the city? I think that would be a fun dynamic instead of just happening to meet him after escaping a city that's sure to be deadly for slaves trying to escape. Also it'd be convinient storywise for him to be heading on a trade route to the capitol versus just up and ditching his business to take some runaway slave there for not much of a reason.

Laress is a smart girl, that's why she would have escaped. She didn't meet Alvis while she was escaping. She met him after she escaped. Outside the crater is a ragged mountain range called the Outer Peaks. That is where she meets Alvis. Alvis asks her to help her fight the monsters, because he is a party member. Alvis asks her what he should do in return. Her dream every since she had heard about it was to see Lourghes, the capitol. The world is pretty much at the same advancement as in Final Fantasy 9, so it's not all "techy", just so you know. She asks him to take her to Lourghes. Alvis believes that if he turned her in, he would probably be inquired too, and part of his backstory involves crime, which he has gotten away with, and that would create problems. So, he decides to do what he says. You see, (which I forgot to include, stupid me), he isn't GOING to Malbar, he is LEAVING Malbar. But, he is an old man, so he is kind of not as tough to enemies as Laress is. And he came from Lourghes... how could he be going to Lourghes if he already came from it?

This confuses me deeply. How did they get separated? Did she like fall off the salvaged airship into the desert? Did she teleport off of the mountain into the deadly desert? What/who is this figure? I think the story could do without it unless you mentioned it's true origin later on and I missed reading it. >.> Also I think the desert sounds too much like "inferno". A different name would be nice(not not needed).

OK, get this: They are not on the airship yet! xD They are camping out in the cave to rest up near the airship. But, Laress is, well technically speaking, the "Heir" (notice I quoted it to show that she isn't the heir really, but technically (I think that's the word) is), and she gets Hallucinations. These "hallucinations" (and dreams) are the way the goddess tries to communicate with her. Because we are humans, and we have a little thing called "curiosity", Laress decides follow this figure. She follows it out into the world map into the Inferna Desert. Also, the mountain in which the airship crashed can efficiently be accessed through the RIvos Cavern, which has multiple openings, one that faces Andeleigh, where they came from, and one which faces the Inferna Desert. Also, that is why it is called the Inferna Desert. It is very very hot, maybe 1 degree above the average temperature of the Sahara desert (which is VERY hot) in fahrenheit.

What was Faine doing in the desert? Does she live there after being kicked out of her city? Or is she just partying it up like most 19 year old gals do with their buddies?(jk ) And why are airships so easy to steal in this universe?! lol

She is training in the desert. You see, Quorrqum is near the center of the Inferna Desert. The Inferna desert is very hard to navigate, so the Quorrs are taught how to navigate the desert, because it is constantly raging with sandstorms. She is also a very powerful ally in the party... she is training not only to navigate the desert but to fend off the enemies in the desert.

Does nobody kill the beast? Is it just hanging out still? '-' And how do the officials know what Laress looks like on site? I think since she's supposed to be a runaway slave and all that they capture her from notices and her being wanted. I guess after that some wise supreme npc could tell her of her fate as an Heir but it wouldn't make sense unless she did something that suspected them of accusing her of being an Heir(Like, maybe she steps in a magical summoning circle? Or the beast targets only her for some strange reason?).

The Government does manage to fend off the beast. Well, her being a "runaway slave" kind of did it. But, the heir has a black swirly tattoo on their shoulder, which, because of Laress' clothing style, is exposed. As later stated, we have the Geos, which I will explain how they know about before the vanishing.

But how on earth could they possibly know this? I thought everyone died and came back with amnesia and stuff. >.> Did the tree tell them? If so then now would be a good time to tell her that she's not an Heir. This could be the start of a plot to clear her name from someone who's setting her up.

Ok. It was because of the Lafara Tree, but, the Lafara tree was strong enough back then to endure the Goddess' magic which created the first ever vanishing. After they returned to the world, she told them to engrave the Geos history on stone. But, the Lafara tree is getting old.You see, she isn't immortal. She needs special "holy water" which can be found in special places of the world, to keep her alive. Because of the mythology of the world, (which is very long and won't be explained that much in the story), the Lafara tree is connected to the Goddess, and sometimes knows what she's up to. There are two great powers of the Geos, the Geos elder and the Lafara tree. though, the Lafara tree is greater than the Geos elder.

What in the world is happening here? The Goddess of magic accidentally let magic into the world and is supposed to destroy the power of magic by collecting the magic of Spiri and having someone return it to her? I'm only guessing cause the sentence confuses me. But in this case why is she even a goddess of magic? Who would put her in charge if she keeps letting magic into the world that she needs a Heir to collect for her in order to destroy magic? Can't she just be an evil god of chaos or something? Cause is sounds like she's deliberately letting magic into the world that she could have just destroyed when she had it. Idk this goddess seems like she's reeking of evil intent, like she wants magic to be leaked into the world in order to create chaos and watch humans suffer once she takes it all back. Although I don't see much of a point with her. She needs more evil but I'm unable to come up with suggestions.

Notice the word: Accident. The goddess created magic to try and help the people but the Goddess isn't a truly "divine" being that people worship like the Christian "God". She has evil, and the power of magic can be used for evil. Because she represents magic itself as a goddess, which is why she is the Goddess of magic, and can be worshipped, she can't eliminate magic for good, or else she wouldn't exist. She doesn't want to not exist, so the only way that she can still thrive in her godly throne is if she destroys those who used her power. at first she didn't know this would be a "bad" thing, but now she knows.She can't physically access the world herself... but she can create someone who can do her bidding. This is where the heir comes in, to collect all magical power with the Spiri and return it to the goddess so that the goddess can destroy the people who abused her power. This might be confusing, but if you really think about, it isn't that bad... I think.

If this game has magical spells in the gameplay then the stone thing wont make sense(Unless you prevent the party from casting spells). How about just limiting it's effects to warding of Spiri instead?

In Final fantasy 12, there is a substance known as Nethicitem which totally cancels out magical energy. Same with this stone. Only, Laress uses it, and once she obtains it, it halves all magical damage done to her in battle (or something like that).

Is the government aware of his power? Cause if so then why don't the imprison him like they did the main character? They could totes benefit by making him a slave too.

They knew that Djibrel was the heir before they knew Laress even existed. Because Geoterra and the Geos are pretty much their nextdoor neighbors, the government knows this stuff. When they did find out about Laress however, they didn't know which one was the heir, but because they are power-hungry and greedy, they want more magic, so they decide to trust Djibrel. They imprison Laress to take her magic away, because the heir has a lot of magical power, and they want to give it to Djibrel.

Wait...so the Goddess changed her mind and decides to destroy the world and magic? Why? And how does the party learn about this? Is it through the tree God? Also is the tree a god too? I feel like this would make more sense if it were and there was like a battle between gods going on(feels epic!). If it were just an ordinary magical talking tree I'd be confused.

Well, she didn't know magic could be a "bad thing". Like I said, she isn't a divine angelic god of good. She has both good and evil. They do learn about it somewhat through the tree, but there are other beings in the world like the Lafara tree (which is also part of the mythology). And, there is a battle between gods, which is part of the mythology. You see, there are many other gods, but The goddess of magic got isolated from them (it's a long story ). There might be sequels to this story, like both Final Fantasy XIII and Final Fantasy XV are part of Fabula Nove Crystallis.

This tree is pretty bossy!

xD lol!!!! Well, because the government is against her and she is a wanted criminal in some places (SOME, not ALL places), her only allies are the Geos and the rebellion faction of Severa, the Lafara tree is probably one of the only things she can trust, and because she is a wise, experienced being, she is very reliable.

If homegirl has all the Spiri doesn't that mean that the bad guy cant return any magic to the evil goddess? I assume he'd want to go after her instead of running back to the goddess dimension.

Well because it's a 9 member party with a rebillion faction against an army ten times their size and can use magic, and Djibrel who already has like two Spiri who aren't that great, but still a little powerful, it's kind of a 50/50 situation. I will give an explanation about Djibrel and the goddess in the next question .

Can't they just get sucked into the portal? I feel like just coming across a random island in the midst of a war wouldn't make the heroes want to explore it urgently since they need more soldiers. Maybe they crashland there? Maybe they're shot down by the Heir who then runs to goddess land?

They ARE sucked in into the portal xD! Djibrel is following Laress because he knows by the way they're going that they will get sucked into Mastilly's portal. And because the goddess created the Spiri and him, she can end them, so she is VERY poweful. Him + her = Final Battle. If he and the goddess defeat's them, he will be able to obtain the Spiri and therfore return it to the Goddess then and there. But, fortunately (unfortunately in his case), they are defeated.

Overall it's an enjoyable story but I feel like it's pretty bland in the sens that the party doesn't get much time to shine. Not only does it seem to be all about the main character but there are so many party members who just decide to up and leave their daily lives to go on an adventure with the hero. Maybe if you gave each character their own backstory and cut down the cast to 6 well written characters I feel as though the story would flourish greatly.

Well, I wanted to create conflicts with the characters, so that they all sometimes didn't get along well, and we would focus on THEM more, but I don't know how to incorporate that into the stories. Each character does have their own backstory. Cole, who seems pointless, is sexually attracted to Laress. that's why he follows her... at least, that's the only one I have . I will come up with more, don't worry. They will come to me.

This is just a plot outline though so keep at it and hopefully you'll find a team to help you bring it to life. Also PLEASE don't include a prologue. In my opinion I'd rather learn about the world's history and vanishings through npcs in the game, rather than having to read blocks or text about places I dont know before I begin

Trust me, this will NOT have a prologue. That would be so boring. Now I wasn't expecting you to ask me all of this, but I really didn't think anyone would care about those details. Maybe it would make a greater game, I don't know, but like I said, maybe its a good thing so fans can come up with their own theories. I am deeply sorry if something I said sounded rude... I tend to do that a lot without realizing O_O

Thank You!!!

 

[Lord Golbez]

I definitely agree with Kirito that you're getting ahead of yourself, especially with this "first in a series" stuff. I suggest you start slow and see if it catches any momentum.


As for the staff position you requested - as I said, you wouldn't have any moderation abilities, so why would this be necessary?


On the sub-forum. If the rest of staff is OK with that then I'm fine with it, though honestly I really wouldn't expect much traffic. But that's just my take.

 

[AuronX]

it is probably going to be the first in a series

Woah, hold it right there, pardner! First rule of writing stories: never plan a sequel. For a few reasons: 1) you may find that you don't have enough interest in the first story to make a solid sequel, 2) and more importantly a quality story is one that is self-contained. It's easy to let your ideas sprawl out and take three, four, five story arcs to complete. It's more challenging to wrap all your ideas into a coherent, singular whole. But cast that word 'challenging' in a positive light. In the realm of story development, challenging yourself is usually the right path to take--speaking from experience. If you've got a project, focus on that project and don't plan beyond it until it's done. You'll enjoy that project more and it will end up a better project more worth enjoying. I'm something of a writer, so I know about this story making stuff

 

[Kyreaan]

I think Final Fantasy Genesis should be developed as a vBulletin mod for vB4. You'll need a modder for this. Otherwise, you'll need to program an entire game for the platform you want it on. Members can buy the mod at the vBShop. It should be a 2D game with random occurrences in different areas. Each profile is tied to that person's character, and you might want to consider showing character information on the profile. One box could show what your 2D character looks like with their information and equipment. Another box shows the area's image or 2D enemies in a battle.

Players can get houses or castles to build. Players can gain pets to use in battle. Quests add experience and gil, but some quests can reward a player with a rare item. The battle system is turn based and has text showing actions and damage. Characters could get different battle cards to choose from. These are equipped and act as a special attack.

 

[IcyJK913]

I definitely agree with Kirito that you're getting ahead of yourself, especially with this "first in a series" stuff. I suggest you start slow and see if it catches any momentum.


As for the staff position you requested - as I said, you wouldn't have any moderation abilities, so why would this be necessary?


On the sub-forum. If the rest of staff is OK with that then I'm fine with it, though honestly I really wouldn't expect much traffic. But that's just my take.

I know. But notice the word: "probably"...

Well that is in the case of "if". I AM starting small and trying to build momentum. If this is good enough, MAYBE I can plan a sequel. I'm trying to wait... if you want me to delete that just tell me! same with Kirito. I have been writing stories too for a very long time... I have so many stories that I have come up with that I don't know what to do with... but I thought this one had a chance to actually make it.
Kyreaan
This project is going to be a free game that you can download, possibly from this site. NO MONEY AT ALL! That would make our lives so much harder on this website.. I don't want to make it for any "game platform"... probably going to be controlled with the keyboard in front of you.

 

[Exoskeleton]

IcyJK913 welcome. Thanks for clearing things up.

I like to give feedback and suggestions that I feel would help the story. It may sound harsh but I do it to make you think about your universe and to give you an unbiased first impression. Unlike most, I actually want to help you with creating ideas for your story based from my own writing experience. A lot of what I wrote were just suggestions and ideas you could use instead. I think you misunderstood me on a few points so I wish to clear up a few things. :3

They discovered it inside crystals. I don't know what else to say, because it's just as abstract as asking "Why is the world in Final Fantasy 7 shaped like that?". I hope this answers your question.

Thanks for clearing this up. The question is anything but abstract. A more accurate comparison would be like asking "Where does the magic in FF7 come from?", which we know because Square often includes the origin of magic in their FF games if the storylines involve magic.

Well, actually, I said "Unearthed from THE earth", with a lowercase "earth". Like Final Fantasy 7, the name if its world isn't told in the story, but it is still called "Gaia". Maybe I should give it a name... I'll come up with it. Yes, it was discovered from the crystals.

Lowercase, uppercase, this is an alternate universe on a different planet. I've never heard FF characters say "We dug something up from the 'earth'!" or "What on 'earth' is going on?!". Instead they may say "We dug something up from the ground!" or "What in the world?", etc. I was just saying the the use of the word implies that the story takes place here(unearthed - to dig up out of the earth, earth- the solid matter of this planet; dry land; ground.). ^^ Tolkien got away with this by using the term "middle-earth" for his fantasy realm. Sneaky man . [definition sources taken from online dictionaries]

Let me tell you this before I go on: I did not include EVERY SINGLE DETAIL in the story, ok? You think I would enjoy sitting here for hours typing up a very long detailed story outline? No, and neither would you, probably xD. I mean, I didn't think you would care, but I'm still gonna sit here and type up the answers for you, because I'm a generous person. Anyways, it is like slums. The government gives them money when they do their work. They have freedoms and I imagine it like the a rundown down like one of those towns in poverty in South America, but built into the side of a crater. But the thing is, Laress HATES the government for locking them up, and she thinks that she was made for more. The heir also has dreams and sometimes, hallucinations that tell her to leave town, but I didn't think that would be an extremely important detail. May be it... I don't know. What's important to you may not be as important to me.

Thank you for being generous enough to type answers for me. I only want to help you develop your world further. I'm well aware that you didn't include every detail. That's why I ask questions to help you come up with ideas to fill those plot points in. And if you don't enjoy writing about the story, it may be a sign that you wouldn't want to spend years working on the game. Take in mind that you're not only writing the main story, but also npc quotes, scenes, character background and world origins. I've written about many worlds, taking up 3x that amount of space at a time. If you don't enjoy writing about your world then how will you stay committed?

On another note Slaves don't have freedoms. They are bound in servitude and are controlled by masters of some sort. They don't get paid and their lodgings are usually provided by their masters(the government in this case). It sounds like you're going for more of a slum type area. Slums meaning a run down place with low income like Aerith/Aeris's community in FF7(She was living in the hood). While they have freedoms they're often too poor to travel and they take small low paying jobs to survive off of. This is why word choice matters. Either it's a slave camp or a slum. I'm guessing you're going for a slave camp type setting but it wouldn't work well since merchants most likely wont visit slave camps.

And he came from Lourghes... how could he be going to Lourghes if he already came from it?

I was suggesting an idea. You could easily say he was headed back to the capitol on a trade route. Also it wouldn't make him look like a terrible businessman to just abandon his route to go back to Lourghes just because some random girl asks him to take her there. I was tryin to make the main character seem less like a Mary Sue who just makes complete strangers help her just because she's a main character and for no other reason.

The Government does manage to fend off the beast. Well, her being a "runaway slave" kind of did it. But, the heir has a black swirly tattoo on their shoulder, which, because of Laress' clothing style, is exposed. As later stated, we have the Geos, which I will explain how they know about before the vanishing

Thanks for clearing the beast thing up. So the Heir is like a L'Cie from FF13? Since you already told us she's not an Heir I'm assuming the tat was cause by the magic tree.

Notice the word: Accident. The goddess created magic to try and help the people but the Goddess isn't a truly "divine" being that people worship like the Christian "God". She has evil, and the power of magic can be used for evil. Because she represents magic itself as a goddess, which is why she is the Goddess of magic, and can be worshipped, she can't eliminate magic for good, or else she wouldn't exist. She doesn't want to not exist, so the only way that she can still thrive in her godly throne is if she destroys those who used her power. at first she didn't know this would be a "bad" thing, but now she knows.She can't physically access the world herself... but she can create someone who can do her bidding. This is where the heir comes in, to collect all magical power with the Spiri and return it to the goddess so that the goddess can destroy the people who abused her power. This might be confusing, but if you really think about, it isn't that bad... I think.

But...why? I'm still not quite clear on why the Goddess wants to destroy people who use magic. It's like Orphan from FF13, I have no idea why this goddess lady is trying to destroy humans because they use magic that she accidently let into the world. It's her fault. Most FF villains have a clear cut agenda for why they act the way they do. I don't see why miss Goddess needs to vanish people.

Well, she didn't know magic could be a "bad thing".

She must be new at her job cause girlfriend is trippin.

All I know is, you have a heck of a vision there. Hopefully you can make a really nice script and put together a team and make the game. I recommend looking into RPGmaker VX Ace as it's pretty easy to handle and learn. Anyways I look forward to seeing what you come up with. Good luck!

 

[Kyreaan]

@IcyJK913, I was talking about a custom vBulletin mod that you could get developed for vB4. It wouldn't cost members anything except gil when buying the mod at the vBShop. Triple Triad is a mod members can buy for 25 gil. There's no download involved, and it's part of the site. Someone from the staff can make a mod request at DragonByte Tech | vBulletin Mods & Addons. The Administrators and Technical Admins would be the ones doing maintenance on Final Fantasy Genesis. Ask the staff if this is a possibility.

 

[IcyJK913]

@IcyJK913, I was talking about a custom vBulletin mod that you could get developed for vB4. It wouldn't cost members anything except gil when buying the mod at the vBShop. Triple Triad is a mod members can buy for 25 gil. There's no download involved, and it's part of the site. Someone from the staff can make a mod request at DragonByte Tech | vBulletin Mods & Addons. The Administrators and Technical Admins would be the ones doing maintenance on Final Fantasy Genesis. Ask the staff if this is a possibility.

Oh, ok. Sorry! xD