I dont know how to deal with this situation

Daenerys

Daenerys

The Last Dragon
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I have a friend whos Bi and he's recently gotten a boyfriend. but his mums found out (he lives with his mum and sister)

and she said that she hates him, she locked him in the house today when she went to work so he couldnt go out so he ran away and is planning on staying with my other friend tonight.

the trouble is i dont know how to act about all this - he came into school crying today and has been really depressed all day, and i just haven't a clue of what to say to him, i feel really sorry for him because if his friends accept him then why wont his mother? and what are you supposed to say if someones going through that?

Help me please - its totally bumming me out
 
i suppose the best thing u could do for him would to be a friend make sure ure there for him when he needs you. His mums no doubt shocked chances are in a few weeks things could blow over
 
There is absolutely no need for you to get involved in this matter. It's between your friend and his mother, so let them sort it out. All you can do is be there to support him when he needs it, and generally just be a good friend to him
 
No i dont mean get involved - i mean i dont know how to comfort him y'know? my Friend whos house hes staying it is going on about slapping his mother and egging his house and shit...but thats just going too far,

like today in geography he sat next to me like usual but he didnt talk much - which is so unsual for him - and i didnt know what to say - felt really awkward....
 
Well if he doesn't seem to want to talk about it, then try not to bring it up with him. Just act like you normally do and see if that cheers him up. If that fails, then you might need to sit down and talk it over with him and see where you get like that
 
Yeah thats what i tried - he seemed to have perked up a lot by the end of the lesson - but he was just so...withdrawn... it kinda upset me because hes never like that...still ive got a double lesson of Geogrpahy tomorrow so im going to do what we always do - make fun of jemma and Bully daniel (who really is a little shit) - and see if he cheers up.

im just worried that my other friends will do something Drastic *sighs* so confuzzling
 
Nothin much you can do in this situation really. It's just like Pooley said you have to provide support when needed and don't bring this up unless he wants to talk to you about it. And make sure he doesn't do anything reckless or thoughtless.
 
That's to be expected though. His mother has just basically kicked him out of her life, of course he's going to be withdrawn. It's not something that he'll be able to forget about at all. Just give it time, and act like normal and it should all end up OK
 
I dont really want to bring this up around him really...its just that everyone else seems to wanna talk about it and stuff....

it just makes my head hurt i dont wanna tell everyone else to shut up because maybe its good for him to talk about it and i dont wanna come off as bossy
 
Just tell the others to leave it, whether he's there or not. I imagine that he won't be comfortable talking about it all the time, so it may be for the best.
 
Well people are going to gossip about stuff like this. It can't be helped. I'm sure your friend knows this is happening anyway gossip normally gets back to the subject of the matter. Telling everyone to shutup won't really help much just defend your friend if they so happen to attack him on the subject.
 
His mother shouldn't react like that.She should support him for that and help him to be accepted by the society.
If I were at your place I'd suggest him to talk with his mom and make her understand and make her accept him.
 
Ok today things....Escalated (for want of a better word)

He slept round his friends last night because he was too scared to go home, but when he was at school he got sent home. he didnt return so at dinnertime some of my friends went round his house to see what was up, his mum locked him in and refused to speak to them. so he jumped out of his window.

when they got back to school he got sent home again and my friends got shouted at or something. after school he was outside, and he said that his mother had said "if you run away now you can never come back" and this was after she said i hate you and all that other shit. and when he said i hate you too back to his mother she said he she was going to put him in a foster home in BIRMINGHAM (when we all live im middlesborough)

so i took him and my other friends to my house and my mum managed to calm him down by saying that his mother cant just send him to birmingham and if he's got a place where the parents say he can stay then the police cant remove him or anything.

so hes round my friends house again tonight, its been a really stressful day - we were all worried when he didnt come back and theres been tears over the whole birmingham thing.
 
You should do the only thing a friend can do...and that is to offer your support and comfort. You can't right his life for him, but you can make him feel better about it.
 
Wow, things really have escalated. Have you all tried talking things through with his mother, because the main problem is there. She needs to come to her senses and accept her son for what he is. She's the one being a kid. And I'm not trying to be insensitive here, but where does his father stand in all this?
 
His fathers dead...and his mother Refused to listen to him at all just screaming at him and telling him if he doesnt change he'll be sent to a foster home in birmingham...

i thinks he's living at my friends house now but im not sure..
 
Don't mean to be rude, but she's not much of a mother is she? If you really loved your child, you wouldn't treat them like she is doing. She needs to grow up, and come to terms with who he is.
 
Judge Rulia said:
Don't mean to be rude, but she's not much of a mother is she? If you really loved your child, you wouldn't treat them like she is doing. She needs to grow up, and come to terms with who he is.
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I couldn't agree with you more on that JR. I don't understand how she can just throw away 15 - 16 years of life and love for her very own child just because of his sexual preference.

AG, I know she said that she hates him, but I truly think it was said out of devastation and anger. I'm not trying to defend her actions, but think about it. I'm sure she is absolutely devastated and hurt over finding out what her son is, especially if she is a deeply religious woman or if she was prejudice against gay people to begin with and to make matters worse, she no longer has a husband to talk to. Now, kinda put yourself in her shoes. What just happed is a pretty jagged pill to swallow for her at the moment.


Does he have any family that lives locally there in town, like an Aunt or Uncle he can stay with for a little while?

If he does, I think that would be the best situation of all, rather then staying with a friend. That way his schooling isn't being interrupted and regardless of what his mother said to him, I'm sure she still loves him. At least she'll know he's safe staying with family.

Anyway, For his sake, I hope it's only an issue of his mother being hurt. If this is the case, then the situation should cool down on it's own shortly as him Mom comes to terms with her hurt and starts to accept things for what they are. If it doesn't get any better, I suggest that he try talking to consoler staffed at the school. Hopefully they can get the two of them talking to each other on a mature level and in the long run, starting to healing process.
 
F. F. Fan said:
Anyway, For his sake, I hope it's only an issue of his mother being hurt. If this is the case, then the situation should cool down on it's own shortly as him Mom comes to terms with her hurt and starts to accept things for what they are. If it doesn't get any better, I suggest that he try talking to consoler staffed at the school. Hopefully they can get the two of them talking to each other on a mature level and in the long run, starting to healing process.
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i think thats whats happened, i found out yesterday that he was living back at his house and that his mums calmed down - shes even letting his boyfriend stay round so she can get to know him. although he is grounded for running away i think that its all going to be fine.

(sorry for not posting this yesterday - history homework as well as preparations for my french oral test tommorrow got in my way)
 
The nest thing you can do is be a friend when someone needs one. When someone is down they need someone there to help them get back on theyre feet. If you just be a good friend and be there for him at this time and support him whatever happens then do so. Getting involved shouldn't even be on your mind and its up to them to sort it out. His mother should accept this fact and move on, as a mother she should love him for what he is and she shuld not think otherwise if she is a real and proper mother to this human being. :)
 
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