[V5] What's Your Mood?

[Dionysos]

A bit of a rabbit hole here.

As part of my masters of teaching, we've spent a lot of time on the concept of self reflection and the benefits of that. So the last few weeks it's been something that I've engaged quite a bit in and... I feel quite lost haha. I know what I'm supposed to be, but I don't know who I actually am. I find myself adjusting my behaviour and the way I talk depending on the situation and it all feels like a scrambled mess of disingenuity. Sure I could say that I'm the amalgamation of all of those different sides but I wish it was a bit more straightforward. If I'm being entirely honest, sometimes I'll get all mixed up between the different sides and then when I actually look and reflect upon what I'm conveying it just seems so strange. I don't even recognise it as coming from myself!

A more obvious online example would be my use of the term 'lmao'. It's weird to say but that has never been a word that I relate to or would imagine myself using. In fact, for the longest time I exclusively used it here until it started to bleed out into other contexts. And I actually kinda hate it. Yeah, I laugh a lot in real life but... I don't know. How am I supposed to be a teacher when I'm constantly saying 'lmao' or not bothering to capitalise letters when I'm just rambling on discord? It just doesn't equate with this idea of an educated professional that I'm supposed to be working towards. But I do and it's a part of who I am. But at the same time it's not.

I don't even know if this makes sense!

I always imagined that as an adult something would finally click in my head and I'd feel like an adult with a clear vision of my role and what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to act. But I don't. And that's kinda stressful! This thought process certainly isn't unique to me, but nevertheless it's here now haha.

Ahem!

These concerns are pretty normal for many people at some point, so I hope you don't beat yourself up about it.

Even as a teacher you retain the right to be a person.

My sister has been a teacher for years and she uses ‘lol’ a lot on the family WhatsApp and stuff. She didn’t stop being herself when she became a teacher.

‘lmao’ is just an easy way of expressing via typing that you found something funny. Typing ‘ha ha ha ha!’ sometimes comes across as sarcastic or like a Bond villain. Unless you say ‘lmao’ in real life with your real voice outside of online communication then it shouldn’t be a problem. I think it is unlikely you’d use it when behaving as a teacher in that context!

I know 'lmao' was just an example, but the same goes for anything.

There's also nothing wrong with having to put on different faces for different contexts. It doesn't always have to mean that you are not you or that you are living a lie. It just means that you recognise that you might not be able to behave one way in a particular context, but you can in another. To use a Final Fantasy XIV analogy, you might select lighter gear and robes and staffs when you play as a White Mage, but heavier gear and a massive choppy axe when you switch to a Warrior. You heal people with one role, act as a defensive tank with the other. Both roles are still you but the circumstances and the way you play the game change entirely. The same can be true of life.

I think.

I'm still figuring stuff out too.

Btw imposter syndrome is incredibly common. A lot of famous, successful authors, scholars, anything at all, have it. People often think that they are lesser than other people, because they are conscious of their own doubts and their own insecurities whereas they don't get to peek beyond the masks of others to realise that many other people are suffering in the same way.

 

[Mercurial]

Exuberant / Exhausted

A little bit of an oxymoronic mood, but it has definitely been a busy couple of months.

Decided to take a bit of an internet break after burying my grandad the end of March and lockdown commencing in the UK. Fortunately, I've been one of the few who weren't furloughed and managed to go into work as normal along with a dozen work colleagues (about 10% of the company) throughout lockdown - slightly weird shift pattens mind; usually I work a weekly alternating 0700-1530 & 0900-1730, but I've ended up working 0800-1600, 1200-2000, 2000-0800 & 2300-0700, so definitely no consistency lol. Spent the last three months compiling financial reporting and health and safety procedures for re-opening. Thankfully, I get along with those still working very well, so it has been enjoyable - also shifted 150+ boxes to a new storage room, so tiring, too.

Currently in the process of redecorating the office whilst working night shifts - added teal as a feature wall on Friday, so hopefully it has settled nicely when I get in tonight!

Finished a four week HarvardX course on pandemics (specifically in the context of Ebola & West Africa) and starting a 28 week course on the rights of children in theory & in practice; also undertook a couple of mandatory WHO courses for work and MSEs Academoney (non-mandatory).

Finished Final Fantasy VII Remake last week after plugging 126 hours into it - starting Final Fantasy XIII-2 this week and The Last of Us 2 at the weekend (SUPER excited). Also started playing OG Final Fantasy VII for the first time alongside the Remake whilst re-playing in hard mode. Watched the PS5 conference and very much looking forward to Ratchet & Clank, Kena: Bridge of the Spirits, Spider-Man & especially, Horizon 2 - maybe even Demon Soul's & Stray.

Oh... and in about six weeks time, we'll be announcing to the world that my fiancée and I will be expecting our first child February 2021. My viewing experience last night seems to indicate I need to learn the following dance as a labour as a distraction.

 

[Miko]

Oh... and in about six weeks time, we'll be announcing to the world that my fiancée and I will be expecting our first child February 2021.

Serious congrats to yourself and your fiancée! Try and find some rest for the both of you before February!
---

Mood: Sleepy?

Lots of ups and downs but nothing serious. I've been really sleepy this week and can't seem to get rested up enough despite the amount of sleep I'm getting. I'm getting a table hopefully soon that has been in the family since before I was born - Which makes me really happy because the spot it will be going in could really use more table space, as well as a nicer table! The one I have now is a real pain to clean when it gets child gunk mashed into the beveled sides. Also it doesn't match the rest of the room...

I've been playing too much Animal Crossing ...crossing.

---



... I found this by accident. Where is the key to this thing?

Edit: My bad, I'm just a dumb-dumb. I'll just rattle the cage a bit and move on.

 

[Jake]

I'm not quite if sure I'm okay. But I think that's an okay feeling to have! I'm just a little lost with life right now, haha.

Buuuuuuuuuuut music makes me feel better at least. Uni seems to be quite fun and engaging this semester too, so that's a plus

 

[janiksule]

Today has been a hard day, in the agency where I work as SEO the power went out and that supposes that I must work on Saturday and that has something stressful for me and if it were not entirely bad I think that because of work I will miss an appointment with a very pretty girl

[edited: link removed by Six]

 

[Dionysos]

Ever felt like you are trapped in your own head? That you feel like you are trapped inside the body of an idiot, yet you torturously remain conscious of that fact and know what you are missing out on?

When the brain fog descends it consumes everything. Alone in a dark void within my own head.

Today I learned that I’m being made redundant. Completely due to Covid-19 and not anybody's fault. The whole place is going to hell so I'm with the majority in being let go to cut costs, etc.
The gulf between the life I want to have and the life I do have is widening. Much of the things I care about I’ve been losing over recent years, but now I know I have to somehow recover my energy and be at my strongest in order to fight for what I have left of myself.

I can’t even visualise what the future might look like without it being some unobtainable pipe dream.

It's hard to know where to put my feet in order to move forward when the ground immediately transforms into shark-infested waters. I see people in the distance living lives I want to live but I’ve let myself float out to sea for too long and I’m embarrassed/too far out to call for help.

I really didn't want my life to be put on hold again.

Anyway, I’m sure plenty of people have it worse. That's enough self-pity. I just needed an outlet.

I'll do something positive then go to bed. We're now over halfway through 2020, so there must be a savepoint or something around the corner before the final dungeon leading into the rest of the year.

 

[Six]

Ever felt like you are trapped in your own head? That you feel like you are trapped inside the body of an idiot, yet you torturously remain conscious of that fact and know what you are missing out on?

When the brain fog descends it consumes everything. Alone in a dark void within my own head.

Today I learned that I’m being made redundant. Completely due to Covid-19 and not anybody's fault. The whole place is going to hell so I'm with the majority in being let go to cut costs, etc.
The gulf between the life I want to have and the life I do have is widening. Much of the things I care about I’ve been losing over recent years, but now I know I have to somehow recover my energy and be at my strongest in order to fight for what I have left of myself.

I can’t even visualise what the future might look like without it being some unobtainable pipe dream.

It's hard to know where to put my feet in order to move forward when the ground immediately transforms into shark-infested waters. I see people in the distance living lives I want to live but I’ve let myself float out to sea for too long and I’m embarrassed/too far out to call for help.

I really didn't want my life to be put on hold again.

Anyway, I’m sure plenty of people have it worse. That's enough self-pity. I just needed an outlet.

I'll do something positive then go to bed. We're now over halfway through 2020, so there must be a savepoint or something around the corner before the final dungeon leading into the rest of the year.

Baby steps, we all take them. Even well into our 30's, 40's, 50's, who cares what age. Deep breaths and baby steps. Get rid of comparing your life to the lives of those you see 'ahead' of you. They're in the same place you are, perhaps more fortunate, but that can change for anyone in seconds.

It's easy to say, but do not be embarrassed or afraid to call out for help with the people that can and want to help you. You'll sooner regret in years from now being so silly vs being extremely grateful to those that assisted where possible because *you* had the guts to ask, but again, baby steps.

Take it easy on yourself and do your best, that's all you and anyone can do in whatever situation they find themselves in. Don't be too hard on yourself, please.

I'd add a mood but... actually.

Mood: I can't be arsed today. (lol)

 

[Six]

Mood: Trash

Getting really fed up with the load of responsibility put on other people's (my) shoulders as if it's an obligation vs a favour. Just as things calm down a bit shit hits the fan again.

 

[Mercurial]

Exhausted.

Been a very up and down couple of weeks:

Got to find out we'll be having a baby boy in February, so super excited there!

Currently in the process of trying to get our mortgage offer extended which expires on Friday; hopefully, if this goes through it will be only a couple of weeks until the purchase goes through. The seller has now decided after six months that she wants to sell as quickly as possible.

Also had to visit the GP for pains where men don't want to have pains (turns out to be a minor infection / inflammation) - and a small lump - so had the joyous visit of being referred to the hospital today for an ultrasound to test for cancer. Thankfully, turns out to be nothing to worry about. Having spend the last two weeks worrying about about, my heart goes out to anyone suffering from this or mental health issues; going from okay one day to verging on a genuine breakdown is not a nice place to be mentally and something I definitely don't want to go through again. Almost threw up in the hospital from anxiety alone (I'm not a remotely stressed / anxious person usually).

So now I know I'll still be alive and well for a little longer, decided to bang some pre-orders in...

 

[officialffnostalgia]

Just fresh out of the cellophane, we're gifting you guys with this brand new "What's Your Mood" thread! You know how the drill works, simply post a short summary or description of your mood followed with a reason - feel free to share or vent! An example has been left below for those who may be unsure of the format.

As always, forum rules apply, also keeping in mind that one-liners will also be considered spam and deleted. Any questions or comments regarding this thread can be directed to Orience staff (@Galadín & @Sprout) or forum admins.

Happy posting, go nuts!

Mood: Nostalgic

Reason: I've been playing through the original first 10 games from 1 through to 10 (still deliberating on whether to plunge into the meh of FFX2) and I've been hit by huge waves of nostalgia! Going through each game and feeling the memories flooding back, whether it be discovering FF6 on my PS1 on a day off 'sick' from school, or vanquishing Diablos immediately after obtaining him and it being the greatest moment of my life at 8 years old or staring in awe as my friend started playing FF10 while I watched and just being stunned by the graphics and voice acting.

I've actually set up an instagram page dedicated to FF Nostalgia. We have few followers so far but I'm really excited to try and expand awareness of the page and to take ideas from other passionate fans of the frachise. You can find us @official_ff_nostalgia

 

[Jake]

Mood: Confused.

Currently tapering off my anxiety/depression meds and it's quite... rough. First time since I started taking them that I've just felt rather quite sad maybe. I think they were working too well - to the point where I was feeling a bit emotionally blunted - so my GP and I made the decision to come off them. I heard it's difficult so it's to be expected, but yanno! Will probably go back on a different kind in a couple of weeks anyway, and hopefully there are fewer side effects. But until then I'm just trying to chill!

Also been on a few dates lately which have been fantastic buuuuuut I don't think I'm in the right headspace to date right now. My mind is just a jumble. So no idea where that's all going or honestly what I'm doing haha. It all moved so fast!

This whole year has been a bit of a wash. Not particularly a fan. I miss my grandfather a lot. I need some kind of anchor

 

[LovingOfLightning]

With Covid Crisis and Open Floors closed. With UK government expecting people into Arts to retrain...
I suddenly want to get back into playing my bass guitar and my own music again!
So my mood is inspired, and able to stare down an entire universe yelling at me it doesn't care or not important.

 

[greenyxi]

Mood: Depressed, tired and sore.

Reason: A major bit of sore gummage or cheek hurtage due to a really bad ulcer or abcess. It's made me have a hard time sleeping since last Saturday night so I went to the dentist to sort it but covid means that they're only accepting emergency appointments. They gave me tablets to take which are for mouth infections but I get the impression they just generally give these to anyone who says their mouth hurts.

Outside of that, I have this friend who I have tried to hang out with repeatedly for a long time now but all I get is excuses and fob offs while he spends his time with everyone else. He's done a complete 180 and won't tell me the true reason why. Work colleagues are also being arseholes due to them being miserable at work. I genuinely give up with people.

I 100% feel like nobody gives a fuck anymore.

 

[Miko]

Mood: Tense

It's been so crazy the last few weeks. We lost a close family friend, that has been in my life since before I was born, to Covid. Before he passed away my grandpa was also hospitalized with Covid but thankfully is doing better. We were really worried though. Some more people came down with it at my husband's workplace and we began getting sick in the house :/ So we had to quarantine until we got the (negative) results back.

It's been less than a week since we all had the earlier mentioned colds, and just two days ago I got projectile vomited on, all down my back, by my kid He’s had a fever the last few days and ended up going in to swab his nose/brain for the results. Made arrangements for an ice cream drop off for him after that and now we're back in quarantine until we get results.

You guys, I can't even begin to tell you how messed up things are being handled (at least here in my state ) with the covid stuff. It absolutely blows my mind.

 

[Six]

Mood: Nostalgic

Along with the disaster that is COVID, I feel like a lot of things changed this year. Physically, mentally, emotionally, friends, family dynamics. A lot. Some for the better, others... not so much. I think even though some are negative, I still was able to take something positive away from it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck.

Definitely miss the old days in which you didn't have to worry about anything because you were too bothered about losing your favourite marbles in a round against that dickhead kid down the street. They didn't deserve those pretty marbles to be honest.

 

[Six]

Mood: Productively anxious?

I’ve got a pretty busy week coming up. I think I might be overthinking it but at the same time the “what if I’m not overthinking it and it IS gonna be that bad?!” anxiety voice comes in.

I’m trying to distract from worrying about things that are out of my control too much, there’s no point, right? (Wrong! I can think of plenty of reasons as to why I should) oh shut up, anxiety.

Well, writing this out distracted me for a good minute. Anywoo. Good things to look forward to after this week is over as well, so.... yeah. Sims on Friday etc.

 

[Soulcorruptor]

Mood: Depression, Sadness, anger, just all over the place and a mixed bag now.

For some that are active in discord you know i've been talking about the issues with my mom. How she's been in the hospital for the past 3 months and the other things surrounding it. Thursday she was finally moved to hospice and we were told 10 days to see her so not today but next monday i would see her the first time in 3 months because of covid restrictions at hospitals and what not. Just learned that she passed early this morning and im all over the place now, just having a hard time processing it right now.

 

[Galadín]

Mood: Depression, Sadness, anger, just all over the place and a mixed bag now.

For some that are active in discord you know i've been talking about the issues with my mom. How she's been in the hospital for the past 3 months and the other things surrounding it. Thursday she was finally moved to hospice and we were told 10 days to see her so not today but next monday i would see her the first time in 3 months because of covid restrictions at hospitals and what not. Just learned that she passed early this morning and im all over the place now, just having a hard time processing it right now.

That's a lot to be going through right now, I'm very sorry for your loss. It's only natural for you to be feeling completely out of orbit, the thing is to allow yourself time to feel these feelings and process it. If it helps, please reach out to people and talk. Again, really sorry that you and yours are going through this difficult time. Look after yourself and get plenty of rest.

 

[greenyxi]

Mood: A bit more positive than I have been recently.

Reason: Just the amount of Youtube projects I'm giving myself and the pay off. I mean...it's not a huge payoff but my channel went right downhill at one point and is now on the mend a wee bit .

 

[Miko]

Mood: Depression, Sadness, anger, just all over the place and a mixed bag now.

For some that are active in discord you know i've been talking about the issues with my mom. How she's been in the hospital for the past 3 months and the other things surrounding it. Thursday she was finally moved to hospice and we were told 10 days to see her so not today but next monday i would see her the first time in 3 months because of covid restrictions at hospitals and what not. Just learned that she passed early this morning and im all over the place now, just having a hard time processing it right now.

Hey man, sincerest condolences, I can't even fathom the things you're feeling right now. Hope you're hanging in there the best you possibly can be right now. We haven't chatted much but I wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you; it isn't easy losing someone and we all process grief so very differently. Reach out to someone if you need to (My DMs are always open if you need a vent) but most importantly take care of yourself.