Serious Helping My Girlfriend

[Steve-O]

I'm having a slight problem at the moment at college and it getting me soo down that i just need a bit of advice, but my college are not very helpful...

sooo I been with my girlfriend for 3 months and we are getting on really well, but we are having a little issue with one of her ex's (her Boyfriend before me) basicly, she was walking somewhere in the college one day and he said something under her breath... she said that if he had something to say then he should say it to her face. the next thing she know is that he hits her on the back of the head.. for no reason at all. so the college finds out and he gets suspended while it gets looked into. i find out the next day, i was sooo angry that somebody had to stop me from confronting him.

this was all ok she was getting over it slowly, but then he comes in for a meeting, and my girlfriend got pulled over and told that he going to be allowed back into college next year and could even be in the same class as my girlfriend.

my problem is controlling myself, everytime i see him i just want to go to him and give him one... but i know that i can't. and it effecting my girlfriend sooo much she stressing, being down all the time not wanting hugs and kisses. she sooo worried that it starting to get me down now. i hate seeing her worried and I love her sooo much, i never met a sweeter girl in my whole life.. but i hate her being down and she having to see people about this and everything. it just sooo annorying and everyday she being reminded.. i just don't know how to cheer her up anymore

i really just want advice on how i could support her cuz i really dn what to do i just want the happy girl that i met back... she just not that person right now.. i don't want to leave her i just want to do something to help her during this hard time and to support her as her boyfriend, i'm just really stuck in what to do

 

[Howl]

There must be a reason why he treated her that way. I'm not saying she did anything wrong, but a person doesn't just attack without either a personal problem or motivation.

And when the police report was written (despite the fact that it takes 4+ hours for a cop to show up on the scene), what did they say?

 

[Steve-O]

There must be a reason why he treated her that way. I'm not saying she did anything wrong, but a person doesn't just attack without either a personal problem or motivation.

And when the police report was written (despite the fact that it takes 4+ hours for a cop to show up on the scene), what did they say?

the college didn't get the police involved.. the college dealt with the matter themselves i can see the reasoning why he might of reacted like that (the fact she said if you got something to say say it to my face) but i always been taught as a kid by my father that a man never hits a woman... that the reason why i get soo angry when i see him.. my problem right now is my girlfriend... she sooo down and i want to do something to help her.. but i don't know what

 

[Tmoo]

what? no police involvement? wtf? this is assault, textbook example. what the hell is going on with that college?

 

[Rapture]

It sounds like there are obvious hard feelings between the two...for whatever reason.

I'll second what a few people have already said...this is an assault. So why weren't the police involved? The college shouldn't be trying to cover this up and if this guy had some legal ramifications for what he's done...then he probably wouldn't consider doing it again since he's apparently not enough of a man to not hit a woman.

I'd be scared/upset if I were her too. Who's to say he wouldn't try doing something stupid like this again if they are potentientially placed in a class together and are forced to have some interaction together on a regular basis?

If I were you there really is no way of comforting her since she appears to be quite traumatized by the whole situation. What she really needs is some form of protection from this guy...and it shouldn't have to be you, even though you want it to be. Because you wouldn't have to be involved in the first place if the police were. If she is still upset have her talk to the police about it. Then I would talk to the Dean or whoever is in charge over there at the school. She shouldn't be forced to take a class with this guy and some sort of accomodations should be made if that could be the case. If she's still worried about this guy, there's always the protection she could get from a restraining order if its really that serious.

 

[Harlequin]

If you get this guy back she'll feel safe. Right now this guy's got away with murder, he must be smug as hell. If you've got proof of him hitting your girlfriend go knock him the fuck out. Even if the college try and get the police involved they'll just brush it off as a small incident between kids. Just explain yourself to them they're more understanding than you might think. They don't really want to bother 18 year old students if you tell em this geezer's been dogging her around threatening her and stuff they'll just say fair enough just don't do it again.

That's closure. You got him back, protected her and he'll probably leave it unless he wants to get kicked out. If you leave it the way it is he's dominating and your chick (however sweet she is) will begin to feel you're inadequate.

Unless he's the kind to stab you or something. In that case just leave it he'll die soon.

 

[Gingerbread Lesbian]

I'm having a slight problem at the moment at college and it getting me soo down that i just need a bit of advice, but my college are not very helpful...

sooo I been with my girlfriend for 3 months and we are getting on really well, but we are having a little issue with one of her ex's (her Boyfriend before me) basicly, she was walking somewhere in the college one day and he said something under her breath... she said that if he had something to say then he should say it to her face. the next thing she know is that he hits her on the back of the head.. for no reason at all. so the college finds out and he gets suspended while it gets looked into. i find out the next day, i was sooo angry that somebody had to stop me from confronting him.

this was all ok she was getting over it slowly, but then he comes in for a meeting, and my girlfriend got pulled over and told that he going to be allowed back into college next year and could even be in the same class as my girlfriend.

my problem is controlling myself, everytime i see him i just want to go to him and give him one... but i know that i can't. and it effecting my girlfriend sooo much she stressing, being down all the time not wanting hugs and kisses. she sooo worried that it starting to get me down now. i hate seeing her worried and I love her sooo much, i never met a sweeter girl in my whole life.. but i hate her being down and she having to see people about this and everything. it just sooo annorying and everyday she being reminded.. i just don't know how to cheer her up anymore

i really just want advice on how i could support her cuz i really dn what to do i just want the happy girl that i met back... she just not that person right now.. i don't want to leave her i just want to do something to help her during this hard time and to support her as her boyfriend, i'm just really stuck in what to do

In all honesty, I think the only thing you should do is be there to support her and not actually "do" anything, I had the same problem with one of my ex's ex and he sounds exactly like the sort person who would twist anything you say or do and turn it back on you; and by the sounds of it, he seems like he'd be the sort of person who would be more than happy to try and split you and your girlfriend up. Just comfort your girlfriend and let the police/college get involved. If need be it sounds like she could end up having a case of harassment against him if he keeps up which he'll end up having to sign a piece of paper saying he won't attempt to contact her otherwise he'll end up in front of the judge. Seriously though, don't go looking for a rise out of him otherwise it'll end up being messy and not something you want to be involved in.

There must be a reason why he treated her that way. I'm not saying she did anything wrong, but a person doesn't just attack without either a personal problem or motivation.

When it comes to ex's you'd be surprised, my ex is always trying to get at my throat when we see each other on a night out (not violently, mind) and most of the time there's little, if any reason for it.

 

[Dionysos]

I wouldn't advise attempting to beat the crap out of him, but I guess that depends upon whether your girlfriend is the kind to respect that or not, and also if you are likely to survive such a confrontation.

It might be better to show yourself to be the better man by avoiding a physical confrontation, as I don't think that really solves anything. However, if everybody rolls that way where you live, then perhaps it is the done thing. It depends. I personally wouldn't, though, unless of course he tries something like that again and you need to protect her.

It would be much better to sort the issue out properly, if at all possible, and not to add yourself to the problem. Get the authorities involved if possible, but most of all be there for your girlfriend. I doubt she'd feel happier if you confronted the guy and it went wrong, or he got worse and started fighting you and your girlfriend more often, or got his friends involved and ganged up. Violence and anger just leads to more violence and anger, in my opinion, until someone stops. Stop. Don't add yourself to that cycle. Keep your cool, where possible, as this guy seems aggressively unstable and needs to be dealt with properly if it could be. Of course it depends upon how violent the place you live is, and how violent this guy is generally.

 

[Noize]

It sounds like there are obvious hard feelings between the two...for whatever reason.

I'll second what a few people have already said...this is an assault. So why weren't the police involved? The college shouldn't be trying to cover this up and if this guy had some legal ramifications for what he's done...then he probably wouldn't consider doing it again since he's apparently not enough of a man to not hit a woman.

I'd be scared/upset if I were her too. Who's to say he wouldn't try doing something stupid like this again if they are potentientially placed in a class together and are forced to have some interaction together on a regular basis?

If I were you there really is no way of comforting her since she appears to be quite traumatized by the whole situation. What she really needs is some form of protection from this guy...and it shouldn't have to be you, even though you want it to be. Because you wouldn't have to be involved in the first place if the police were. If she is still upset have her talk to the police about it. Then I would talk to the Dean or whoever is in charge over there at the school. She shouldn't be forced to take a class with this guy and some sort of accomodations should be made if that could be the case. If she's still worried about this guy, there's always the protection she could get from a restraining order if its really that serious.

This is exactly what i think, pretty much. By the sounds of it it's either what Mel said, or he's the violent type, that keeps grudges. Eitherway the police should've been involved. It's not as if the University/College is gonna lose reputation (Which is why they'd have covered it up). I suggest you talk to your girlfriend about maybe switching campuses?

that's just an idea, but it's better than having your girlfriend frightened at the risk of abusing her even more, and you can relax knowing he's not in the same campus.

 

[Thief of Hearts Joker]

I'm not exactly good about these kind's of thing's like you Stevie I would feel enraged and feel the urge to beat him to a bloody pulp,but I've learned that,like Argor said lead's to more Violence and could turn out worse.I feel Obliged to respond since your a good friend

First and most importantly make sure to comfort her and see if you can,even though she's upset you can try to make her laugh or maybe even take her to one of her favorite place's.

Second if this guy persists Talk to the head of the school and if they don't take action go to the police,depending on how bad the situation is you can probably get a restraining order against him or if he's a Grudge type he may get thrown into the slammer for something could do some research on it =o.

Third Try to keep at her side as often as possible I doubt he'll even show if your around her often and when your not around.

Whatever you do don't resort to Violence unless it's a Absolute Last Resort like if he somehow corner's you or has a group of his friend's if this happen's try and make a break for it.

To be honest I'm surprised that the Police weren't involved in this...Makes me think if he know's the higher up's in the school personally or maybe his family has connection's to it or something there could be a few reason's behind this =/