Serious ...Friends

[Squid]

Hmm I think I am mostly coming from a partner's point of view, where I myself wouldn't be friends with an ex (I wouldn't ignore them but I wouldn't actively seek out their friendship etc) and I'd also expect my partner not to be friends with his ex's. he was friends with them to the point where he'd stay over their house on weekends and not see me etc, it really made me paranoid and a bitter person. I didn't want to make him choose but it made me feel so uncomfortable, I told him I couldn't be with someone who showed as much attention to his ex's as he did to his girlfriend and that we couldn't be together

Thankfully he decided I was too good to loose I guess and wanted to stay with me.

But sometimes being friends with ex's can affect how other people feel about you, particularly partners...

i guess i just wanted to give another perspective

 

[Dee]

Hmm I think I am mostly coming from a partner's point of view, where I myself wouldn't be friends with an ex (I wouldn't ignore them but I wouldn't actively seek out their friendship etc) and I'd also expect my partner not to be friends with his ex's. he was friends with them to the point where he'd stay over their house on weekends and not see me etc, it really made me paranoid and a bitter person. I didn't want to make him choose but it made me feel so uncomfortable, I told him I couldn't be with someone who showed as much attention to his ex's as he did to his girlfriend and that we couldn't be together

Thankfully he decided I was too good to loose I guess and wanted to stay with me.

But sometimes being friends with ex's can affect how other people feel about you, particularly partners...

i guess i just wanted to give another perspective

Lol, uhhh, that's kind of a weird situation. Let me get this straight, you were together with someone who was also friends with their ex and still hung out with that person, sometimes even more so than with you? In that case, I could see where it would be a problem.

 

[Squid]

yeah sorry, I can't explain myself very well.

My bf did used to go to their house on weekends etc to play xbox etc... who knows if thats the truth... I believe him but can't help but be paranoid... specially when I love playing videogames and was never invited :S

I guess my situation is a little different?

 

[Dee]

Kinda like a lot different. xD Well, in my case, I wasn't seeing anybody and vice versa. I can understand why you would be rather wary of your boyfriend seeing his ex, especially if you had any reason to doubt him. I don't think I would do that to someone if it really hurt their feelings. Then again, I would hope my significant other trusted me enough to know I'm not the cheating type, no matter who it is.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

he was friends with them to the point where he'd stay over their house on weekends and not see me etc, it really made me paranoid and a bitter person. I didn't want to make him choose but it made me feel so uncomfortable, I told him I couldn't be with someone who showed as much attention to his ex's as he did to his girlfriend and that we couldn't be together

Wow yeah that is totally not right.

Good on you for telling him how you felt as well. I can't stand girls who let themselves get walked all over by their partners. =/

I am totally against the 'being friends with ex's thing.'

Once we've broken up it's done. There is no seeing one another after that, but I suppose that's only because all my break ups were really bad.

If Steve decided that he wanted to hang out with an ex I think I'd punch him the balls. I'm rather jealous when it comes to that sort of thing.

Luckily for me there would never be a chance of that because all his ex's are down South where he used to live in an entirely different state.

Though I know he's the type who wouldn't do that to me anyway. He wouldn't like it if I did it to him, so it works nicely. Though he wouldn't really forbid me from seeing them if I wanted to as he's easygoing like that. I just know it would hurt him though.

Ex's. All I've ever seen them do is get in the way and cause problems. They're more trouble then they're worth.

If you're going to remain friends with one, you should figure out who you like more. Your current girlfriend/boyfriend or your old one and ensure that the majority of your time is spent with your current partner.

Being friends with ex's can work if you really want it to, but I've never seen a happy ending when it comes to this matter. =/

 

[Shu]

You might think I'm a good person until you hear what I'm about to say about myself.

Here's brute honesty for you. If you have been in a long relationship with me, and we end civil, just because of situational, then well yea we will be friends, but that doesn't really mean we will have much communication.

Now if we end not so civil, instead of dwindling on it like most of you folks do, I cut everything I knew about her out of my life. Her friends, her pictures, her music, and I mean the works. I don't talk shit, I just act like it never happened... it's a false sense of closure. It works every time though . Yea yea, seems like I've been around a lot of relationships.. but seriously.. I can't hold on to something that's just not there. She might have been a part of my life, but I have to move on. It's part of my evolution baby. (arrogant ass hole)

 

[Ilyena]

You might think I'm a good person until you hear what I'm about to say about myself.

Here's brute honesty for you. If you have been in a long relationship with me, and we end civil, just because of situational, then well yea we will be friends, but that doesn't really mean we will have much communication.

Now if we end not so civil, instead of dwindling on it like most of you folks do, I cut everything I knew about her out of my life. Her friends, her pictures, her music, and I mean the works. I don't talk shit, I just act like it never happened... it's a false sense of closure. It works every time though . Yea yea, seems like I've been around a lot of relationships.. but seriously.. I can't hold on to something that's just not there. She might have been a part of my life, but I have to move on. It's part of my evolution baby. (arrogant ass hole)

That's kind of exactly what I did with my last ex. I deleted all of his pictures, threw away the gifts he had given me, deleted him from MSN and blocked him (twice because he added me on a new email) and deleted his phone number. It wasn't a pretty break up though and I didn't want anything to do with him after. He had this idea that we could be friends and he would call me every now and then asking why I never called him and telling me he missed me. I told him I had nothing more to say to him. He's married now and has a kid on the way. He needs to tend to his personal affairs and leave me out of it. I think he finally got the picture the last time he called me because I haven't heard from him since .

I don't think there's anything wrong with moving on and leaving an ex behind, especially if it was a bad situation.

 

[Exoskeleton]

I'm friends of most of my exes. For some reason I find that it's easier to be friends with an ex you've known for a long while as oppose to an ex that was somewhat of a fling. I like my exes and they like me. It depends on how you go on about it. If the breakup ends in a nasty situation then I guess that would be difficult...

 

[Abstract Debauchery]

Very similar to Shu, that's the way I handle it. However, even if we did part on good terms, do not expect me to make an effort. It's no longer my problem, or my responsibility to attempt to play friends. I have other friends, that I've known for much longer and am much closer with than to take time of of my schedule with them, to suddenly sit there and pretend nothing happened so I can play friends with with my ex.

In my experience with the subject, even if I do make an effort, being friends never works out.

Now, if it was bad terms, I'm cutting ties and burning bridges like a pyromaniac that just found some gasoline and some matches. I could care less at that point, we're done, we're over, why should I care? Logic wise, I shouldn't, therefore I won't. I can break every single emotional tie, not give a shit, and move on like it was nothing. I wish more people could think this way, but unfortunately, that will never happen.

When it comes to an emotional instability such as love, for most people, logic and rationality goes straight out the window.

 

[Shu]

Very similar to Shu, that's the way I handle it. However, even if we did part on good terms, do not expect me to make an effort.

Yea, I'm very similar. The thing that matters is how close we were and how fast really. If it was physical from the beginning but platonic, then yea sure.. friends, just getting to know each other. If it's just friends from the beginning yet she labeled as more (for her status reasons), sure... friends. Now if we were having deep in depths conversations, and always bound by the soul per say, as in hear to heart, and helping eachother... sheesh, that's a toughy.

It's like a trust thing. If I end it, well it's because I'm doing more harm than good by being with the girl. If she ends it, well it's sort of like, losing someone who can understand the way you think. Most people only want that in their life sometimes for stability.

Your trust toward the opposite gender sometimes dissipates, so you just sever all ties so to speak, in order to get over that hump. Sure you might say you are friends, but in reality how likely do you two have conversations that aren't butt ass awkward =P. That's like reliving my Middle school days, I don't do that to people, nor should they do it to me.

I will not be your emotional sponge in life. I will let you lean, but I won't let you use me as a crutch/bandaid (emotional or physical) or other metaphorical devices. To each their own.. if by chance you get lucky and find your mr. right/mrs. wrong - well then great, but all relationships are work, and most don't end civilly.

 

[Bambi]

I feel being friends with an ex is very demeaning, specially for the one who was broken up with in the first place. its like "lol you're not good enough to go out with, but lets just be friends"

also I have heard of so many stories and know a couple of people who have been ditched by their Boyfriends who got back with their ex's.

I think my bad experiences and stuff has just put me against it to be honest, and I'd never be ok with it.

I think that's where time and space comes into it though, i think it depends massively on the nature of the break up as well. I know for instance with a guy called Danny I was with, that got really messy, didn't speak to him in over a year then he randomly tries to add me on FB and Im just like... nah. Jog on pal

And if the other person isn't ok with it, well you're not friends, so i dont think its a case of its demeaning or anything like that, because its not like you are being forced into remaining friends, and you certainly dont break up and be like we've just split up but its ok, now we are friends WOO. Both parties need recovery time regardless of who broke up with who, and if you can be friends after that, then great, if not, well, its the way (most often) that it goes innit