Continue the Christmas Poem (2020 Edition)

[Dionysos]

"I'm here!" shouted Linnaete the Sim "But chomp fast! The mustard is sliding off already and I'm getting cold!"
"Eww," cried Jecht, despite bleeding profusely from a Tonberry knife wound, "I bet she's covered with mould."
That was when Hope's mum arrived, scruffy as can be: where's that little boy of MINE, he's getting SOLD.
"You landed on a Phoenix Down? Why didn't that work for me?" Galuf's ghost sighed spectrally, "Was I really just that old?"
"I wanted to sell my crybaby kid too," mused Jecht, "but apparently selling children is illegal, so I was told."

"You what?!" exclaimed Bugenhagen, who overheard their bizarre chat.
"You know, Bugle..." interjected Lann in puzzled bewilderment, "From some angles you look like you have no legs... What's up with that?"
"That green ball thing he's sitting on is only good for a Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III," said Jecht, who is still a prat.
Kiiiicccckkkaaaaashwooshhuppp *pffft* BrahhmmOUCHffphffoeorroOOOPS*pffft* zaaafffgabOWOWOWOWflagharr-splat!

"Selling children is illegal... UNLESS THEY PUT YOU IN A SHALLOW GRAVE!!" Said Hope's mum, to the shock and awe to the surrounding crowd!
"What is wrong with you, lady?" exclaimed an outraged Cloud.
BANG! "My my..." said Ardyn, holding a smoking gun, "She really needed to go... My heartfelt commiserations! But I honestly didn't expect it to be so loud."
"WOAH! That was so cool. I want in. Where do I sign up to join the Final Fantasy villains club?" said Jecht, looking wowed.

"Naught shall be made villainy on this night" called a concerned Ramza Beoulve from the snow hill top
"Hear, hear! We shall put an end to this immediately!" Regent Cid called out in earnest agreement, despite his appearance as a despicable oglop.
"Spare some change, anyone?" called out O'aka XXIII, "I need millions of Gil to set up shop."
"I'm sorry," said the One Winged Angel Sephiroth "but your life has to stop".

"All life must stop" Necron mused descending from the heavens, "As wise Yoda said: Fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate... hate leads to suffering..."
"Cool, whatever," interjected Seifer, "but can we get better Wi-Fi? My 4K YouTube videos keep buffering."
"Why Fie? Well, precisely! We shouldn't have to deal with any problems!" said Necron with excitement, "That's what I'm offering..."

"Aww," lamented Aerith, "I think Christmas is over and Cloud has yet to choose which girl he likes the most!"
"Oh woe is he" said Squall, keen to hit a barb over at his emo rival "More like choosing the girl who he's gonna ghost..."
"Who are you calling a ghost, lion-breath?!" protested Aerith, "If you want to hang out with spooks, go speak to the Gold Saucer's hotel's host!"

 

[Linnaete]

"I'm here!" shouted Linnaete the Sim "But chomp fast! The mustard is sliding off already and I'm getting cold!"
"Eww," cried Jecht, despite bleeding profusely from a Tonberry knife wound, "I bet she's covered with mould."
That was when Hope's mum arrived, scruffy as can be: where's that little boy of MINE, he's getting SOLD.
"You landed on a Phoenix Down? Why didn't that work for me?" Galuf's ghost sighed spectrally, "Was I really just that old?"
"I wanted to sell my crybaby kid too," mused Jecht, "but apparently selling children is illegal, so I was told."

"You what?!" exclaimed Bugenhagen, who overheard their bizarre chat.
"You know, Bugle..." interjected Lann in puzzled bewilderment, "From some angles you look like you have no legs... What's up with that?"
"That green ball thing he's sitting on is only good for a Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III," said Jecht, who is still a prat.
Kiiiicccckkkaaaaashwooshhuppp *pffft* BrahhmmOUCHffphffoeorroOOOPS*pffft* zaaafffgabOWOWOWOWflagharr-splat!

"Selling children is illegal... UNLESS THEY PUT YOU IN A SHALLOW GRAVE!!" Said Hope's mum, to the shock and awe to the surrounding crowd!
"What is wrong with you, lady?" exclaimed an outraged Cloud.
BANG! "My my..." said Ardyn, holding a smoking gun, "She really needed to go... My heartfelt commiserations! But I honestly didn't expect it to be so loud."
"WOAH! That was so cool. I want in. Where do I sign up to join the Final Fantasy villains club?" said Jecht, looking wowed.

"Naught shall be made villainy on this night" called a concerned Ramza Beoulve from the snow hill top
"Hear, hear! We shall put an end to this immediately!" Regent Cid called out in earnest agreement, despite his appearance as a despicable oglop.
"Spare some change, anyone?" called out O'aka XXIII, "I need millions of Gil to set up shop."
"I'm sorry," said the One Winged Angel Sephiroth "but your life has to stop".

"All life must stop" Necron mused descending from the heavens, "As wise Yoda said: Fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate... hate leads to suffering..."
"Cool, whatever," interjected Seifer, "but can we get better Wi-Fi? My 4K YouTube videos keep buffering."
"Why Fie? Well, precisely! We shouldn't have to deal with any problems!" said Necron with excitement, "That's what I'm offering..."

"Aww," lamented Aerith, "I think Christmas is over and Cloud has yet to choose which girl he likes the most!"
"Oh woe is he" said Squall, keen to hit a barb over at his emo rival "More like choosing the girl who he's gonna ghost..."
"Who are you calling a ghost, lion-breath?!" protested Aerith, "If you want to hang out with spooks, go speak to the Gold Saucer's hotel's host!"

It was there under the mistletoe that Cloud met the real love of his life.

 

[Miko]

"I'm here!" shouted Linnaete the Sim "But chomp fast! The mustard is sliding off already and I'm getting cold!"
"Eww," cried Jecht, despite bleeding profusely from a Tonberry knife wound, "I bet she's covered with mould."
That was when Hope's mum arrived, scruffy as can be: where's that little boy of MINE, he's getting SOLD.
"You landed on a Phoenix Down? Why didn't that work for me?" Galuf's ghost sighed spectrally, "Was I really just that old?"
"I wanted to sell my crybaby kid too," mused Jecht, "but apparently selling children is illegal, so I was told."

"You what?!" exclaimed Bugenhagen, who overheard their bizarre chat.
"You know, Bugle..." interjected Lann in puzzled bewilderment, "From some angles you look like you have no legs... What's up with that?"
"That green ball thing he's sitting on is only good for a Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III," said Jecht, who is still a prat.
Kiiiicccckkkaaaaashwooshhuppp *pffft* BrahhmmOUCHffphffoeorroOOOPS*pffft* zaaafffgabOWOWOWOWflagharr-splat!

"Selling children is illegal... UNLESS THEY PUT YOU IN A SHALLOW GRAVE!!" Said Hope's mum, to the shock and awe to the surrounding crowd!
"What is wrong with you, lady?" exclaimed an outraged Cloud.
BANG! "My my..." said Ardyn, holding a smoking gun, "She really needed to go... My heartfelt commiserations! But I honestly didn't expect it to be so loud."
"WOAH! That was so cool. I want in. Where do I sign up to join the Final Fantasy villains club?" said Jecht, looking wowed.

"Naught shall be made villainy on this night" called a concerned Ramza Beoulve from the snow hill top
"Hear, hear! We shall put an end to this immediately!" Regent Cid called out in earnest agreement, despite his appearance as a despicable oglop.
"Spare some change, anyone?" called out O'aka XXIII, "I need millions of Gil to set up shop."
"I'm sorry," said the One Winged Angel Sephiroth "but your life has to stop".

"All life must stop" Necron mused descending from the heavens, "As wise Yoda said: Fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate... hate leads to suffering..."
"Cool, whatever," interjected Seifer, "but can we get better Wi-Fi? My 4K YouTube videos keep buffering."
"Why Fie? Well, precisely! We shouldn't have to deal with any problems!" said Necron with excitement, "That's what I'm offering..."

"Aww," lamented Aerith, "I think Christmas is over and Cloud has yet to choose which girl he likes the most!"
"Oh woe is he" said Squall, keen to hit a barb over at his emo rival "More like choosing the girl who he's gonna ghost..."
"Who are you calling a ghost, lion-breath?!" protested Aerith, "If you want to hang out with spooks, go speak to the Gold Saucer's hotel's host!"

It was there under the mistletoe that Cloud met the real love of his life.
"Lulu, baby, won't you please be my wife?"

 

[Paddy McGee]

"I'm here!" shouted Linnaete the Sim "But chomp fast! The mustard is sliding off already and I'm getting cold!"
"Eww," cried Jecht, despite bleeding profusely from a Tonberry knife wound, "I bet she's covered with mould."
That was when Hope's mum arrived, scruffy as can be: where's that little boy of MINE, he's getting SOLD.
"You landed on a Phoenix Down? Why didn't that work for me?" Galuf's ghost sighed spectrally, "Was I really just that old?"
"I wanted to sell my crybaby kid too," mused Jecht, "but apparently selling children is illegal, so I was told."

"You what?!" exclaimed Bugenhagen, who overheard their bizarre chat.
"You know, Bugle..." interjected Lann in puzzled bewilderment, "From some angles you look like you have no legs... What's up with that?"
"That green ball thing he's sitting on is only good for a Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III," said Jecht, who is still a prat.
Kiiiicccckkkaaaaashwooshhuppp *pffft* BrahhmmOUCHffphffoeorroOOOPS*pffft* zaaafffgabOWOWOWOWflagharr-splat!

"Selling children is illegal... UNLESS THEY PUT YOU IN A SHALLOW GRAVE!!" Said Hope's mum, to the shock and awe to the surrounding crowd!
"What is wrong with you, lady?" exclaimed an outraged Cloud.
BANG! "My my..." said Ardyn, holding a smoking gun, "She really needed to go... My heartfelt commiserations! But I honestly didn't expect it to be so loud."
"WOAH! That was so cool. I want in. Where do I sign up to join the Final Fantasy villains club?" said Jecht, looking wowed.

"Naught shall be made villainy on this night" called a concerned Ramza Beoulve from the snow hill top
"Hear, hear! We shall put an end to this immediately!" Regent Cid called out in earnest agreement, despite his appearance as a despicable oglop.
"Spare some change, anyone?" called out O'aka XXIII, "I need millions of Gil to set up shop."
"I'm sorry," said the One Winged Angel Sephiroth "but your life has to stop".

"All life must stop" Necron mused descending from the heavens, "As wise Yoda said: Fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate... hate leads to suffering..."
"Cool, whatever," interjected Seifer, "but can we get better Wi-Fi? My 4K YouTube videos keep buffering."
"Why Fie? Well, precisely! We shouldn't have to deal with any problems!" said Necron with excitement, "That's what I'm offering..."

"Aww," lamented Aerith, "I think Christmas is over and Cloud has yet to choose which girl he likes the most!"
"Oh woe is he" said Squall, keen to hit a barb over at his emo rival "More like choosing the girl who he's gonna ghost..."
"Who are you calling a ghost, lion-breath?!" protested Aerith, "If you want to hang out with spooks, go speak to the Gold Saucer's hotel's host!"

It was there under the mistletoe that Cloud met the real love of his life.
"Lulu, baby, won't you please be my wife?"
And Lulu replied: "certainly; we can honeymoon in Fife"

 

[Linnaete]

Aaaaaaaaand that's a wrap. The Christmas poem event is over.

Congrats to Paddy McGee for contributing the final line to our collective festive fever dream. You will get an unspecified extra amount of EXP once I've worked out what to actually distribute as a prize.

And a warm thank you to everyone who has contributed a line. Be prepared to get thoroughly inebriated though, because that's looking like the only possible way you can make any sense of what we've just written.

Final tally:​

Member​	Number of contributed lines​
Linnaete​	38​
Dionysos​	30​
Paddy McGee​	26​
Six​	12​
Ilyena​	5​
Miko​	5​
Soulcorruptor​	3​
Galadín​	2​
Sashikiru​	2​

 

[Linnaete]

The final poem


Tidus the Blitzball player, was a jolly happy soul
Starting the poem was Liv, who was oh so smol
Tiny enough to be a bitesized appetiser for Cronus
"Eat Tidus instead," Liv did protest, "he'd make a lovely bonus!"

"Please do not" said Yuna "I would miss him so."
Even though he was making out with Lulu, under the mistletoe

So this is the story we've put in motion
I need Tidus to rub my arse with lotion

Forget keeping this clean and wholesome.
To keep this poem PG, Moogles confiscated all the rum.
But Tidus found the Whiskey and got out his bum!
"Ya know, that's an odd-shaped Blitzball!" yelled Wakka, his chum.
As Tidus was having an affair, Yuna broke up with the scum.

Then the door opened and in came Cloud
"Who shall I kiss under the mistletoe?" he thought to himself out loud.

Cloud glanced around the group with a look of horror
And avoided Quina's gaze in attempts to ignore her.
Quina was transfixed by the handsome Cloud's intense aura.
"I eat yum yum!" declared the Qu, eyeing up the faux-SOLDIER's Buster.

Quan then started to warm his kettle.
And in he threw some Gyshal petals.

"I declare eat my gum!!" cloud said, shaking with fright:
So sang Cloud, but most had already called it a night.
Except Squal Lionhard, who wuz n emo, but listened to Cloud with delight.
Yuna wanted to flirt with Cloud, but would that be impolite?
Surely it’s inappropriate and Tifa would start a fight.

Avalanche's monk pulled up her stockings and blushed at her hero,
"Whisk me away, Cloud. Take me somewhere nice, like Rio de Janeiro!"

Quina watched with jealousy alight; "Cloudy iz mai fwoggy pwince tonight!!"
Schlapp! went Tifa's fist into Quina's tongue with a dolphin which the Qu swallowed with an almighty bite!
Yuna took the opportunity to check out Cloud's toned arms while the other two engaged in their fight.

Squal Lionhard watched the cat fight agast, "im n emo y do nce gais finish last"
Zell overheard and added some sass "even as an emo kid, you're not as fast"

"Ladies, ladies!" Zidane interjected,
"This whole scenario seems a little misdirected"
"Eww, Quina licked me," cried Cloud, "I think I'm now infected."
"Clowed desnt lyk me n im rejected" proclaimed Squal Lionhard, feeling dejected.

Rinoa just stood there, shaking her head
"Yo, Rinoa babe. How about the two of us Junction with each other?" Seifer said.

"Push off loser no way! I'd rather I pooped myself" Rinoa frowned and cooly replied
"Bow-wow! Woof! Woof!" barked Angelo who did exactly that by her side.
Surveying the dog mess freshly made, Rinoa was embarrassed and mortified.
To make matters worse, albeit slight, entering the room was Onion Knight!
On entering he proclaimed "All YE TURNIPS GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
Rinoa contemplated launching her filthy dog at Onion Knight out of pure spite.
Whilst Yuna decided not to set Onion Knight alight!

"Howl! Howl! Ouch! Woof! BARK! WOOF!" yelped the Onion Knight in a stream of tears.
As the things mentioned above, were some of his biggest fears!
"shush you little punk!" Tidus shouted, amongst all his other jeers.
"And you!" taunted Zidane "One day Someone'll hold your head like a prop of Shakespeare's!"

"Can't we just enjoy Christmas?" Garnet deeply sighed,
"No, because every woman here wants to sleep with me and it's annoying," Cloud cried.
"And don't forget the frog eating, swamp dwelling marshmallows!" Tidus unhelpfully replied
"Wicked white!" cried Alphinaud, pointing to the skies, "Is that a falling shark, jaws open wide?"
"Ridiculous," scoffed Onion Knight, but alas the shark found its feast and he quickly died.

Yuna sat there, shocked and awed... but only for a second, for she yawned
When right beside her, a half chewed Onion Knight respawned
"Why are you back?" protested Amarant "You weren't even mourned!"
"An aerial shark attack?" exclaimed Rinoa, "This was not forewarned."

"Ya tellin' me?! I was enjoying a swell swim but then ended up snappin' in the firmament!" complained the shark.
"ARF! ARF! WOOF, WOOF, WOOF! GRRRRR, ARF!" snarled Angelo the dog, perfecting his vicious bark.
Amarant recoiled, then thrusted out his chest; and snarked: "that dog is angrier than Arthur the aardvark!"
"NEIGH!" snorted Ixion, clopping with a thunderous stomp, "I AM ANGRIER THAN ALL FOR MY KIND NEVER MADE IT TO THE ARK!"

Determined to win back her heart, Tidus waltzed up to Yuna ready to charm her with his laughter.
"HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!" Yuna belted into Tidus' face, playfully pre-empting his jovial advances with something far dafter.

"You can't even properly woo a lady," cackled a bemused Jecht, "I'll show you how it's done!"
Jecht swigged his drink and stumbled towards a shoopuf, sword drawn and ready for fun.
"Ride ze shoopuf?" said the attendant Hypello, "No Gil ish required, ish free for everyone."

"Never, I say, never" so declared Zidane; his tail a; swishing and his sword in hand!
"Huh?" vocalised Jecht, his trousers already down, "Careful with this poem! You'll get us all banned!"
To punish this degenerate, Archadian Judges forced Jecht to dive headfirst into Bikanel quicksand.
"What's that? Shut up old man" Said Zidane, "why don't you head on back to Pen island!!!"

"Don't mind if I do!" laughed Jecht as he dove into the sand with a squelch, that which was exposed waiting patiently for the boot of a count.
"You are also guilty of cheating in Blitzball," declared a Judge Magister, "all scores are nullified and await a recount!"
"A recount?" Wakka said. "This is my chance. Who do I bribe to increase the Aurochs' amount?"
"Cheating is the only way you can win," scoffed a Judge, "because there is no opponent the Besaid Aurochs can surmount!"
This was when Bartz stormed it, astride his Chocobo; he launched and, sadly, stumbled on his dismount!

"WWWWWAAAAARRRK!" screeched Boko, like a helium-filled bat snatched from the air by a harpy, for his master's boot squashed his favourite toe.
"What is this commotion?" barked the Judge Magister, "Sir, do you have a licence for that Chocobo?!"

"Where's my mum?!!" then screamed an arriving Hope; crying and crying like he can't cope.
"She fell to her death," the Judge Magister spoke. "Now, if you please, find someplace else to mope."
"I am so sick of mother characters dying so early in fiction," huffed little Linnaete, "I hate this trope!"
"Get here, Hope!" struck Lightning with pointed, yet controlled, ferocity, "We have unfinished business with the Cyber-Pope!"
"Nah, kid," said Jecht, having escaped the sand, "I'll show you how to talk to girls. It'll be dope."
"Order, order!" the Judge Magister cried. To Jecht, he said "Sir, put on a shirt or you shall be hanged with a rope."
"Bum. ass. penis. FUCK" said Hope, smiling happily now, "I can swear cuz mum ain't here to wash my mouth with soap!!

"What have I done?!" uttered General Hein with rue, as he fired his giant Zeus cannon directly at Adam's head.
"Huh?? WHAT? Why am I here? I wuz bein n emo wtf rawr :3" Said Adam, dodging the shot even though he looked dead!
"Hey, Cloud, let's go watch FF: The Spirits Within together," said Aerith seductively, ignoring Cloud's look of dread.

Out of the blue and very confused, a Tonberry stood and stared,
"Ouch! That is the-sharp! How very, very the-rude of you!" cried Tama, who was quite unprepared.
"What's your little butter knife gonna do? COME FIGHT ME, YOU LITTLE GREEN PUNK!" Jecht declared.
As the Tonberry jammed the chef's knife into Jecht's gut, the drunken Blitzball star realized that he shouldn't have dared.

This was when little Hope Cried again "Oh mummy, oh mummy where for art tho mummy, I have all these good boy points for tendies"
"Sir," said Chocolina, "this is a Wendy's."
“Nope! It’s the Crow’s Nest! KAW kids, I’m Kenny Crow!” called out an irritating mascot, “Sit down if you please!”
This was when Auron came through "I'm too serious for all this tomfoolery; gimmie a burger, no cheese"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE RUN OUT OF HOTDOGS?!" exclaimed poor Zell, "Geez!"

"I'm here!" shouted Linnaete the Sim "But chomp fast! The mustard is sliding off already and I'm getting cold!"
"Eww," cried Jecht, despite bleeding profusely from a Tonberry knife wound, "I bet she's covered with mould."
That was when Hope's mum arrived, scruffy as can be: where's that little boy of MINE, he's getting SOLD.
"You landed on a Phoenix Down? Why didn't that work for me?" Galuf's ghost sighed spectrally, "Was I really just that old?"
"I wanted to sell my crybaby kid too," mused Jecht, "but apparently selling children is illegal, so I was told."

"You what?!" exclaimed Bugenhagen, who overheard their bizarre chat.
"You know, Bugle..." interjected Lann in puzzled bewilderment, "From some angles you look like you have no legs... What's up with that?"
"That green ball thing he's sitting on is only good for a Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III," said Jecht, who is still a prat.
Kiiiicccckkkaaaaashwooshhuppp *pffft* BrahhmmOUCHffphffoeorroOOOPS*pffft* zaaafffgabOWOWOWOWflagharr-splat!

"Selling children is illegal... UNLESS THEY PUT YOU IN A SHALLOW GRAVE!!" Said Hope's mum, to the shock and awe to the surrounding crowd!
"What is wrong with you, lady?" exclaimed an outraged Cloud.
BANG! "My my..." said Ardyn, holding a smoking gun, "She really needed to go... My heartfelt commiserations! But I honestly didn't expect it to be so loud."
"WOAH! That was so cool. I want in. Where do I sign up to join the Final Fantasy villains club?" said Jecht, looking wowed.

"Naught shall be made villainy on this night" called a concerned Ramza Beoulve from the snow hill top
"Hear, hear! We shall put an end to this immediately!" Regent Cid called out in earnest agreement, despite his appearance as a despicable oglop.
"Spare some change, anyone?" called out O'aka XXIII, "I need millions of Gil to set up shop."
"I'm sorry," said the One Winged Angel Sephiroth "but your life has to stop".

"All life must stop" Necron mused descending from the heavens, "As wise Yoda said: Fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate... hate leads to suffering..."
"Cool, whatever," interjected Seifer, "but can we get better Wi-Fi? My 4K YouTube videos keep buffering."
"Why Fie? Well, precisely! We shouldn't have to deal with any problems!" said Necron with excitement, "That's what I'm offering..."

"Aww," lamented Aerith, "I think Christmas is over and Cloud has yet to choose which girl he likes the most!"
"Oh woe is he" said Squall, keen to hit a barb over at his emo rival "More like choosing the girl who he's gonna ghost..."
"Who are you calling a ghost, lion-breath?!" protested Aerith, "If you want to hang out with spooks, go speak to the Gold Saucer's hotel's host!"

It was there under the mistletoe that Cloud met the real love of his life.
"Lulu, baby, won't you please be my wife?"
And Lulu replied: "certainly; we can honeymoon in Fife"