Serious Just wondering about side chicks and FWB's ...

[Sepalcure]

Warning: Post contains mild language and is not totally cohesive; in other words, it's a form of free writing.

This situation's bothered me for a while now and I'm not condoning the behavior of people who engage in this sort of arrangement (I'll call it that, for lack of a better word) nor do I loathe them for it--I just need answers and preferably concrete opinions. Ahem, so ... let's say that you liked someone but you were in a friends with benefits arrangement with someone BUT you still really liked this person ... would you string them along? Would you let them know about this no-strings attached arrangement? Are you hypothetically a prick for deciding to string along said chick IF you do along with your side chick? Like, what is the actual purpose of even telling someone you have feelings for them if you're in a no-strings attached relationship? I mean what you have is better, right? There's no emotions involved, it's strictly for the "wham bam, thank you babe for the good screw, good day," type of deal--why even bother trying to get into a committed relationship? I just have to wonder why some guys are okay with that whole set up and then leading some girls on (read: side chick) to thinking there's something more there when there probably isn't ...? I mean, I was in a whole f*ck buddy arrangement but the guy I engaged in it with kept texting me at random hours asking me, "wyd" "do you want to *censored*" Really? Why? Why should you care what I'm doing and if I want to do x y and z and why do you even WANT to continue fooling around with me? I found myself even thinking back to the first time we even DID anything and I found myself wanting to do it again and THEN I found myself freaking out. I was like, "Whoa Tay, noooo, ya'll have friends within the same circle, shit travels fast within this circle. You're going to have to keep this ish on the down low. NO ONE can know. What if he has other bitches on the side? What if he has a main chick?" Literally, all of that went through my head.

And so ...

Like what's the point, it's so stupid, won't you just ruin my friendship with you? 'Cause I'm going to admit, I'll be frank, I had to cut if off with this guy, we'll call him ... B, so yeah I had to cut if off with B because I heard from various friends and close sources that side chick/FWB arrangements rarely work. Girls always tend to catch some sort of feelings soooooo why do some guys feel it's okay to have one chick, two chicks, three chicks, four? Furthermore, why do some chicks feel it's okay to even settle to be in that position? Again, not condoning or loathing or debasing anyone for settling into these respective roles, I mean I had a close friend (IRL btw) even tell me she was in an on and off one for a while and for her she couldn't even handle it. She had to leave the guy because apparently he caught feelings for her and it just got messy. Like, is it possible to just separate the sex from the friendship? Can you keep it up for years and juggle that ish forever? Won't you get bored, like my friend did, and just move on to the next one? P.S. my friend is now happily committed to her man (they're fucking adorable) and side piece free. But anyway, I'm just curious.

Thoughts? Opinions? Anyone just as clueless as I am?

 

[Squid]

I don't care if someone wants a fuck buddy, that is their choice and I don't have to agree with it. If that is what makes them happy then good for them. Though when they decide that they like someone else, and bring this new person into the picture all the shit with the Fuck buddy should come to a hault. If i had fallen for someone who had a Fuck buddy before me, I would not want to hear about it or know about it, that is their business, the only time it would affect me is if they were still doing shit with them while stringing me along.

Don't bother telling someone you like them if you're going to continue with whatever no strings attached shit you've got going on. That is just nasty and unfair and the third person didn't ask for this haha.
I also think being a fuck buddy is quite degrading. People will disagree, because to some, sex is sex and they like doing it without being in a relationship, buuut I'm not so into that.

...did I even answer the question lmfao

 

[Sepalcure]

I don't care if someone wants a fuck buddy, that is their choice and I don't have to agree with it. If that is what makes them happy then good for them. Though when they decide that they like someone else, and bring this new person into the picture all the shit with the Fuck buddy should come to a hault. If i had fallen for someone who had a Fuck buddy before me, I would not want to hear about it or know about it, that is their business, the only time it would affect me is if they were still doing shit with them while stringing me along.

Don't bother telling someone you like them if you're going to continue with whatever no strings attached shit you've got going on. That is just nasty and unfair and the third person didn't ask for this haha.
I also think being a fuck buddy is quite degrading. People will disagree, because to some, sex is sex and they like doing it without being in a relationship, buuut I'm not so into that.

...did I even answer the question lmfao

Exaaaaactly, like don't tell me about your predetermined arrangement with Girl A and expect me to just accept that, I'd hate that EDIT: Let me clarify, if I like you and you say you like me but you've got this side chick--then um, pause, what were you expecting from me? You might as well stay with her if she's got it so good. It almost sounds as if you'd have no respect for her or myself if you were to do that to me. It's like some guys expect to have both slices of their cake to eat, no boo-boo, shit doesn't work like that.

Granted, my experience with it was pretty flippant in the way it happened. B and I were literally just talking hypothetically about it with a few of our friends who pretty much (like I said before) thought the whole thing was icky and messy to begin with. I never thought I would've tried out the whole FWB thing with him but I immediately knew afterward that it was a form of a relationship or friendship or whatever that I wanted no part in. I literally texted him telling him that the reason I no longer was communicating with him was because I didn't want to f*ck him. I mean to each their own, I couldn't judge my friend too harshly on it because I'd very, very briefly did it with someone within our own circle. In that sense, I feel like I have no room to judge. But I feel that someone who engages in it and knowingly does so with a man who's romantically involved or is considering becoming romantically involved with someone--well, I just feel that they're just lacking in standards. It could matter little to me if this girl is friendly or as sweet as pie, if she's opening her legs up to another woman's man then she evidently doesn't view herself highly. Why subject yourself to that when you can either be a) happily single or b) get a boyfriend, like my friend did? I gotta wonder is it because some people just feel like, "YOLO, you only live once my dude," and so they feel that they can just screw whomever whenever and not jeopardize their friend's feelings? Like, what in the hell, how do you even look at your friend the same way after they've touched you and handled you like that?

 

[seddy-0]

it works like this. if you are single and she is single, and you both don't want a relationship, but want the perks of a relationship. then you are FWB's. now lets say you get a girl friend. well if you keep the FWB. that in theory makes you a cheater. unless you are a Poly or swinger and she knows of this. now lets pretend no one is poly or a swinger. would be too complicated trying to explain with those two contingents.
i have had FWB situations in my day. it happens on my end because i am too busy for a relationship and cannot give the devotion needed for a girlfriend, so i became FWB's with a girl. now that ended when she got a boyfriend. i wont lie.. after a while, i was kinda feelin' her. and yeah when you do the FWB thing you do risk ruining a friendship. the girl i was FWB's with. i am still friends with to this day. she is still seeing someone but we have inside jokes that we tell each other.

an fwb is not a complicated thing. its no commitment, you can have as many FWB's at once as you want, just can't be committed to one because then it becomes a relationship. when you are in an FWB situation, you gotta be careful that you don't develop feelings for that person, because more than likely they don't feel the same way and you are gonna end up hurt in the long run.

 

[Sepalcure]

it works like this. if you are single and she is single, and you both don't want a relationship, but want the perks of a relationship. then you are FWB's. now lets say you get a girl friend. well if you keep the FWB. that in theory makes you a cheater. unless you are a Poly or swinger and she knows of this. now lets pretend no one is poly or a swinger. would be too complicated trying to explain with those two contingents.
i have had FWB situations in my day. it happens on my end because i am too busy for a relationship and cannot give the devotion needed for a girlfriend, so i became FWB's with a girl. now that ended when she got a boyfriend. i wont lie.. after a while, i was kinda feelin' her. and yeah when you do the FWB thing you do risk ruining a friendship. the girl i was FWB's with. i am still friends with to this day. she is still seeing someone but we have inside jokes that we tell each other.

an fwb is not a complicated thing. its no commitment, you can have as many FWB's at once as you want, just can't be committed to one because then it becomes a relationship. when you are in an FWB situation, you gotta be careful that you don't develop feelings for that person, because more than likely they don't feel the same way and you are gonna end up hurt in the long run.

I mean I guess I understand where you're coming from ... the fact that there's no commitment and such and that you have to essentially separate friendship from sex. But I'm just wondering how do you and would you maintain that sort of connection in the long term? I feel like once you settle into that position with someone then it becomes steadily more complicated because there's the inevitable consequence of catching feelings--something I was afraid of doing in my own FWB. I mean, I guess some guys are just commitmentphobes but if that's the case why not just be single until you can meet someone who can properly fulfill ALL of the requirements of a girlfriend?

By the way I was also gonna ask, what if both engage in committed relationships over a long term but keep gravitating to each other for sex; isn't that just like unjustifiable? Would that FWB arrangement then evolve into something else?

 

[seddy-0]

like i said.. of you are fwb's and one of you gets a relationship that is outside the fwb thing, then you must stop being fwb's and either be friends again without the sex or part ways.. because if you keep up the fwb thing, its cheating. fwb's are really not meant to be long term, if you do. in my opinion its almost unavoidable that you will end up developing feelings, and if its one sided then you risk losing everything. if its not..well then you got your fwb thing just evolved. in 1998 i dated a girl whom we staretd out as FWB' then it evolved into a relationship that lasted till 2005 (i am 30) i wont get into the details of how that relationship ended, but yeah.. fwb's can evolve, i am living proof it has happened. my second fwb thing as i stated earlier, she got a relationship, and we are still friends to this day.

if you wanna go deeper into this. i know poly's, these are people who have to have multiple partners..so pretty much a relationship is not gonna happen unless you are into sharing your "candy"

 

[Sepalcure]

like i said.. of you are fwb's and one of you gets a relationship that is outside the fwb thing, then you must stop being fwb's and either be friends again without the sex or part ways.. because if you keep up the fwb thing, its cheating. fwb's are really not meant to be long term, if you do. in my opinion its almost unavoidable that you will end up developing feelings, and if its one sided then you risk losing everything. if its not..well then you got your fwb thing just evolved. in 1998 i dated a girl whom we staretd out as FWB' then it evolved into a relationship that lasted till 2005 (i am 30) i wont get into the details of how that relationship ended, but yeah.. fwb's can evolve, i am living proof it has happened. my second fwb thing as i stated earlier, she got a relationship, and we are still friends to this day.

if you wanna go deeper into this. i know poly's, these are people who have to have multiple partners..so pretty much a relationship is not gonna happen unless you are into sharing your "candy"

But that's what I'm saying--if you guys have maintained this purely physical relationship for a while and you decide to get into a committed relationship wouldn't that whole history between you two blur and mar the line of friendship? I mean I don't know, maybe some people are better at handling predetermined arrangements and can adhere to certain conditions (e.g. "Don't call me unless I call you; don't text me during the holidays, etc." I always want to clarify that this ISN'T just about friends with benefits arrangements, this is also about "side chicks," think like Tiger Woods and his many mistresses. Are those women who engage in non-committal relationships with a man who may/may not be married or engaged or in a long-term relationship with his boo, unjustified and whorish in their pursuits? Or are they just human and entitled to getting gifts and perks whilst knowing of this dude's main chick?

 

[Gaige]

I can't really say much because...I've been extremely attracted to friends before on a purely physical level. I've also been attracted to people on a physical and emotional level. I can safely say that I've never really considered the whole...friends with benefits thing as something I want. I honestly think it blurs the line of friendship and will put you into some form of emotional limbo in the long term.

I'd never judge anybody for engaging in a friends with benefits relationship. They're welcome to it, and if it gives them a little happiness and a sexual outlet in one another that's great. But for me, I just wouldn't be comfortable taking any of my friends, casually fucking them, then going to play video games with them or talk about sports or whatever like we're still just mates and nothing more.

I suppose it might just be a case of me being weak willed, but for me, sex is for a committed emotional relationship, and to just have a typical friendship with sex on the side would be me lying to myself. Other people are welcome to do this as much as they want, but on a personal level, I don't want it.

 

[Sepalcure]

like i said.. of you are fwb's and one of you gets a relationship that is outside the fwb thing, then you must stop being fwb's and either be friends again without the sex or part ways.. because if you keep up the fwb thing, its cheating. fwb's are really not meant to be long term, if you do. in my opinion its almost unavoidable that you will end up developing feelings, and if its one sided then you risk losing everything. if its not..well then you got your fwb thing just evolved. in 1998 i dated a girl whom we staretd out as FWB' then it evolved into a relationship that lasted till 2005 (i am 30) i wont get into the details of how that relationship ended, but yeah.. fwb's can evolve, i am living proof it has happened. my second fwb thing as i stated earlier, she got a relationship, and we are still friends to this day.

if you wanna go deeper into this. i know poly's, these are people who have to have multiple partners..so pretty much a relationship is not gonna happen unless you are into sharing your "candy"

I don't think I want to push this deeper into the realm of polygamy--'cause to me that's a whole other ball game. Two sides of a different coin. I feel like there's a big difference between f*cking your friend and wrestling with NOT developing feelings for them, keeping numerous wives and/or girlfriends because you all mutually adore one another, and f*cking a married man for instance who has kids. I know someone's who engaged in both behaviors--in other words has been the side chick (unknowingly) and has had an extensive FWB. Consequently to her merit, I don't see her as being any less of a friend because of those behaviors but I do know that she looks back on those past experiences with a sense of deep regret. The FWB thing almost cost her a friendship but luckily that guy she did it with is now cool with her and even found someone to commit too.

But that's what I'm saying--if you guys have maintained this purely physical relationship for a while and you decide to get into a committed relationship wouldn't that whole history between you two blur and mar the line of friendship? I mean I don't know, maybe some people are better at handling predetermined arrangements and can adhere to certain conditions (e.g. "Don't call me unless I call you; don't text me during the holidays, etc." I always want to clarify that this ISN'T just about friends with benefits arrangements, this is also about "side chicks," think like Tiger Woods and his many mistresses. Are those women who engage in non-committal relationships with a man who may/may not be married or engaged or in a long-term relationship with his boo, unjustified and whorish in their pursuits? Or are they just human and entitled to getting gifts and perks whilst knowing of this dude's main chick?


Mitsuru: Exactly, for some it leaves them in emotional limbo. I mean sure you can still remain friends with them but the memory of that physical aspect of your relationship--whatever it is--that will stay with you. It's like a stigma. It's like the FWB I had with my one mate, sure we're acquaintances, but I can't look at him in the same way without remembering what we engaged in. I feel even more strongly that sex is and should personally be between two people who love each other. But like I said, to each their own, I guess. I just think it's silly when someone engages in the arrangement long-term and then wonder why the hell they become so emotionally conflicted with the friend they f*ck like every Tuesday or Wednesday. You really think you can call up your female friend after you've screwed around with her for years and NOT feel anything for her? You better re-evaluate the context of your arrangement and ask yourself if it's worth all that drama--I feel like it's when people try to engage in it long-term and ignorantly assume no feelings will get mixed in with the sex--that that's when it becomes messy. And what if people can't distinguish where the friendship and sex portion of their FWB arrangement even ends and begins--like they're both conflicted with their feelings about it? Messy shit is messy IMHO.

 

[Toshiya]

IMO, friends with benefits are a perfectly fine concept buuuuut it rarely ends well...
Sooner or later one person or the other will start to think hey, I'd like to be more than this and then it gets a bit weird. I have no problem with it though, regardless of whether I would or wouldn't do it myself.

I don't really understand the question in the first post I read the full thing twice and I'm still unsure what it's asking. Are you asking if its okay to be in a relationship and have an FWB as well? I'd say no, that's just cheating, plain and simple.
As for if you meet someone and you think you might be attracted to them but you have an FWB, I can understand why you'd want to start to pursue that person whilst keeping your FWB. I mean, nothing might come of it and you might be left with nothing at all.
Once it gets down to dating and stuff, that's when you need to be committed to one person. If I was going on dates with someone and I found out that they were sleeping with someone else I'd be outta there

tl;dr: Yes, I think dating someone (even if you're not quite in a relationship yet) is wrong if you've got a FWB. But I do think it's possible to have feelings for someone else and have an FWB at the same time. The point where you have to get rid of your FWB is when you start going on dates with someone else.

 

[Sepalcure]

IMO, friends with benefits are a perfectly fine concept buuuuut it rarely ends well...
Sooner or later one person or the other will start to think hey, I'd like to be more than this and then it gets a bit weird. I have no problem with it though, regardless of whether I would or wouldn't do it myself.

I don't really understand the question in the first post I read the full thing twice and I'm still unsure what it's asking. Are you asking if its okay to be in a relationship and have an FWB as well? I'd say no, that's just cheating, plain and simple.
As for if you meet someone and you think you might be attracted to them but you have an FWB, I can understand why you'd want to start to pursue that person whilst keeping your FWB. I mean, nothing might come of it and you might be left with nothing at all.
Once it gets down to dating and stuff, that's when you need to be committed to one person. If I was going on dates with someone and I found out that they were sleeping with someone else I'd be outta there

tl;dr: Yes, I think dating someone (even if you're not quite in a relationship yet) is wrong if you've got a FWB. But I do think it's possible to have feelings for someone else and have an FWB at the same time. The point where you have to get rid of your FWB is when you start going on dates with someone else.

It's okay I had a series of different questions: I was asking if it was possible to maintain an FWB all whilst you're engaged in some sort of romantic rendezvous with someone else? I was also asking if it was okay to lead someone on or string them along while you're in a long-term FWB? I personally disagree with both sentiments -- I don't think it's even possible to engage in a long-term FWB without catching some sort of romantic feelings. Secondly, I don't even think it's fair to continue casually f*cking someone while you have serious feelings for someone else. I mean I feel like I'd be very betrayed if a dude were to tell me "I wanna date you and I really like you but I got this bitch on the side." Like what in the actual f*ck? No, you're either with me or you just stay with your side chick, I don't feel like it's fair to really jeopardize someone's feelings that way. But that's just me, everyone handles these situations differently and are of differing opinions but I'm just going off of personal experiences and from personal testimonials I heard from friends and relatives about this.

I mean I feel you but it's like if you want more with the person then that's when I think the arrangement should evolve into just a committed relationship with that other person. Because here's what I feel--let me place myself in a hypothetical situation with B. Let's say that I continued my sexual pursuits with B and we continued to rendezvous and shit on staircases and whatnot. Let's say that I caught feelings for B and got jealous of him possibly dating other chicks--BUT we determined the conditions of our arrangement from the jump: I'm not supposed to care who he fucks with and vice versa, we don't have romantic feelings, it's just for sex. Aren't I supposed to respect his wishes if he even considers dating this chick? I mean, if we're just f*cking to f*ck then why should I care who you frolic with and decide to date?

 

[Toshiya]

It's okay I had a series of different questions: I was asking if it was possible to maintain an FWB all whilst you're engaged in some sort of romantic rendezvous with someone else? I was also asking if it was okay to lead someone on or string them along while you're in a long-term FWB? I personally disagree with both sentiments -- I don't think it's even possible to engage in a long-term FWB without catching some sort of romantic feelings. Secondly, I don't even think it's fair to continue casually f*cking someone while you have serious feelings for someone else. I mean I feel like I'd be very betrayed if a dude were to tell me "I wanna date you and I really like you but I got this bitch on the side." Like what in the actual f*ck? No, you're either with me or you just stay with your side chick, I don't feel like it's fair to really jeopardize someone's feelings that way. But that's just me, everyone handles these situations differently and are of differing opinions but I'm just going off of personal experiences and from personal testimonials I heard from friends and relatives about this.

I thought that's what they were I think I was just getting confused by too many words

Oh I agree with that bit, if someone asked to date me but TOLD me they had a FWB as well I'd tell them to do one and try again when they were actually single. The only thing I can't see (too much of) a problem with is keeping your FWB whilst developing feelings for someone else... like I said, you don't know if those feelings will carry on progressing.
But once you're dating then you've got to get rid.

 

[Sepalcure]

I thought that's what they were I think I was just getting confused by too many words

Oh I agree with that bit, if someone asked to date me but TOLD me they had a FWB as well I'd tell them to do one and try again when they were actually single. The only thing I can't see (too much of) a problem with is keeping your FWB whilst developing feelings for someone else... like I said, you don't know if those feelings will carry on progressing.
But once you're dating then you've got to get rid.

Haha yeah I tend to get long-winded when I rant and shit, but it's cool. Yeah that's what I'm saying like don't lead a chick on and tell her you have a FWB or a side chick and expect her to be okay. A lot of females aren't okay with that and at some point in that arrangement--one of you will get scorched, not burned, but scorched. Either the guy will choose the girl he has romantic feelings for and test the dating pool with her or he'll choose the side chick 'cause she has so much to offer in terms of ... how do I put this ... vaginal and penile relations. Like I just feel like either side chick will get jealous of the girl this guy has serious feelings for and want her for himself or the girl he has feelings for will tell this side chick to step off. Either way I see that arrangement of two girls and one dude NOT working out. They usually crash and burn and one or two of those relationships become awkward and strange and uncomfortable.

But like I said I just feel if you carry on an FWB with someone and you develop feelings for someone else then the person who's in your FWB can't or shouldn't be allowed to say ANYTHING to you about this other chick. She should essentially know her role in the relationship: screw you and carry on as if she's single and remain friends with you. She's not allowed to dictate to you who you can and cannot date; basically if she can't handle the heat of the kitchen, then she should back off and let you date and/or flirt whom you want because as soon as her feelings and mushy shit gets involved then she doesn't just want your penis she wants you, your possible babies, your gifts, your time, and your love. Furthermore, if you can't guarantee the jealous side chick that, then break it off immediately and find someone who can either a) handle screwing you but not care if you flirt or seriously date other females and KNOW that your arrangement won't evolve into something more or b) remain single and just tell her you'll try and remain friends and THEN find someone else to commit fully to OR c) Call a "YOLO" dump the chick completely and keep it pushin, you don't need the drama and the tears and the "but bby we'd work so well together," especially if you don't feel the same way.

 

[Coco]

To start off, I've never been in an FWB situation. I didn't even know what it stood for until I read on. Here, it's commonly called 'fubu', short for fuck buddy.

I have a friend who happened to have a fubu for a whole semester, and then he met this girl and she became his girlfriend. He would still mess around with the other girl but not as often and after while, he wanted it to end. After hearing this, the other girl went ballistic, saying she had feelings for him and threatened to tell on him if he didn't keep her (even as a girl on the side). I think it ended with him coming clean with his girlfriend about the situation because he didn't want to lose her. They're still together.

Anyway, about your question on why girls (and maybe guys as well) would degrade themselves, I don't know either. I have this theory that when you make someone feel like you want them so bad, etc etc they hold on to those words. You wouldn't say yes to being a fubu to someone you don't have even the teeniest connection with. What sex does is it intensifies that.

As to whether it's right or wrong, to each his own. Personally, I don't think it's for me.

 

[Will Graham]

Obviously telling someone you like them when you are fooling around with someone else is dumb, that is not really a conundrum at all. I have only known two people who have had fuck buddies, in both cases it was the guy who had the problem separating the sex from emotion.

As for the concept itself I have no problem with people who do it. I do not see why it would be considered degrading or a bad thing. If two people played a lot of tennis together, no one would ask them what all that tennis was leading to.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

I think... having sex with people you don't feel anything for is like watching a movie that doesn't have a plot. There's no point to it.

I think FWB is more ego stroking than something that can give a person real satisfaction.

People support FWB because they like the idea of sex being easier to obtain. And, they like the idea of people giving it up without them having to remember anniversaries, send people flowers, etc. It seems to make sex easier and more convenient to obtain & thus many support it on virtue of it seeming to serve their own self interests. Also, it represents something contrary to traditionalism which many would enjoy seeing torn down and demolished.

In a way, its pointless to talk about "discriminating" against FWB. Those I've seen most discriminated against & criticized are the ones who decide they want to avoid having sex until they get married & those who say they would like to be a housewife.

So, it makes me wonder why people suggest FWB'ers are an "oppressed" minority considering I've never seen anyone say anything negative about it.

 

[Will Graham]

So, it makes me wonder why people suggest FWB'ers are an "oppressed" minority considering I've never seen anyone say anything negative about it.

If no one is saying anything negative about it, then who suggested the people who have friends with benefits are oppressed?

 

[Sepalcure]

In MY personal opinion, I think it's tacky to have friends with benefits... I'm not meaning to judge people WITH this sort of... "relationship" but it's just how I feel. For me, it's tacky and I couldn't imagine ever doing that sort of thing. but at the same time I have to say I don't care what others do. If they want to do it, fine--let them, I don't really care. It's their life. I guess I can see the "upside" to doing it but I think the bad side affects heavily outweigh the "upside".

I think if someone has a "FWB" thing going on and they seek a relationship with someone else-- I think THAT is extremely tacky and just disgusting. :/ What's the point of it? you have the sex part taken care of with the FWB so why go for the emotional intimacy of an actual grounded relationship? and if you want the emotional intimacy of a real relationship then just end the FWB-fling. Doing both at the same time makes no sense at all.

That's basically ALL I was getting at. Again, I can't say it's like baseless and degrading since I tried it and I know people who have engaged in it before. I just have a problem with someone who has this sort of relationship already established and arranged and shit and then go frolicking around with another female. Stop sticking your fingers in multiple cake batters, pick a female, and keep it pushing, or just stay single. Actually guys like that should just stay single--why are you trying to nomnomnom two different cakes, my dude. You can't have the purely physical aspect of sexual intimacy with one female and then seek an emotional even spiritual connection (which sounds all pretty and shit in theorem) from another female. Either you have both facets or types of connections, if you will, with either of these females or none at all. Stringing one along while you boink the other is where I say it becomes degrading. It's not the nature of the relationship that I'm trying to judge, I'm just saying a) in the long-term it hardly works 'cause either parties catch feelings and whether either party knows of these catching of feelings is dependent on whether they discuss this lovey-dovey type shit. B) You can not allow some other female that you have encountered deep feelings for to come into the equation because then aforementioned equation becomes messy when female A meets female B and finds out that you've been boinking female B this whole fucking time. Pause, why did you want to be with female A? You've got cake, keep nomming it.

That's all I'm saying: if you're in an established FWB, good for you. Claps for you. You wanna keep it long term? Good for you, shit ain't easy, and I doubt it'll work without one of ya'll wanting something more than just a good f*ck session and some sexytiem text messages--BUT--maybe it can work. Maybe if there are no other females involved, you can evolve the relationship passed casual boinking and actually become girlfriend and boyfriend--or maybe your friendship will inevitably crash and burn and you'll just end up never ever being able to hold a conversation ever again.

Just sayin' ...

So, it makes me wonder when people suggest FWB'ers are an "oppressed" minority.

Pause. Rewind. I never said anything about FWB'er being an oppressed minority and you're making it sound like they've had to overcome some sort of social stigma. There IS no social stigma, it's either you'd boink your friend casually or you wouldn't boink your friend casually. I doubt anyone would care much if you engage in it 'cause hey--they're not going to deal with the repercussions or benefits of it. It's like this, in a crass way, their cake is not getting nommed and no one is "sticking their finger" in "their cake" soooo why should they care whom you have sexual relations with? By nature, most people say shit about what you engage in and whom you engage it with behind closed doors, the only time they feel it necessary to say these things to your face is when they a) care about you both b) feel that what you're doing is damaging a member of this arrangement in some way or c) just really abhor it and think you should stop like "srsly."
It depends.

And honestly .... this.

As for the concept itself I have no problem with people who do it. I do not see why it would be considered degrading or a bad thing. If two people played a lot of tennis together, no one would ask them what all that tennis was leading to.

I like the analogy by the way, it's rather fitting. Tee-hee wacking balls back and forth. Oh my.

I'm of the sort of mindset that ... if you want to stick your hand over a flame and keep it there and get it burned ... your problem. You want to stick your finger in a pie and see how it tastes without actually eating it, that's cool. What does this mean? If you're interested in casually f*cking your mate and it's got jack all to do with me then you doing this does not affect my opinion of you. I can't judge you. I can't judge you 'cause I've tried it, I can't judge you because I have friends whom I adore who either have a) tried it and loved it b) tried it and regret it c) tried it and think nothing of it. I CAN judge you if you string a long a girl who has feelings for you but you're boinking a friend of her on the side. I can wag my finger at you and "tsk, tsk, tsk" at you because I can personally say that's stupid and that's wrong. What you decide to do in this hypothetical situation is up to you--leave the girl you casually boink for the new girl, keep two of them around, or leave the new girl to resume your FWB without further "interference." Why didn't you just end it if you liked this other chick from the get-go? If you like your FWB more than spare the other girl her wonderful squishy feelings and possibly consider getting with your FWB in a long-term committed relationship. That's all. Point blank, period. That's my take on it.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

If no one is saying anything negative about it, then who suggested the people who have friends with benefits are oppressed?

Its the typical & predictable atheist reaction to see imaginary, non-existent, traditionalist, religious people forsaking those who engage in sex outside of relationships, isn't it?

If that wasn't the case, why would some make a point of mentioning how they're tolerant and don't discriminate nor judge those who practice FWB?

Its like, you're asking me to back up my claim that the sky is blue. Why ask the obvious?

 

[Will Graham]

Its the typical & predictable atheist reaction to see imaginary, non-existent, traditionalist, religious people forsaking those who engage in sex outside of relationships, isn't it?

No

If that wasn't the case, why would some make a point of mentioning how they're tolerant and don't discriminate nor judge those who practice FWB?

I am sure some people do have a problem with it regardless of faith or lack thereof. I am questioning your assertion that 'people have said it is oppressive while simultaneously no one has said anything negative about it'