Serious Pushy Proselytising Preaching Evangelist...my brother.

ElvenAngel

ElvenAngel

I forget stuff because I had to make room in my he
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Well, we finally blew the lid off this pressure vessel that was brewing for a 2 weeks and a half. To give you some context over the scene, I'll let you know that I haven't been sleeping very well lately and I was glad my family let me sleep in today.

Now, I was trying to make a sandwich in the kitchen for lunch, my family'd just come home from the beach and all. And my brother comes in, carrying that humongous, scary-looking Bible-in-a-leather-binding thing and stating he wants me to make some time to sit down with him and listen to him explain the Bible for hours.

I obviously refused, because I don't share his particular Evangelist beliefs about the Bible being everything and sitting down and reading it and explaining it all being "the most important thing in your life" as he said it and that's a precise quote there.

He kept telling him nicely that I didn't want to, and he just kept pushing. Eventually he raised the tone of his voice, saying that he's my brother, he loves me and he'll be damned if he lets me die and go to the lake of fire because I don't wanna play Sunday school with him. I got massively ticked off and I've been bottling this shit up for 2 weeks mind you, and finally I started to scream at him. I called him some pretty bad things, including 'stupid proselytizing bitch' and ran away to lock myself up in my room.

Where I proceeded to lose my rage and fall right into meekness and regret and cry my eyes out. And this happened like 30 mins ago. My eyes are still stinging from all the crying and my throat's rather raw from screaming at him.

He essentially BULLIED me around, using religion (a religion that's supposed to be about love) to exercise some emotional violence. I don't know whether he realizes that he's committing a sin according to Christianity, something he's so vocal and OBSESSED about.

I'm now terribly guilt ridden and naturally I'll go apologize. However I just know he won't and he'll want to push me some more, which will make me up and leave and lock myself in my room again to avoid him. He actually accused me of isolating myself away from him, but he didn't seem to realize I do that because we have nothing else to talk about, and all he wants to talk about is religion, and I don't.

I'm also scared dad's going to get pissed off at me for causing this mess and not going with Costa's flow or whatever... I tend to get the short end of the stick in this house; whenever one of my parents are angry at each other or some other member of the family, they don't wanna show it and they end up taking it out on me. I won't be surprised if dad gives me the 3rd degree for this. Who knows, maybe he will cut me out of his will, after all, like mom worries he might (there I go scaring myself).

I'm at the end of my mind here. I don't know how to behave towards him anymore. I can't just sit down and do as he likes, not even just to please him, because it goes against my gain so completely that it's impossible for me to handle. I don't even know if I can ever patch things up with him again, after this. I'll just keep avoiding him so that I don't blow up again like this.

I don't know what I need most now, helpful suggestions, support or just a lousy hug and a 'it'll be okay'...
 
Well, you shouldn't HAVE to do as he wants. You're entitled to your beliefs, and your brother needs to respect that they aren't the same as his. He might not be able to accept it, but that doesn't mean he can grill you out over it constantly, or try to force you to change. Why should you have to force something just to satisfy him?

Can't you just talk to him whilst avoiding that topic entirely? Just say "I don't want to discuss it." or something similar every time he brings it up, or just meet him with silence, or steer the topic away from that area completely. If he keeps bringing it up, though...well, in my opinion, you'd be better off without him in your life, constantly breathing down your neck about it. Familial ties can only allow for so much, and I'd say trying to force you to change who you are like that to conform with his expectations is well and truly over that line. You shouldn't have to put up with it - you've done nothing wrong at all. Perhaps shouting at him wasn't the best way to handle it, but you're not the one at fault here, and if he isn't going to listen to you otherwise...well, what else can you do to get the message across? As you said, you can't just bend over backwards for him, nor should you.

I realise I'm probably not very helpful or supportive, but I guess what I'm trying to say is...eh, stick to your guns, no matter what may happen. If your brother doesn't like it, that is just too bad. Never feel like you're the one at faul, no matter what your brother or your father or anyone else says. Power be to you! :ryan:
 
Reminds me of a similar blowup I had with my sister about 2.5 years ago. Basically she lied about my mother on assorted matters: abuse, drugs, the usual and ended up living with my father. In reality, she had stopped getting her way from everyone at that house (that being myself mum and my stepfather) and of course daddy loves her and will do whatever it takes.

So she basically made up a load of shit and fed it to my father and stepmother and they took it all. And knowing it was all lies, I called her on it and that eventually ended up into exploding on her, a stream of curses that made my stepfather blush (and he's pretty bad himself) and about 2 years of me never seeing or talking to her.

Eventually though my stepmother found out the truth and she doesn't take shit. Hell, she's even embarrassed to have fallen for it in the first place.

The thing is, when you deal with family, they know how to press your buttons and they keep on doing it, whether you like it or not. And you can't do anything to stop it other than cutting them out for awhile. It may not be the best thing to do every time but it is when they've deluded themselves to the point my sister was and it seems your brother is. You can't make him see that you don't want what he's selling; just ignore him, do the best you can to not have anything to do with him. If he's smart, he'll realize that he's alienated you by using his religion and hopefully he'll calm down but that might take awhile.

I actually saw my sister about 2 months after the fact and she looked at me as though I were in a hockey mask and wielding a machete. Even now, it's turned into a sort of subdued loathing but it's not near as bad as it was; she even called me up to find out whether her summer reading was good and where the book was in my library (my personal one; I have cases of books).

You don't need to apologize to him; I sure as hell didn't. Poke and prod enough and it will all spill out. Don't worry though; it happens to us all and there's no shame in what you've done.
 
Wow this is just, I can't really offer any words of comfort. I only had this problem with a friend or two on occasion like this. I don't know if the advice I would offer would be of any real help to you or not. The only thing I can say is that once again politely tell him that you are not interested and then point out that the more he pushes this, the more he will drive you away from him. Then also by pushing his views onto you that he is not being true to his religion in the fact that he is forcing his views upon someone else.

Other then that you have my sympathy with what little it can do, and *offers a hug*. In the end I hope things smooth out and he will stop trying to pester you about this.
 
Thanks everyone. Well so far we've patched things up but as I predicted he's still stuck on the whole religion thing. Still insists on showing me something in the Bible and analyzing it.

Apparently he's been waiting for 17 years.

*FACEPALM*

This is why I'll start drinking...
 
You could try a speculative approach. Ask him to consider it if he were being approached by someone of say... the Islamic faith in the same manner he's doing to you. If you're patching things up, he has to see the way you do if you want this sort of thing to not happen again.
 
listening to someone read a religious text for hours on end when you have no interest in it, that sounds like torture to me, haha. No, you shouldn't have to do what he says. If nothing you tell him will make him stop, then it's probably best you either avoid the subject or distance yourself from him.
 
To be honest this is one reason I can't get behind Religion...They always spout that same stupid excuse,"If you don't join us you may end up in a boiling pit of Fire" I was told that very same sentence when I was 15 by my overzelous Grandfather who is a bible pusher,He already makes my blood boil over in rage for what he did to my mother and her sibling's when they were young but he has the nerve to preach to me when he's the biggest sinner in this family..

I told him you can take that book and read it your self,your the one in need of Salvation in this world..

But ehh sorry kinda got into it there x.x;

But as I was saying if they are pushing something on them try to explain it like Gavin just mentioned,he should back off some after that,if that fail's and he still is going on about it.Just keep saying no or say you believe in something else.

I'm kinda blunt so the way I'd approach this situation is far different from the way you can v.v; I can be very...Intimidating about it.

Tmoo,Distancing herself from him or avoiding the subject is kind of the problem here,she's already been doing that.If all else fail's you may have to confront him and explain your own beliefs.

lol but I know how ya feel Elven being I have 5 uncles who live close that try getting me to get interested in their religion,I always tell em "I don't need a book or a church to believe,the true belief is inside your own heart anything else is a distraction to the truth." dunno if that sounds cheesy on here or not..XD

Anyway hope that this help's you some and I really wish you good luck in this,cause it is a hard subject to talk about
 
You don't have to explain anything, to anyone. The only thing you have to do is be respectful towards other peoples' beliefs, and that's that. You being "forced" to explain anything to him when he's essentially just waiting for an argument to convert you regardless of what you will say, is playing into his hand, and it'll only invite more of the same stuff on the table.

Perhaps it's easier said than done, but just shut up about it, and every time it's brought up just state you do not care to listen.
 
I truly hate to hear that something like this has taken place to you. In a way, I know how you feel. My entire family are hardcore fundamentalist evangelical Christians that believe that I'm going to have the luxury of burning for all of eternity. Yeah, I'm the only non-religious person in my family, and boy do they think I'm the son of Satan or something. It's always fun to be called "evil" by your own family members because you merely have a different belief than they do. The wonders of organized fundamentalist religion eh?

Your beliefs are your own, and nobody has the right to force, bully, prod or guilt you into changing them. Not even family members have that right. Nobody does, and the way he spoke to you and treated you was decidedly un-Christian. Back in the day, I was part of the whole religious gig. When I was a kid and teenager, I went to church with my family and believed exactly what they told me to. From what I remember, Christ talked love and forgiveness, not anger and condemnation. In a way, he's proving himself to be the antithesis to the spirit of Christ. Of course, I'm just an evil agnostic these days so my thoughts on spirituality will be seen as immediately suspect by some.

It can also be really difficult too. Despite how infuriating they can be, you have to understand that people with these religious convictions truly believe that they are in the right. That they are trying to do good by saving "your soul." I remember one time that I felt lower than dirt because I made my mother cry and, with one hundred percent sincerity, bemoan the fact that I was going to Hell. Why did she do that? I told her that evolution was a valid scientific concept. That's it. It's what makes it difficult to walk away from it or avoid the subject since, in their minds, they truly believe you are on the course for damnation. They'll always want to try and try again since it's a religious duty. Now, by saying that, it doesn't excuse your brother's behavior at all. Not one bit. What he did was vulgar, and showed disrespect toward you as a sister and human being.

Boundaries have to be maintained and beliefs accepted. That in a nutshell is why I have such a problem with organized religion. Well, one of the many problems.

I wish that I could be of more help, but I myself haven't found a solution to this. My family and I have reached a sort of impasse where we don't mention religion. Honestly, I think it's because they think I'm going through a typical phase of youthful rebellion where I believe "crazy" things before settling down and become a good Christian like them.

At any rate, I wish you the best of luck with your brother. Remember that you're not in this boat alone and that a whole lot of people are going through a similar situation. It may not prove to be much comfort, but I hope it's something.
 
First off, you're brother is a dick. You handled yourself better than I would've. I'd've made jokes like, "What's this? A self-promoting priest? And no little Timmy glued to your crotch! Progress!" and the like. I get very mean and petty when I get pissed off so props to you for just getting mad.

First, if I were you, I'd point out to him that he is not a missionary, and this incident a blatantly clear reason for why he isn't, and probably never will be. You say he's going to a ministry school; that isn't the same as converting people. His job is to guide the faithful, not cram the faith down people's throats.

Second, give him this quote: "A man convinced against his will, is of his own opinion still." Religion isn't something you give to someone. That person must come it by their own will, or else they don't have faith. They just said whatever to get rid of HIM being annoying.

Third, (and you gotta make a concession to him or else he'll never leave you alone) you'd love to discuss religion with him, but on your own time when you feel like it. Just make him feel special by saying that you're touched by his concern for you, but when you feel the need to explore the "Word of God" more fully, you'll always have his number and know where to find him. Make him feel appreciated or else he won't let up. Throw him this bone and when you both aren't feeling so hostile, maybe take him up on it. I discuss religion with my friends occasionally and it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Just tell him you want to talk about it with a brother not a priest. That should give him pause.


Also!


:tighthug:

We all love ya, Feebs! Ignore your pushy bitch brother. We're always here for ya when you need some fun and hugs! :yay:
 
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But DM, from the sound of it, he's been doing this for some time. A simple no or humouring him won't work. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that EA has done that already. It really seems like this guy is wanting to shove a tube of Christ down her throat and pump it into her.

Personally, I've no problem with the religous; it's people like this that piss me off. The last group I had that tried this shit got chased down the street while I was swinging Tensa Zangetsu and screaming 'Getsuga Tensho' (Yes, I got caught up in the moment). Since then I haven't had anyone even on the street from a church. Yes, any church.

All I can say is that seeing as you're mending it with him, you have to make him see your side of it and how he's almost forcing you to do this.
 
Gavin AEtherae said:

The last group I had that tried this shit got chased down the street while I was swinging Tensa Zangetsu and screaming 'Getsuga Tensho' (Yes, I got caught up in the moment). Since then I haven't had anyone even on the street from a church. Yes, any church.
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That...that is probably one of the more awesome things I've read on this forum. I would have loved to see that, it cheers me up immensely just thinking about it :D

*snuggles DM and everyone else* thank you all for your support.

Yeah, the truth is, Costa's been up to these antics for quite some time. I've tried to tell him all those things but they just sail right over his head because he doesn't wanna hear them. They make no difference to him. So being nice to him about is is really getting me nowhere, forcing me to be mean and bitchy.

And what's pissing me off the most is that he's started to have a go at poor old dad. Mom told me this morning that they had a row while I was still snoozing. I feel like I should grab Costa by the scruff of his shirt and threaten him with physical violence if he doesn't cut this shit out.

...In fact, I may take a leaf out of Gavin's book and threaten him with my Taisei Hayabusa and all. It's not sharpened, sadly, but I bet that thing makes an awesome blunt force trauma when swung by a pissed-off, big girl like me. >(
 
-checks book-

I can't find any leaves... (Yes I know)

Well if your brother is getting into it with your dad, you're probably safe on that front.

As for my weapon of choice, a 6ft black blade swung by someone the same height who's able to wield it in one hand is rather scary.
 
Yeah, pretty much... my katana's a bit shorter, but like I said, I'm a big girl, and I was raised by boys. I know how to kick some ass. >:3
 
LOL you people and your fancy swords D= but yeah if all else fails just give him a swift punch in the face if he bring's it up again deck him again pretty soon he'll say something about religion and all you'll have to do is raise a fist and he'll clam up LOL!!

but yes I envy your guys swords,all I have is a old Baslard,a Long Rapier,and a Sword with a Medusa Head.. No idea where the Medusa one came from ._.;
 
Shhhh, no bragging about swords and phallic toys here, boys... XD;

So yeah, he's still at it. He's pretty cheesed off at me, did another rant about wanting to save me, about how he waited 17 years to show me some verses in the Bible and save me from the lake of fire...

...I mean, ffs, if it's gonna shut him the hell up, I'll go jump in the lake myself...

My mother's trying to diffuse the situation by suggesting I play along with his demand just once, for 10 minutes. But I can't, it's the principal of the thing. If I back down, I'll have failed in my efforts to stand up for myself and my own beliefs. And that's what neither of them is getting. But my brother's being the pushy one who doesn't understand, because my mother does. She's trying to humor him but at the same time she agrees with me. She's trying so hard to keep us from fighting and all...

...Man I want to punch him now.

At least tomorrow my parents are leaving, taking him with them to the country and I'll have 4 days of peace and quiet. Then it's just 2 days before he's out of the country again.
 
ElvenAngel said:
But I can't, it's the principal of the thing. If I back down, I'll have failed in my efforts to stand up for myself and my own beliefs.
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This is what caught my attention. You're fighting for your beliefs and he's fighting for his. Personally I agree with you, I loathe being preached at and it's just infuriating when they never leave you alone. Though none of my family are like that.

I'm not religious in any way shape or form and it's this kind of stuff that lets me know that it's not necessarily a bad thing. Sure your brother is entitled to believe what he wants to believe, let him. If he wants to force feed it down your throat then you should just tell him that you have different (or no particular) beliefs. If he can't understand that then that is his problem, not yours.

As others have said, no matter whether or not you believe it it's always nice to let him know that you're aware of it. Maybe listen a little but I wouldn't say let him read the Bible to you for hours on end, that's just silly. It's not like you can't read it for yourself if you were ever interested.

It's not exactly easy giving advice for this kind of situation because I know what some people can be like with stuff like this, he's just going to have to learn that not everybody wants to be 'saved'. Eternal damnation might be fun, you never know. They might have cookies or something.
 
Well, now it's just a waiting game before he disappears for a time. Now its obvious thats he's not zealous, he's one of those nutcases and those are the people that I gladly will take arms against.

Clearly, he's not listening to you or anyone else for that matter; he's stuck in his own world. So just pull yourself out of it. Distance yourself form him, completely ignore him. Reconciliation could have been the answer but now it's past that point.

Good luck EA.

On another note, I have the strangest urge to go off on him utilizing skype.
 
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