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Lelouch Vi Britannia

Lelouch Vi Britannia

Zero King of the Black Knights
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Joined
Oct 6, 2006
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664
Age
36
Location
In Hell sometimes
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Character Name- Dracus Dracon

Character Race- Dracomancer (half human and half dragon)

Character Age- unkown

Brief History/Description- Dracus is the of his kind and also considered abimination in the eyes of humans and dragons at young age he was left for died in forest until gnomes found him and took care of him and helped him in his training as a knight in the upcoming war which was the the great war of dark and light Dracus was allowed to fight cause of his unusual ability to make anything into dangerous weapon nearing the end of the war Dracus was sent on mission to end it for good as he was about to finish it he came across black dragon that was controling the whole war his name was Darkon and he knew what Dracus really was and tried to kill him but Dracus managed to kill him to find out that Darkon want to die to live again and put a part of his own soul into Dracus and used him to destroy his won world as Dracus went from world to world destroying them he came to one were a priestess sealed away his dark soul and gave Dracus his life back but he was chanaged from his old self for he could now tap into Darkon dark magic which he was scared to use if it allowed him to come back as Dracus left he was taken to mysterious world.

Character Weapons- He use braod sword that meges into his arm and becomes curved sycthe blade.

He also carries the Darkun the daggers of darkness that belonged to Darkon.

He doesn't use bow cause none can with stand the amount of force he puts on them.

Character Alignment- depends if he has choice

Character Class- Spellknight
 
Name: Kuja Lionheart

Age: 18

Gender: Male

Weapon: Kaladbolg sword crafted from darkness in his heart
Power(s): Get Load of This- Hits the enemy 10 times with single slash.
Dark Magic- Controls darkness and uses it as an armor or weapon
Final Haven- Uses power of hell and heven to destroy my enemies.

Personality: Acts evil but he is very kind hearted and wishes to help those he loves.

Appearance(s): http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...0/Riku_KH2.jpg

Bio: Kuja wanted power to protect his friends but in the end became high lvl. heartless but one day no one knows why but Kuja rebeled and joined forces of good but Kuja has nothing cause he has no heart or soul so no one how Kuja can betray the darkness that controls him. Kuja used all the darkness in him to make his sword that as he does more good Kuja changes from dark to light. Kuja is now on journey to get both his heart and his soul back and was one of leading cause of Destiny Islands destruction even if he doesn't want it to happen.

Theme Song: Naruto OS- Harmonia
 
I honestly don't mean to be rude, but honestly, I thought that we were done with all of the final fantasy rip-off trips. Now, I'm not trying to be nasty, because you have the potential to be an exceptional role player. But you still need practice... and improvement.

For one thing, your sentences are like words mashed together. The other thing that I noticed, was that after reading both bio's, I couldn't find but four periods in both of them combined!
 
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It almost goes without saying that the grammar is horrible. I highly suggest you brush up on your writing skills if you still wish to be a roleplayer. Heck, that's not even a request. The RP section will soon be under order, and chances are that proper grammar will be strictly enforced; best you go pre-emptive now.

If I am not mistaken, the suffix "mancer" usually means or relates to "practive of" or indicates a special art wielded by said character. The term "Dracomancer" is hardly a term I'd see fit for a race and species.

The weapon is in dire need of revision and clarity.

--

As for Kuja Lionheart, he is a terrible mess. The name is just unforgivable. His status is illogical for you say he was able to rebel against the Heartless when he became one. Now you say he has no heart, therefore, according the universe of Kingdom Hearts, he is a Nobody.
 
I knew when I made these I would have to fix mistakes cause when I make them they are minimal or short coming but I then try to alter them to fit much better I also accept help to since I'm okay but not perfect in these kinda of problems.
 
This was one of my earlier ones on HH.

Name: Dracus D. Dric

Codename: Dark Dragon Knight


Age: Unknown

Powers: Fire Demon Form- Shots fireballs and summons wall of fire.
Lightning Devil Form- Flies while shooting orbs of energy and spinning very quickly.
Master Form- Unknown.

Apperance: http://gallery.devilmaycry.org/album...pistolpose.jpg
http://gallery.devilmaycry.org/displayimage.php?album=10&pos=1

Bio: Dracus was highest ranked general in Dark Dragon Empire when Dark god Mundus tried to destroy human world. Dracus seeing this as end of all life went AWOL and destroyed Dsark Dragon Empire and sealed Mundus in different deminision. But Mundus got last laugh he already sent 10 of his top men to human world so now Dracus is on joruney to kill all his men and bring balance. Dracus now helps all the Heroes and has no really reason but to have allies to help with his Jopruney. He carries with him 2 powerful weapons Gauntlets of Ifrit and Sword of Alastor which allow him to change form.
 
Xehanort Nobody said:
I knew when I made these I would have to fix mistakes cause when I make them they are minimal or short coming but I then try to alter them to fit much better I also accept help to since I'm okay but not perfect in these kinda of problems.
Click to expand...

I'm going to be very honest: "okay" is not even where I'd place you, and this is just judging you by your RP profiles. Indeed, I don't believe I am that great myself, but I know for sure that even my superiors would agree that these problems regarding your characters are quite major, and you should acquire assistance for revision, mainly those who are very experiences in this field.



As for your next profile, may I ask why you are ripping off from Devil May Cry?
 
Actually I made that one about 7 months ago for a hero and villian RP and I decided to go with DMC style with tht one also that was the last few good one I made to for 7 months of no RPing.
 
Personally, I like the Dracu Dracon one the best. Very mysterious yet strangely admirable. You guys think these are good (I don't mean to toot my own horn but...) go look at my bio so far. It's long and very descriptive
 
They are vague, and almost incomprehensible. Indeed, these could be better characters had they been written out a little more properly.
 
Vegnya said:
His status is illogical for you say he was able to rebel against the Heartless when he became one. Now you say he has no heart, therefore, according the universe of Kingdom Hearts, he is a Nobody.
Click to expand...
Sora did not lose his volition when he became a Heartless. And as I understand, both Heartless and Nobodies are without hearts.

You are right about everything else, but I am sure what is lacking in writing ability and logic can be made up in the potential of these characters.
 
Newest character

Name: Helios Hamert

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Weapon: http://phantomblades.com/addons/souba.jpg and two basic daggers in his back pockets.

Power: Manipulation of Gravity and Form

Appearance: http://amami.exteen.com/images/kadaj/kadaja58.jpg

Bio: Helios childhood life is pretty much unknown. At age 9 Helios was found by group monks that took him in and trained him but he was later banished for his use of weapons and his hunger for fight. As he got older he would sleep in the forset training his skills by killing animals and living off the land. It wasn't until about 3 years that Helios went back to Altia town and got job as fighter for higher did he get his weapons his beloved sword that saw little battle and his well known daggers for killing the unjustice and the justice. He now does what he thinks is right after being betrayed by his friends that he decided to help out good.
 
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:eek:ffice" /><o:p> </o:p>
You're still extremely clichéd with the whole “unknown childhood” thing… and the being “betrayed by his friends” (which you never get around to explaining) (oh, and if he was betrayed by his friends, wouldn’t he want some revenge? I mean come on, this is a guy who got kicked out of a monastery for excessive violence!) . Might you want to try something, hmm I don’t know, a bit more coherent?
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Look, here’s how you’ve written it:
<o:p> </o:p>
Name: Helios Hamert

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Weapon: http://phantomblades.com/addons/souba.jpg and two basic daggers in his back pockets.

Power: Manipulation of Gravity and Form

Appearance: http://amami.exteen.com/images/kadaj/kadaja58.jpg

Bio: Helios childhood life is pretty much unknown. At age 9 Helios was found by group monks that took him in and trained him but he was later banished for his use of weapons and his hunger for fight. As he got older he would sleep in the forset training his skills by killing animals and living off the land. It wasn't until about 3 years that Helios went back to Altia town and got job as fighter for higher did he get his weapons his beloved sword that saw little battle and his well known daggers for killing the unjustice and the justice. He now does what he thinks is right after being betrayed by his friends that he decided to help out good.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
And here’s how it looks after being run extensively through a word processor:<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Name: Helios Hamert

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Weapon: http://phantomblades.com/addons/souba.jpg and two basic daggers in his back pockets.

Power: Manipulation of Gravity and bodily form.

Appearance: http://amami.exteen.com/images/kadaj/kadaja58.jpg

Bio: Helios’ childhood life is pretty much unknown. At age 9, Helios was found by order of monks that took him in and trained him. Unfortunately, he was later banished for his unnecessary use of weapons and frightening battle thirst. As he grew older, he slept in the forest and trained by killing the local animals; while living off the land. It wasn't until about 3 years ago that Helios went back to his hometown of Altia and found a job as fighter for hire. It was there that he received his beloved blades. And it was there that his there that those very blades became legendary, striking down the unjust without mercy. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
I decided to leave out the last little part because it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever; no matter how many ways I try to slice it.
 
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