Serious ...Friends

Demon

Demon

Don't ruin my cuin
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Occasionally when a woman breaks up with you, and you didn't do anything too stupid or immediate to cause it, they'll ask to be friends with you and might say "well maybe in the future."

So my question is, should you turn down the offer to be friends with them? You know that they'll probably get another boyfriend, and it seems like once you're friends with someone, all they will think of you as is a friend. Any ideas of a relationship start to disappear.

There's nothing wrong with having friends, but having friend friends and breakup-friends is kind of different. Your breakup-friends might be using you through the friendship to help themselves as they meet other people and might not care at all about you.
 
It is best to cease communications for a bit (probably for good) but if you think a friendship is worth a try then maybe go for it once.
 
It's more trouble than it's worth in most cases. Unless the girl is is willing to carry the burden of responsibility and respect that comes with being 'friends', you're better off just leaving it alone.
 
I'd prefer to start off first as friends and then move on to something more...If I want to have a person in my life it is better that he starts being a part of my everyday life(like a friend),I understand the value of a person and come to like them in the long run.So for me it works that way.You have more possibilities with me by being a friend of some sort.
 
I could never be friends with an ex. Even if it was a few years down the line and we'd both met other people, there'd always be this inkling of wanting something more with them. Each time I broke up with my last ex, he actually kept saying "But I want to stay friends, I don't want to lose touch..." and sure enough we just kept getting back together because of it.

I'm a firm believer that once you've gone through so much with somebody special, you can't go back to the place of being 'just friends'.
 
Cut all ties. There will never be a second chance to be with me, one shot and then it's over. It ain't baseball with me. And from my experience, being friends with an Ex just leads to me suffering and wallowing in my own depression because it takes time for me to get over a girl. More time than I'd like to admit. So to see her be with some other guy, because girls will always get a new bf before guys do, true story, it just makes me feel like such shit. My biggest fear is to be alone, and I'll just feel even more abandon to see her with someone else. Ex's aren't meant to be hated either though, just for the record.
 
I remember when my first girlfriend broke up with me, she tried to be friends afterwards. I acted like a complete dick to her because I felt she was the reason that the relationship didn't work. And after she dumped me she started going out with another guy about a week later. It was at that point that I realized it was my fault. But, I do kinda wish I had stayed friends with her. She was alot of fun and I did miss her after we stopped talking. So, being friends isn't all that bad. Sometimes, you're better off than when you were dating them.
 
I'm friends still with a couple of exes. It's not a case of OH LETS BE FRIENDS. That just doesn't work, especially if you just split up. However the relationships ends, you need time. I remember splitting up with Andy (had been with him for just over a year) and for about a year, it was just a nightmare, I spent half my time trying to avoid him. We're on perfectly good terms now, and the idea of ever being together in that way is just weird.

I know if we had tried to remain friends when we split up, then it would have just made things awkward. Both parties need time to adjust and get over the relationship. Even if it ends on good terms you can't just be like OHAI la la la. It doesn't work like that.

Addmitedlyt, we did try at first to remain friends and it was just weird and awkward. I think it also depends on if you remain pals with their mates, I worked with Andys mate, knew him before I knew andy, then meeting all his mates, I just got on with them all really well. So I'm often invited on 'lads nights' out

I find myself giving him relationship advise these days :lew:

But yeah, if you're sensible about it, and it didn't end on I FUCKING HATE YOU GO FUCK OFF AND die terms, then yeah
 
I kinda agree with what Kelly said. Let the relationship progress naturally from the breakup. Chances are you and the ex are gonna need some time to lick your wounds, but in the end, I've stayed friends with almost all of my exes. One of em is my best friend. :wacky:
 
Channizard said:
I'm a firm believer that once you've gone through so much with somebody special, you can't go back to the place of being 'just friends'.
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I feel exactly the same way.

None of my other exes gave me a chance to want to be friends because they were all fuckwits who ended the relationships on really bad terms, but even if it had of been an okay break up, I doubt I would want to see their future girlfriends and pretend to be okay about it as their 'friend'.

Maybe I feel that way because they all broke up with me. Perhaps if I broke up with them it would be a different story?

I just know I'm the jealous type and I'd only upset myself if I tried to remain friends with them.

One of my old boyfriends actually did suggest that we be 'good friends' right after breaking up with me. The next week he and all his mates came to my house and did burn outs on my lawn. WTF? This is the reason as to why the 'being good friends' thing didn't exactly work out. <_<

Anyway, I'm against being friends with exes. There's always that little something there that you can't ignore from your past relationship with them and I really doubt your future partners would appreciate you hanging out with an ex either. >.<
 
I'm not a fan of being friends with an ex. I've tried it with a couple of them, and it just doesn't work. Not to say that it could never work, but most times it just creates a lot of uncomfortable and awkward situations. If you're strong enough to overcome those situations, then maybe you can make it work. Being somewhat of a loner that I am, it never bothered me that I lost someone in my life that could have been a friend, so I just cut all ties. I find it to be a lot easier to get into debacles with exes than your regular friends, another reason I don't befriend exes. We all have enough stresses in our lives, no need to add a stressful friendship on top of that.
 
I do not agree with being friends with ex's especially because it ruins any new relationships in the future!

My BF had all his ex GFs as friends and they caused a lot of trouble between us. we nearly broke up several times because of this but now we have both made sacrifices.

Ex's make life harder, I'd say don't do it and move on :)
 
o0PinkSquid0o said:
I do not agree with being friends with ex's especially because it ruins any new relationships in the future!

My BF had all his ex GFs as friends and they caused a lot of trouble between us. we nearly broke up several times because of this but now we have both made sacrifices.

Ex's make life harder, I'd say don't do it and move on :)
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I disagree. To an extent at least. If the ex in question starts causing trouble, well, then they are cut off, but ive remained on good terms with exes, and they haent caused trouble, only ones I havent remained friends with is where its ended messy.

If they are causing trouble, then its not worth keeping their friendship - if one of the guys I was with previous started to cause shit with a present, well, he'd get told to jog on. I have no issue cutting folk like that out of my life.

That doesn't apply to everyone, though, I understand it's simpler to vut ties and move on. If it was soley my current (imaginary ]: ) boyfriends insecurities then he would get told to get a gruip. They are an EX for a reason, and will remain that way. Sure, I'd respect their wishes to a certain point like, Ive met Andy for dinner, just because we both had nowt to do etc. I can compromise, but I wontr completely cut someone off unless they do summat to deserve it
 
When I broke up with my ex, we wanted to go back to being friends, because, before we got together we were best friends, turned out to be a big mistake though, as we just ended up seeing each other again, and he hurt me again..... and since I've been with my partner now, I've cut all ties with him, think it really is a bad idea to try and be friends with someone you've broken up with straight after the split, but as others have said it might be possible after a while of seperation.
 
Aw yeah, I failed to mention that, you do need that space first, going to being friends straight after a split never works. Time needs to do it's thing. Forcing it will just make it worse in the long run, and thats when any potential friendship recovery can be fucked up for good
 
It is rather difficult to come out of a relationship with someone you're close to, to being just friends.

I think if its a mutual break-up thing maybe you two could just be friends and well, not have so many problems about it.

But, if one breaks up with the other cause they aren't interested and doesn't wanna be more then friends but, the other does, chances are, it's going to create complications.

It's not impossible but, it could bring that baggage from the break up if you know what I mean.

I went through something like this before. Joseph was a really really good good friend and he liked me a lot. I did too but, things were really awkward. When we would kiss, I just felt really strange. I think we were meant for 'just friends' I didn't have that connection with him, so I broke it off. Though I lost him as a friend, it was best to end the relationship for good. Even though I wanted to be friends, he didn't he told me: "I'm either your boyfriend or i'm nothing." As painful as it was, I knew it wasn't healthy to be in that situation cause I didn't want that.


Maybe time and space? it depends on the situation really.
 
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Kelly said:
I disagree. To an extent at least. If the ex in question starts causing trouble, well, then they are cut off, but ive remained on good terms with exes, and they haent caused trouble, only ones I havent remained friends with is where its ended messy.

If they are causing trouble, then its not worth keeping their friendship - if one of the guys I was with previous started to cause shit with a present, well, he'd get told to jog on. I have no issue cutting folk like that out of my life.

That doesn't apply to everyone, though, I understand it's simpler to vut ties and move on. If it was soley my current (imaginary ]: ) boyfriends insecurities then he would get told to get a gruip. They are an EX for a reason, and will remain that way. Sure, I'd respect their wishes to a certain point like, Ive met Andy for dinner, just because we both had nowt to do etc. I can compromise, but I wontr completely cut someone off unless they do summat to deserve it
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I feel being friends with an ex is very demeaning, specially for the one who was broken up with in the first place. its like "lol you're not good enough to go out with, but lets just be friends"

also I have heard of so many stories and know a couple of people who have been ditched by their Boyfriends who got back with their ex's.

I think my bad experiences and stuff has just put me against it to be honest, and I'd never be ok with it.
 
I find being friends with an ex to be a little more complicated than "lol you're not good enough to go out with, but lets just be friends." Then again, it's a two-way road. If the dumpee feels a relationship as just friends is just too much or considers it to be demeaning, they certainly don't have to accept the offer to stay friends. It's not as though someone is holding a gun to their head. While they may not have much control in terms of determining whether the past relationship continues the way it was before the break up, they obviously have the choice to say yes or no about friendship.

It really just depends on the parties involved, the relationship and how things ended. If it was mutual, I don't see a problem. If it wasn't, then I could understand why a friendship wouldn't work out.
 
Well some people are ok with it and some people aren't, I just happen to be someone who is totally against it. I think its bad for new relationships but if you're someone who is happy to hang out with a bf or gf's ex then you're a much stronger person than I am :)
 
I was one person who broke up with my ex and said I would like to be friends but would totally understand if he did not want to. At that point, we were four years apart in age, I was young and most definitely rushed into the relationship a lot earlier than I should have. It would have been a lot better if we had stayed friends and waited until I grew up a bit. We, of course, didn't speak to each other for a while. I didn't expect anything different, though, and the choice was entirely his. He decided he couldn't be friends at first and then came to me and said he wanted to be friends again sometime later, which I accepted. We did not have a bad breakup, though. While it was sad, it was nothing near detrimental. I am still friends with him 5 1/2 years later and we still hang out. I never hold anything over his head, although I know he still loves me. It's really up to him whether he wants to remain friends or not. So far so good.
 
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