Things FFVII characters would NEVER say.

Hojo: i've injected myself with stem cells...here...are my...RESULTS!
Cloud: Hold it!
Hojo: ?/?
Cloud: Me and all of AVALANCHE are against the research into stemcells and object to them being used on a religious, mortal basis.
Hojo: So...what are you saying?!?
Cloud: I'm saying that, to please the censorship community, we are gonna censor you and this whole scene!
Hojo: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! So gangraping gay wrestler is okay but this isn't? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

*Cloud holds up forkful of meat to Priscilla* Come try it! Dolphin meat is good for you!

*Tifa lying on the floor after Sephiroth slashed her and Cloud arrives* Cloud...I knew you'd home too late you fucker. I'm gonna die and it's all your fault.

Cait Sith: Hey guys, mind if I join yer party?
Cloud: Aren't you with ShinRa?
Cait Sith: What?! How did ye ever get that idea?
*Turks walk buy*
Reno, Rude and Elena: Hey Reeve.
Cloud: ...
Cait Sith: ...
Cloud: Okay you can join the party. I mean, it's no more obvious this time than it was originally.

Yuffie: T-Tifa!
Tifa: *smacks her* Bitch, where's my Mateira?!

*lid flies off Vincent's coffin* Who dare disturbs my slumber?
Cloud: Me. Cloud Strife.
Vincent: Stupidest. Name. Ever. *lid goes over the coffin again*
Cloud: ...
*lid flies off coffin*
Vincent: You're still here? What do you want?
Cloud: IWe're looking for Sephiroth.
Vincent: He's right over there. *points to room straight ahead*
Cloud: What?
Vincent: Sephiroth is in the room just over there, numbnuts. Now stop talking to me.
*lids goes back on coffin*

*End of the Game - Red XIII and his children appear. They then are promptly shot*
Hillbilly: We's gonna be eatin' dog tonight, youngin'!
 
:stare:...total epic fail, solja boy.

Cloud: Sephiroth! Give us the Black Materia!
Sephiroth: Give me head
Cloud::stare: you did not just say that
Sephiroth: yeah i did, watcha gonna do bout bitch!?

EDIT: :giggle: shit Nik, I'm pissing my pants here!
 
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not you, the noob. you're fucking hilarious :wacky:

Yuffie: alright! lets go on an adventure! (whisper: and I'll steal your materia)
Cloud: What?
Yuffie:...a...and defeat some monsters! (while I steal your materia)
Cloud: What?
Yuffie:...and go defeat Sephiroth (and steal your materia)
Cloud: What?
Yuffie: AND STEAL YOUR MATERIA!!!...oops...

Cloud: Alright, lets see where I'm hiding that hamster :wacky:
 
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oh.. fail was it.. and what was so funny about yours... nothing funny there im afraid.. its juz wrong.. are u gay or somthing.

EDIT: Please dont call other members gay. Thank you. ~SS~
 
TheReal1stClassSolja said:
oh.. fail was it.. and what was so funny about yours... nothing funny there im afraid.. its juz wrong.. are u gay or somthing.
Click to expand...

welcome to tha forums! your local fag, reporting for duty :wacky:

Aerith: oh! Cloud, its so big!
Cloud: you like my big cawk?
Aerith: um...I wuz talking about your hair...but thats pretty big...>_> i guess...
 
Regal Bryant said:
not you, the noob. you're fucking hilarious :wacky:
Click to expand...

Woot!
:D

Dyne: I...I can't be with my daughter. I can't go to her.
Barret: Why not!?
Dyne: Um, HELL-O! I've kinda ya know, SNAPPED? As in, I'm effin' NUTS?? Do I have to shoot you to get it through your head?
Barret: I don't understand!
Dyne: Oh for #$*%'s sake!! *starts shooting Barret*

*end of the game*
Little Girl: ? The Flower Girl? *goes to look out window*
Aeris: That's right! Now watch as I shoot this large stream of green liquid at Meteor to destroy it!
Cloud: ...I-I'd like to see that....

Zack: Shit! The ShinRa Guards are everywhere!
Cloud: ..u-ughhhhH!
Zack: Well, peace dawg. I'm out! *runs away*
Shinra Guards: Look! A helpless man!
Guard 2: Let's kill him1 *pumps Cloud full of lead*

*when Cloud is giving Sephiroth the Black Materia at the Temple of the Ancients*
Other Cloud: Stop you retard! Don't give him the Black Materia or we'll all die! I warn you, one step closer to that crappy villain and I'll tell everyone the things you did when you were watching Tifa! Oh, I know! I am YOU after all.
Cloud:*after handing the Black Materia to Sephiroth* But...I didn't do anything when I was watching Tifa.
Other Cloud: That's the whole point!

Heidegger: I really do have a stupid laugh...
Scarlet: Me too.
Heidegger: Anyway. *gestures to the Proud Clod* This giant robot is now the ultimate power in the universe.
Cloud: Destroying planets is insignificant next to the power of Emo.
Heidegger: This thing can't destroy a planet. It probably couldn't destroy the house made of straw that the first little pig built.

*after the fight with Bizarro Sephiroth, as the fight with Safer Sephiroth starts*
Tifa: Whoa..are we in Heaven?
Barret: It sure does look like it. Where's St. Peter?
*Safer Sephiroth suddenly appears*
Yuffie: Y-you're not St. Peter!!


*Sephiroth impales Cloud in the Nibelheim Reactor*
Sephiroth: Bugenhagen never told you what happened to your father.
Cloud: H-he told me enough. He told me this was a lame Star Wars reference joke.
Sephiroth: No Cloud, I- uh...well yeah.
Cloud: Blah blah blah. Noooo this can't be and yada yada yada. Can I throw you in the Mako Reactor now?
Sephiroth: I don't know. Is that what happens in this version? I get so confused.
 
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XD lawl

*on date at the Gold Saucer*
Aerith: ooh, look at that...oh wow...
Cloud: Are you just gonna sit there looking at rides or are you going to blow me!?
Aerith: What!?
Cloud: I mean, I've been hinting throughout Disc 1 that my intentions were to use you then toss you aside, but apparently you're too dumb to realise that.
Aerith:...well, unzip that bad boy!
Cloud: Jackpot!

Tifa: You stay here Marlene.
Marlene: okay, dont let the bad man beat me like daddy does...
Tifa: :stare:
 
Sephiroth: Behind this...metal robot thingy...is MOTHER!
Cloud: A robot is your mother???
Sephiroth: Just look who is behind here!
*Inside the tube is not JENOVA...but Aeris!*
Aeris: Whaaat? SOMEONE had to fill in for her!
 
Cloud: hi.
Aerith: hai.
Cloud: how are you?
Aerith: Good.
Cloud: Great. How old are you?
Aerith: 22.
Cloud: I'm younger, by a bit.
Aerith: How old?
Cloud: 21. Do you like younger guys?
Aerith: Yes.
Cloud: Orly?
Aerith: Yarly.
Cloud: Do you have any condoms?
Aerith: no, I only have lubricant.
Cloud: shit. :(
Aerith: That's alright, I'll unzip your your pants and suck your 2 inch long floppy dick.
Cloud: My dick isn't floppy or 2 inches. moar like 7 1/2
Aerith: Wow, that's bigger than mine.
Cloud: X_________x
Aerith: Are you okay? heelllooooo?
 
Cid: Bitch, get on my dick.

Cloud: I've...always had a thing for Vincent...that's why I'm always emo...

Vincent: *shoots* Not emo now, are ya?

Tifa: Aerith does this shirt make my tits look huge?
Aerith: No...but, you do look like the hoe Cloud fucked last night. *Beats her down*
 
Barret: *bends over to pick up an dropped item*
Cloud: Gah! *shields eyes* Barret! No one wants to see your ass!
Vincent: I do...

Cait Sith: Gambling is a sin.

Red XIII:...I really want to chew on my crotch right now...

Sephiroth: and when Meteor finally comes...all ya'll muthafuckas will be dead! Your ass will be grass! You'll be worm food! Hahaha...
Cloud: All this because I ate your pudding cup?
Sephiroth: I was looking forward to that pudding cup! You know that!
Cloud: Whatever...pussy...
 
Cloud: Yep i beat that bitch!

Barret: Aeris didn't bring the money?

Cloud:No imma pimp. I had to show her i was real about my business.

Barret:You got your pimp status.

*Cloud Barret Highfives*
 
*Tifa after a make out session with Cloud*: Gah, just admit you're gay already...At least Aerith got to second base with me *pouts*
 
Fusionist said:
*Tifa after a make out session with Cloud*: Gah, just admit you're gay already...At least Aerith got to second base with me *pouts*
Click to expand...
Cloud: *to Aeris* Explain what Tifa said!
Aeris: Ok...i will!
*******************FLASHBACK!**********************
Aeris: My pink dress was a perfect costume to draw out men.
Tifa: Why would you need a outfit to sell FLOWERS?
Aeris: Because I am a flower seller!
Tifa: I don't get it!
Aeris: I am a whore! and you call yourself a barmaid!

Aeris: So...are they real?
Tifa: why don't you find out?:D
Aeris:W()()T:wacky:
******************************************************
Aeris: We were sad to leave you out...
Tifa: So...now you can join us tonite!
Cloud: Wow! A threesom!:cool:
 
Cloud: Tell us...
Tifa:...or I'll smash them!
Don Corneo: Oh! you're serious!
Cloud: That's right, so you'd better tell us...
Aerith:...or I'll crush them!
Don Corneo: Oh dear! You're not joking!
Tifa: Nope! So, tell us what we need to know, or...
Cloud:...or I'll give you a blowjob!
Tifa and Aerith: !?!?!?
Don Corneo: well, if that's the case, then I won't tell <_< >_>
Tifa and Aerith: !?!?!?!?!?
 
Tifa: Which one do you want? The Long one or the thick one?
Yuffie: The Thick one!
Aeris: Yuffie, you have a strange taste of lollipops!
Yuffie: We were talking about LOLLIPOPS?
 
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