Serious Siblings

[Aerith]

Seriously, am I the only one who has a bad relationship with my sibling?
We've all seen those movies, the brother always defends the little sister and always looks after her and is even a bit protective. I want that so badly.

I don't have a good relationship with my brother, not at all. It's not like I want to have a bad one, I've tried so many times to make it a nice, good, clean relationship. But he just never quits taking shots at me. I already know that I am out of place with my family, why can't he just drop it and leave me alone?
Sometimes we have good days, and those days consist of never having to see or speak to each other for anything. I'm the younger sibling, he never takes me seriously when I stand up for myself because he probably feels superior to me, he always puts me down and picks on me and it's no use defending myself to him. People often say, "That's just what older siblings do, you're not supposed to let it get to you." Thanks for your words of wisdom, it really helps ... My relationship with my parents isn't amazing either, I feel as if they barely know anything about me, and their just not great people to talk to when you need someone. And this may sound childish, but they love him more. I can just see it. My mom always tells me to be nice to him and leave him alone because he's going through a rough time (what the hell?), I leave him alone, it's been so long since I last spoke to him (if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, ha)

Has anyone ever had a good day, like a really good day where you have been smiling and laughing for real? And then have your sibling come, rain on your parade, and still make you feel like dirt?

I have. When I'm having a great day with my cousins, or my friends, I would be relaxing and my brother would just point out my flaws or mention me in a conversation with something that I hate about myself so much. I scream on the inside, "SHUT UP YOU ASS." I just never scream it outloud because it's no use. He just never quits, he always makes me feel like crap and that I'm worthless.
Am I a terrible person for wishing that he could just disappear so I won't ever have to see him again? Sometimes I want to punch him, kick him, to make him go away forever. But I don't really want that (I kind of do, but no 100%)
He's leaving for college soon, and I'll leave for college some small time after, I don't plan on living in New York all my life, in fact I want to go far away from here (to be a bit more adventurous, you know?) and all I want is to just make things right and know that we're on a new clean slate before we part (maybe for good), but we're not on the same page apparently. Maybe I should just give up



So how about you guys? Is it this bad for you? Or is it the total opposite, you have a great relationship with your brother/sister?

 

[Shu]

Nah, me and my bro are still astray a bit, we got a long better while he was in college, but ever since he's had a kid...

Meh. See he's 5 years older, and used to kick the crap out of me. I fought back a little, but he was a bigger dude. He loved to wrestle me or flick my ear or do whatever to pick a fight. The only time I was scared of him was when I kicked him and he caught my foot and slightly threw me down the stairs. (soccer player instincts to kick first).

In college he was an alchy always effin up, and getting DUI's and totaling cars. I did my fair share of stupid stuff, but he made me look like an angel because I was never caught. He drove my mom bat shit crazy behind the wheel, but whatever that's bros for you.

We get a long now, but as I said he's dociled down into a real fake church goer. (not to say all church goers are fake) I'm saying though that he turned his life around, got right with god and has a kid, in which I dare seem him drink much anymore. It's a shame because when he got in college, he was a bit more fun and outgoing and of course didn't focus his aggression on his little bro =). Also I believe I'm a little estranged from the family as well, since I don't believe in Jesus Christ, but only a god like structure.

Also now a days, I'm quite a bit bigger up top and down low, he's a skinny little biatch, but I dare say he can probably beat me in arm wrestling(i don't know what happened to my wrist cartilage, probably one too many fast balls thrown as a little league player, but I bet I could lose to a not so fit girl). Though I don't bulk up for his sake, more for marathons and my soccer games/scrimmages. Trying to get faster and faster.

 

[Aerith]

The only time I was scared of him was when I kicked him and he caught my foot and slightly threw me down the stairs. (soccer player instincts to kick first).

Ouch, crap

In college he was an alchy always effin up, and getting DUI's and totaling cars. I did my fair share of stupid stuff, but he made me look like an angel because I was never caught. He drove my mom bat shit crazy behind the wheel, but whatever that's bros for you.

We get a long now, but as I said he's dociled down into a real fake church goer. (not to say all church goers are fake) I'm saying though that he turned his life around, got right with god and has a kid, in which I dare seem him drink much anymore. It's a shame because when he got in college, he was a bit more fun and outgoing and of course didn't focus his aggression on his little bro =). Also I believe I'm a little estranged from the family as well, since I don't believe in Jesus Christ, but only a god like structure.

Damn...
It's good to know that he straightened his life out.
My brother's also the one who always gets in trouble with stupid stuff and all. Maybe because my parents are overprotective and worry too much. I've done stupid stuff too, but I always covered it up and never told anyone. I wonder if he hates me for being such a goody-two-shoes when I'm not.

But with my older siblings, they kinda resent us because we share different fathers. Theirs left them and our dad took them in and stuff. I guess they feel a competitive relationship between us for our mum's complete affection, even though she loves us all...so there's that.

That's pretty complex, but it's really nice how your dad took them in.
I think all siblings have a kind of competition for their mother's total love, if only they knew that no one could ever win.

I grew up thinking my older two brothers and one sister hated me. I still do. Even though we all grew up together, played together, and even laughed together--they would always rub it in that we weren't "real family sisters and brothers" that hurt a lot--because at 6, 7, 8, and 9 years old, I didn't know why they'd say that. Personally, my relationship with my older siblings is really shaky. But I can't fix it unless they want to. I don't hate them, it just sucks they think the way they do.


So yeah, siblings can be pretty hurtful sometimes.

Aww... that's a sad thing to say you're not a real family, especially to someone 6-9 years old.

It's terrible to want to fix a whack relationship when the other doesn't. Siblings certainly can be hurtful, sometimes they just cut too deep, you know? But to say you don't hate them is a strong thing. I've never said "I love you" to my brother, only "I hate you"s, and I feel pretty bad for it. But that's just how are relationship is and that's how it'll stay for a while.

 

[Dee]

When I was younger, my two brothers and I would have our typical brotherly-sisterly spats, fights, disagreements, etc. Now that we're 'grown up' and working/almost out of college, we've become closer. All of us went to the same university, though not at the same time. When my older brother graduated, my younger brother was just entering. I got to go to high school and university with my older brother though, and high school and university with my little brother. We all lived within 5 minutes of each other, though, for about 4 years, the three of us. I've lived in the same city with my older brother for 6 years. We're all pretty close compared to some brothers and sisters. My little brother moved back home, though, which is like a 35 minute drive. I saw him today and I'll see him maybe once every two weeks now that he doesn't live 3 blocks away. We'll talk online, too. I see my older brother a lot more, especially since he broke up with his girlfriend recently. I have dinner with him a lot, at least once a week and we live just a street away so he's close if I ever need him.

I'm glad, too. My brothers are the only people I can really trust, even though we still have our disagreements. They've been very protective of me, too. I'm glad. I hope it stays that way because they're the only family, aside from my mother, here.

 

[NerdyNinjaGirl]

My siblings are also horrible my older sis calls me a b**** when I don't do what she say's and stuff like that, but every so often we sometimes bond and hang out with each other, but the next day she treats me like she usally does. My little bro isn't very protective over me but I'm more protective over him and yet he treats me like slave and makes me do stuff for him and my sis and mom tell me to do it so now he's a little spoiled brat which I hope he grows out of.

 

[Sullivan0930]

Me and my sisters have always been close. Me and one of my sisters are very close and the other one not so much. But my closer sister we used to always get into fights untill I was like 15 and she was 18. This is when we just started getting along and just became good friends. She comes over and visits and we go out and do stuff me her and her fiancé.

 

[SapphireStar]

I love 'em. Im the eldest out of 5, 2 younger bros and 2 younger sisters. It wasnt always like that though. When I was a teen, they all pissed me off something totally rotten. But as you get older, the mature shit sets in, kinda lol, and you get on better. Well thats my family anyway. I only have my 18 year old bro here, the rest are over in Oz with my dad.

 

[Linnaete]

I'm the youngest out of three children - with both an older brother and sister. Being the youngest, it was rather natural for me to always look up to them when I was younger. I was rather close to them. We would always joke with each other, share secrets with each other and chase each other around the house. But in more recent years, things have become more volatile.

My brother has a fierce temper. He has a rather volatile temper. The smallest of things quickly irritate him to the point where he succumbs into full-blown tirades, particularly towards my parents. I try to interject and reason with him, but it rarely succeeds when he is in such a state. It results in him yelling at me constantly as well, insulting me, even trying to attack me once.

Whenever he's in such a mood, it's just impossible to reason with him. He constantly believes that we are all against him in some way. I must admit, I do provoke him at times too, as well as hammering into his head phrases like "I hate you" even though I clearly do not. I do really love him. When we're not tearing each other's heads off, we laugh and joke with each other. It's just really saddening to see him whenever his temper gets the better of him.

Fortunately I do share a better relationship with my sister. We share more in common than my brother and I. She's a much calmer character - and perhaps the protective one, considering she is the oldest. She listens to our problems regularly and she's generally a great person to be around. However, she's usually been away at university, and her absence really does leave quite an impact. I think my brother and I do regularly miss her being around often.

 

[chronotrigger]

I only have one sibling; an older brother. He is 4 years older than me and we have always had a strange relationship. When we fought, it was backwards. Unlike most movies and stories, I was the one who physically beat him up where as he always insulted me into feeling like less than a pebble at a beach. For a long time, we were close, but I always used to resent him for making fun of me all the time. That was why I would beat him up because I am not the best with words when it comes to verbal arrangements and fists made a clear retaliation to insults.

It took until I was about done with high school to finally understand that we were not so different. He was the fat kid at school, and he was a geek, which made him an easy target to anyone and everyone. He was made fun of all the time at school, so he turned it on me to boost his confidence a little. Maybe not the best way to do so, but that was his reason. I also began to realize that he was jealous of me for my adventurous nature and my musical abilities. What he didn't realize was that I didn't like my adventures because I always wanted to settle down with someone and start a family. And he doesn't realize how much work I put into my music. I will admit that I am also jealous of him because he has the family. The other thing I am jealous of is my dad is proud of him and says it frequently, but is always disappointed in me for one reason or another.

What makes it funny and easy to deal with for both of us now is that we understand that jealousy and we know that we don't have a problem with each other, just what we have that the other wants. What I would give as advice is to tell him you love him and try to get to know him a little more. Maybe then you would be able to understand him more and with that, be able to fix things between the two of you. It might make life easier and it might make both of you happier people. If not, at least you tried and you could try something different later.

 

[Aerith]

Well, you know what could help out a lot. One day, you should just go up to your brother and tell him you love him. Who knows how many happy doors that could open. If you say it, he'll probably feel comfortable enough to say it back.

I've been thinking about doing that a couple of times. I just feel too awkward to actually go up to him and say something serious like that. I'll just wait til the right day, one of our good days with no fights and etc, who knows when that'll be, but when I know, I'll say it.

@ chronotrigger,
I really loved your story. I'm not kidding, I found it real moving.

I guess in a way, I am jealous of my brother.
He's one of the jocks of his grade, he plays football, he was talked about oin the newspaper, and he has lots of friends that'll run up to him and everything when they see him on the streets. If I had to label myself in my school's social pyramid, I'd me somewhere in the upper middle, only because I'm not fond of the people who come across "popular". I want to have a lot of friends like he does... hate to admit it, but I'm jealous of him.

@ Fleur

Wow, your sister seems like such a cool person. I've always wanted a sister, someone who I could actually talk to about girl stuff and anything else. You're lucky.
My relationship with my brother is a lot like yours and your brother's. Except I'm the one with the temper. When he really hurts me deep, I get so angry and sad that I really want to lash out. I've tried to hit him once or twice, maybe more than, and he could still turn that back on me with words that just hit hard. I feel like the Hulk, you know, I have to control my anger because I'm scared of lashing out. And he knows I am (at least I think he does), and he uses it against me. I end up punching some pillows and shutting out the rest of the family, when that happens I just don't speak again, and I don't speak again until the next day if it's a better day.
I remember how when we were little, we actually did play with each other, we got in trouble together, and laughed with each other. Damn I miss those days.

Mod Edit (shu) : Posts merge, since we don't allow double posting =) Though you're fine.

 

[Channizard]

I'm the youngest of three girls, one of four years older than me, and the other eight years older than me. The oldest has always been... less of a sister and more of a second mother to me. At times if I did something wrong, I often worried more about her reaction than my actual parents. Now this isn't to say that my parents are slackers in parenting, it's just that she took her role as a big sister, very seriously. However at the same time, we don't have very much in common. We're both at completely different stages in our lives, and I feel a lot of pressure from her at times.

She's having her third child right now, and she's pressuring me to go to college and get some schooling so I can make some decent money and do something with myself. This stems from her having done a small thing in school, but not doing anything with it.. she then just got married, pregnant, and became a stay at home housewife. She's very opinionated, and we butt heads a lot.. It's usually her opinion that I fear if I have big news or a new idea.

My other sister has just gotten married, and they bought a house next door. We're semi closer, but we're two completely different individuals and unable to relate to one another. With the oldest, we had similar body types and personalities, so when I went through school bullies, she understood and helped me through it. But the middle sister was a jock, so popularity came easy. Even as I entered high school with her last year still there, I was known as '____'s little sister' by a lot of people.

I get along with them quite well. Being the youngest, I was often the one who usually got my way a lot easier... babied as I was. I didn't ask for a whole lot, just some pokeyman cards or toys every now and again and I was happy as a clam. But nowadays, my mum wants me to have a whole lot more now that I'm helping out and paying a bit of rent and all that. So she let me have her old car when she got a new one. This car is still relatively new, I pay for my own insurance every six months, pay for winter tires and anything that breaks/goes wrong with it.. the only thing that ties it to my mum, is that the insurance is in her name (to be slightly cheaper). Yet my oldest sister doesn't want to acknowledge that it's my car, because.. well hey, I'm getting a free car, who wouldn't be pissed?

We get along but it doesn't feel like we're sisters... with such age gaps, it sometimes feels as though they're just... cousins or something.

 

[Aerith]

I'd love to by the eldest, I want to be protective and be there for my younger sibling(s).
Looks like everyone's relationship turns out good in the end, huh? Maybe me and my brother both need to grow up and mature more, we're still young, at our age ripping eachother's hair out is natural, lol.

@ NerdyNinjaGirl
Well, you know, some girls can be such bitches. Maybe your sister's just going through that teenage drama stuff, where insecurity is her main defining trait. The best you can do is give her some space when ever she calls you a "bitch" or when she looks like she's about to have a tantrum or something. As for your brother, ugh I know how you feel. I have a little cousin who's practically my sister because she's always here, she practically lives here. She's old enough and big enough to do stuff herself but I'm always forced to do things for her. I love her, she's pretty funny, but sometimes she just drives me up the wall-- especially when she doesn't leave me alone. She craves attention, she needs it so badly, I can't have a conversation for more than a few minutes without her butting in trying to get my 100% attention. But what can you do, you know?

But the middle sister was a jock, so popularity came easy. Even as I entered high school with her last year still there, I was known as '____'s little sister' by a lot of people.

I hate it when that happens, ugh. Even though being the youngest means you get to be "babied" every now and then, you can't shake off the fact that you'll always be just their little sister. It bugs me.

I don't know what if feels like to have a sister, I wish I did, so I could actually tell you something, you know. But hey, age is just a number, say hello from time to time, do simple things. Because you wouldn't believe how just little things like "Hello" and "What's up?" mean to someone you're not the closest people ever.

 

[GalaxyFlare]

Courtesy is not necessary in some families infact saying such things is awkward and sometimes frowned upon.I have seen families bond over worst things than the usual sibling rivalry, racism being one of them and the ignorance that breeds from 1 Generation to the next is bad, because kids dont better and are led astray by there Siblings actions

Courtesy is for strangers IMO, but if thats where you and your brothers and sisters are at its not so different t meeting a stranger, its ust tha you have less ground to make up when you reach the "friend" stage,having experienced much life together there has to be some kind of bond beneath the angst?..........doesn't there?

A bit of a personal not here when I was a teenager and before, my brother and sister who are 12 & 10 years older than me used to pick on me for games I played when I was kid and the friends I had around me.......just regular kids......who you grew up with from around the neighbour hood.

But at that stage they were in high school and were getting kinda mouthy and as I grew there the level of stuff they said grew as well,stuff like you gay or you dumb*unt and more demeaning things not fit to be said to a child..........and As I entered my 20's it got even worse.

But the now that there lives are falling apart and they find themselves on the verge of middle age and the possibility of dying younger then need be because of there actions in there younger days , I pity them.........but still get along with them quite well.

I dont necessarily like the people they are, but they are family none the less.

 

[Dr. Percival Cox]

My brother and I were kinda cruel to each other. And by each other, I mean he tortured me like a small animal. But, over time, we started to develop a pretty good relationship. Unfortunately, he developed cancer not long after that. Over the course of his cancer treatment, me and him got even closer. I don't know if it was because he felt he was going to die or if he just finally felt it was time for me and him to get along, I'm not sure. Either way, I enjoyed the time we spent together before he passed on. We were kinda strained though. He was doing bad things like drugs and other shit of that manner. I was torn between hating what he was doing and wanting to be around my older brother. I didn't really blame him for doing what he was doing because he knew he was about to be dead soon and, eventually, I began to understand that. I have no right to judge him for that seeing as how I've never been in that situation and I think it's safe to say I've never known anyone who has been. I miss my brother alot. Sometimes, I have dreams that he's still alive and it's kinda like all that shit that went down never happened. He never got sick, he never died. Then I wake up and realize that my mind's an asshole and I should really attempt to kill it through alcohol for playing little bullshit tricks on me. But, the past is the past and I can't exactly change it, now can I?

 

[GalaxyFlare]

All that changes over time is your opinion.

Thats what the real point is with brothers and sisters who do things that are detrimental to themsleves, you love them and at the same time disapprove of there actions creating a tug of war between your wanting them to stop and ultimately realising you cant really stop them.

Where as if it were just a friend you could et them go, but family is completely different........you wont whats best for them and hope they will stop on there own but it is there choice, but is that sort of disagreement worth not having anything to do with them.

In the case of SneakyWaffle it would have meant he missed out on the final year/s of his brothers life, and over time the good memories will be treasured more than the other things he did in life.