The Age Gap

The Master

The Master

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I would like some feedback.

I'm dating a guy who I really like. We both make each other really happy and at this point I cant imagine life without him.

But he is 18 years older than I am (Going to be 20 on the 23rd of Aug and he is already 38)

Coming out to my parents around a year ago was hard enough being born and raised catholic. But just a few weeks ago I decided to introduce him (boyfriend) to my parents, that was really hard.

They had a hard time grasping the age difference, but are slowly getting used to it.

I just want to know what you all think about this. I'm going to stick with him no matter what, but I want to hear what you all think.

When is older or younger TOO old or young for you?
What is the reason?
Is age really a big deal?
What are your thoughts on this?
 
I truthfully think it depends on the people and how mature they are. There are times when age difference can be weird like if someone is 14 and the other is in their mid to late 20's and such, but when the two in questions are 17 and 23, or something along those lines, I dont see a problem.

Beyond the ages where people mature, I dont think an age gap matters. So what if someone is 20 and with someone who is 40, if they get along and care for each other, then that's all that counts in my book.
 
I don't think I'm really mature enough for people that much older than me. I'm probably not mature enough for myself. :wacky:

I don't think it's so bad as long as you're both consenting adults.
 
To be honest, I think Age can be weird.
In the end though as long as it is legal in the country it does not matter in the end.
 
H0MO$3XUAL said:
I would like some feedback.

I'm dating a guy who I really like. We both make each other really happy and at this point I cant imagine life without him.

But he is 18 years older than I am (Going to be 20 on the 23rd of Aug and he is already 38)

Coming out to my parents around a year ago was hard enough being born and raised catholic. But just a few weeks ago I decided to introduce him (boyfriend) to my parents, that was really hard.

They had a hard time grasping the age difference, but are slowly getting used to it.

I just want to know what you all think about this. I'm going to stick with him no matter what, but I want to hear what you all think.

When is older or younger TOO old or young for you?
What is the reason?
Is age really a big deal?
What are your thoughts on this?
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The key points might be two that you must consider:

-You mention that you could not live life without him, yet if that is true, do you picture a distant future
where the two of you are together? Do you think the age difference might matter when he is 60 and you
somewhere around his age? Does the idea bother you?

- Is the man you love openly committed to a long term relationship?


The age gap factor depends on the individual case, no one should judge or make decisions for you. However, when making decisions have a clear mind and try to balance it with your feelings. Basing all decisions on feelings can get you in trouble.
 
My boyfriend's parents are 18 years apart and, honestly, I haven't seen a happier couple. They truly love one another. Chris' dad always makes his mum smile. Others have even told me that she comes to life when he's around, laughing more (she's always very kind and friendly!) The way they look at one another reminds me of that idealistic, beautiful love you tend to see in movies.

I'm not sure how old they were when they got together and being 19 does make the age difference feel quite significant, but don't let that deter you. The only thing you have to worry about is old age. Assuming you both live into old age, you'll have to take care of him in your late 50s and your 60s. Of course, if you both lead healthy lives and do all you can to combat disease and the effects of old age, it could be a lot easier. Some people are quite healthy until the very end. ^_^
 
My missus is 9 years older than me, and we're great together. Get married on Friday as it happens. I don't see any problem with your situation. As long as you're cool with the idea that he'll be drawing his pension while you're still arguably in the prime of your life. That could be awkward.

But fuck it, it's your life dude. Life's too short to care what others think of you.
 
I think really big age differences are only really a problem once you're older. An 18 year age gap, when you're 52 he'll be 70 - that seems like a much bigger age gap because of the problems people get when they're older. Young people don't really have to worry though, I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with you dating someone 18 years older. I wish you all the best in your relatioship :)

Happy Birthday too!
 
I think it's pretty straightforward. There's not much of a reason to be concerned with what others think so long you're sure that you'll be happy with your partner. Given that, it wouldn't really matter how they think. You'll just set the example they'll see, and when they see this, they'll know better. Though it would be good, as others has already mentioned, to think about the realistic concerns of this age gap between you two - concerns, such as healthcare. As unfortunate as it is to say this, it is a realistic concern that your partner, being 18 years older, will be much more prone to illnesses in his later life.

That being so, you may have to bear the burden of caring for him. Even worse, you may also have to be prepared that he may pass on before you do. As morbid as all these may sound, these are concerns you have to be prepared for; I am not trying to scare you here, but do be prepared.

Still, I don't want to deter you in this post here. Instead, I would encourage that you become models of what Sternberg considers to be the ideal relationship - 'consummate love'. In his triangular theory of love, he uses three dimensions to describe the relationships that people have. These three dimensions are passion, intimacy and commitment - passion being both the romantic and sexual attraction to each other, intimacy being the feelings of attachment and connectedness, and commitment being both the short and long term plans and achievements made with each other (Wiki for other types of love, there're 7 more).
 
Goodness I'm the same age but I only date people who are within 5 years older than me. 18 is something I couldn't do unless I was really committed. So if you're committed enough and you can see yourself having a future with this person then I say have at it! Age is really nothing but a number anyways. Is he cute? :tehe:
 
ok.. well i will start off by saying age is only a number.. for me.. being 31 though.. i will not date anyone under 21. but if you dig a person who is 18 years older.. as long as you both feel mutual toward each other, you will be fine. i will head you one warning though. with this large age gap, there will be times where you will want to "live" your 20's and he would be "too mature" so you guys may bang heads on that. if you guys dig each other then great, but you both need to understand the maturity difference as well.
 
It's true that age is just a number, yes. Maturity is more important, though.

If maturity of two people vary too much, then there will be plenty of clashing, no matter the age "numbers" of either person. Maturities will never fully match, but they should complement each other well enough.
 
It depends actually.I would say if you really love each other and take each other seriously then it wouldn't matter all that much.
But it's very difficult to find a person who has the same goals in life like you do with a huge age difference.If you want the same thing at the same time then it should not pose a problem.
But if he for example is looking to settle down and you are just beginning your life(which you are) then it will cause problems and could easily be the reason you two break up.Even if you do wanna settle down at some point it's not to say that timing doesn't matter.
And I don't know anything here of course but I usually find suspicious when a man that old gets together with a woman that much younger than him.Sure,not all the cases are the same and like I said I know neither you or your boyfriend.
 
Ever since my parents divorced my dad has always prefered to date girls at least 9 years younger. He's dated a girl that was 17 years younger, then when that didn't work out he dated a girl that was 9 years younger, that was short lived. And now he's been with a woman thats 20 years younger than him practically to the day for the last 9 years. Needless to say i have yet to approve because my sisters are only two years younger than she is and i'm 11 years younger. But if he's happy with her which he is, that trumps my disgust for the age difference. Basically if your parents love you enough and you love each other enough everything should be fine.
 
TOO old or TOO young is exactly when you FEEL it's too old or young. I made it work (mostly...), so can you. If you like each other then age shouldn't matter. I suppose to be really extreme you could say that you've already "overcome" one barrier and entered a relationship with another man, i.e. you like "a person" not "a gender" - why can't you like "a person" and not "a person your age"?

All the best.
 
Oh please. Age doesn't matter unless we're talking underage.

If you guys are happy and are with eachother for the right reasons, then I say why not? Age does not guarantee maturity, nor does it define the levels of it. It's all about what the individual experienced and how they view things. If you found someone who makes you happy, then why should a number disrupt that? It makes no sense. I think everyone should mind their own business anyways.
 
I've always dated older men then me, even as a teenager. I really don't think the age gap really matters, as long as its by a few years (teenagers). As long as they're okay with it, it really isn't anyone else's business. My whole family (the spouses) are at least 6 years or more in age difference and up. I think people are just judgmental when it comes to age differences. It can be true-- as we've all seen people together for the wrong reasons (such as a trophy wife) etcc. but that isn't the case everytime. People are just close-minded.
 
I'm not sure why people get so caught up in age. My boyfriend is 4 months younger than me, and when people learn this, they give me this look like I'm robbing the cradle.

Four fucking months, man. That's it. It's fine when people are joking about it, but a lot of them need an explanation. It's cause I'm a chick, I know it.
 
Catnip said:
It's cause I'm a chick, I know it.
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OMG. I've always hated the "you shouldn't be together because he's younger than you" scenario. In high school, it was like that at my school. The guys HAD to be older or at least in the same grade otherwise it would be a HUUUGE deal. Pfft, whatever it shouldn't matter who's younger and who's older gender wise. Stupidest shit ever.
 
DeadFantasy said:
OMG. I've always hated the "you shouldn't be together because he's younger than you" scenario. In high school, it was like that at my school. The guys HAD to be older or at least in the same grade otherwise it would be a HUUUGE deal. Pfft, whatever it shouldn't matter who's younger and who's older gender wise. Stupidest shit ever.
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Yeah, that's the oldest rule in the book. It's about fuckin time we got over it hey. An older woman falling in love with a younger man is not unheard of.

My favourite is when they think you're a cougar because of it. Yes, there are cougars out there, but some of us don't hunt down younger men intentionally. Some of us just happen to fall for one by coincidence. Moronsss
 
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