Serious Something that happened with me

[Kei]

So, I've been friends with this girl for 2 months (I know her for over a year but recently became friends) I think now? She's the kind of person that gets mad quite easily. Though, I enjoy my time with her a lot. Also, we talk all the time, if we're not near, we use MSN if there's internet.

Anyway, a few days ago, I was talking to her on MSN at night, and it seems like I said something that I think got her mad, she did the dramatic stuff she does and told me to just go to sleep (Since a few mins earlier I told her I was going to), I figured she was mad (mad unlike usual) so I told her I don't want to, she asked "why not?". So I answered "Because I enjoy my time with you and I don't want to ruin that as weird as it sounds", this is where my problem is. The next day she started avoiding me or just replying with conformations and just (like okay or yea), so I decided to talk to her and told her "if there's a problem it wouldn't hurt to face me instead of giving off attitudes" but then she answered "it's the awkward faze", and returned to avoid me.

Also to clear something up, yea, I have feelings for the girls but she did say she's dating (I never saw said bf yet), so I just viewed her as a friend.

Also I'm guessing "awkward faze" means "awkward phase"? Then, why say "it's the awkward faze", so like there's a phase after that? I'm not following, also I guess I'm thinking too much into this? Idk, can someone clear this up to me? As I don't know what is happening. =|

 

[Dionysos]

Perhaps when you told her that you enjoy your time with her she took that to mean that you have romantic attractions to her. This might be what has made her feel awkward as it might have been unexpected. Whether or not you meant it in that way (you might have meant it purely in a friendship way), it might have been taken in that way.

That's my guess. It sounds likely to be that, though I'm not 100% on this sort of thing.

You haven't done anything 'wrong'. It may just be a misunderstanding, or perhaps since she gets lots of moods she might just be very, very sensitive, and any unexpected words might startle her.

 

[Kei]

Sorry, Argor. I guess I didn't put up enough details. I also think I might have caused a bit of a misunderstanding with what I said but even if I wanted to clear it up, she's not giving me the chance to. I don't know what to do in this situation, because honestly it's the first I've ever experienced.

 

[Mermaid]

Hmm. Misunderstandings... I have many of them with people. Maybe give her space, until she starts talking to you again. Doing this may be tough as you obviously enjoy talking to her and not doing so may make you feel odd, but see if it works. She obviously feels awkward about what you said, by 'faze' I reckon she probably meant 'phase', as you said. I would just give her time to get over it if she's making conversation awkward. You haven't done anything wrong - us girls can be weird and overly-sensitive at times, as well as often reading into things too much. Good luck!

 

[Harlequin]

Excuse me for saying it but sounds like you're being a bit of a chump and she knows it. Sounds like the only reason she talks to you is because her bf ain't showin her much attention and she uses you to fill that void. One of the things you've gotta stop doing is being apologetic, especially if you don't know what you did wrong. If she's stopped talking to you for whatever reason it means she doesn't want to talk to you. You have to stop trying to worm your way in apologetically, you've made time for this chick, why can't she make time for you? If she don't wanna talk don't make it on her terms like when she feels like it you'll be avaliable, just stop talking altogether. Chasing her (especially when she has a guy already) is a chump move and if you don't show some type of authority she'll treat you like the commodity you've allowed yourself to become. Respect works both ways and if you don't respect yourself she definitely won't.

 

[Lirael]

Girls can be so strange. Sometimes, it's not even possible for us to understand one another.

Have you told her that you like her before? If not, it's possible your words came as a bit of a shock. If you have, she may have interpreted it incorrectly and may now beleive that you are hoping for a chance.

Either way, this 'awkard phase' is probably one in which she wishes to distance herself so as to assert that she's unavailable. Also, she probably wants to avoid confusing you. You know where you stand, but she may have her doubts about that.

The fact she hasn't given you a chance to clear it up is rather unfair and an irrational move on her part, but again she's probably afraid of a further misunderstanding.

I think a m o u r's advice was pretty good... Give her some time. If you push the matter, it could end up becoming an issue, which could worsen the problem. It's highly unfortunate. I hope everything turns out well. I'm sure they will with enough time!!

Has she done anything similar before? How are things with her boyfriend?

Can I also ask what she gets mad about? That in itself suggests she's not always entirely fair.

 

[Sepalcure]

As Lirael said, we're a little weird. We like to over analyze things and we read between the lines of what a guy will say. It's inadvertent because it also plays into our communication style--we're oddly finicky and detailed. As it stands, she may have just misinterpreted what you said, I agree with Amour on that sentiment. I think you telling her that you enjoyed your time with her and then subsequently following it up with, "... as weird as that sounds," may have confused her and possibly scared her off. I've had guys say things of that nature when I didn't have an interest in them and I would read it as, "Okay, they like me ... but what do I say to that? Do I say 'thank you? Do I ignore them?" It probably threw her off and she didn't know how to respond. I'm only saying this because you mentioned that she had a boy friend. Obviously if that's the case then you know you wouldn't gain anything by telling her you like her. Admitting your feelings to someone who's taken is like kicking a dead horse, you get know where: the horse will still be dead.

My suggestion? Well I'm with Harly, ignore her right back. That may sound harsh but it's better in my experience to let her emotionally sort through what ever you said and come to terms with it; it's better for her to approach you first than it is for you to read into it too much. Don't read into it and don't push the issue. Wait for her to come around and ask you to clarify what you said. Don't bombard her with messages. Be assertive and exercise your willpower by holding off on talking to her. You don't really need to know what you said to throw her off, let her open the lines of communication, and then gently prod her about what you may have said to irritate her.

 

[Kei]

One of the things you've gotta stop doing is being apologetic, especially if you don't know what you did wrong

I know this is a bad thing, I should change that in myself. As many other things, which I'm trying to as of recently.

Thanks for the advice about just giving her the time she needs. =]

Well we started talking again and we did for a while. She did ask me to clarify what I said, I decided to say everything so I told her that "I didn't meant it that way when I said it but I had or still have feelings for her though, except you had a bf" - I know it might have been idiotic to say so but still I don't want to regret something because I didn't say it. She explained that she doesn't have a bf but she went on one date the time we were friends and it seems I assumed she has one. Like Lirael said, it did come as kind of a shock to her and told me that she's kind of afraid of commitments as she thinks it ends badly, though we agreed on giving it a try and see how things turn out.

I think this is good, right? (I know I'm relieved now) Like, Harl said, I'm a bit of a chump when it comes to relationships and what not. I can't deny that. =/

 

[Harlequin]

i didn't mean to make you out to be a chump mate, we all have our chump moments. i was just being really honest about it. good to know you've sorted it out but youre right about having to change the apologetic attitude. hope it works out for you

 

[Lirael]

Like Lirael said, it did come as kind of a shock to her and told me that she's kind of afraid of commitments as she thinks it ends badly, though we agreed on giving it a try and see how things turn out.

I think this is good, right? (I know I'm relieved now) Like, Harl said, I'm a bit of a chump when it comes to relationships and what not. I can't deny that. =/

Oh my, congrats Kei! That's certainly a good thing. Just make sure to take things slowly and comminicate with one another! Since she's quite afraid of commitments, maybe let her come forward to discuss things more often, but do check she's happy ever so occasionally.