 ENTRY #1 - The Grinch of Cats |
- - - - - - - - - - - -
| ENTRY #2 - A Whopper Christmas, innit! |
“It’s a nasty night out there, innit!” reported Adam as he closed the door behind him. “Can’t tell if it’s snowing or a thousand seagulls are bum-squirting all over the place. A real sh*t show, mate!”
Liv dropped her notebook and stumbled backwards onto the silent protection of her wall.
“Wh-who? Y-you? Adam? Why? How?!” Liv shrieked as she held her head in a state of panicked confusion.
“Lololololol! Got‘em! Don’t mind me, this is my life now,” chuckled Adam as he scanned his surroundings for Guinness and cookies.
“Y-you can’t just… W-would you like a cup of tea or something? This was a surprise!” Liv offered with a polite, but visibly shaking hand.
“Ehhhh. I’m not actually here long. Just on my rounds, innit!” Adam answered whilst doing a spinny with his arms.
Liv composed herself and examined her friendly intruder inquisitively. Sure, she hadn’t ever met Adam in real life before, but she had an idea of what he looked like. The red and white costume, the fake beard, the black boots, though? Had his sense of style flown away with his precious wasp treads?
“You really are taking Christmas seriously this year,” noted Liv.
“Shush ye! Well someone gotta do it! All dem weans need presents!” Adam yelled.
“Weans? Kiddos? I’m not that short!” protested Liv as she stamped her foot like a stroppy pug.
“Nonononono! That wasn’t a smol joke! Honest! Adults deserve gifts too! The power of friendship enriches our lives! Lolololol!!!” chortled Adam.
“Oh, go rub yellow dog on it and be off!” Liv barked as she folded her arms, unimpressed.
“OOOF! Wow! Oh wow! Well, I’ll still give you your gift! It’s whopper!” Adam said as he pulled a parcel out of his pocket and passed it to Liv. “Merry Chrimbo, mate! Chucky are law!”
“Thank you!” Liv replied sarcastically as she accepted the gift and gave it a shake. “Let me guess… Something flat and light. Oh! My Lovely Clicker has finally been released as a single? Perfect! Or maybe you want to play a kid’s card game! It could be a booster!”
“ARRRRGFH!!!#!@! FECK!” yelped Adam.
“What now?!” Liv questioned, rushing over to find Adam curled up like a Reedus foetus on the floor near the stool by the door.
“I just tripped over something here in your hallway! The Empire State of this gaff! Lethal!” complained Adam. “Anyway! Can’t be helped! I’d best be off. Thanks for the craic!”
Adam let himself out. After trading goodbyes, Liv watched from the doorway as Adam sauntered over to his sleigh.
“Oi! It is seagull poop! GGRRR!” Adam yelled at the sky, shaking his fist.
“Wait… A sleigh. Are you actually Santa?” Liv asked.
“Do I look like a feckin’ Don of the elves to you?! Ye eejit!” denied Adam. “I do things my own way!”
“Do you have reindeer?” Liv probed, but she was disappointed to find the front of the sleigh to be devoid of any animal.
“Lolololol! I use something much more efficient than reindeer!” boasted Adam with a self-assured smirk.
Adam dug his hands deep into his coat pockets and after a few seconds of rummaging he pulled out eight television remotes, all tightly tied to pieces of string. Liv watched in concerned amazement as the red-coated Irishman swung the remotes above his head like a cowboy readying his lasso to wrangle cattle. With a shout of “Red hot, innit!” he let go, and the momentum from the flying remotes pulled his sleigh forward and up, up into the sky.
As Liv saw her friend soar like a condor, the night sky as his backdrop, she swore that she heard him shout.
“WOOOO! WHOPPER TIME, YEH! Now, Basher! Now, Glancer! Now, Trasher and Unfix’em! On, Smash’it! On, Hitted! On, Gonner and Flicks’em!”
Adam’s voice trailed off into silence, and soon Liv had only the stars and the seagulls for company. What a strange evening. She felt like Tidus being pulled through Sin into Spira. These events seemed to conflict with her perception of reality entirely. If it wasn’t for the physical evidence of the parcel in her hands, she would have sworn that it was all a hallucination.
To test the veracity of her senses, Liv stepped back inside, closed and locked the door, and decided to open the parcel. It was, after all, technically after midnight already.
Almost instantaneously after tearing off the paper wrapping, Liv fell lifeless to the floor, like a puppet cut from its strings. After a pregnant pause, she sobbed as loudly as an overloaded donkey, then laughed with uncontrollable, hysterical howls as she slammed her fist against the floor.
Inside the package was a folded piece of paper, the top of which read simply:
“Reparations bill for your 800 years of oppression. Merry Christmas!”
- - - - - - - - - - - -
| ENTRY #3 - The Red Coat Makes the Man or Sin Comes to the North Pole (I have no idea but I needed a title) |
- - - - - - - - - - - -
| ENTRY #4 - Christmas Among Us |
“Alright, alright, settle down everyone.” Six tapped her papers to her podium in an attempt to straighten them out. The room went quiet and all attending members took a seat.
“I was told there would be brownies!” Someone jeered, but Six narrowed her eyes before silencing the room once more.
“As I was saying, I’ve called you all to this emergency meeting to discuss the recent news about this year’s Christmas event.”
“Are we getting a raise?”
“Sit down before I bin you all!” She shook a purple fist before sighing and rubbing her purple helmet. “AS I WAS SAYING, this year’s Christmas event is different this year, as we’ve just gotten word that Santa has decided to retire.” There was an audible gasp amongst attendees as everyone began to chatter. “Does no one read the emails we send out?!”
“I do!” Dionysos raised his hand before Six let out a defeated sigh.
“You eejit, you’re the one that writes them!”
“It’s still nice to be appreciated
“Wait!” Galadin stood, raising a red finger into the air, “So we’re not canceling Christmas?”
“CHRISTMAS IS IN FIVE DA-”
“Yes, we know, thank you Miko!” Kira growled, gripping the microphone closer to her helmet, “Christmas is NOT canceled this year, but it’s up to us to deliver all the Christmas cheer.”
“‘Cheer’? I haven’t heard that word in ages…” Linnaete glanced up from her inconspicuous book, a downcast look across her mauve face. Everyone collectively agreed as they nodded at one another.
“I’ve already sorted out the jobs for you elves to take care of this- No, shivas, not those kind of elves!” Kira shook shivas violently as a deep red flush stained her green day-dreaming body.
“Can I deliver the presents?” someone else quipped in, but Kira quickly whacked the podium to demand silence once more.
“No one gets to choose their jobs! I’ve already outlined your tasks here.” She passed out some papers across the staff, pausing a moment as a crittering sound echoed out. “Did someone hear that?”
“‘COAL MINING’?! What’s the meaning of this?” Ilyena stood up, her helmet steaming with rage, “I’m not going to the mines so you guys can sip on hot cocoa all day!”
Linnaete smirked evilly as the light shone across her helmet with dramatic effect. “At last, I get to be in charge of the master list. The tell-all for who were good and who were nice! Oh the sweet power just on this page alone! Who can I manipulate to fully take advantage of-”
“No, no no! We’ve all got a part to play, now listen up! Dionysos is on cookie duty, Ilyena is to deliver the shipment of coal, shivas is to design the toys while Miko wraps them, and then Galadin is to deliver the presents after Linnaete double checks the list. Am I missing anyone?” Six glanced up as everyone groaned. A creak in the ceiling went unnoticed as Six tapped the podium, “Alright then, go to work people!”
And with that shivas went to work. She shuffled her way out Staff Headquarters and into the Blitzball Stadium. She plopped down and took out a stuffed toy, glancing around to make sure no one was looking before stroking its hair. “Don’t worry Nevyn, I still think you’re the bestest elf.”
But unknowingly from behind a knife struck poor shivas right in the back, the Nevyn doll falling dramatically to the floor with a sad little flop. The knife fell and the perpetrator fled the scene.
Meanwhile in Palumpolum Miko was finishing wrapping a small yellow dog, tying it with a little bow. She tossed it over her shoulder to move on to the next, and before long there was a small little pile of gifts.
She wiped the sweat from her red helmet’s brow and let out a tired sigh, “Twas a lot of good presents, this much I know, but the progress is tedious and oh so very slow.” She fumbled some ribbon and finished another gift, tossing it over before being strangled by it. Her red body went limp and fell with a thud, blood seeping out as it tainted the gifts.
Down in the Final Fantasy X section Galadin skipped along the halls, quickly making her way to the Shoopuf thread. Her footsteps could be heard echoing the empty halls, but before she noticed there was more than her own. She picked up the pace and rushed on down, nervously looking around as she began a frantic run. The lights began to flicker and the hallways dimmed, and before long she found her way onto Page 8.
“Who’s there?!” She glared around, nervously backing up into a corner. Heavy breathing echoed from the walls before a soft little “Boo” could be heard. She turned around quickly and made a loud gasp, but not before falling back and flooring into her own blood.
Six scribbled in her notebook before checking her watch, sighing at the time and wondering how the others were doing. She shuffled her purple self down the halls and bumped into Dionysos who seemed a bit tense.
“What’s the status?”
“The cookies are burnt, the recipe is a disaster, and I’m almost certain this is cat food!” Dionysus flicked a finger in the air as a blob of Ronso Delight fell from it.
“How do you-” She stopped mid-sentence as Dan popped it into his mouth and audibly popped it back out.
“Definitely cat food.”
“Six, Dionysos!” Ilyena came scuffling in, skidding her feet as she came to a stop, “I’ve just found shiva’s body in the Blitzball Stadium!”
Before they even had a chance to react to the terrible news Linnaete soon trotted on in, skimming the list as she did. “I hate to interrupt, but after bribing Paddy McGee for all his money I happened to see Miko’s dead body in Palumpolum, and then Gal’s body in Final Fantasy X on my way here.” She glanced up from her list and gave it a tap with her hand, “Did you see that I was number nine on the nice list? How did Espurr and Sprout score higher than me? I mean, even Soulcorruptor is one above me, and I was fairly certain he’d make the naughty list!”
“Linnaete it seems a bit sus that you went by both Galadin and Miko on your way back here and didn’t call for help.” Ilyena narrowed her helmet’s eye as Linnaete frowned.
“You’re right… maybe I do deserve to be number nine on the list.” She scratched her mauve helmet head and sat down, cross referencing the list as she began to panic, “Maybe this entire time it was me that was the problem.”
“Okay, everyone stop.” Six tapped her head, “Let’s think for a minute. Dionysos where were you?”
“Oh, I was in the Final Fantasy XV section to grab some of Ignis’ recipes since there weren’t many submitted this year.”
“Very convenient, as it’s not too far away from Final Fantasy X where you could have murdered Galadin on the way down.” Ilyena waved a finger at him as he began to stutter.
“It wasn’t me! I know I’ve run a lot of Moogle Murder Mystery events, but that doesn’t make me a killer!”
“Where were you, Ilyena?” Six turned to her, watching as she calmly shrugged.
“On my way to the Zanarkand Ruins to dig up some coal.” Her eyes narrowed as Six jotted down some notes.
“Okay, let’s not jump to any conclusions. Let’s split up and look for any clues. Dionysos you go investigate shiva’s body while I go see what happened to Galadin. Ilyena check on Miko’s as well, I’m sure between all of us we can figure something out.” Six trotted on over to Linnaete and picked her up, escorting her out as she was lost in her mental spiral.
Six, Linnaete and Dionysos quickly made their exit as Ilyena glared out the door, slowly sliding on a pair of blue antlers as she ran the other way.
Six was quick to make her way to the nearest locked thread, tossing Linnaete in as she mumbled to herself.
“I had to double check that Sly made the nice list as well. Where did this list even come from? What injustice is this?” Linnaete sobbed as Six tossed her to the floor in her own tears.
“You’re probably safer here by yourself, Linnaete. I’ll come back and get you in a bit.” She slid her a book and closed the thread again, trotting away as Linnaete tossed aside the list and picked up her smut book.
“I don’t think she realized the order was reversed in the list.” Chuckled Six as she turned around the corner, stopping abruptly and let out a scream. There collapsed lay poor Dionysos’ body, head drowned in a bowl of cake batter.
She let out another scream and turned right around, running back to Linnaete in her own locked thread. She glanced over the preview and saw Linnaete’s limp mauve body, a knife protruding from her back. Six ran out the door and rushed down to HQ, intent on hitting the Emergency Meeting button.
But as she opened the doors she stood in shock as Ilyena slowly turned around in a swivel chair. She fumbled with a knife as her username glowed red, sharp teeth peeking through a mean smile.
“Six, so nice of you to join me on this joyous holiday. Did you really think I was so naughty this year that I had to dish out my own coal?”
“Did Santa even retire this year?!” Six yelled, watching as Ilyena stood to her feet.
“‘Retire’? Yes, I suppose so, though I’m sure you know how this’ll go.”
“I should have known there was an impostor among us!” Six seethed as she shook her fist, “Especially if they were able to get to Linnaete through a locked thread!”
“Linnaete is dead too?” Ilyena chuckled, stabbing her knife into the staff podium.
“If you didn’t kill Linnaete then who did?”
The vents crittered and let out a sound, one popping open before staring Six down.
“Me!”
But who was the other impostor?
- - - - - - - - - - - -
ENTRY #5 - The Starlight Patriarch |
- - - - - - - - - - - -
| ENTRY #6 - What if Shinra found Santa instead of Jenova? |
