Original Darkness Of Destruction
- Thread starter Ezio Auditore
- Start date
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Nice chapter Hitsugaya, shall we be expecting a DoD2?
Possible but under a different name.
Go to page one and start reading from there, quit spamming or I'll report you to the mods
sorry for the late reply, took me a while to read the whole thing
few things, this is just my opinion, don't need t listen to me
1. great story, like the way how you developed the characters, what i don't like is the way you use "magic," you seem to, in the majority of cases, just refer to them as spells, but never actually give them a name
2. you also seem to divide the text up, like a battle, then talk, then development, then heal etc, try to mix them up a bit
3. seems rushed in some areas, like you go into more detail about the state the characters are in during battle, rather then just say tiring
4. try to change the point of view every now and then, like at the beginning of each chapter you can say from which character's point of view it is from, that will help alot
for example, i will use Kamui as an example, because he is kamui...
Kamui was breathing heavily, blood was slowly making its way down the side of his face, this is harder then it use to be, maybe i've been getting to relaxed... too late now. He raised his swords to block the next blow aimed for his neck by the beast, they felt like they weighed a tonne... Damn
Rene was running, Kamui was blocking the claw, but you could see it in his movements, he was tired. Drawing his sword hs slashed down at the claw, leaving nothing but a flesh wound, but it injured it all the same. The beast roared in agony, as it retreated for the moment, preparing for its next attack.
"good... too see... you..." panted Kamui, as he readied is blades once again.
i don't know if that is better, but to me it is, it is more typing, but it has more detail etc, just thought you should know
5.try to put as much detail in your story as possible, assume we know nothing, and describe everything as best you can, not just simplfy everything.
6. i updated Darkness of Destria... man i forgot about that story, should start it again, the links are in my sig, also check out the updated Kamui profile, for his abilities, he doesn't really use magic... sorry, but i really wanted to say that, because, "heaven's chain" and "demon's chain" are his two main techniques, was hoping to see them, if you need to know anything about him, just ask me,
while i have created a character for Kamui, i'm glad that Dawn is happy with him... and, if you are thinking of using White Nyumi, i'm sorry but i can't allow that... personal reasons regarding her.
character profiles can be found here
7. loved the mystery about him, about 20 years ago and everything, he is generally more informed, just hides it till the it is necessary, but what the hey, your story
this is my comments, while i am liable to them, i do not force people to listen,
Kamui
few things, this is just my opinion, don't need t listen to me
1. great story, like the way how you developed the characters, what i don't like is the way you use "magic," you seem to, in the majority of cases, just refer to them as spells, but never actually give them a name
2. you also seem to divide the text up, like a battle, then talk, then development, then heal etc, try to mix them up a bit
3. seems rushed in some areas, like you go into more detail about the state the characters are in during battle, rather then just say tiring
4. try to change the point of view every now and then, like at the beginning of each chapter you can say from which character's point of view it is from, that will help alot
for example, i will use Kamui as an example, because he is kamui...
Kamui was breathing heavily, blood was slowly making its way down the side of his face, this is harder then it use to be, maybe i've been getting to relaxed... too late now. He raised his swords to block the next blow aimed for his neck by the beast, they felt like they weighed a tonne... Damn
Rene was running, Kamui was blocking the claw, but you could see it in his movements, he was tired. Drawing his sword hs slashed down at the claw, leaving nothing but a flesh wound, but it injured it all the same. The beast roared in agony, as it retreated for the moment, preparing for its next attack.
"good... too see... you..." panted Kamui, as he readied is blades once again.
i don't know if that is better, but to me it is, it is more typing, but it has more detail etc, just thought you should know
5.try to put as much detail in your story as possible, assume we know nothing, and describe everything as best you can, not just simplfy everything.
6. i updated Darkness of Destria... man i forgot about that story, should start it again, the links are in my sig, also check out the updated Kamui profile, for his abilities, he doesn't really use magic... sorry, but i really wanted to say that, because, "heaven's chain" and "demon's chain" are his two main techniques, was hoping to see them, if you need to know anything about him, just ask me,
while i have created a character for Kamui, i'm glad that Dawn is happy with him... and, if you are thinking of using White Nyumi, i'm sorry but i can't allow that... personal reasons regarding her.
character profiles can be found here
7. loved the mystery about him, about 20 years ago and everything, he is generally more informed, just hides it till the it is necessary, but what the hey, your story
this is my comments, while i am liable to them, i do not force people to listen,
Kamui
The moderators. Post spam again and I'll be the one to do that.
On the topic, good chapter, Danny. Sounds like Faith to say that at the end.
Golbez XIV, enough spamming. As the general rules state (rules that you've agreed to follow upon becoming a member of this community) spamming is not allowed in areas where this rule applies.
You are asked to terminate your spamming activities immediately or face the consequences.
For future reference to members: Please don't say you will report it, just do it. Believe me you will help us (staff) more if you do so.
EDIT: GolbezXIV-You've been given an infraction for spamming. If you agree not to spam again, removing said infraction could be considered as an option. Again, don't spam, capiche?
You are asked to terminate your spamming activities immediately or face the consequences.
For future reference to members: Please don't say you will report it, just do it. Believe me you will help us (staff) more if you do so.
EDIT: GolbezXIV-You've been given an infraction for spamming. If you agree not to spam again, removing said infraction could be considered as an option. Again, don't spam, capiche?
Last edited:
! God Juli! Ya don't even say nout about teh chapter 
Nice chappy, but you spoiled the end of teh story, you moron! 
Same thoughts hereNice chappy, but you spoiled the end of teh story, you moron!
"How could ze do such a thing!!!"
I can spot where I ruined teh story and neither can Faith so mind pointing it out
Fixed
Now stop with teh blasphemous story spoiling!
Hey you! It's been 19 days since someone said something in here last. Hurry up and finish DoD! . . . . .please? XD
. . . . .please? XD
Have you not heard of my Laptop problems atm?
Trust me I have been, i've already thought of a LOT 
Argh I have one but I've lost all inspiration for this. Sorry Faithy 
Once I get my inspiration back I'll get back to writing
Once I get my inspiration back I'll get back to writing