true love

[Shaissa]

So me and a few friends were talking tonight (all of us single guys so I will keep most of the discussion out of this) but the topic was about love in general, if it could really exist in this day and age or if it is something that can only happen in Disney movies (the princess sitting in a castle waiting for her knight) ((basically was the joke for when the subject came up))

So a few questions,

What do you define as "true love"?

Do you think it really exists?

Do you think you found it?

If you have how do you think or know you found it?

If not have you given up hope on it?

now answer whatever questions you want, don't need to answer them at all, you can just talk about the subject if you want, just curious questions.

 

[The Welsh Paddy]

What do you define as "true love"? I think true love is the sort of thing you can share with another man or woman and it can withstand any sort of pressure you would get from a long term relationship.

Do you think it really exists? Not in the sense where there is a "one true love" for everyone. It's the sort of thing that you need to work really hard to find. It is there, but I think it takes a lot of hard work to find it.

Do you think you found it? Yes

If you have how do you think or know you found it? I definitely have found it. My partner of four years. We have known each other for the past seven years, and the first three were as very close friends when we were both in college studying art, so that already built up insane amounts of trust between us. Funnily enough, the relationship began after I moved away to Ireland. So it was kinda maintained over long distance for the first six months or so, with us both visiting each other either in Wales or Ireland.

We then decided to move in and get a place together. Might seem like a very rash decision after only six months, but bear in mind we knew each other extremely well for three years before we got together.

Sure, we did fall in love with each other by that point, but it wasn't until we were well and trule tested by the trials of living independently that we realised how much we loved each other. I mean, we both went through starvation, poverty, being on the verge of becoming homeless... Having got through all that, we proceeded to have a child. My love went through an extremely tough pregnancy, but giving birth itself was a doddle.

But that's where the real test came from. Having a little one whilst living so far away from any friends or family is tough. We had a one-bedroom flat, and all we had was each other. I mean, my partner's family were all great and supportive; as much as a family can be when they live on the opposite end of the country. But there were a number of factors that came into this. Post-natal depression... The fact that I didn't have a job... And then my side of the family stiring up trouble. Note that this was while we were living in a one-bedroom flat where the only other room was both a livingroom and kitchen, so it was all kept within a very confined space.

We struggled with money, and we started having some serious issues with the flat we were living in. It fell into a serious state of disrepair. But I finally managed to get a job; nothing fancy. Just three days a week in a record shop. But it enabled me to gather the funds to put down a deposit on the flat we are living in now; a nice two-bedroomed place, with a separate kitchen and living room, with plenty of space. Plus it's in a really nice area, with friendly people.

It had seemed that we got over the worst of things, but all those stresses got me down into a right depression. Went through some really bad anxiety and anger issues, and it further strained our relationship, which we already thought was at breaking point. But my love stuck by me the whole time, supporting me. If it wasn't for her and our son, I would never have gotten myself out of the rut I was in.

It was being able to go through all these hardships that made me realise I truly loved my partner and how much I appreciated her, and it was the same for her. During all this, we gave each other bloody murder and so many things were said that I never imagined anyone saying to another. We've broken each other's hearts on a vast number of occassions, but through learning from our mistakes and acknowledging where we went wrong, we managed to better ourselves as a couple, and as parents.
It has all come to show me that if two people truly love each other, then nothing could get in the way of that. It's all about compromise, sacrifice, trust and determination.

 

[Shinra Executive]

I don't see how love being a chemical reaction is a problem. When you think about it, it's a chemical reaction when you determine what love even is. Everything your thought processes do are based on chemicals within your brain, it's electrical impulses, and so on.

Not everything is what it seems. Did you know that your brain never reaches light? What you see are electrical signals interpreted by your brain- what you see is simply an image produced from within your head. In other words, you don't actually see nakedly, but rather through a produced image.
But if what you see is still considered real, despite being a chemical production, then how does one not consider love real?

 

[Bambi]

i think disney films gave mos little girls unrealistic views of love haha

I do love a good disney though

And, to answer the question, yes, I believe in love, otherwise I wouldnt be with the guy Im with right now. Not into all that mushy bollocks so i wont bore you all with fluffy stories of love and shit

Completely agree with the poster above about chemical reactions, as well.

 

[Dionysos]

I’m all in favour of True Love, but as has been said by The Welsh Paddy in this thread, it must take a lot of work. (I speak only as an external observer, lacking any sort of relationship resume of my own).

Fairytale princes and princesses can give people a false impression of reality, but when I think about it I wouldn’t necessarily want to strive for that. Those people get married not long after meeting, and perhaps had only a couple of conversations with each other before tying the knot. The knight or prince likely had a more active social relationship with the dragon or villain that was an obstacle to his quest of rescuing the female he may or may not have met previously. Even when they do have lots of conversations in a story they still do not really know each other well, and then it is straight to marriage. That side of it I’m not as keen on.

What I am keen on, and would prefer to see (but never will), are people staying together when they do ‘hook up’. I’d feel a lot more comfortable seeing eternal couples where everyone has lined up neatly alongside a partner that shall be their soulmate. It genuinely depresses me when I see couples break up, as each of those may then end up being with someone else who has perhaps also broken up with someone in the past, and so on. It makes me wonder whether the memories from the previous relationships are all discarded, cancelled out, or if they do remain as a glow in the person’s eye somewhere. Both the former and the latter scenarios I find sad. There is a degree of relationship hopscotch to life that I’m not keen on, but have to accept as being an unfortunate side-effect to there not being a cosmic force at work that gives our ‘True Love’ a golden aura so that we know who they are.

In reality, a ‘True Love’ may indeed be something that has to be created, rather than handed to us by the heavens. If two people would prefer not to skip from person to person and would rather share life and all life’s experiences with a sole partner, then they may work together to allow that to be. And they'd work on knowing each other well.

As for have I found it… I have not. As for creating it, as above, I don’t know what my genuine chances are at forming a relationship, even if it is what I value. I’m all for it, as I say, but I’m not very good / have never tried at the whole courting thing. If we even call it that anymore. I'm one of the many single men in their early-mid twenties who are starting to get a little bit concerned about being left behind by their own generation.

Besides, I'd probably make friends with the dragon.

 

[~Griever~]

What do you define as "true love"? The love between your grandparents. Banter and light laughter on the surface, but inside...hatred and contempt!

Do you think it really exists? No. There are roughly 7 billion people on the planet? I don't believe that out of those billions of people there is ONE true person who 'completes' you.

Do you think you found it? No. I've been in love with previous girlfriends. The plural there highlights my opinion on true love

If you have how do you think or know you found it? I think some people perhaps more sensitive or affectionate than me come across as truly loving/loved by their partners, which is something I've never completely experienced because I'm slightly 'distant' or 'shielded' etc. In the end I think true love would be trusting and enjoying someones company as much as you enjoy being in the company of your best friends.

If not have you given up hope on it? No. I'm not cynical enough to discount other peoples loves, but for me personally I don't think I'll ever be completely happy and 'settled' with another person. I bet that sounds depressing to some of you but I kind of like the idea

 

[Rapture]

What do you define as "true love"?

Do you think it really exists?

Do you think you found it?

If you have how do you think or know you found it?

If not have you given up hope on it?

What is true love? In my own personal opinion, it is finding your soulmate. It's finding someone who can put up with the little quirks that might scare off someone else day in and day out. It's someone who you can have the every day silly fight with who will STILL care about you enough to want to work it out at the end of the day so you don't have to go to sleep angry with each other. It's someone who will look at you when you are 80+ years old with gray hair, wrinkles, perhaps a few extra pounds, and a frail/feeble failing body and still think you are just as beautiful as the day you first met. It's obviously someone you share a lot in common with (hobbies, religion, and etc...). ...and someone who you can have a laugh/shed a tear with through the good times and the bad. I've always hoped I'd marry my best friend, I guess

Do you think it really exists? Of course I do I see couples that are married for 50, 60, and 70+ years and they are still just as happy as the day they got married. It's amazing, really. Spending 70 or something years with someone else...what a journey. I don't think people spend all of those years together because they necessarily hate each other

Do you think you've found it? I haven't, yet. I had a couple of instances where I thought I might've...but now I've realized that was just lust.

If not have you given up hope on it? I haven't. Hopefully someday it'll happen for me.

 

[Squid]

1. What do you define as "true love"?

2. Do you think it really exists?

3. Do you think you found it?

4. If you have how do you think or know you found it?

5. If not have you given up hope on it?

1. Pretty much what a few others have said, true love is finding someone you couldn't live without. I'd also call it a soulmate I guess. Someone who completes you, who you can admire and look up to and someone who makes you feel like you're the only thing in the world that matters.

2. I do think it exists but I don't think it's as magical and easy to find as tv makes it out to be. I think you need to work at it together before it grows into true love.

3. I think I have

4. I think i found it by being very lucky and I know i found it because i can't imagine myself without this person in my life. He completes me completely

5. Shaddup.

 

[Tyler Breeze]

I'll admit, when I was little I saw all those Disney movies and thought that true love would be just like that.

I always thought I would save a princess from a castle and we would ride into the sunset. But my views have changed on that.

I do believe true love exist, and no I haven't found my true love yet. I'm sure I will one day. I'll still have a Fairytale story to go with it, but with slight modifications.

Instead of me rescuing my true love from the castle, I'll meet her up there. Which after I unlock her from the room she's been trapped in, we will proceed to kick serious arse together.

Only then, will we ride into the sunset together.

At least that's how I'd want it to go down.

 

[The Welsh Paddy]

I personally don't think having a lot in common has anything to do with it. Me and my love have very different opinions and interests. But we compromise! And besides, I dislike the idea of spending my life with a female version of myself. That would be kinda weird.

 

[Rapture]

I personally don't think having a lot in common has anything to do with it. Me and my love have very different opinions and interests. But we compromise! And besides, I dislike the idea of spending my life with a female version of myself. That would be kinda weird.

I suppose that was directed at me For me, anyways...I think it's someone I'd have to share some things in common with I can't even see meeting up with someone I didn't share anything in common with because the chances of meeting up with someone (especially one's true love) in a gas station or grocery store would virtually almost be slim to none. I think the chances of meeting someone are greater when you meet up doing something you both like. For example: a sport, going out to a club or bar, or to church, or whatever. In college people meet up too because they share the same classes or etc... Unfortunately, I wasn't fortunate enough like a lot of my friends were, to marry my high school sweetheart.

I also don't think my relationship would continue if we didn't continue sharing some things in common.

Yes, compromise is well and dandy, but it shouldn't be something you have to do 100% of the time to be able to spend time with or show the one you love that you care about them. I'm really happy you've found a love in your exact opposite, but I don't really see that working out for me. It hasn't in the past and I doubt it will in the future

I also don't really see myself marrying a male version of myself....but I don't think sharing some things in common together would hurt, either.

 

[Shinra Executive]

I personally don't think having a lot in common has anything to do with it.

It doesn't. In fact, relationships where two have a lot in common have less of a chance. The interest goes down quickly because there is less to explore of the other person, and it happens at a time where it should be on an incline and not a decline.

 

[Bound By Deception]

I think that true love does exist. Though it will not be on your first try at a relationship, I still think it does.

I thought I found it once. My ex-girlfriend was everything to me. We dated for a year and a half. We never argued, fought or broke up in the process. I thought she was it. Mind you, I'm 16 years old, so I'm not too experienced with life just yet, but when it comes down to love, I've felt it, and I know it very well.

I have a rather rare disease called Heliostigma, Kind of like an extreme version of photophobia, which is a weakness to sunlight. My body tempature rises at a rather fast rate than anyone else, when hit by direct sunlight. One day, me and my Ex were out at the beach, and I didn't take enough of my pills to fend off the sun at such high tempatures (95 degrees). My body temp. rose to about 150 degrees, putting me in the hospital.

My ex didn't know my stigma would get to that level, and she felt that she wouldn't be able to deal with it. She left me, and moved to California. She wasn't there for me when I needed her the most, and it hurt. I haven't heard from her since.

I'm trying love once more now, after about a year break. Yes, true love does exist, but it's no easy ride, and the price you pay can be devastating. I learned the hard way, but I can't give up. I won't. For anyone who isn't a believer and is reading this, it's time to try. It can be scary, but you have to put your heart into it. If you don't, you'll never find true love.

 

[Big Casino]

Can love really exist in this age? Oh man lads. You sound like a bunch of old cynics =S

I dont really define it as anything, im not sure how you would. When you love someone you know you love them. You miss them when your not around, you constantly wanna see them and when your with them everything just feels a whole load better. Love is not a fucking easy thing but that cliche saying about better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Its true. It would be a very sad and lonely life never having a partner. Not ever having someone to crawl next to at night or lye next to and watch films, take out for dinner. I really think that, that is one of the scariest things in life. Spending it alone.
People let nerves, anxiety and a major fear of rejection get in the way of asking a person out. I understand why its scary to be rejected but you shouldnt ever let that stop you from going for it. You really are gunna regret it someday. The fact is aswell is that your not just gunna have a partner in your life without doing anything. Theyre not just gunna appear out of nowhere. I think some people think that theyre bound to meet someone and get married but that isnt gunna happen if your too scared to talk to someone. That fear of rejection or the nerves will stop you from finding someone and you might end up alone for the rest of your days.

Of course love exists in this world. I think thats just a crazy question to even ask. I think people who dont believe in it are gunna be people who either have had their hearts broken more than once or have never had a girlfriend. Someone just waiting for a partner to find them. But like i said earlier you cant expect it to work out like that.These are the people who i think will have a very cynical look on love but for many people its their own fault for not trying. Harsh as that may sound, its true for many folks.

Yeah i think ive found it. Ive been in love more than twice with both those situations ending badly but you dont give up. I was single for a good few years until around a year ago. Up til then i was perfectly happy with how things were. I wasnt wanting to be with anyone at that time and the single life was good, i enjoyed it. Then i met a an absolutely fantastic girl who im with today. Theres been some rocky moments and its been tough at times but wev worked hard and right now i would say our relationship is the best its ever been, and im really happy with it. Like i said love and being with someone is not easy but we trucked through the hard times. Many things stood in our way, things that seemed to try everything to ruin us but wer still here and like i said its better than ever. Im very happy and i feel very fortunate to have met someone who i not only love very much but is beautiful and funny, makes me laugh myself stupid and all around has a fantastic personality. She is very dedicated and we both work hard to make sure eachother are happy. @Squid

Its quite sad hearing you say those things shace. First things first. This whole disney princess waiting on the castle for a white knight to come along...thats just fairy tale pish. Thats nothing but a romantic love story in the form of a cartoon. Thats not what love is, thats just a fantasy, a fairy tale.
My advice to anyone who feels lonely or thinks theyl never ever find someone is this. There IS gunna be people out there who will want to be with you and you CAN meet someone and fall head over heels with them. But dont expect it to just happen, because it wont. If you just wait and wait expecting to just meet someone, fall in love and get married you are completely fooling yourself. Its not gunna work like that for 99% of you. Someone might get lucky but DO NOT think that doing that will land you someone. You have to go out there and make an effort to talk to people. You HAVE to pluck up the courage to ask them out. Sure it can be scary and no one likes the idea of being rejected but what would you rather?

Continued on post below

 

[Big Casino]

for whatever reason i couldnt fit all this in one post


Would you rather have been rejected a few times only to not be rejected the next time and meet an amazing person. Or, live your whole life to an old age a very lonely person full of regrets? Its a no brainer isnt it?

One more thing. Woman. If you like a guy TALK TO HIM. Forget all this old fashioned bullshit that says men have to be the one to make the first move and all that crap. If you like a guy go and ask him. It wont scare him off at all, if anything hes gunna feel really relieved because it probably made him nervous and he might have been to shy to make a move. so dont hesitate, go talk to the guy. Help us out a little bit cuz we can be a bit useless at times you know?

 

[Toshiya]

What do you define as "true love"?

I don't know really, I suppose its the point at which you'd do anything for someone and have looked past all of the things that would annoy other people. I don't think it's as simple as finding someone and instantly loving them. if that kind of thing happens between 2 people and it works out then they're very lucky but normally love and relationships take work from both sides.

Do you think it really exists?
I think 'true love' exists but your 'one true love' doesn't, if that makes sense? There is a difference and I don't think that on this earth there is only one person that could ever truly make you happy. At least I hope not But I do believe that you can have 'true love' between people...

Do you think you found it?
I hope not, because the person I currently have feelings for... it's not happening and I would rather that not be the end of my love life forever. So no I don't think so.

If not have you given up hope on it?
I'm only young, so no, I have not given up. I have plenty of years ahead of me to find someone I want to spend my life with :dave:

 

[L]

I don't really understand what you mean by "true love". Like, being destined to be with someone? Because I don't buy that for a minute.

Honestly, love isn't something I think a lot about. It's not something that I really need. At one point in my life, it was a huge aspiration to love and be loved by another person. But I just didn't have any success and I wanted it for all of the wrong reasons. I thought that it would make everything better, that maybe, life wouldn't be so bleak, if someone else could give me the love that I couldn't give myself.

I actually think it would have made things worse when I look back now, but it's difficult to imagine regretting at least having had the experience.

Have I given up on love? It's difficult to say. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Sometimes I think about it, sometimes it's the last thing that is on my mind.

 

[Paddy McGee]

What do you define as "true love"?

Hmmm... I guess, the feeling of being able to have a connection with someone that- you feel- out strips the rest. That you can fully trust and believe in this one particular person with anything. A person you just want to have around, and want to be around a lot. They don't necessarily have to agree with you, or always be nice, but there has to be some sort of deep down connection. A connection which is unique to only your couple.

The physical stuff- which somewhat important- can come last.

Do you think it really exists?

I like to think it does, but the realist/pessimist in me campaigns against it. I feel that true love does exist, but in ways and methods that won't seem very obvious. I like to think the cinematic form of true love is very unrealistic- or more, an idealist perspective. True love to me is as different as one's fingerprints. We all feel it in a different way and interpret it in multiple and various forms. My romantic gesture might be stupid to one lady, but undeniably flattering to another. Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, love is in the heart of the lover...If that sounds cool enough.


Do you think you found it?

I used to think I did, with a woman named Rebecca. I was completely engrossed by her. I had a connection with her that I'd never had with any person before... We did date, and we did last- but only for a few months... By then, it was obvious to me that my feelings were much stronger than hers. I'm still friends with her, but it's a shambles of the connection I used to have with her.



If not have you given up hope on it?

To be frank, I've been considering giving up on it. Of course, I'm in the youthful spectrum of this forum and my views may seem immature and melodramatic, but I just can't see the reason in pursing an aspect of life which seems to get shut down in my face in most cases. I've always been a lonely and singular type of person. Very closed off and introverted with my own feelings. I don't think I could handle it if my feelings were to get shut out after I struggled to pull them out of the prison they're in.

The act of finding this person is an even struggle. I'm a shy person, without very much self-confidence. I've always been quiet. My attitude can come off as very mean, cold and silent. Making friends is hard enough, and that's a mutual struggle. I've never been very good at taking the lead with anything. My attempts to- say- "court" a woman are generally terribly done.


And then-the final piece- why should a person love me when I cannot love myself?

...Perhaps I'll feel different about this in a few months.

 

[Mr. Zombie]

What do you define as "true love"?

It's a mix of positive factors formed intentionally or not, actively or not, towards a person, group of persons, something, group of things, or any combanition of them/it all.

Do you think it really exists?

Yes, it does. But you have to make it real.

Do you think you found it?

Yes, within.

If you have how do you think or know you found it?

I noticed people are all the same deep inside, so if you can love someone, why can't you love another person? You just have to get in love once, and will start to realize it, that people are all the same.

If not have you given up hope on it?

If you believe in "true love", then you're most likely to be your own proof of it as it's you who create it. You want to believe in it, because deep inside you know you can live it. It's not full of rainbows, the real true love is an active choice, you choose to make it a true love, and it can be very tough, but it's rewarding if you learn from it.

 

[Lirael]

What do you define as "true love"?
I think true love depends on who you are and what you require in a relationship. To illustrate my point, I long to spend more time with Peter, my boyfriend, than he does me. Peter is the sort of person who's quite happy to spend a lot of time alone - he spent most of summer on his own and I didn't see him half as much as I would have liked - but that doesn't mean his feelings are weaker than mine. People do not love others in the same way; we each have our own way of feeling, showing and experiencing love. Love doesn't really change who we are - if we like to isolate ourselves 90% of the time, infatuation and 'the honeymoon period' may change, but I don't think falling in love does necessarily....

True love is about accepting your partner and loving them for who they are. Certain traits will annoy you; we all have our pet peeves and no one is going to be perfect all the time. Similarly, the person you love will not always be able to give you what you want - and, unless you sacrifice your own identity, you won't always be able to give them what they want.

True love is more than a magical feeling. True love is about sticking by one another when the magic fades, when times get hard and when you disagree. True love is about compromise (within reason), and about finding magic together when you can. Lifelong relationships will have their ups and their downs. No one should expect an everlasting fairytale!

Do you think it really exists?
Magical, fairytale love does not exist! Couples who are dedicated to one another, who love one another enough to take care of one another, do. We can't be romantically attached to one another 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year.

Do you think you found it?
I'm dedicated by nature. People have told me that I am one of the most dedicated people they know... 'True love' is a two way thing for me. It can't last - and ergo, can't develop into something true - if it's one way. I feel I've found someone who wants to look out for me as much as I do them. He's more independent than I am, and doesn't spend as much quality time with me as I would like, but that's who he is. He'd come running if I ever needed him. He wants to make me happy.