[V5] What's Your Mood?

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Mood: Uncomfortable

Reason: Got a blister on my dominant hand and it's painful - Can't get the bandage at the correct tightness without turning my finger blue or being able to bend it. ISP issues today and the internet has been in & out periodically. Baby had a rough time going to sleep for the night & got the wrong order on our food for dinner. Diet status not doing well this week with stress & visit from the menstrual fairy, but didn't gain any weight so that's a plus. Cats were being annoying this morning and woke me & I got accidentally scratched up when one jumped & missed.

Minor things, but they piled up today. My mom fractured her tibia and we won't be able to take walks together with the baby next week, so I'm a bit bummed too.


Mitsuki said:
Magazine work is crazy, but we're hanging!
Click to expand...

The Mogazine? Sending good vibes to everyone crunching that's on staff :coffee:
 
Mood: Over it. Is that a mood? Well it is now.

I really can't be bothered today. I've really needed to rest my foot (which I didn't) and now it's agony. I'm bored out of my mind and on foot rest. Hateful. Games bore more, music is boring me. Sleep bores me too! Whinge! Send help!
 
m,mmh yeah i think i do wanna do this just to let off a small amount of steam.

Mood: depressed?
Reason: Billions of things, mostly pain and feelings of inadequacy/feeling like a burden to people. Can you believe I talked myself out of calling my doctor about my head because I didn't want to bother them??? And that's just one reason in a vast sea of reasons...
 
@bandokanon - I hope you're feeling better!

Mood: Tired/Sore

I've had a lot of tension building up on my shoulders lately from carrying things and working at a desk, so I've been struggling with migraines lately. It's also a bit frustrating because I feel like I could do things faster but I just can't focus much right now.
 
Mood: Bipolar or pregnant

Reason: One minute I'm incredibly happy and the next I'm strangling a rat in the sewers because I'm miserable. Bah! Seriously though, I've had the week off work and the parents have buggered off to Spain so I've been loving the week. The sun has been amazing too, with a minimum of an hour long thunderstorm in the middle of one night too. Can't beat a good thunder storm :). There were like double lightning flashes constantly too! :monocle:
 
I've been kinda sick for the last few days! I think I'm like... intolerant to some kinda food. No idea what though. I'll figure it out one day. Maybe.

In other news, I'm kinda excited about next year. I recently accepted an offer to do a Master of Teaching in semester 1, which admittedly is a huge shift from the police work that I was already heading towards. It's a two year course and at the end I'll be a nationally qualified teacher. Probably for grades 7-12. But maybe I'll switch to the primary specialisation (grade 1-6) since kids are a little easier to work with. We'll see!

My thought process is that I can do this for a while and then down the line I can still do my policing stuff if I decide to then. Whereas if I did my policing stuff first I don't think I'd ever have the opportunity to study again... since yanno. Bills need to be paid.

Only thing now is that I gotta pay for a lot of random background checks and registrations just so I can be in a classroom during my placements. Who knew that it was so strict?!
 
Mood: Blah

I think everyone (including myself) needs a break lately. This year has flown by but holy shit it's been hectic. I'm feeling sorry for myself cause I ate too much pea soup and now I feel super stuffed. First world problems, tbh.

Send help.
 
Mood: Blue screen of death

Two of my family members are currently not doing well and haven't for the last two months. Husband is up at the hospital today on Thanksgiving because of it. Unnecessary pressure from different family members is also really frustrating, especially when it's been passive aggressive. My 2 year old is also... well, being a 2 year old. It's frustrating and I know that I'm not a shitty parent, but I still feel like a shitty parent, especially these last two weeks. Just a bunch of stuff piling up and/or getting worse that's really starting to weigh down. I've kinda created my own bubble and have just been ignoring the problems from the sideline... but I dunno man. Just hard times.

But, I can start decorating for Christmas, so there's something I guess.
 
Mood: :gizmodeer:

I've been needing a bit of happiness in my life again.

I went to see The Nightmare before Christmas live at Wembley last night (it was a birthday gift from February). This is one of my favourite films and I watch it every year, so seeing it like this was truly special.

The fantastic London Philharmonic Orchestra performed the music while the film played on big screens and Danny Elfman (Jack Skellington / Barrel), Catherine O'Hara (Sally and Shock) and Ken Page (Oogie Boogie) all reprised their roles for the songs.

An assortment of singers to fill in the other roles included Greg Proops and Randy Crenshaw (who also both provided various voices in the original film).

They were all absolutely incredible! It must have been a serious challenge performing live music and attempting to sync their singing with the mouths of the characters onscreen. Not only did they ace it, they were all extremely animated and expressive and looked thrilled to be there. They totally owned the stage and there wasn’t a weak voice among them.

Danny Elfman is something of a hero of mine. I'm a huge fan of his film scores and his work in the quirky 80s band Oingo Boingo. I've always wanted to see him perform and he exceeded my expectations! His voice was spot on and clear (probably one of the strongest live voices I have heard), he acted as well as sang and you could tell he was relishing the experience and the audience's reception.

After the film ended and the cast took their bow, as an encore Danny Elfman explained how he had written the Oogie Boogie song as a tribute to Cab Calloway (fans of the song have long noted the similarity to Old Man of the Mountain) then he performed a variation of the Oogie Boogie song himself as a send-up while the otherwise serious conductor played the role of Santa (complete with hat). :D

So yeah, would recommend this to any fans of the film if they do this again. It was an extraordinary celebration of the film.
 
Very sore.

Kinda almost died the other day, haha. Went to have dinner with my family and after a single bite of my chicken, I started choking. I've had trouble swallowing stuff in the past (mostly breads if anything) but this was a little different. Couldn't breathe or talk or anything. My sister hit me on the back which seemed to dislodge it a bit and made breathing easier but like an hour later I was really struggling to breathe again. I also couldn't swallow my own saliva and had to spit it into a sick bag. Almost filled it up by the end ewwww.

Anyway we went to the hospital and they gave me some drugs to relax my throat (one of which was also supposed to help me vomit but they forgot to tell me that before HMMM) which didn't work and so they put me entirely under and manually cleared the blockage while I was knocked out. My oesophagus was almost entire blocked off by this chicken - only a small bit about the width of a pencil that allowed me to breathe. Fun times.

Had to stay in hospital all night after the anaesthesia (I feel like a truck has hit me today, the day after) and while they ran tests on a biopsy they took at the same time. Turns out I have something called eosinophilic oesophagitis. I'm a little fuzzy on how it all works but from here on out I'm on meds and have to figure out which foods cause the reaction in my throat otherwise it could happen again.

It's not fun feeling like I'm about to choke to death, lemme tell you. If I was eating alone that night like I had originally planned, I'm pretty sure I'd have died. Which sounds dramatic but nothing I tried helped me breathe until my sister saw me.

BLOBSWEAT
 
I hope you're doing better since last month Ross!

Mood: Okay!

Today I'm actually in a really good mood! There's still lots of craziness going on with legal things since my MIL passed away last month though, but I'm keeping my wits about me. I was in a really bad funk for most of December but the last 2~ weeks I've really begun to feel more me. Boring mom stuff: I've begun giving my child some melatonin before bed and it's made a huge difference for the entire family. He's getting better quality sleep and his mood overall has taken a positive turn, which really ripples to the rest of the family in terms of good moods and whatnot.

Thinking of taking a vacation this year! Maybe when I've finished helping with my MIL's assets and finished helping my grandest mother move out of her home into a nursing home. Been too tired to really plan much yet but I think we know our destination :D
 
Mood: A little lonely, introspective and silly.

I've been feeling disconnected and lonely; most of my friends seem like they're just growing up, moving on and getting with life but I feel stagnant. It's frustrating, honestly. I feel a bit like the therapist - I'm there to talk through their problems but not mention mine... And when I do, they don't really respond or they make some distance. Sometimes I think about it, try rationalise it or box it up into some sort of social or cultural thing - that we, as a society, have offloaded actual human support to a professional caste of psychologists - so that instead of supporting our friends, we just tell them "get therapy".

It's more likely that the issue is me; I'm just a needy shithead, that I take more than I realise, that it's exhausting to deal with. Alternatively, I'm just embarrassing to deal with, maybe! I should really know this better.

I've fallen out with people due to arguments too. One of my closest friends decided to scare me in a very, very real way and it really fucked up my trust in people for a long time. It's really not nice when your friend tells you they're going to kill themselves, then blocks your number. It's especially not nice when they call you a psychopath after the fact for reaching out to their family to make sure that they're okay... That really fucking hurt.

Nevertheless, to try fix this I've been pushing to meet new people: friends, people to date - the things a guy my age should be doing - but it all feels so sugary, without substance - the cotton candy of relationships. I feel a little out in the wilderness because of it - I don't really talk much about how I'm actually doing anymore; it's all superficial smiles and bantering. I mean, I get it. I know usually that how it goes, I can play the game rather well. It just doesn't sit comfortably anymore.

Ultimately, I feel replaceable and disposible, I feel unvalued and rejected. I feel like sometimes i'm shouting into the wind, muffled and silenced. I feel like i have to be this certain way - that I can't let myself love people for fear of rejection, for fear of people thinking it false. Sometimes I just want to scream.

And yet all I let myself do is shrug and move on. Just mess and fuck around like the whole world is some joke that only i know the punchline to - everything is to be mocked, everything is to be made fun of. If I don't give a shit, nothing can hurt.

Christ, this is some narc-ish bullshit - I have too much time to think.
 
Mood: Indignant

I've been in all sorts of moods lately, reflecting upon a lot of things does that to you, I suppose. I find it quite hard to let pretty much any scenario go, or let something be for what it is. I always want to mould it into something that makes sense to me, or that I can deal with. People don't work always on my terms though, shock horror. How rude. I really shouldn't expect it, it's more the lack of control over situations, where they turn into something I think is completely unjust, riles me up.

How vague. I'm just grumpy, okay?
 
Paddy McGee said:
Mood: A little lonely, introspective and silly.

I've been feeling disconnected and lonely; most of my friends seem like they're just growing up, moving on and getting with life but I feel stagnant. It's frustrating, honestly. I feel a bit like the therapist - I'm there to talk through their problems but not mention mine... And when I do, they don't really respond or they make some distance. Sometimes I think about it, try rationalise it or box it up into some sort of social or cultural thing - that we, as a society, have offloaded actual human support to a professional caste of psychologists - so that instead of supporting our friends, we just tell them "get therapy".

It's more likely that the issue is me; I'm just a needy shithead, that I take more than I realise, that it's exhausting to deal with. Alternatively, I'm just embarrassing to deal with, maybe! I should really know this better.

I've fallen out with people due to arguments too. One of my closest friends decided to scare me in a very, very real way and it really fucked up my trust in people for a long time. It's really not nice when your friend tells you they're going to kill themselves, then blocks your number. It's especially not nice when they call you a psychopath after the fact for reaching out to their family to make sure that they're okay... That really fucking hurt.

Nevertheless, to try fix this I've been pushing to meet new people: friends, people to date - the things a guy my age should be doing - but it all feels so sugary, without substance - the cotton candy of relationships. I feel a little out in the wilderness because of it - I don't really talk much about how I'm actually doing anymore; it's all superficial smiles and bantering. I mean, I get it. I know usually that how it goes, I can play the game rather well. It just doesn't sit comfortably anymore.

Ultimately, I feel replaceable and disposible, I feel unvalued and rejected. I feel like sometimes i'm shouting into the wind, muffled and silenced. I feel like i have to be this certain way - that I can't let myself love people for fear of rejection, for fear of people thinking it false. Sometimes I just want to scream.

And yet all I let myself do is shrug and move on. Just mess and fuck around like the whole world is some joke that only i know the punchline to - everything is to be mocked, everything is to be made fun of. If I don't give a shit, nothing can hurt.

Christ, this is some narc-ish bullshit - I have too much time to think.
Click to expand...

You know what McGee? I've been feeling the same. I'm always the one helping others and being treated like the last person they want around. Fortunately, I haven't experienced a mate coming to me about intending suicide though.

This section:

"Ultimately, I feel replaceable and disposible, I feel unvalued and rejected. I feel like sometimes i'm shouting into the wind, muffled and silenced. I feel like i have to be this certain way - that I can't let myself love people for fear of rejection, for fear of people thinking it false. Sometimes I just want to scream."

especially screams out to me, since it's easy to feel like people don't want to know. I hope it all sorts itself out for you and that you try not to let it get to you so much. I feel like such a hyprocrite for saying that though.

------------------------------------

Mood: Incredibly down this week

Reason: I've had a hell of a cold and probably shouldn't have gone into work this week, especially since I now don't feel like I belong to any department in such a huge company. It's really isolating when you're on your own and the department you're technically a part of doesn't pay any attention to you unless they're asking which orders are done. I also haven't heard off any of my mates outside of work since they're doing their own things. I wouldn't have been able to go out anyway since I'm just stuck under a quilt once I get home but...still.

BAH
 
SO SO.

Still coming to terms with my throat thing. I had another endoscopy last week and by all measures it has improved; my diagnosis is mild at worst. But at the same time I find myself uhhh... panicking while eating certain stuff that I should be able to eat. I think the almost choking to death incident has affected me a bit. I get anxious and overthink chewing and swallowing and then when I feel even the slightest amount of discomfort, I cough up whatever I'm eating and kinda mentally melt down because it was kinda scary last time ok

It's not a constant thing so I'm like 99% sure it's all in my head. Gotta keep working on it. Maybe I'll have to talk to someone if it gets worse
 
Mood: Alright

Despite not wanting to, I got my arse up and into the gym today, so I'm happy I got that done. The rest of the day was pretty chilled, not done too much bar overthink! Ffs. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit more peaceful mentally. :wacky: My life, I swear.
 
Rough / drained / depleted / weary.

It's been a hell of a two-three week period.

Manager left at the end of February (which was gutting), so instead of replacing her, my colleague and I had her job role divided up between us and gained promotions and a 27% increase in our salaries; which now puts us on par with most managers at work. My fiancée's workplace also came out of administration, which is great. The positive knock-on affect of both these situations is that it has opened up a much wider mortgage potential for buying our first house together - we saw a house put on the market 04.03.20, went to see it at 16:00 on 05.03.20 and had a bid in two hours later, accepted the next morning. The good thing is that we've had our mortgage accepted subject to valuation and survey and it's a second home to the home owner, so should the valuation and survey come in all good, we should be able to move in by May as there is no chain.

However...

Unfortunately, my grandad had a fall and was admitted to hospital the other Monday (02.03.20) and we went to see him on Saturday (07.03.20). He hadn't got any better. Wednesday afternoon (11.03.20) we were informed he was being treated for sepsis and by Wednesday evening, no longer than five/six hours later, received the 'there's nothing more we can do' call and that he has days left to live. Went with my fiancée to the hospital Thursday to say our last goodbyes, which was devastating. Outside of the hospital I have no issue with talking about the situation; my grandad has dementia and as a consequence, his health has gradually deteriorated over the last eighteen months, so I've already come to peace with the fact he will come to pass sooner rather than later - but nobody expected it to be this sudden. That said, nothing prepares you for seeing a loved one wasting away with barely enough energy to move their arm, knowing they're essentially now living simply to die - my fiancée and I have lived with my grandparents for the last six years whilst we saved for a house so it is particularly hard on us (I have actually lived with them since 13 when my parents divorced - dad moved out a few years ago). It was so heartbreaking and mentally draining saying goodbye on Thursday I don't even remember driving home for an hour.

Also went to see my grandad today as the stubborn git won't let go - as sad as it is, it will be a relief when he's no longer in pain. My biggest fear originally was that I wouldn't get to say my last goodbye to him; it genuinely would have been something I wouldn't have forgiven myself for. Now that I have, my biggest fear is that everyone has gone too early and no one will go back so he'll be on his own for days. It was hard going back to the hospital today. It was even harder to say goodbye again. I don't know how much he is consciously aware of now, but it was the right thing to do, making sure he realised he isn't forgotten.

tumblr_n2qeea6bva1s0t6o2o1_500.gif


A good mood lifter for everyone.
 
Mood: Blegh

For someone who can adapt quite easily, I really hate changes. Especially changes in your daily routine and while I love to stick to the rules and 'make the world a better place! Keep an eye out for one another in public! Social distancing do everyone else a favour!' The lack of... effort you see in some people is just genuinely discouraging. The simple fact I can't/don't want to have to go out more than twice a week for some groceries is probably something silly I miss quite a lot. I can't complain because I'm thankfully still in good health, but the adjustments have been a bit rough.

Aside from that, I think I'm just a bit disappointed in people in general, but then... I've always been a cat person, anyway. No bullshit policy lol.
 
A bit of a rabbit hole here.

As part of my masters of teaching, we've spent a lot of time on the concept of self reflection and the benefits of that. So the last few weeks it's been something that I've engaged quite a bit in and... I feel quite lost haha. I know what I'm supposed to be, but I don't know who I actually am. I find myself adjusting my behaviour and the way I talk depending on the situation and it all feels like a scrambled mess of disingenuity. Sure I could say that I'm the amalgamation of all of those different sides but I wish it was a bit more straightforward. If I'm being entirely honest, sometimes I'll get all mixed up between the different sides and then when I actually look and reflect upon what I'm conveying it just seems so strange. I don't even recognise it as coming from myself!

A more obvious online example would be my use of the term 'lmao'. It's weird to say but that has never been a word that I relate to or would imagine myself using. In fact, for the longest time I exclusively used it here until it started to bleed out into other contexts. And I actually kinda hate it. Yeah, I laugh a lot in real life but... I don't know. How am I supposed to be a teacher when I'm constantly saying 'lmao' or not bothering to capitalise letters when I'm just rambling on discord? It just doesn't equate with this idea of an educated professional that I'm supposed to be working towards. But I do and it's a part of who I am. But at the same time it's not.

I don't even know if this makes sense!

I always imagined that as an adult something would finally click in my head and I'd feel like an adult with a clear vision of my role and what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to act. But I don't. And that's kinda stressful! This thought process certainly isn't unique to me, but nevertheless it's here now haha.

Ahem!
 
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