Are you socially awkward?

In real life, I'm a very shy person. However, this is usually only with people I barely even know or talk to. When I'm with my friends, I still don't talk very much, but I'm willing to say what's on my mind depending on the topic of the conversation. I rarely speak up, but when I do, it's when I want to say something important or if a friend of mine (or me) is getting bullied (happens often).

The best word for me should be anti-social, since that's how a lot of people tend to describe me (even my own parents). I don't mind talking to people, but I prefer to keep the conversation short and to the point. I'm the type of person who feels more comfortable being left alone. Whenever I do feel like talking to someone, it's usually a person who I happen to share similar interests with. Otherwise, the conversation will end up all awkward and I'd feel the need to retreat or find some excuse to get away.
 
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Coup de Grace]Reporting back would be very, very helpful, I think. I think this is a great way for me to find out as well. I mean, if I went to find out for myself only to see how unhelpful it was (if it did end up that way), I would be terrified. It would be like; I just talked to someone about things I would not normally talk to anyone about and it was all for nothing? Honestly, I've never cared if listening was these people's jobs. I still feel like they'll judge me. But I suppose if they were to say, "I'm not here to judge" would be good. It is after all one of my favorite things to hear.

That's something else I wanted to bring up. I don't talk much to these people. I say what I need, ask what I want, and it's done. I get criticized for being so "shy". I'm not shy, I just don't know how to speak to someone else properly. But I don't need to speak while walking the runway or during a photo shoot. Soon, this all won't matter because I'm almost done with this modeling thing. It's stupid. (Yay for photography!) But we'll keep on topic.
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Alright I'll admit I didn't have enough time to actually type out what I wanted to convey. Who I am now, and who I was 10 years ago, were an entirely different breed. I care not to look into the past, because it brings me down to think I changed on account of other people. I'll relate something to you that will try not be as lengthy.

Today I feel like I'm grounded in my ways, but when I entered Midschool/Highschool, some things happened in my life which made it even harder for me to break away from the norm. I wasn't very good at dealing with deaths and such, and for me being a very upbeat kid who just wanted to see people laugh (comedy in my own mind) I had two critical things occur in my life. One being my cousin ending his life, and another a family pet of 10 years passing away. Instead of emotionally letting go, I sucked it up and did what I could to not let it show. This resulted in me becoming the utmost shy, which I was already semi quiet to bigger groups of people and some of the girls I knew before this. My friends would always wonder why I never carried on conversations for long about trivial things. Unless someone was directly speaking to me, was the only time I would actually respond back.

After a few years down the road, I can honestly say I was socially impaired. Even when I wanted to strike up a conversation, I had anxiety creep over me and muddle my words up in my head. It's funny.. I could say a memorized speech perfectly (speech class) but when I wanted to say what I wanted to, to a few friends of mine, well I basically mumbled and couldn't make sense of it. Isolated in my own head and not telling my parents out of fear they would try to make me see a shrink. I had to lie in order to make them know I was okay. I went to church although I lost faith in what it all meant, I played my sports since I was pretty skilled at running track, I still had friends on the side.. who only knew me for being a bit of a joker here and there. Soon those friends faded though, 1 deciding it would be funny to death threat 3 teachers, and another stealing wallets out of gym bags and keeping the cash, and lastly my best 2 friends, Sean and Nick leaving for Brentwood High. I started hanging out with friends outside my school, who weren't exactly the best crowd to get involved with. (where I got my bad smoking habbit from)

I extroverted myself from my school. I started seeing the flaws in being in a private christian school, who was founded on hypocrisy. I started to become selfaware of my surroundings and like a typical teenager I started to rebel. I was a decent looking chap, but my head was far from on my shoulders. I reattached my junior year a bit to my classmates, but still having bad social anxiety I didn't have much to say. It wasn't until the end of junior year, where I just told myself.. it was time to suck it.. and no matter what not let anyone see the quiet side of me. The one thing I hated most was.. "What's the Matter.. " or "Are you alright?." I mean these people knew me, liked me, but letting them in was a different devil all in itself.

Trust issues.. were starting to become a factor, so at the beginning of senior year, I forced myself back into the scene. I gained quite a few friends just from being my old comedic self. Even if it was all rehearsed, it got the job done. Depression started to bloom though unfortunately with this. Faking it for so long, can take its toll. A girl became realllly interested in me, and although she was very gorgeous, she was younger and I respected her as a person, maybe to a fault? We saw each other at a internet gaming center I helped at. Then she grabbed my online addys and started to converse with me. To my surprise, at her age, she was a little to much like me. When she told me some dismayed things about her friend the year before, everything came back to me. I should of dealt with that crap a long time ago, but of course it had to be a girl to open up pandoras box on me. I relayed to her what happened back in the day.. the first person I ever effin told. Was it a mistake.. well now a days I still call her a close friend, even if we talk maybe a every few months to a year. But getting on with it, she said she sought counseling and such and did the whole nine yards, and at her age I was blown away how much she had been through.

From just a few days of talking with me, she said she received more of a lesson and more realism than any person she knew. I admitted, it felt good to let the beast out of its cage (as in memories). I'm assuming my story helped her move past that point. She was a real friend, and even if we honestly could date and do the whole nine yards, and have a tragic break up due to me going to college the next year, we opted to just keep in touch. Back at school I said screw it. I was tired of living with the silence inside, I decided it was time to be real with people. I made it a point to talk more and more, because social anxiety was one part acceptance and another part actually giving a crap about what people had to say. I made it an open point that I was not a christian, but I wouldn't mind being one if I felt it and had faith in it, but I wasn't going to lie about it. Past that point all is pretty much moot, because I basically am who I am today because I decided to interact out of seeing a need to be real. I had one episode of depression, but that was because of separation anxiety and still coping with some memories. As I said in another thread though, I dealt with it, and believe in all honestly I'm 200%.

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Coup De Grace or Argor even, social anxiety is a real effin huge problem. It trumped me for years from ever having a "real" relationship with a girl, to even having friends who were decent, and not druggies, nihilists, wiggers, or hoodlems.

I recommend talking to a counselor about this. It will eat at you otherwise, unless of course you think other people can help you out on here.

To be honest, if you are worried about acceptance, you need to separate yourself from it. Acceptance in yourself first, then worry about acceptance among piers. A counselor can help with that or close friends can as well. I never went to one, because I was in denial. It was just an odd turn of events things happened the way they did though.

Socially Awkward is just a way for us folks. Now a days, I doubt I'm awkward but I have quite a few stories to tell from who I was back when.
 
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Coup de Grace said:
Smiling? I wish that was something I didn't know how to do. Smiling has always been a good way for me to seem friendly so people wouldn't think bad things about me. Of course, people being people, will make fun of anything and everything about a person. I am now self-conscious of my smile, and every time I laugh I cover my mouth.

Smiling did not help.

Also, you make it sound so, so easy to just get out there and socialize. But how hard it is to break the wall I've built for myself over the years is inexplicable. I mean, it's damn difficult. (QQ!)
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People being people? Well that seems a very broad term. Do you think everyone is the same? I don't smile at people because they might think bad things about me. I smile at people cause that's how I roll. So a few people made fun of you. People will make fun of people all the time, it's how comedians make their money. And so what if someone is negative about you, the problem lies with them, not you, so I wouldn't bother giving said persons the time of day.

And it is so, so easy to just get out there. You are the one making it so so hard, nobody else. The internet in many ways is a terrible place, because it makes the world smaller. Where's the fun in sending someone a letter when you can email someone on the other side of the world within a second. Chatrooms, forums and the like are not good for people with lacking social skills. It will just make people more insecure about themselves.

Hey im not bagging you out but sugar coating something like this is very counter productive. You have obviously had issues in the past which has made you the way you are and highly sensitive, but the world is not black and white. I do think joining a sports team or a group society thing is the way to go but hey, im not you.
 
Shu said:

Coup De Grace or Argor even, social anxiety is a real effin huge problem. It trumped me for years from ever having a "real" relationship with a girl, to even having friends who were decent, and not druggies, nihilists, wiggers, or hoodlems.

I recommend talking to a counselor about this. It will eat at you otherwise, unless of course you think other people can help you out on here.

To be honest, if you are worried about acceptance, you need to separate yourself from it. Acceptance in yourself first, then worry about acceptance among piers. A counselor can help with that or close friends can as well. I never went to one, because I was in denial. It was just an odd turn of events things happened the way they did though.

Socially Awkward is just a way for us folks. Now a days, I doubt I'm awkward but I have quite a few stories to tell from who I was back when.
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Everything you wrote spoke to me. I actually could relate with a lot of what you said. Currently, I'm 16 so I think I have enough time to get this 'fixed'. I want to. And the part where you said "I was tired of living with the silence inside, I decided it was time to be real with people." I've had a thought like that. I would be confident in what I was going to say to people. I was actually willing to be a bit rude just to get a point across. It never worked for me. I still can't tell people what I want, but I won't ever stop trying.






Flagg said:
People being people? Well that seems a very broad term. Do you think everyone is the same? I don't smile at people because they might think bad things about me. I smile at people cause that's how I roll. So a few people made fun of you. People will make fun of people all the time, it's how comedians make their money. And so what if someone is negative about you, the problem lies with them, not you, so I wouldn't bother giving said persons the time of day.

And it is so, so easy to just get out there. You are the one making it so so hard, nobody else. The internet in many ways is a terrible place, because it makes the world smaller. Where's the fun in sending someone a letter when you can email someone on the other side of the world within a second. Chatrooms, forums and the like are not good for people with lacking social skills. It will just make people more insecure about themselves.

Hey im not bagging you out but sugar coating something like this is very counter productive. You have obviously had issues in the past which has made you the way you are and highly sensitive, but the world is not black and white. I do think joining a sports team or a group society thing is the way to go but hey, im not you.
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Exactly. People will make fun of people all the time. That's what I meant when I said 'people being people'. The reason for my socially awkwardness is because people made fun of me. Being judged by even something minor about me will bring me down and feel as if it haunts me. I can't shrug it off no matter how hard I try. And believe me, I do try.
This isn't something I want someone to feel sorry for me over. Pity is the last thing I need or even want. I want advice. I want comfort knowing I'm not the only one out there. Obviously, I'm not. But reading it from other people really does help. I can't join sports because I don't like them. Actually, I hate them. Which most people would find funny because I'm a good athlete.
I understand that the world isn't such a friendly place, I'm not so naive to think otherwise. It's just hard to cope with -and that's putting it lightly.
 
I get really nervous around complete strangers...around anybody I don't know anything about, I am socially awkward, and that is a huge problem for me, because it is very extreme, I can't even think of anything to say, my mind just draws blanks.

I am almost age 20, will be in little more than a month, and I still haven't gotten a job, because I've never been ready to work surrounded by people I don't know anything about, and dealing with customers, more people I know nothing about, if they are just good people, or have done some very bad things in the past...

What I think my problem is, is mainly fear. When I see people I've never met before, I fear they may be a nasty person, but I know there is a lot of good people out there too, I just don't know which ones. :ness:
 
Blue Wolf said:
I get really nervous around complete strangers...around anybody I don't know anything about, I am socially awkward, and that is a huge problem for me, because it is very extreme, I can't even think of anything to say, my mind just draws blanks.

I am almost age 20, will be in little more than a month, and I still haven't gotten a job, because I've never been ready to work surrounded by people I don't know anything about, and dealing with customers, more people I know nothing about, if they are just good people, or have done some very bad things in the past...

What I think my problem is, is mainly fear. When I see people I've never met before, I fear they may be a nasty person, but I know there is a lot of good people out there too, I just don't know which ones. :ness:
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/Exact same way!
It took me forever to get myself in modeling, but I'm about to quit real soon. I can't stand it. It's not for me. I'm not even getting payed, I'm in training.
I've never had any other job before. It is fear and usually there's nothing to fear. Yet still knowing this, I refuse to let go of my fears and what I'm most paranoid about.
 
I think I need to get a more positive view of mankind, they aren't all bad, far from it, so I shouldn't act like that is the case, it is just hard to change after so many years.

It should feel pretty good once I am used to being around people and chat and such, my brother was shy for a long time too, but after he got working jobs, he got over that in no time.

I just wish that would happen with me, but I don't know... >_<
 
Flagg said:
Like any other animal, people can smell fear from other people and the only way to overcome a fear of being in social groups is to interact in social groups.

For those of you that are socially awkward, out of interest do people say to you "You don't smile a lot/enough"?

Smiling at people is great and people tend to smile back. Staring is not great, but just walk past someone in the street and give them a little smile. I mean, what is the worst that is going to happen? A stranger wont smile back. Their loss.

If people think they are shy they should take up a group hobby of some sort. Online communities do not count. I mean join a sports team, take up a martial art, go to Yoga classes..anything if it means meeting new people because you are all there because you have a similiar interest so straight away you have something in common.

I used to be terribly bashful when I was younger. When I went to University last year I went on my own. No one I knew from home would be there, I had no idea what my dorm room mates would be like, or what people in my classes were. But I was so full of energy. It was like a great adventure and I couldn't wait to meet new people. I went travelling on my own a few years back and it was the greatest experience of my life. You meet loads of people while on the road and I think it went a huge ways to making me a much more sociable person.

If people are socially awkward, aware of it and unhappy with it then only they can change that. Talking to members of the opposite sex is probably the most challenging thing for most people and what is the worst thing that is going to happen if someone wont talk back to you? Don't dwell, move onto someone else.

I used to be a very negative person, very pessimistic. And then I realised that being pessimistic is bullshit. You go through life with this "I told you so attitude" and turn into a grumpy person. Pessimistic people dwell on things. News flash, the world will continue rotating and life around you will continue to evolve while a person can choose to dwell. My glass is half full these days, if something bad happens to me...then aw well. Change is good. Growth is good. Shrug your shoulders and move on. Life is only as bad as you make it to be.
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Yeah i kind agree with you on the smile thing, i used to be a very shy guy when i was younger only in certain situations actually talking like you said to the oppositive sex is a big challenge especially when there is some sort of chemistry going on, most of the times when i was why is when i used to be with my family or in any social situation that involved new people that i didn't know most of my family thought that i was a shy person but in school i was one of the most social and people in class. right now with my new job it has totally changed my life, it's about costumer service, it's basically all day talking to people that you don't know and making them feel good and creating good, interesting conversations with them, ever since then i was always talk to people i don't know all the time and smile everywhere i go it feels good.
 
Yeah, very socially awkward online and offline. Online try and act hyperactive and outgoing and it never really does work. Offline just feel even more awkward even taking to friends- really don't speak or say much and sometimes worry that they are going to leave or start to walk away. Remember during the weekend was at a friends house and her male friends where all playing Guitar Hero and it took 3 hours to pick up the courage to mumble.." Can have a go next "..? ^-^';

Pretty awkward on Facebook and Bebo and whenever online here kinda struggle not to feel nervous on the chatbox or writing something down on a topic in the forums even if it's just spam..

Didn't used to be this way until last year and just kept on getting hurt for being my true self, so just decided that it was best to lock it up in a box and not open it..

Socially awkward..? Very.. >___<

 
Pika-chew said:
Yeah, very socially awkward online and offline. Online try and act hyperactive and outgoing and it never really does work. Offline just feel even more awkward even taking to friends- really don't speak or say much and sometimes worry that they are going to leave or start to walk away. Remember during the weekend was at a friends house and her male friends where all playing Guitar Hero and it took 3 hours to pick up the courage to mumble.." Can have a go next "..? ^-^';

Pretty awkward on Facebook and Bebo and whenever online here kinda struggle not to feel nervous on the chatbox or writing something down on a topic in the forums even if it's just spam..

Didn't used to be this way until last year and just kept on getting hurt for being my true self, so just decided that it was best to lock it up in a box and not open it..

Socially awkward..? Very.. >___<
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I can be pretty awkward online too, but that's a rare thing for me.
As for your last part, when you said you kept getting hurt, that's exactly what happens to me. It makes me angry to think about. I'm not allowed to be my true self but others are? It's not fair.
 
lol yeah I'd say that I am a bit socially awkward. But I guess that's what happends when you spend all your time in front of the computer D:

I have never liked big crowds and have always prefered a small group of friends. Typically at parties I find the group of people that I know the most and attach myself to them. But often I choose to not even go to big parties so...

I used to use alcohol to help me out with this, but then I got into to trouble with that. :/
 
Rydia said:
lol yeah I'd say that I am a bit socially awkward. But I guess that's what happends when you spend all your time in front of the computer D:

I have never liked big crowds and have always prefered a small group of friends. Typically at parties I find the group of people that I know the most and attach myself to them. But often I choose to not even go to big parties so...

I used to use alcohol to help me out with this, but then I got into to trouble with that. :/
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I used alcohol as well. It worked really well for me but of course, I hate the stuff. I can't stand to drink it unless the bitter taste is very hidden. *deep, long sigh*
 
Coup de Grace said:
I used alcohol as well. It worked really well for me but of course, I hate the stuff. I can't stand to drink it unless the bitter taste is very hidden. *deep, long sigh*
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Oh I as downing almost pure Vodka and I'd be wasted quickly. And I started becoming the life of the party >.< It made me relax.. and I started using it for EVERYTHING.

I am now trying to stop.
 
I'm actually a very confident person now.

I used to be very awkward and shy and I didn't really fit in too well when I was in school but it was around the time that I started my first proper job in a large bookshop where a lot of young people worked that I began to get more confident. I had just started college and I had to meet so many new people in my class and I found that some of them were in the same situation as me.

With the bookshop, I got confidence to serve people and interact with random people (even if it was for a small bit). I must have had potential as my manager then put me on training for the customer service department and I got more confident.

I made new friends that I could relate to and we socialised and hung around together for the last few years.

As for me now, I've become very comfortable in who I am. I love meeting new people and I have no qualms about going up to someone new and starting a conversation with them. My friends see me as being very outgoing and very lively and a friendly and fun guy to be around.

And I have lots of many close friends because of it, and I seldomly don't have plans to meet a certain friend here or there or for drinks.

I'm really happy with the way I am now.


Also, as a pointer for those people who can't look someone in the eye. I used to be like this, but it's also to do with confidence. But a very handy trick to do is to look at the area between a person's eyes (i.e. the bridge of the nose). It's a lot easier to do, and to the person who's doing it, it looks like you're looking at their eyes.
 
I'm not socially awkward at all and people who are just make everyone else feel uncomfortable, I feel.

If you're with people you don't know, theres no need to be your socially awkward self. If they don't know you, you can act how you want. So act confident!

REALLY socially awkward people just make me want to cry. I can't handle people who don't talk/reply with 'hm's or other monosyllabic words.

D:
 
Shuya said:
I'm not socially awkward at all and people who are just make everyone else feel uncomfortable, I feel.

If you're with people you don't know, theres no need to be your socially awkward self. If they don't know you, you can act how you want. So act confident!

REALLY socially awkward people just make me want to cry. I can't handle people who don't talk/reply with 'hm's or other monosyllabic words.

D:
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If you ever became socially awkward yourself, god bless you.

But seriously though, you should treat this differently. In my case, trying to be confident at this state is like having a spider (one of my worst fears for good reasons) shoved into my face. Not that scary, but it is pretty terrifying. Getting judged.. well it sucks. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to cope with it. Some of us need to learn slowly or just accept that we can't do it.
 
Shuya said:
I'm not socially awkward at all and people who are just make everyone else feel uncomfortable, I feel.

If you're with people you don't know, theres no need to be your socially awkward self. If they don't know you, you can act how you want. So act confident!

REALLY socially awkward people just make me want to cry. I can't handle people who don't talk/reply with 'hm's or other monosyllabic words.

D:
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It's easier said than done. Some people are naturally confident, others are just a part of the shy bunch. People aren't really at fault if they're socially awkward - it could just be how they're raised or the environment they grew up in.

I used to be a socially awkward person - I still am at times, but I'm slowly coming out of my shell. I've promised myself to be more outgoing before I walked into college. Soo, ever since I've walked in, I'm a more outgoing and friendly person than I was say - two years ago.
(･ω･)
 
Nah, I'm no socially awkward. I know my bro is socially awkward, but not me.
It's fun meeting new faces everyday and make a new friends.
 
i am,whenever im asked a question,i usually just put my head down and say a one line answer,and i cant talk to certain people
 
I used to be very anti-social. During my school years I was always classed as one of the rejects and no matter what I would say I would get people's snide comments thrown my way.

I was never good with anyone but my close group of friends and I was extremely shy.

I hated having to do Oral exams in class for English or whatever it may be. I always got the shakes and felt sick to my stomach because I knew what people thought of me.

It wasn't until I left high school and got a proper job that I gained more confidence in myself and didn't feel as shy anymore.

People who never spoke to me in high school or disliked me in general (for no good reason) even started to speak to me.

Though I didn't really care for them after how they treated me. I don't give people like that second chances.
 
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