Fan Fiction [Discussion] Bleach; The End of Everything

Fox rolled his eyes and sighed. Of all the Lieutenants he was friends with, Damon and Danny had always had this rather odd, bizarre relationship that both confused and intrigued him, but it also made them act incredibly immature ninety per cent of the time. It wouldn’t have surprised him if the pair started rolling around on the ground at that point, each trying to gain dominance over the other.
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That was my favourite part of the chapter, it's so close to real life! Brilliantly written, and really funny too. Mitsuki's right, you do have quite the eye for detail, and I too, like the length of the chapters. It makes it easy and fun to read ^^
 
Chapter 4 does have humor attached to it, I like it. :wacky: Kinda cool that you kept the personality and inside joke between Damon and Danny too. And Red Fox's appearance was pretty cool...you're such an amazing writer, Vikki! =O It seriously keeps me interested the whole time. I especially love how you mysteriously introduce the characters in the beginning and make us wonder who the character is for a minute there. That's always a good tactic to keep the moment interesting and intense. Great job and I look forward to Chapter 5. :D
 
Update!

Chapter Five: Our Infinite Struggle complete and post. =3

I know there's a few errors >_> but people were pushing me to post. XD


Hope you like Kasumi :awesome:
 
Woo, keeping me suitable gripped madam

Excellent chapter, lol at falling over fresh air, that is SO me. Im already itching to read the next chapter, but Il stop mithering now...for at least a day ¬¬
 
Oh that's was a really good long chapter :awesome: I laughed at Kelly there xDD can't wait for the next chapter :gasp:
 
I liked that chapter, it introduced everyone in a totally organic way :3 Well done.

Love the Kelly and Saix interaction. It was perfect :wacky:
 
This was a very excellent chapter - I love the way the captains were introduced into one big exciting pile. Really sets off the energy and intense moment of the situation. It's a longer read than the rest of the chapters but it was so good that when the chapter finally ended, I wanted more. xD Got me really hooked, you hooker!!

Anyway, the captains coming together like that shows a bit of how each and everyone's personality was like. They're all interesting, and I can't wait for Chapter Six. =]
 
Omg wow freakin awesome! The captains introduction was so beyond awesome. Kasumi is epic. But something makes me think Veerle is the new Aizen! Anyways I laughed so loud at Kelly and Virgy.
 
Mandi jumped at the sound of her name.
...
Mandi nodded. “Jesse”
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So did Jesse, tbph.

“Is this why you were hesitant about Jesse?” Mandi asked, tilted her head and gazing intently at her leader with large, gold eyes.

Chiyu nodded her delicate head. “Yes… but he’s strong… he’ll be able to deal with the past that seeing Screamwire will inevitably bring up.”
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Ooooohhhhh.... that can't be good. :wacky:

“So the Advance team could be going to their death for all we know?”
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Operation MeatShield FTW WIN!

Anyway, good times. I still get a little confused with the double names of past members, etc. But I'm sure it'll straighten out for me over time. The foreshadowing has me on pins and needles. Waiting expectantly for Ch. 6, Vikki!
 
Dude, your writing skills are amazing Vikki.

I LOLed when i read Julius's encounter with Damon and Danny and how they got so epicly pwned without him trying. UBER GOD CAPTAIN. I really like how you show the characters without introducing them until later, it keeps people's focus so they keep reading to find out the char's name. I can't wait for Chapter 6. HURRY UP WITH DA WRITIN AND DA POSTIN!
 
I would initially think that you introduce names too late, as you basically have nothing but their description for a few sentences until the name is revealed.
Though, you seem to make it work in a natural way, unless someone shouts the name of the person they are talking to, one would not say it until the name came up in conversation, so your way of describing your way around this works perfectly.

I agree with what many said here, and I found this chapter to be interesting for more reasons than introducing all the captains as well as an elusive enemy they apparently know for some time.

I like how you managed to get the chapters captivating from beginning to end, so if nothing else Im not stopping to read it anytime soon ^^
Looking forward to the next chapters.
 
I really liked this chapter, because of the introduction of all the captains together, but mostly for the introduction of an antagonist. Screamwire seems to be a pretty promising character, and I'm looking forward to the battle with him.
 
I was welll getting into that, and you ended it on a cliff hanger!

How utterly RUDE

Lol'd irl at the springboard comment xD

That was an awesome chapter, still need to swot up on what some of them words mean, but awesome awesome detail, the fightings epic :monster:
 
Awesome chapter, Vikki! Gotta read up on what a Quincy and Hollow mean again. xD But this chapter introduces quite a few more characters and it's great to see them interact with each other. Can't wait for the next one!
 
Aha awesome chapter. I loves the fighting and the huge cero blast made me picture what was happening. I love the characters! I need to see some more of me though. This has got to be my fav fic. FFF Vs The Arrancar Army!
 
*Iaidofives Justin*

“Finally…” she said, coming to Jesse’s side. “You ready for this?”

“How long do we need to keep him distracted?”

“Around twenty minutes left…”

“Let’s do this thing.”
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That..... actually.... sounds like me.

“I WISH YOU WOULDN'T USE ME AS A SPRINGBOARD, WOMAN.”
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Dead on.... >.> ..... <.< ....

Thus far, I like fic me. I'm good people. Looks like !B and I have a bit of a bond going on there, as whatever killed me also killed her and her peeps, yes?

Anyway, good stuff. Getting to the meat and potatoes. I'm ready for more!
 
“I WISH YOU WOULDN'T USE ME AS A SPRINGBOARD, WOMAN.”
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ROFLMAO xD Typical Kira/Jesse thing. :lmao: *pats Jesse* It's okay.

Fic me, seems... Rather serious. :gasp: and snappy. Me likies. I'm snappy when I tend to get serious. :gasp:

I have a whole lot of catching up to do, but I loved this, rofl. Keep it up Vik hope you write more soon!!

Jesse better not die. :vikki:
 
LockhartAvenue said:
Jesse better not die. :vikki:
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AMG I DIEDED.

“… wait… what?”
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I don't know where you get these things. I never say that...... Ever.... >.>......

I want this Screamwire character dead. D-E-D dead. No one paralyzes my woman and gets away with it. NO ONE. And eating the family and all that too yeah whatever. NO ONE.
 
Oh I likes the Turn back the pendulum chapter, It was so :awesome: Oh no Jesse what happened. Screamwire. Sun Mei is awesome. CANT WAIT TILL NEEXT CHAPTER Vikki! Im in it so I looks forward to it. YAY
 
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