Land of Dragons Creation , Sign-up, and Discussion Thread

Hera Ledro · Jun 15, 2007

Hoooo boy...2 very long bios to read and check

But seriously, that's good. That just tells me that a) you guys really wanna RP here, and b) you guys are good bio-makers. A long bio is usually good.

Lets see...

Drachnon - Ravona Denton (almost reminds me of the name Renton Thurston from Eureka 7... LOL)

Oh no, more endif paras crap *sigh* lmao

[NOT APPROVED]

Grrr, people never learn...*sigh*

firstly,

In this stage of the battle Ravona is no longer in danger of being harmed, instead she uses her powers to weaken the enemy with degenerating their powers and sealing their abilities. This all while using minor offensive spells to keep make sure they’re not given too much opportunity to break through her web of spells.

Unnacceptable for the simple fact that we can't inflict status conditions, and that does mean degeneration and sealing. Whetever the form of degeneration, hex, poison, etc., we can't have that.

Also, your whole fighting style is made for quick, concise, and extremely short battles, or so it seems. That 3-step thing seems to be way to concise. You have to take into consideration that, through the battle, the opponent will be fighting back. While it does say that there will be little opportunity to revolt, your fighting style still seems to be made for a 1-hit wonder thing (not 1-hit kill, but you understand what i mean). It's just not made for long battles, which are unavoidable in ORPG.

Secondly,

if you are going to use any daemon stuff, and by the understanding I have, the daemons remain for a long time after being initially summoned, you have to say how strong they are. For example, you should say how physically powerful they are, what kind of things it would take to bring one down, how magically succeptible, etc. Minions and such are good, but we need a little more detail on their stats

Thirdly,

Dismissal isn't good. Not at all. Having the ability to banish another person's summons and stuff can be considered as god-modding, and god-modding is not allowed. While I'm succeptible to the point where you can inflict high damage on summons, banishment isn't such a good idea.

Fourthly,

I'm a little bit sketchy about the Invisibility thing. We should remember that many characters won't have a 'sixth sense' such as yours or mine do, and as a result, it would grant you a hugely unfair advantage. I'm also against the Control senses, as that can be considered a status ailment. Blinidng, deafness, etc. are all status conditions.

Fifthly,

Shadow hols isn't a good idea. You're able to control your opponent's movemetnts, and that is god-modding. Also, you'd have to be very specific about the kind of counter-spells that would be able to rbeak Shadow Hold. it seems obvious that Light skills would do the trick, but you'd have to state that in there.

Well, I've pointed out my main concerns. Fix those around, and I'm sure that Ravona will make a good ORPGer

Now on to the next one, oy...lmao

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Julius Argexis - Julius Argexis Silverwing Van Retsimar (gawd, you have such long names

)

I loved how you chose 'signature moves' in lue of Limits. Great choice.

[NOT APPROVED]

Actually, I don't have a lot against this one this time.

Your 'Complete Cure' skill is unacceptable. Complete healing, not a good idea. like i said with tour last bio, a 75% heal is fine, but nothing higher.'

Also, the archangel summon seems a tad bit too powerful. I can understand one summon made essentially for healing/protecting, and the other made for offensive purposes, but 1 summon with everything is a little bit much.

Change those around, and he, like Ravona, will be good to go.

Drachnon · Jun 16, 2007

Actually those 3 stages are supposed to take a very long time. But if you don't like it I could change her style of fighting (though that would mean a personality change as well L I usually give my characters powers matching their personality)

It seems like you have something against illusions in general so I could take out the illusions magic and instead add some other form(s) of magic. I'm currently thinking about Force Magic, Telepathy, Gravitational Magic and Time Magic.
I'll edit the dismissal so it no longer works on the summons of others which shouldn't be much of a problem.

It seems you misunderstand shadow hold, it's not like shadow hold can't be dodged/avoided so it's no more godmodding then your character trying to graple someone perhaps even less seeing how strong your character is.

On the power of the daemons it really depends on the type of daemon summoned. A succubus and a dark flame spirit both belong to normal level minnions the flame spirit would win in a fight. However the succubus can alter her shape and use her charisma to get what she wants.

In comparison with your character I would say that a lesser daemon lord would be on par with your character though the daemon would probably loose in speed but be thougher and has more abilities overall.
The greater daemon lords won't play a role as far as I'm concerned but their power would equal that of a weak god (no omnipotence but still capable of killing powerful character by looking at it)<o

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Note that the difference in power between the 3 levels of daemon lords is gigantic.<o

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The greater daemonic beasts can depending on their type be as quick or as strong as your character but they’re not nearly as intelligent and have less abilities besides physical ones.<o

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The lesser daemonic beasts are usually just very strong, like daemonic wolfs or hellhounds with the strength to topple an elephant. Their speed though better then that of similar creatures without daemonic powers isn’t something the average fighter would feel threatened by.<o

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Minions are the most broad group of daemons and their abilities are usually very specific. There are brutes who are just stronger and tougher then any normal human but they would not be very fast nor would they have any abilities to support this power (with exception of powers that all daemons share of course).<o

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Then there are daemons who are natural spies, with enhanced senses and stealth capabilities etc. but a normal man could kill one (if the daemon doesn’t run).<o

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Imps are tricksters who are actually more annoying then dangerous.<o

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I’ll try to include a more detailed description on the daemons in my bio just keep in mind it’s impossible to name all of them (there’s just too many of them)<o

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Hera Ledro · Jun 16, 2007

Thats alright

I look forward to seeing the finished product. When people put effort into their bios like you and Julius do, it shows me that you're honest, hard-working people (at least with things you like

).

Dean Winchester · Jun 16, 2007

Then I could make Archangelus a "Defensive Summon" with the ability to use his sword once in a while. Maybe not.

As for "Complete Cure" I will take your advice and reduce the restorative effect to 75% like you suggested.

Here's an update:

SideNote: The Angelus Mortis Spell is a transformation since Julius will merge with the summoned creature.

Abilities:
*Dual Wielding: Allows Argexis to dual wield weapons.
*Master Wielding: Allows Argexis to wield any weapon regardless of their complexity.
*Iron Will: Argexis to summon forth strength from within his soul after enduring a lot of damage. This ability allows Argexis to push his power beyond his own limits, but it’s necessary for him to take a direct hit and some damage.
*Corruption by Hatred: Argexis is possessed by a deepening hatred that transforms him into a blood thirsty monster full of rage. His muscular mass is increased by five times making him look like a tank with arms. His body is surrounded with a yellowish red aura and his eyes glow deep emerald green. In this state, Argexis can’t tell which one is a foe and which ones are allies. There’s only one small weakness, the roses serve as a trigger to his memories making him vulnerable to any attack. If his memories are pushed to far beyond his mental endurance, Argexis returns to his normal self and loses consciousness. Only pure rage can push Argexis over the verge of his emotional resistance and make him take this form.
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*Main Ability: “Punishment” Allows Argexis to use one of the following signature moves.
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*Ferrum Terriblis (Fierce Terror)
Argexis uses dark magic to shift his surroundings enveloping everything in a dark mist. He momentarily disappears while leaving the sound of his swords being unsheathed echoing through the air. Suddenly we see him running towards his opponent and doing an upwards slash followed by a downward crushing blow that ends with a blinding flash.
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“Ira Aeternalis” (Eternal Rage)
Argexis grins confidently as his sword is surrounded in dark flames. As soon as the flames enveloping his sword seem to become more and more unstable in comparison to the amount of feelings storming inside his heart, Argexis laughs and ran towards his enemies and begins his insane slaughter swinging his sword mindlessly. As his sword is swung fiercely against his enemies, the flames enveloping his sword intensify significantly to the point of unleashing a furious hellfire, with flames capable of scorching anything in his path. After Argexis swings his sword for the thirtieth time, Julius quickly steps back and comes rushing forward as strong as a fierce meteor slashing through anything in his path. In the end, the flames fade away and Argexis is seen standing behind his opponent.
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“Aeternus Finalis!!!!” (Eternal End)
Argexis summons forth the deepening rage gathered inside his heart and infuses it deep inside the core of his sword. He then begins his punishment by swinging his sword upwardly from left to right sending a powerful vertical shockwave towards his opponent. As soon as the first shockwave is close enough to his opponent, Argexis unleashes several attacks swinging his sword wildly and randomly sending powerful shockwaves infused with rage towards his enemies. The barrage of attacks continues seeming eternal until all the area is engulfed with a blinding light ending the last shockwave with a ferocious explosion.
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“Absolutus Zero”
Argexis gets out of control unleashing his rage mindlessly ending up being consumed by his sorrow. He suddenly falls on his knees and pierces the ground with his sword. His tears flow from his eyes combining both emotions of hatred and love in a desperate effort to maintain his sanity. In the end, one of the tears falls on the ground and everything seems to slow down all around Argexis. His heart beats faster than ever and memories of his lost love flash through his mind. Hoping to regain control of his self, Argexis unleashes powerful battle cry and all his surroundings go back to normal. Suddenly he notices that the area is surrounded by pitch black darkness and, in order to release all his power, Argexis pulls his sword of the ground and swings it fiercely downwardly with all his might unleashing every feeling inside his heart in this single, yet powerful, final blow. If the attack is successful, the opponent won’t only feel the physical damage but will also feel Argexis hatred deep inside his/her heart.
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*Other Abilities: Julius Spell Book
Julius inherited the ancient “Tome of Ancients” from his mother great grandfather who was a powerful mage himself. The ancient tome contains many texts that were enchanted by the strongest mages of all times. Written within its pages there are spells long since forgotten and even forbidden spells were included here. As the heir of the Van Retsimar Clan, Argexis’ body hides within its veins the blood of ancients and the power of the Van Retsimar Clan.

*Basic Spells:
===“Recuperatio” (Recover)
A basic healing spell that slowly recovers the wounds of a single target and the complete healing process takes no less than two minutes.
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===”Flamma” (Flame)
A basic fire based spell that summons forth multiple fireballs spinning around its caster that are redirected towards a single target.
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===”Frigidus” (cold)
A basic ice based spell that summons six spears of ice that are redirected against multiple targets. The spears are six feet long and two feet wide that instantly freezes everything it gets in contact with.
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===”Relampadare” (Lightning)
A basic spell that allows is caster to summon multiple bolts of lightning from the heavens randomly targeting multiple opponents. The effects of the spell last for thirty seconds.
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*Intermediate:
===“Sphatha de Lux” (Sword of Light)
An Intermediate thunder-light based spell that allows its caster to summon forth a four feet long 1 foot wide broadsword made of pure electricity and holy powers. The hilt of the sword can only be grabbed by the caster of the spell and it can be used as a normal enchanted weapon. The sword also has a purifying effect that can banish evil essences and dark based spells.
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===”Sphata de Obscuritas” (Sword of Darkness)
An advanced dark-base spell similar to the “Sword of Light” spell that allows its caster to summon a five feet long 1 foot wide weapon of pure negative energy. The hilt of the sword will have a negative effect on its wielder, draining the caster’s strength, which will limit the amount of use of this weapon. As an advantage, the sword will increase the wielder’s physical and magical strength as well as its resistance to elemental energies. There’s only a way to avoid the negative effects of this marvelous weapon, the wielder must either become a being of pure hatred or use the powers of the “Angelus Mortis” summon. If used by the summoned creature of darkness, the spell will take control of its wielder making it swing the sword mindlessly for a couple of seconds.
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===”Completus Curare” (Complete Heal)
An intermediate holy based spell that heals multiple targets. The recovery effect takes no less than four minutes to heal 75 % of the wounds of multiple targets.
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===”Scutum de Energia” (Shield of Energy)
An intermediate non elemental spell that shields against frontal elemental and non elemental attacks. The magical shield is 6 feet tall and 5 feet wide and requires the caster to fully dedicate itself to this action and will eventually disappear after the caster dispels the enchantment.
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*Advanced Spells:
===”Meteorus Gigantis” (Giant Meteor)
An advanced elemental spell infused with the powers of both fire and earth. The incantation summons a giant meteor from the heavens and sends it towards a targeted area that will damage anything three feet away from the affected area.
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==”Reflexus Scutum” (Reflect Shield)
An advanced non-elemental spell that allows its caster to summon a reflective wall to shield itself against enemy attacks. The magical shield will redirect 75% of the energy absorbed by the spell of one magical based attack back to an opponent. The other 25% of the magical energy that was absorbed by the Reflect Shield will deal light damage as a penalty to the one who summoned the shield. If used by “Archangelus”, the summoned creature will absorb the magical energy instead of taking damage.
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===”Angelus Mortis” (Angel of Death)
An advanced dark based spell that allows its caster to transform into the angel of death. The caster will take the form of a cloaked creature with black wings wielding a scythe enveloped with a dark aura. As the angel of death, the caster will pursue its target swinging its scythe (a five feet stall with 4 feet curved blade attached to the upper end of the staff) wildly against a target. If the scythe touches a target, it will instantly drain all its energy and weaken its magical powers. The effects of the spell will last for half an hour.
Also, while in this form the caster will only be able to use one of the following spells and after that, the effects of the summon spell will disappear:
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*”Sphata de Obscuritas”
+++===}Signature Move: “Iudicium Obscurus” (Dark Judgment)
The summoned creature will place his main weapon, the death scythe, before himself and extend both arms towards the weapon. A dark mist gathers before his hands and envelops the death scythe instantly duplicating the amount of weapons and soon after that, the dark mist completely surrounds the Julius/Angelus Mortis. As soon as the mist fades away, we see ten death scythes spinning around Julius/Angelus Mortis.
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After that, Julius/Angelus Mortis places his hand above his head with his palms wide open and gathers dark energy from his surroundings transforming it into a ball of pure darkness. Finally he quickly lowers his arms sending the huge ball of energy alongside with the scythes spinning fiercely following the huge ball of energy subsequently towards an opponent. The summoned creature and the effects of the “Angelus Mortis” summon disappear after this attack.
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===”Archangelus” (<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com

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An advanced light based spell that will summon forth a creature wearing full body armor with 6 feet wide white angel wings to aid its caster in battle. The summoned creature will cast defensive spells such as:
==”Recuperatio”
==”Scutum de Energia”
==”Completus Curare”
==”Reflexus Scutum”
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===Description: The summoned creature wears a strong silver full body armor that is beautifully decorated with angelical engravings, wings and feathers of gold. The armor also has six precious stones, 2 rubies, 2 emeralds and three amethysts covering the emblem attached to the armor. The archangel’s helm has a golden crown attached to it and the summoned creature wears a red cape covering his right arm. A red sheath decorated with titanium is attached to the left side of the archangels’ belt. The archangel’s main weapon is a beautifully crafted sword with a blade as pure and shiny as silver and a hilt coated with gold that has a small red orb attached to the end of the hilt.

*Master Spells:
===“Sphata de Archangelus” (Sword of the <st1

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An ancient spell that summons from the heavens the legendary sword of the archangel, a mighty sword infused with the powers of fire, water, earth, ice, wind, light, and darkness. Similar to the sword wielded by the “Archangelus” summon, the sword can only be wielded by the caster of this enchantment or else the blade will turn against the unworthy of its terrifying power. Only a Van Retsimar can use this spell, and only the heir of the legendary clan can unleash the full power of the blade. The sword disappears in a blinding flash of holy light as soon as all the enemies around the caster are banished into the depths of oblivion.
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===”Armatura de Archangelus” (Armor of the <st1

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lace>)
An ancient spell that will protect the caster with the legendary armor of the ancient “Archangelus”, an ancient armor infused with the powers of fire, earth, ice, wind, light and darkness. While wearing the armor, the armor will raise the elemental resistance of the caster against the forces of darkness and will absorb all light based spells directed against the caster. The armor has one weakness; at the cost of a magnificent protection the caster won’t be able to cast any spell as long as he/she wears the armor. The armor will disappear after enduring a devastating magical attack or as soon as the forces of darkness around its wearer are banished.
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===”Sanctuarium de illas Sphatas” (Sanctuary of the Sword)
An ancient spell that summons seven swords, similar to the one wielded by the summon “Archangelus”, each of them with different elemental attribute aligned to either fire, water, ice, wind, earth, light or darkness. The summoned swords will spin fiercely surrounding and protecting its master like a furious tornado of elemental energies and will attack if the command is given.

FireFrenzy · Jun 18, 2007

well as i said i'll be using Nova, she's been approved the ;ast time around and is still forum legal i think so it shouldnt be a problem...

Drachnon · Jun 18, 2007

Frenzy do you mind if Ravona doesn't consider Nova a real 'mage'?

P.S.
I'm at page 2 of Ravona's history.

FireFrenzy · Jun 20, 2007

Hell no man

you dont mind me concidering you a reality deviant do ya?

Drachnon · Jun 21, 2007

If Nova thinks she is feel free. It's not like she can do something about it.

Hera Ledro · Jun 21, 2007

I'm sorry guys, the update just happened over here, so it wouldn't let me log on till today.

Julius Argexis - Julius Argexis Silverwing Van Retsimar

[APPROVED]

That's much better. Though, you may want to change the name of Completus Curare to Partialis Curare or whatever Partial Cure is in Latin

@FireFrenzy

Well, post her up! See if you can meet the GM's standards, mwahahahaha

Dean Winchester · Jun 21, 2007

Thanks Hera, now I'll look for a better name for that spell *searches for a Latin-English Dictionary*

Well just a few more bios and we are ready, right?

Rorolina Frixell · Jun 21, 2007

Name: Daros
Age:16
Height:6ft
Weight:10st
Build:tall, lanky
Class:Spellwarrior
Description:Red hat shaped into a point at the top, the hat is all red with a blue bandana in the center. He wears a green shirt with buttons which have dragon symbols on each one. Dark red jacket with a symbol of elite status in the spellwarrior class. As for the lower body, Daros wears black trousers and leather brown boots.

Elite spellwarrior symbol: A hexagonal gem with a multicoloured swirl (depicting all elements available) and the gem gives Daros a boost to his magical energy (roughly a quarter of extra power) and can hasten the regeneration of his magical power.

Eye appearance: Clear white eyes with a deep hate resonating from the left eye and a peaceful aura from the right. Dark red skin which is from a history of powerful trials with the fire elements. Sharp pale yellow 2ft claws replace fingernails and toenails and are powerful in close combat. His feet and hands are protected by spellwarrior armour that can beat off most attacks of a physical type such as swords and hand to hand combat, the armour itself has a deep red and white shade which overlap one another in diagonal stripes.

Personality: Rather cheerful and friendly with his allies, can be mysterious and empty to people who do not know him. He finds it hard to open up to people, when he tries to it usually distances them from him so he tends to keep his past to himself.

Fighting Style: Most of his physical attacks take place in the air, when he lands back on the ground it will take a swift second before he can move again, when he uses magic he tends to keep an out of weapon range distance with them to avoid unnecessary injury.

When fighting magic based fighters he will tend to be show offy and let loose his strongest attacks (mainly magical) and he will not relax himself til he falls into a bad situation (magical energy depletion etc) or the enemy or enemies are defeated.

With different enemies of size he will fight differently, with small enemies such as rat size to dog size he will mainly focus on low slashes at the stomach and will tend to fight them as if they are small fry.

With medium sized enemies such as bull size to human size he will attempt to jump on them and stab at their back or match blows if he is not facing a moderately physically strong enemy.

With large enemies such as behemoth or dinosaur size he will try to get underneath them and stab them and unleash magic at their underbelly or lower leg region depending on the body.

Weapons:A Mageblade which is made of incredibly hard crystals (emeralds, topazs etc)which change colour depending on the temperature of the wielder and any magic attacks fused with it are shot out in different ways depending on what Daros is trying to achieve with it, it is shaped like a common longsword and has an especially thin tip to stab enemies with ease,making it an offensive weapon which can handle an array of different attacks.

If he uses fire it will form a fiery barrier around Daros and will harm any enemies who venture too close (remains in effect til dispelled with an ice based attack, makes physical contact with an object or enemy or until the battle ends).

If he uses thunder he will shoot out an indirect beam of lightning at anything that is nearby (draws on anything which is conductive with electricity such as body armour, otherwise it will randomly hit anything in the way)

If he uses ice he will shoot out 5 icicle projectiles in a row at its target or targets, it can be melted with a fire spell and anything hard can shatter it such as a rock or sword (it travels rather fast in a straight line so a dodge roll or jump used swiftly can dodge it).

If he uses water he will send a tsunami out of his blade and blast any targets on the ground out of their foundations, leaving the ground flat and can send an enemy to the floor if they are on the ground (if the enemy jumps or is at a igh enough area when the attack starts they will be able to avoid it).

If he uses earth he will cause large boulders to appear and crush anything that gets in its way( can be dodged if quick enough).

If he uses air he will summon a huge tornado which can suck up anything that is not held down enough or is underground (sends target up 20ft in the air before throwing all objects and enemies consumed inside in a random direction).

If he uses dark the battlefield becomes temporarily pitch black for 5 minutes and Daros will be able to attack his enemy but can be detected by sound.

If he uses holy a beam of light will blind his foes and put them into a temporary state of blindness (roughly 1 minute).

If he uses cosmo he will send out radioactive rays which can damage the enemies core power (magic, energy, strength) and lasts for 10 seconds.

If he uses non-elemental he will send out a blast wave of 20 yards and blast anything caught in it and send them back a distance depending on weight.

A neutro staff which is made up of everything good and evil and is nuetral in element and grants the bearer the ability to never choose a side of either good or evil, it can change from friend to foe at any given moment it is shaped like a halberd but is virtually ineffective against enemies but it is incredibly strong in magical lore.

Magic: Elemental Enchantment: Daros combines the powers of both his weapons to make a storm involving any element (fire, ice, lightning, water, earth, air, dark, holy, cosmo, non-element) unfortunately he can only use one of them at a time, the storm is large enough to exhaust Daros to the point of recuperation, any further attempts at an attack will be slow and weak.

Destructo Beam: Launches a weak beam from his mageblade which contains every element in existence at the enemy but cannot cause critical hits as it contains each one which can cancel the other out etc. The beam, due to its concentration, can pierce any shield presenting itself before the beam, the beam itself is basically a swirl of all the elements overlapping each other as they head for their target.

Spellwarriors Edge: Unleashes the true power of the spellwarrior which only the elite can use where he stabs the enemy in the torso with his mageblade and inserts his magical powers peak into the wound, potentially heavily wounding the enemy to the point of defeat but it is difficult to achieve the required focus, with the attack used he feels strong enough to get away but it vulnerable while he is below the enemy.

Cured ignition: Can heal 50% of Daros's health while giving him temporary protection from fire based attacks (1 minute protection).

Kingdom of neoneutral: Daros merges with the secret kingdom of the spellwarriors known only by elites and becomes a part of their god neoneutral, after doing so he can attack with the elemental weakness of his enemy, in the case of the enemy being immune to elements he uses a strong, non-elemental attack, he also has immunity to fire attacks until he attacks.

Bane of non-mage: Daros's weapons are enchanted and any enemy which uses magic in any way is grievously wounded by any strike made (lasts for 5 minutes) depending on the defensive spells and armour will change the damage the attack causes.

Spaun of the god-mage: Daros is crowned a son of the god mage and can use magic effortlessly and this lasts for 1 minute due to the massive power.

History

When Daros was a boy he always wished to be strong and one day at the age of 12 he became seperated from his father on one of their country walks, he found himself in a mountain and that was when he found the spellknight temple which he was quickly taken into and was spoken to by the spellknight sensei who told him he had potential, he then decided to train him personally. When he saw his eyes were unable to distinguish good and evil he trained Daros in gaining his spiritual weapon and how to summon the god of the spellknights,he also showed him how to be a servant of every mage influenced religion in existence.

While he enjoyed the training he always wished to be higher so he trained to be an elite which he managed at the age of 14 which surpassed even the sensei's foresight of him. From then on he left the temple bidding farewell to his friends and came to his father who was a wreck from the years apart and he has lived with his father since, until one day when his father died.

Daros was distraught from this but his sensei always told him that any death only makes you stronger so he kept his thoughts on this and left home to live a hermit in the mountains ever since.

Drachnon · Jul 3, 2007

I updated Ravona's bio. Take a look.

Hera Ledro · Jul 5, 2007

I am so effing pissed. I'm also very sorry to FFGuy and Drachnon, as I have no time to make a decent post and eleborate on problems (or lack thereof) for your bios.

Also (I apologise if this is offensive), you really, really need to revamp that bio FFGuy. I read it over a while ago, but my computer continued to shit out on me whenever I tried to post, saying the admin needs to upload something, hence why I couldn't bring any good approval for it.

However, it is atrocious. Unfortunately, I have no time to say why in this post, but I'll try to in the next post. Once again, apologies if that was offensive.

Sincerely,
Hera Ledro: The Eternal Dragonic Allsie

Drachnon · Jul 5, 2007

Take your time the mods still need to approve as well.

Hera Ledro · Jul 21, 2007

Alright, I'm back.

I wonder if Julius would be able to approve/dissapprove the RP. If memory (and eyesight) proves right, then he is the RP Director, no?

But anyways.

FFGuy - Daros [NOT APPROVED]

Well, now we get to why I was so unnecessarily rude in my last post. My apologies, but it really does need a lot of revamping.

Firstly, let's start with the Description.

FFGuy said:
Description:Red hat shaped into a point at the top all red with a blue bandana. Green shirt with buttons with dragon symbols on each one. Dark red jacket with a symbol of elite status in the spellwarrior class

A little too choppy. Your description seems as though it would be better in point form. What I'm getting (in a more linguistic form) from this description is this:

Daros wears a red hat, topped with a complimenting blue bandana. His green shirt, adorned with dragon-crested buttons, is covered by a dark red jacket, which has the symbol of the Elite Spellwarrior engraved in it.

We need a little more description. You need something about his lower torso and extremities (pants, shoes, etc.) Also, a description of what the Elite Spellwarrior symbol is would help a lot.

clear white eyes with a deep hate resonating from the left eye and a peaceful aura from the right. dark red skin which is from a history of powerful trials with the fire based spells. sharp claws replace fingernails and toenails and are deadly in close combat. his feet and hands are protected by powerful armour of deep red and white.

Here's what I'm getting from this:

Daros has white, clear eyes, one showing a peaceful personality, with the other betraying the hatrwed and loathing of his soul. He has crimson skin, a testament to his deep involvement with the arts of fire magic. Where fingernails and toenails would be on a normal human, claws replace the normalities, his hands and feet protected by a cruelly peaceful armour (I know, a little contradictory) dyed red and white.

Is that what you were getting at? Well, like I said before, we need more flow here. Not so choppy. Other than that, it's OK.

Secondly,

Personality:can be very serious and to the point on a mission of great importance, has a way of cracking jokes with certain enemies which he faces especially if they can use magic or energy attacks but his jokes are rather poor.

Admittedly, I'm not expecting an essay here, but more detail is needed. Not only is it choppy, but it's also lacking a lot of detail. I'm just getting that he's disgustingly funny (lol), but serious at times as well. We need more than that.

Thirdly,

Fighting Style:fights in a very swift and deadly way with his weapons rather close to the speed of sound but with his high speed he can be rather tired at times so he does not use this speed often and while he recovers he lets off a huge array of magic.

he will fight differently with different enemies depending on their skill and power and can be highly unpredictable and even invents his own attacks on strong enemies which are hard to defeat.

Well, unless your magic uses a whole different kind of energy and effort, you can't really use this magic while you recover. It would be god-modding, as you would be able to defend yourself after being careless and getting into a position where you had to rest. You should have to be cautious, and make sure that you aren't caught with your guard down. It is one of the fundamental rules of RPing

If he fights differently, you have to say what kind of skills he uses based on the enemy. It's not fair that you know what we'll do (albeit that your character doesn't) while we don't know what you'll do.

Weapons:a mageblade which is made of incredibly hard crystals which change colour depending on the temperature of the wielder and any magic attacks fused with it are shot out in different ways depending on what Daros is trying to achieve with it and it is shaped like a common longsword but it has a butt on the tip so it is built only for slashing and casting spells.

A neutro staff which is made up of everything good and evil and is nuetral in element and grants the bearer the ability to never choose a side of either good or evil and can change from friend to foe at any given moment it is shaped like a halberd but is virtually ineffective against enemies but it is incredibly strong in magic.Weapons:a mageblade which is made of incredibly hard crystals which change colour depending on the temperature of the wielder and any magic attacks fused with it are shot out in different ways depending on what Daros is trying to achieve with it and it is shaped like a common longsword but it has a butt on the tip so it is built only for slashing and casting spells.

A neutro staff which is made up of everything good and evil and is nuetral in element and grants the bearer the ability to never choose a side of either good or evil and can change from friend to foe at any given moment it is shaped like a halberd but is virtually ineffective against enemies but it is incredibly strong in magic.Weapons:a mageblade which is made of incredibly hard crystals which change colour depending on the temperature of the wielder and any magic attacks fused with it are shot out in different ways depending on what Daros is trying to achieve with it and it is shaped like a common longsword but it has a butt on the tip so it is built only for slashing and casting spells.

A neutro staff which is made up of everything good and evil and is nuetral in element and grants the bearer the ability to never choose a side of either good or evil and can change from friend to foe at any given moment it is shaped like a halberd but is virtually ineffective against enemies but it is incredibly strong in magic.

Good descriptions, overall, but a few things to note:

1. a butt on the end of the blade totally takes the purpose of it being sharp away. The tip isn't always used for stabbing, but rather slashing. Unless this weapon is mainly a defensive weapon, which is used only for blocking, the butt being there is not such a good idea, especially if you are offensive with your melee weapons.

2. If the skills are shot different ways, depending on what Daros wants to do, you have to specify what happens based on what he wants.

3. Neutro Staff is pretty good, and I'm getting the impression that it's used mainly for defending and spellcasting. Nothing wrong with that, good balance actually. It's the neutrallness that gets me. In that case, you are saying that your character has no opinions or choices of his own, as the staff pevents any choice over good or evil, and as each choice has both good and bad consequences, the user of the weapon is unable to make a choice.

4. The overall descriptions are a little too choppy. You should put a little more flow into them, makes it easier to picture.

Fourthly, Magic.

Overall, you should say how much these skills deplete your characters Mana, MP, energy, etc.

To the individual skills...

Elemental enchantment: Daros combines the powers of both his weapons to make a storm involving any element (fire, ice, lightning, water, earth, air, dark, holy, cosmo, non-element) unfortunately he can only use one of them at a time.

Once again, how much energy does each storm take?

Destructo beam: launches a weak beam from his mageblade which contains every element in existence at the enemy but cannot cause critical hits as it contains each one which can cancel the other out etc.

What kind of damage does this beam do, then? Piercing, elemental, blunt, etc. What does the beam look like?

Spellwarriors edge: unleashes the true power of the spellwarrior which only the elite can use where he stabs the enemy in the torso with his mageblade and inserts his magical powers peak into the wound to potentially heavily wound the enemy to the point of defeat but it is difficult to achieve the required focus.

Hmm. Explosive damage? Once again, how much energy cost? Also, you have to state potential weaknesses this skill may have.

i.e. Hera Ledro's Dragon Claw is powerful, costs little energy, but leaves him relatively numb after use. He's open to attacks.

What potential weaknesses does this attack have?

Teleportal strike: Daros strikes the enemy in flashes by teleporting around the enemy and stabbing them slightly with speed and grace but is very vunerable to attack by another enemy if they are fast enough.

Unfortunately, teleporting is considered to be god-modding, so that skill is out of the question.

Power of 1000 battles: Daros unleashes the strength opf every enemy he has ever slain in battle on his enemy reducing them to 50% health and if they are below 50% health already they lose 50% of their current health.

Still considered to be god-modding I'm afraid. You can't indefinitely hit an opponent.

Kingdom of neoneutral: Daros merges with the secret kingdom of the spellwarriors known only by elites and becomes a part of their god neoneutral which can attack with the elemental weakness of his enemy.

Huge flaw - what if someone is weak to several elements? None at all?

Also, what effect does this 'god-merging' have? Remember, keep the effects within the rules of FFF.

Overpower attacks: Neoneutral peak: becomes an over powered version of neoneutral with enhanced weapons and armour which make him immune to all forms of magic and physical attacks (energy attacks work though) this lasts for 3 posts.

A. We can't limit/unlimit this skill to posts. Give us a time frame, in minutes/seconds.

B. Immunity to attacks (even certain kinds) is god-modding, we can't have that.

Bane of non-mage: Daros's weapons are enchanted and any enemy which uses magic in any way is grievously wounded by any strike made (lasts for 5 turns).

Once again, time frame. Also, we need to specify how much damage this would do to an average fighter.

spaun of the god-mage: Daros is crowned a son of the god mage and can use magic effortlessly and this lasts til the battle ends.

Out of the question. Period. Using magic effortlessly, and consequently energy-lessly, is god-modding. Giving us an extremely short time-frame for this skill to stay in effesct would be acceptable, but for the whole battle? Nope.

History

when Daros was a boy he always wished to be strong and one day at the age of 12 he became seperated from his father on one of their country walks, he found himself in a mountain and that was when he found the spellknight temple which he was quickly taken into and was spoken to by the spellknight sensei who told him he had potential and decided to train him personally, when he saw his eyes were unable to distinguish good and evil he trained Daros in gaining his spiritual weapon and how to summon the god of the spellknights and also how to be a servant of every mage influenced religion in existence.

while he enjoyed the training he always wished to be higher so he trained to be an elite which he managed at the age of 14 which surpassed even the senseis foresight of him, from then on he left the temple bidding farewell to his friends and came to his father who was a wreck from the years apart and he has lived with his father since and one day his father died.

Daros was distraught from this but his sensei always told him that any death only makes you stronger so he kept his thoughts on this and left home to live a hermit in the mountains ever since.History

when Daros was a boy he always wished to be strong and one day at the age of 12 he became seperated from his father on one of their country walks, he found himself in a mountain and that was when he found the spellknight temple which he was quickly taken into and was spoken to by the spellknight sensei who told him he had potential and decided to train him personally, when he saw his eyes were unable to distinguish good and evil he trained Daros in gaining his spiritual weapon and how to summon the god of the spellknights and also how to be a servant of every mage influenced religion in existence.

while he enjoyed the training he always wished to be higher so he trained to be an elite which he managed at the age of 14 which surpassed even the senseis foresight of him, from then on he left the temple bidding farewell to his friends and came to his father who was a wreck from the years apart and he has lived with his father since and one day his father died.

Daros was distraught from this but his sensei always told him that any death only makes you stronger so he kept his thoughts on this and left home to live a hermit in the mountains ever since.

Way too choppy. I think I remember (correct me if I'm wrong) saying, in my first post here, that grammar and spelling, etc. would be graded and stuff. The grammar in this is horrible. Too choppy, too manny run-on sentences. The grammar is horrendous. Try to fix that up, OK

Well, I think you've got a little bit of stuff to improve on

I'll leave you to it then lol

@Drachnon - I'll be unable to grade your post tonight, Drach. I'll try to get to it later, alright? I'm out of time on the CPU here, so...yeah...

Lates!

Hera Ledro · Jul 26, 2007

Alright, let's get to Drachnon's Bio, then.

Drachnon: Ravona Denton - [APPROVED]

Well done. I believe that this is an acceptable bio. I'm still a little skeptical about the Teleportation-type magic, but I've seen many acceptable disadvantages stated in there, so it's not bad.

So, Julius, ready to start the RP (your the Director, you have the power to approve it

)

Drachnon · Aug 7, 2007

Great. I'm pretty much ready to go. I've been unable to acces the forum for a while but now I'll be around daily.

Hera Ledro · Aug 7, 2007

Wish I could say the same. I should be on about once a week now, though I'll try for more.

So, just waiting for FFGuy and the approval of the RP now, right?

Drachnon · Aug 8, 2007

I gues so. Frenzy should be back from Japan this week (not sure which day though)

Hera Ledro · Aug 9, 2007

Well then, why don't we get down to some business while we wait

What would you guys like to see happen in the LoD? I'm personally thinking that we should have more activity than last time (specifically on my part...), and we should line up a whole new line of quests. However, I'm sticking to the "George Bush is the bad guy" thing for the storyline

mwahahahahaha

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