Personality: Blunt? or Subtle?

[Shu]

What approach do you take when dealing with a problem or person giving you a problem?

For example: Say if you believe someone is wasting your time on something, and you need to let them know. Do you tell them straight up or do you take the more subtle approach and let them linger a bit until they get the hint?

What about when dealing with a real problem? Say you messed up, are you the type of person who let's people wait until they find there is a problem or do you let the folks know right away that you caused the problem, no matter the outcome.

 

[Tucker]

Oh my gosh I am the least blunt person ever

I am so bad about telling people things, and I always let problems and situations lead on. If someone is wearing something ugly, I will say it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. If someone is wasting my time like Shu said, I will stand there and let time waste. I can never be blunt, and many times it becomes a problem for me. I always wanted to have a friend of mine go "Ah, so Blunt" at me. It's a small unreachable dream.

 

[Squid]

It depends on who I am talking to.

If I am talking to someone I do not like and they are wasting my time, I am very blunt to them and tell them, if I am talking to a good friend I will also be blunt to them but in a more humourous way.

But if I am talking to someone at work or something and I have had enough, I guess I have to be more subtle because I can't be starting fights with people at work haha then things would get awkward.

If I have stuffed something important up, I tell someone right away because i know that things will get worse if I leave it. Though if it's a tiny stuff up sometimes I let it slide if i think I can get away with it /smug

So really for me it's just about the type of person I am dealing with.

 

[The Witch]

I am subtle the vast majority of the time unless I think the issue is HUGE. I don't usually like confrontations or drama so I am the type of person that will let a issue stew... sometimes NEVER bringing it up.

I can, however, tell someone to shut up if they're wasting my time. They do it to me so why not do the same back?

I guess what I mean to say is, it depends on the issue and who I'm speaking to.

 

[Mermaid]

It depends on my opinion on the person at the time. If I like them as a mate quite a bit, I probably won't be blunt about things unless the message wasn't getting across any other way. If it's someone I have literally almost no time for in any way, I will probably just say whatever I need to say as it is, because frankly I can be quite rude to people once they've crossed the line with me before.

Overall though I'm quite harmless, and probably will try and be a bit more subtle on things, even though I'm not really like that.

 

[Kei]

I'm a blunt person when it comes to dealing with problems NOT related to relationships.

If someone is wasting my time, I try not to be rude but I just let him know that he is in fact wasting my time, I don't take a subtle approach because honestly that will just waste more time and I'm not good at taking approach that way.

If I messed up, I like to let all the ones concerned in the matter to know no matter what the outcome is. Because I've honestly tried not to tell once and the feeling of regret that I experienced was so frustrating so I had to confront. Also, I don't like people who just hide their problems, usually they just add more and more, and stress the person, while could have just told someone and he would have worked with him to solve it and avoid all that.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

It's so hard to be blunt regardless of who I'm dealing with.

I feel bad and just wait for them to get the hint. >.<

Though when it comes to the second issue, I have no problem telling people that I've screwed up because the last thing I want is them bitching about me behind my back about how stupid I am, how dare I not tell anyone and let it get this bad etc etc.

It depends on the circumstances for me. I can be both. >.<

 

[Sepalcure]

At some moments I can be very subtle when it concerns someone annoying me. Sometimes I won't let them know and I'll just lead them into a sense of false security; as if to say, "No, you're not ignoring me, please do keep talking. I don't want you to shut up at all." I'll utilize my patience until I can't take it anymore and then I'll just be blunt. I'll straight up tell them. This bluntness becomes even more terse and biting if I'm in a horrid mood. The worse thing someone could do is cross me when I'm beyond upset, even worse if they're the main cause of my being upset. I'll tell you that I think you're spewing bullshit, just to be intentionally uncouth about it, and I won't really care how you'll feel.

When it comes to situations I'm subtle. Not going to lie. I do have a problem with being far too subtle but then if I push myself I can be incredibly blunt about it. There's nothing exceptionally special about this one--more like if I can be arsed to do it, I'll do it. Promptly. I honestly don't care what someone thinks about my timeliness when it comes to certain issues--everything I do would fall on me anyway. It's not their problem, that's sort of how I see it.

 

[Shu]

If you asked me 8 years ago and now, I'm a bit different. I sort of learned from my mistakes, and no I don't mean people as my mistakes. I've never said anyone I've gone out with was a mistake, that's just rude.

Though I will say I had anxiety a bit in high school, and as a passive (not aggressive) person I just listened. It lead to a good amount of friendships, but I think girl's and guy's really saw me as a cushion, even when I was out. It was be like, "You dude sorry for spilling on you last night." and I would be like.. meh.

I think that's what sort of turned me off about some. They sort of sponged me out, I didn't really notice it until someone looked right into my eyes and pretty much dismantled me.

So listening to people.. I was never blunt. I never even gave them a hint.. it was just.. "Okay I'm done now" from then. And I would just give a goofy grin, and say "it's coo"

Now a days.. I sometimes have a low tolerance for the trivial things. I don't mind listening, especially if it means something.. but if it's about another person doing something to so and so.. I literally stop them in their tracks. I'm that guy now. I know it means a lot to them to carry that baggage around and talk shit, but I hate it because it is habit forming. I don't need any of that negativity anymore about folks.

Problems.. same thing, I'm more up front due to I want it to be known then, and not later. If I messed up, it's because usually I have SOOOO much in front of me that I'm bewildered. I would love to chat about the shit I messed up, but sometimes I just need to let them know and move on. If we can resolve it then, then fine, but if you dwindle on it.. (unless it's a common occurence) then.. meh.

 

[Harlequin]

I'm blunt and I prefer people being the same way with me. If you don't want brutal honesty don't ask me for my opinion on most things. Usually I'll gauge it first, see if the person is going to be receptive to that type of answer by softening the blow a couple of times. If they are I'll give them my honest opinion, if they're not then I'll just keep my mouth shut. Sometimes people can be sensitive and that's fully understandable, but a lot of the time people are just looking to be patronised so being subtle isn't a particularly good route to take in my opinion. That said, being blunt can make you many enemies, people don't like the ugly truth especially when it's dragged kicking and screaming into the limelight. Sometimes you've gotta let people live in their patronising lie for your own sake.

 

[Six]

My personality has changed over the years, (obviously) and for some reason I find it hard to describe it with either word...

I guess with "Blunt" it's straight to the point saying whatever you want, not worrying about feelings. While I CAN be like that, I guess I'm more subtle? Not with everyone, mind. Definitely not if I don't agree with something and they're trying to force their opinion down my throat. I'll happily and bluntly tell them off.

In general though, I think I am pretty considerate, even when people start snapping. It takes a bit for me to become intentionally snappy when talking.

However, on these examples:

For example: Say if you believe someone is wasting your time on something, and you need to let them know. Do you tell them straight up or do you take the more subtle approach and let them linger a bit until they get the hint?

What about when dealing with a real problem? Say you messed up, are you the type of person who let's people wait until they find there is a problem or do you let the folks know right away that you caused the problem, no matter the outcome.

#1. If it was ME thinking they were wasting my time, I'd take a more subtle approach, I wouldn't let them linger, but I wouldn't "flat out" tell them.

#2. I'll let people know if I fucked up. It happened before, and I really can't deal well with the responsibility level slacking off by not telling them. It was my issue, I fucked it up, I'll let them know.

 

[Ethics]

I've teetered between the mediums as I've changed as a person. Originally I was a really passive child and let anything slide because I didn't have the guts to stand up for myself. When my teenage years rolled around, I had enough of people's shit and laid down exactly what I thought in black and white. No shame in telling them they're a bunch of dicks, or so I thought. As I've "matured" I've reached a medium between the two and I play it by my own feelings. If I can relate to their emotions, even if it's rage, I won't just tell them to stop being a douche and will give the best advice I have. If I can't, and think they're just being a dick, I have no shame in telling them to go fuck themselves.

 

[ribbit]

I'm generally a subtle person. Being blunt comes off as rude, and I have to tell my brother to calm down when he does things like that. Of course if I'm pissed off at someone I will come off more blunt. Every other case I like to be polite about things.

 

[Lirael]

I'm far too subtle for my own good. I find it incredibly hard to tell people when/if I'm dissatisfied with them. I always bear in mind their feelings, creating excuses for them, and tend to consider my annoyance selfish. If I DO bring a subject up, I use subtlety to avoid being aggressive. I fear being unreasonable. This has a detrimental effect; I can drift away from people if problems build up. :/

I may also choose to be subtle to avoid hurting people, which tends to backfire. I really should learn to be a little more blunt... Experience has taught me that you can't pacify the people who feel hurt or angry when you tell them that you're unhappy. It's best to tell them the truth (without being too harsh) as then you can help them learn about themselves and how to avoid conflicts with those who may not be empathetic.

 

[UltimaWeapon5]

I generally begin with subtle, then escalate to bluntness. I prefer people being blunt with me, as generally I get lost with subtlety x___x it's like...hiding what you're really trying to say behind something (sometimes lies, even) and it just doesnt feel like genuine communication? so...it's like, cowardice or lying to protect yourself from the shame of saying what you really want to? Then again, I can understand subtlety as well, since I know i've done it too often before...

It also depends on the type of person I'm dealing with; I guess i'm a tad hypocritical in that sense. If I care a lot about a person, I will usually and often not be blunt with them. If I know they're the type of person who can take the honesty or even a light-hearted joke about something, I will tend to be more blunt. With people I've only met a few times, I will resist being blunt. So yeah, only people i begin to know more well am i more blunt with. And depending on how much I care about their feelings or understand how they will react etc ~

@ judy: people are stupid, they will often fight back and bring conflict rather than take your words to heart...I guess it depends on how you say it as well. For an example, see a recent experience in my life with a girl who thought i was attacking her for a suggestion on how she should manage her time. :3

 

[Dragon Mage]

Ah, I'd say I fall somewhere in between, but much more on the blunt side. If I'm too busy, I'll tell ya. "I'm just really busy now, so I can't stay and talk, but I'll do my best to get back to you on that."

As for when people are bullshitting me, I'm definitely blunt. I'll look them in the eye and say, "I don't believe that" or "That sounds like a lot of bullshit." I have to do this to my dad every now and then because he listens to political talk radio and sometimes the things he says are just.... strange...

But yeah. Definitely a blunt person. I can be subtle when I feel the occasion calls for it, but other than that, I don't see a need to curb the truth. Unless someone is especially sensitive for no particular reason, I find that everyone around me wants honest feedback rather than a sugar-coated turd. Honest may not be pretty, but at least it enables you to do something about the problem, hey?

Like Harlequin here, I'm not brutally honest (unless I'm mad and think someone deserves it) and I try to give the full truth while softening the impact a few times. Like, if a friend is enamored of a hideous dress at the store, I'll pick certain reasons why it looks bad on her in particular and if she just doesn't get it, then I'll come right out and say it looks hideous. This happened once, when buying dresses for a wedding. It was a near thing, but she didn't get the ugly thing. :3

Anyway, the way I see it, just because you're being totally blunt and honest about something, doesn't mean you can't be polite about it. My brother calls it 'polite dissing' and it's incredibly effective.

 

[Mitsuki]

Depends who I'm talking to. If I know the person is a very sensitive individual, then I'm subtle. If it's someone that I know can handle the truth and not show any sign of sensitivity (my husband, for instance), then I'll be blunt. I'm always blunt with him anyway...being subtle doesn't exist between us...well okay, maybe sometimes. But sometimes it's also easier to just come out and say it as is. All in all though, I'm mostly subtle, and I like it just fine. I know when to be blunt when the situation calls for it, but I don't often shift attitudes at a snap of a finger. People irl know me to be subtle with my approach, although that doesn't necessarily mean I'm afraid to lay it out how it is. I simply just like to come across as a sensible and polite person at the same time. I grew up with in a family who are extremely blunt - you'd have to take a deep breathe, let it go through one ear and out the other. I told myself that I would never want to be like that. To me, being blunt isn't just about being blunt. It's all about attitude. You can be blunt and be cordial. You don't need to sugarcoat it, but a lot of people I know will boast that they are blunt and will take no crap from anyone...and usually comes with this huge arrogant approach to things, as if they're untouchable. Personally, that's something that annoys me. That or I just pass it off as if it's one big joke. My brother is a primary example and well, I guess he takes after my dad. Whenever we talk on the phone, I usually end up hanging up due to sheer annoyance. So yes, I'm a very subtle person, but will speak what's on my mind by carefully choosing my words. I have my way around with people.

 

[Abstract Debauchery]

It really depends on who you are. If I like you, I'll be subtle and nice about things. However, if I don't know, don't like, or have the desire to get to know or like you, I generally won't care. I'll be as blunt as I need to be to the point where I'm probably coming off as an ass. However, when it comes to most people I can be irritable or grouchy. Of course, I understand this probably isn't the best behavior in the world, but it's simply not something I'm willing to put that much time to work on. I'll attempt to be as nice as I can to everyone, but it honestly just depends on the person, my mood, and the situation.

 

[Dee]

Definitely blunt, but I will reel back a bit and utilize my subtlety if 1) It is a professional matter, or 2) I know that person is going to start crying about the fact that I'm too blunt. Because honestly, who wants to have to deal with that?

 

[Pandora]

It's a mix of both for me, really. I won't necessarily be blunt, but I will be honest. But I do not like being blunt to the point where it's just rude to talk altogether (name calling, going off topic to try and prove a point, screaming and whining in general. The majority of the kids that stay at my school's student housing are the perfect example for that. ), but I will get the point across in the calmest way possible without the means of trying to stir up anger. But there may be times that if I have approached someone this way numerous times, and they continue to react like a 5 year old, then chances are I'll either tell them that, or not speak to them at all until they get a grip. We all may be human, but there are some things I prefer not to deal with for long periods of time .